31

Julien watched as Ilya sank to the bottom of the pool. Did he really think that would fool him? He'd played the exact same trick on Sébastien, who had fallen for it. Once. He'd give Ilya thirty seconds to come up for air. Oh… he'd come up but was lying face down in the water. Still not falling for it. He waited for Ilya to lift his head but he didn't.

A sliver of doubt poked at his resolve. Ilya wasn't moving. What if he wasn't tricking him? Merde! He pulled off his sweater, kicked off his shoes and took his phone and keys from his pocket before he dived in. Fucking hell! It's freezing. He splashed to Ilya's side and pulled up his head. At least he could stand to support him.

"Ilya!"

The little bastard opened his beautiful, deceitful eyes and spat a mouthful of water at his face. "You saved me!"

"Bratkin! Did you forget I was shot? I'm not supposed to get the dressing wet."

"Oh my God. Get out of the water as fast as you can. Pretend there's a shark. Oh God, they can sense blood from miles away. They're probably trying to work out how to get from the sea to the pool. Evolution will speed up and they'll grow legs, scuttle over the land and be here in moments."

They climbed out of the water at the shallow end and Ilya started to unfasten Julien's shirt. "I'm sorry. I didn't think. But you did save me."

"You didn't need saving."

"I bloody did."

Ilya threw the shirt down and hurried to get the towels. He draped one over Julien's shoulders and unfastened his trousers. When he pulled them down, his wet boxers were tented.

Ilya gaped at him. "How can you be hard? I'm shocked that it looks as if I still have any equipment whatsoever because I'm pretty sure everything is hiding behind my shoulder blades."

He wrapped the other towel around Julien's waist. "Go in and get warm. I'll get your stuff."

But when he reached the door Julien had gone through, it was locked and Julien was standing the other side of the glass.

"Let me in. I'm freezing."

Julien shrugged off the towels, made a tube with his fist and drew it up his cock.

Ilya's mouth fell open and he groaned. "Take pity on me. I've been in hospital."

"You were happy enough to go swimming."

"You didn't tell me the heating wasn't on."

Julien reached for the lube he'd put on the table near the couch and squirted some onto his palm.

"Did you plan this?"

Ilya's indignant tone was quite clear.

Not quite… But Julien was enjoying having the upper hand. As he dragged his fist up his cock, a tremor fizzled down his spine, neck to coccyx.

Ilya pressed his body to the glass and licked it. Julien laughed. Not giving in yet. He used one hand to stroke the root of his cock and the other to fondle his balls. Having Ilya watch him was more of a turn on than he'd imagined, though the faces Ilya was pulling were making him laugh. Pleading puppy to annoyed gremlin and lots of others in between. Julien worked his way from the base of his cock, teasing with two fingers until he reached the swollen head. Precome oozed from the slit and a sigh slipped from his lips. One that was echoed more loudly by Ilya. A little too loudly. Just as well there were no neighbours within a hundred metres.

Julien rolled his palm over the head of his cock, and as he spread the silky liquid, he squeezed his balls a little harder before bringing his hand to his mouth and licking it. Ilya wailed.

Ilya's cock had returned from behind his shoulder blades and was hard, but Ilya wasn't touching it, the glass was. His hands were pressed against the glass as he rubbed himself against it. The muscles of Julien's belly clenched and his balls throbbed in his hand. His cock was slipping in his fingers now, the length of him slick with precome and lube.

"I give in,"

Ilya said. "I'm going to freeze to death and then you'll be sorry."

Julien unlocked the door. Ilya came in and stood in front of him. Julien's heart pounded as he looked at him. He'd never had this connection with anyone before. It was like when he was out sailing in a strong wind and instead of running on a beam reach, which was the safest way to move across the water, instead he positioned the boat so that the wind behind him, pushing until he was racing at high speed. Fun though not as safe because he could get hit by an errant wave at any time. Ilya was his errant wave, one that would carry him through life. Not safe but what an adventure!

"I want to fuck you,"

Ilya whispered.

Oh… Julien's brain went to a dead stop and he fell straight into the sea with no life vest. He suspected his cock was freaking out too. His arse most definitely was.

Ilya took a step towards him and it was all Julien could do to stand his ground when he wanted to run. Though when Ilya slid his hands onto his backside and stroked the cheeks of his clenched-like-an-oyster arse, Julien took a step so that they were pressed against each other.

"Is your backside freaking out?"

Ilya asked. "Because I think your cock is." He took a deep breath. "I'm vers. I told you that. I do usually bottom, but I like to top sometimes. I think guys who only top don't know what they're missing. I can make it feel good. I promise."

Julien suspected his expression had given away that he wasn't completely okay, but he was back on that beam reach. And still racing. He wanted to say yes. He forced out an acceptable word. "Okay."

Ilya kept caressing his backside, tracing circles, with his fingers and thumbs. "Thing is, I don't want you to be just okay about it. That's not going to work. I want you to trust me. I know this is a big thing. Not my thing. I'm not talking about that. It's not too big. As you can see. As you have already seen, multiple times. No need to worry about that. Hardly any bigger than a baby cucumber. I just need you to want me."

"I do want you."

"I feel guilty now that I'm pushing too hard. And you've been shot. Big sigh over that."

Ilya had moved his hands to Julien's hips and he was caressing the angular bones with his thumbs.

"Let's try,"

Julien heard himself say. Was that the best he could do?

"Is that the best you can do?"

Was Ilya reading his mind now?

"You know I'll stop the moment you say… Er… Think of a safe word. I know. Shrintaro."

"What language is that?"

"One I just made up."

Julien laughed.

Ilya picked up the lube and the towels. "Where's the bedroom?"

Julien led the way. His cock was still half-hard, so that was something, but not showing any signs of a full recovery. Once he'd stepped into the room, his feet ground to a halt. Ilya went past, peeled back the covers and dropped one of the damp towels onto the bed.

"Condom?"

Ilya asked.

"No."

"That was me gulping. But this first time, I think I should."

"Okay."

Julien managed the last few steps, then flopped face down, partly to hide his shrinking dick. And his face.

"You don't have to lie on your front,"

Ilya whispered as he settled beside him. "Though you do look luscious. All long and smooth and sexy. Maybe you don't want to look at me. I get it. I'm so ugly."

"You know you're not."

He lay on Julien's back and slid his hands along his arms until he reached his wrists. Julien turned his hands over and threaded his fingers with Ilya's. Tightly. Ilya kissed the back of his neck.

"You have to let me go,"

Ilya whispered.

Julien hadn't registered just how firmly he'd been holding him. Once he'd released Ilya's fingers, Ilya kissed his way down his spine, licking and sucking and nuzzling, and Julien's cock perked up. Now he just needed the rest of him to relax. Under Ilya's touch, it didn't take long. As Ilya stroked and nipped and kissed his skin, Julien felt himself beginning to dissolve into the bed, right until he felt Ilya's tongue sliding down the seam of his backside. Putain de bordel de merde. For fuck's sake. Breathe! You know how good this feels.

Ilya was holding open his arse cheeks and kissing…licking… That tongue… Mon Dieu! He could feel himself being urged up onto his knees and surprised himself when he cooperated and spread his legs. But it felt so hot and… My balls are in his mouth! Julien could feel all sorts of sounds trying to escape through his tightly closed lips. He didn't let them out because he suspected most of them were whimpers. Not manly ones. His balls slipped free and were cold right until Julien felt Ilya's tongue slide into his hole. Then, every part of him caught fire.

Julien groaned, which seemed to urge Ilya on. He was lapping at him, pushing into him, twisting his tongue until Julien wasn't sure he could stay on his knees. Then a finger was there too, alongside the tongue, and he found himself shoving back against the pressure, not to stop Ilya but wanting more, needing more. Fuck!

One finger along with that warm, insistent tongue became two fingers and all Julien could do was wantonly spread his legs wider and bury his burning face deeper into the pillow.

"All right?"

Ilya whispered. "Because I've forgotten the word I told you to use if you wanted me to stop. Sorry. Stop will do."

Julien's laugh relaxed him enough that the third finger slipped in without him freaking out.

"I'm putting on a condom now. I'm shaking. Don't look. It's worse than the first time I did it. That was so embarrassing, even though I was on my own. Three condoms before I managed it. Luckily no one was watching apart from a fly that I'd not been able to catch. Lube now. Oh fuck. Too much. I not only squeezed too hard, but touching myself is clearly a no-no. I have that ache, low in my stomach, telling me detonation is imminent. I chatter when I'm nervous. Have you noticed?"

"Not really,"

Julien choked out.

"Relax now. I'm going in. It might not take long. Don't panic."

Julien laughed right until he felt Ilya's cock pressing against the entrance to his body. Every muscle in his body tensed.

"Perfect,"

Ilya said. "Excellent imitation of rigor mortis. Well done. Now you need to relax."

"Telling me to relax isn't helping."

"Think of waterfalls and lakes and snow and flying. Relax."

"Me and heights, remember? Flying is not relaxing."

"Now I'm really turned on. You are lovely when you're pissed off."

"Get on with it."

He clenched his fists and Ilya lay on him, the hard ridge of his cock resting on his arse, then he turned Julien's head so he could kiss his cheek.

"It's okay,"

Ilya whispered between kisses. "You don't have to do this."

"I want to. I want you inside me. Just do it."

"Thank you to our sponsor, Nike."

Julien held his breath as Ilya pulled back, then pressed against him. The initial push brought a stab of pain but Ilya kept going, slowly easing into him until the pain had morphed to discomfort, then to something different, and there was no further to go.

"Oh God,"

Ilya muttered. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. A lot of other words too but… Ohh. It will be good, I promise. Just give me a moment or I'll let you down and me down and the whole gay world down. Guiness Book of World Records for—arggh!"

Julien squeezed around Ilya's dick and felt Ilya shaking.

"You're not allowed to do that when I'm on a hair trigger. I have to move. Don't blink or you might miss it."

He pulled out until Julien thought only a small part of his cock was still in place, then drove back in, harder, somehow deeper, and touched his prostate. Fucking hell. That felt… Mon dieu. So good. Julien couldn't help himself. He pushed back against Ilya as he shoved forward and felt that place inside him almost vibrate with pleasure. He was a doctor. He knew but he hadn't known at all. All that filled his head was sensation as Ilya clutched his hips and drove into him and it felt fucking fantastic.

Orgasm simmered and he wasn't even touching himself. Oh God. I'm coming. His stomach clenched and he felt the burn in his balls as they exploded. He gave a long shudder as his hips bucked, his body jerking as he came, long ropy threads of cum spurting over the towel beneath him. Ilya had stopped moving for a moment, but now he started again. And even though Julien's pleasure had peaked, this still felt perfect, especially when Ilya stiffened and came with a long cry, before collapsing on top of him. They lay entangled on the bed in a sweaty mess and Julien couldn't wait to do that again.

It was him who moved first. Ilya seemed barely conscious. He cleaned himself up in the bathroom, changed the dressing on his side, then came back and cleaned Ilya before he lay against him. I can't lose him. He's part of me.

Each day that passed, that feeling grew. He wanted to know everything about Ilya and stored every detail, big and small. He liked the way Ilya always wanted to make the bed, even when he didn't. Ilya made it with him in it, then they messed it up again. He liked watching Ilya's reaction to everything, the surprise of a bird suddenly landing nearby, the excitement of finding a stone that looked like a dinosaur tooth, the tears when the sunset was spectacular. Ilya didn't like being cold, didn't like breaking anything, worried too much about things he could do nothing about, found joy when Julien couldn't see it, saw beauty and showed it to Julien, made him see it too.

Julien wanted to be with him all the time. His chest ached when they were apart. He… It hit him with the force of an explosion. I love him.

Even with what preceded the period in France, and what was still ongoing, Ilya saw it in some ways as the best of times. When they weren't in bed, they were eating or going for long walks and talking. Ilya did most of the talking but Julien didn't seem to mind. The g?te was theirs for two weeks, as was the car. They'd spoken again to the police. Well, the police wanted to talk mostly to Julien, while Ilya fretted and paced and tried not to chew his nails until Julien returned because he couldn't get it out of his head that minds might change and Julien could be arrested.

Ilya wanted to talk about the future, their future, but didn't because Julien had stopped him twice and Ilya got the message. It upset him because he knew Julien was still worried as to whether they'd have a future. Julien tried to hide his anxiety but asking Ilya to lock the door when he'd gone out, to hide if anyone knocked… How could they live like that whether they were in the UK or France or any other country? He just hoped things would sort themselves out. It was all he could hope.

The one thing he tried to fix himself was his relationship with his father. When he had Julien sitting next to him, Ilya called him.

"Ilyiusha!"

His father had called him that when he was little.

Ilya licked his lips. "Allo."

"Are you all right?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

Ilya was so shocked to hear his father say sorry that temporarily, he couldn't speak. "Sorry for what?"

"For what Bryant did. I spoke to Svetlana. She will apologise to you. I didn't know, but I should have known."

"You didn't listen when I tried to tell you."

"You're right. I thought I was doing the best I could for you but…"

"Do you mind that I'm gay?"

"I mind. Yes. I worry for you. But I'm reconsidering my views. I've found where Arkady is being held. I'll do what I can."

"Thank you."

"Will you come home?"

"Will my partner be welcome no matter what he's done?"

Julien winced.

"Yes."

"Working for Lors, under duress, he stole the necklace that you'd stolen from Akhmadov. And I helped. And I'm glad. It was the best thing I could have done."

"Hmm. Would he like to be paid to steal it back?"

"No, he's given up that world and come into mine."

"Svetlana was shocked when she saw the necklace around the neck of Akhmadov's wife. She wants a replacement. I think not having one is a suitable punishment. Bring your partner. I promise to be good."

"Then you'd be boring."

Morozov laughed. "We have bridges to build. This is a start. Bye, Ilyiusha."

Ilya tossed his phone aside.

"Do you forgive him?"

Julien asked.

"Not yet, but life's too short to hold grudges."

They'd been in the g?te a week when Julien decided to invite his parents over for a meal. Ilya's turn to stress. But dishes had been chosen, ingredients bought, preparation done and now they were waiting for them to arrive.

When Ilya saw Katherine walking to the door with a stick, he smiled. They kissed on both cheeks.

"A good day," she said.

Ilya sighed. "Better wait until you've eaten before you say that."

Which made her laugh.

But the beef stroganoff he'd cooked was praised and it was all eaten, so Ilya took that as a win. Julien had made tarte tatin for dessert and that was delicious. But best of all was when Julien put his arm around him when they sat on the couch afterwards. Ilya forgot to listen to the conversation.

"That's what we think,"

Julien said. "Isn't it?"

Oh God. He's looking at me. "Part of me just wants to say yes because I trust you. Mostly. But I'm sorry, I've lost track of what we were discussing and I don't want to find myself agreeing to having a tattoo of your face on my ar…m."

"Nice catch,"

Julien muttered in his ear. "I was saying we'll likely move back to the UK."

"Ah right. And if the UK won't let you retrain as a doctor, then we'll stay in France."

The shocked gasps told Ilya he'd slipped up.

"Oops. Had you not gone that far?"

"Julien! That's wonderful."

His mother's eyes brimmed with tears.

"I wasn't going to say anything until I knew whether it could happen. But it appears there may have been some corruption on the panel that removed me from the medical register."

Ilya clung onto Julien's arm where it hung over his shoulder so he couldn't move it. But Julien kissed his cheek so he knew he wasn't cross.

"Then there is reason to hope,"

his father said.

Julien shrugged. "There are a number of hurdles to jump first. Not least of which is all of us feeling safe from Lors. The police said he'd asked to see me. They said no. So he sent a message. He'd suspected from the outset that Borsha had killed Abrek. He was waiting to see if Borsha tried to kill me. When he didn't, Lors was surprised. Then I became more useful to him than he'd expected. Probably when I dug a bullet out of Borsha. Anyway, Lors decided to keep me around. He doesn't know I betrayed him. Not yet anyway."

"Never, hopefully,"

Ilya said.

"We've decided to move,"

his father said. "Even though the house has been cleaned and everything works well for us there with all the alterations. It's time for a fresh start. We have our eye on a smaller place in Les Landes. Not too far away for friends to visit. Or family."

He stared at Julien as he said that.

"No, not too far,"

Julien said.

After Julien's parents had left, Julien tugged Ilya back to the couch and into his arms.

"Sorry I told them about the doctor thing."

"I might have to punish you by making you have my face tattooed on your arse."

Ilya laughed. "That's very vain of you."

"Oh yes, your face then. Your mouth can be—"

"Not going to happen."

Julien twirled Ilya's hair in his fingers. "We'll go back to the UK in a few days. We'll probably need to speak to DCI West and others, then we can live in the cottage while I look into reinstatement. But we need to think about you as well. What do you want to do? Mend fences with your father? Carry on with the silver work or something else? What were your dreams? Because I want to make them come true."

"You're going to turn into Matt Bomer?"

"Who's he?"

"My jokes are wasted on you. I'd pick you over him any day. I…"

Ilya chickened out of letting those three words out of his heart. "Even before I went to live in St Petersburg, I had my life all mapped out. I wrote in my diary at school that I was going to become a famous jeweller and have a dacha in the countryside."

"Wasn't it Peter the Great who began that tradition?"

Ilya snuggled closer. "Yes. The word dacha means gift. He gave land around the city to his courtiers. Though how much of a gift it was around St Petersburg I'm not sure. The land surrounding the city is bad for tilling and not very productive. Though for summer living it's pretty good. But the opposite side of our white nights are dark days. In the middle of December, an average day only lasts a few hours and because there's a lot of clouds in the sky, the darkness makes people miserable. It rains a lot too. Winters are harsh. I love the city, but I wished I had somewhere to go in the summer. Not a shack I had to do a lot of work on, I wanted a proper house, a comfortable place where I could grow fruit and veg and be near the woods, a river or a lake. Most importantly, it would be somewhere I'd share with a nice guy and there'd be a place in the garden where we'd sit and watch the sun go down. And of course, we'd live happily ever after."

"And is that still the dream?"

"Yes and no. After I was kidnapped, I realised no one can plan for everything. So much can change in an instant. It might be a good change like someone famous buying, then promoting my jewellery. Or it might be bad, like when I fell into the clutches of Bryant."

He took Julien's hand in his and threaded their fingers together. "But without the bad, I wouldn't have met you. So bad turned out to be good. I've realised that where I am isn't anywhere near as important as who I'm with."

Julien stared into his eyes and Ilya saw him swallow hard.

Say it, say it, say it! His heart was beating out of his chest. "I love you."

"Not as much as I love you."

Ilya let out a strangled sob. "Are we going to argue about that?"

"Forever. Definitely."

Julien pulled him close and kissed him.

Oh God. Ilya thought he was going to burst with happiness.

When they finally broke apart, Ilya stroked Julien's cheek, ran his fingers over his face, along his lips.

"I often think about the first time I looked at you,"

Julien said. "With your floppy hair and your big brown eyes. Just after you'd lifted that necklace from my pocket."

"I'm guessing you thought I was a little shit."

"How right I was."

Ilya smiled. "Was that all you thought?"

"I think part of me just thought—there you are at last. The piece of me that I didn't realise I was missing. I feel excited for the first time in a long while. Hopeful for the future because with you by my side, I feel the possibilities are endless. If I can't be a doctor, then I'll be something else. Being with you is all that matters."

"We'll walk together into the rest of our lives, right?"

"You are all I want."

"Apart from that last slice of tart tatin."

Ilya leapt to his feet with Julien on his heels.

"If you really love me, you'll let me have it,"

Julien shouted.

"If you really love me, you'll share it."

They shared it.