12

That night, Julien was half-asleep in a tired-looking hotel room, where the only thing that was free was the wi-fi, when his phone rang. When he looked at the number, he was wary for a moment until he realised it was the phone he'd given Ilya.

"Hello."

"I've been stabbed in the heart."

"You sound too cheerful for that to be true."

"It is true."

"Who stabbed you?"

"Not literally stabbed. And you know who."

Then Julien got it. "Sorry."

"Are you?"

Ilya asked. "All I've been hearing in my head all day is that I'm a mistake."

"No, I…"

Julien heaved a sigh.

"Are you still in London? You've not fucked off to your strategic place?"

"I'm still in London."

The northern outskirts. He felt unaccountably pleased to hear Ilya's sigh of relief.

"What's wrong apart from the stabbing?"

Now Julien had asked the question, he was worried there was something wrong.

"I wanted to talk to someone."

"Your blond bed bath guy not around?"

"They give you a cloth and make you do those bits yourself,"

Ilya said indignantly. "Really disappointing. Anyway, I'm not interested in him."

"I thought you were."

"I was trying to make you jealous, even though you called me a mistake."

"Right."

"I've been called worse. Were you jealous?"

Julien wasn't sure what to say, what he dared say. So he said nothing.

"If you don't want to answer that, then answer this,"

Ilya whispered. "Have you been thinking of me? Yes? No?"

Oh God.

"Still no answer? I know you said you're not gay but…you touched my mouth."

"You had something stuck to your lip."

"My tongue?"

Julien's pulse jumped.

"Can I ask you another question?"

Ilya said.

"Another one not to answer?"

"Even if it will make me happy?"

"Who says I want to make you happy?"

"You're horrible sometimes."

"You only just noticed? I'm slipping."

Ilya laughed. "Do you fancy me? Just a little? Because I don't think what happened was a mistake. Nor do I think you're as ruler-straight as you make out. Phew. It's much easier to say that when you're not here next to me. I wonder if you might be a little bit bent. Or maybe I'm the one who can make you bend. But only if you fancy me. So do you?"

Was it easier to say yes when he wasn't with him? The tug in his groin told him the answer he wanted to give, but he kept quiet. Not easier then.

"Aaaand in other news. What are you doing now?"

Ilya asked.

"I'm busy."

He'd never been less busy. He lay naked in the double bed. "Go to sleep."

"I can't. I'm bored. You won't talk to me. I keep asking all these important questions and getting no answers. I will keep talking though, because you did give me a phone with your number in it."

"In case there was an emergency."

"It is. I need an email address to authorize me to use the internet so I can get on PornHub. I shouldn't use my email, right?"

Julien laughed. "But you'd use mine?"

"Is that a problem?"

"You're sick in the hospital and you're thinking of PornHub?"

"Yes. So…?"

Julien smiled.

"Or you could just talk dirty to me. That would work. In French if you like. That would be even better."

His heart jolted.

"Are you wondering how I know you're French? You started off French at the wedding, then slipped to English but it's the way you said your name. Soft sound at the start, not hard like the English way."

"I'm half-French, half-English."

"A mongrel. Like me. Woof."

"What else did I give away?"

"Nothing. I won't say anything. I shouldn't have said anything at all, should I?"

Julien had never met anyone who talked so much. His dick was hard, but then he had his hand on it. He felt as if he was standing on the edge of something. He could step back to safety—such as it was, which was not very safe at all—or he could step forward and take what seemed a bigger risk. He kicked the covers off the bed.

"Do you want to play with me?"

Ilya whispered.

"You're supposed to be taking it easy."

"I'm under the covers now if my voice sounds muffled."

"You're in hospital for a reason. Go to sleep."

"Make me."

"How, bratkin?"

"I like it when you call me that."

"I know."

"I am a brat. I don't know why I like being called that, but I do."

"Better than Golden Shred?"

"Better than anything for a long while."

A lump formed in Julien's throat.

"Can you wrap your hand around yourself?"

Ilya asked.

"Around where?"

"Where do you think? Your neck? Use your imagination."

A laugh burst out of him. "Right."

"My imagination has a one-track mind. I keep thinking about wanking."

Julien tightened his hand around his cock. "What about it?"

"Whether I can. Whether I should. Whether I can be quiet. What I'd do if I'm not quiet and a resus team rushes over to check my vitals. How I'd explain what was in my hand other than saying what it actually was? I don't have any tissues. I'll have to lick my fingers."

Oh my God. His heart juddered and a pearl of precome formed at the top of his cock. He watched it grow and slip down his length towards his fingers.

"Distract me,"

Ilya said.

"What with?"

"A dick pic?"

"Why would that distract you?"

"Damn, I thought you'd be distracted and just send one. I was intending to lick the phone."

Julien smiled.

"Are you naked?"

Ilya asked.

"Yes."

"Oooh. That was a minor shudder. I can't risk a major one just in case anyone thinks I'm dying. Oh God, I wish I was there. I wonder what you taste like."

Julien barely held back his groan. He slid his fingers up his cock, caught the precome on his hand and shuddered.

"Are you jacking off too?"

Ilya whispered. "While you think of me?"

Think of Veronique! You're not gay! But it was Ilya in his head, Ilya's hair he wanted to sink his fingers into, Ilya's mouth he wanted around his cock, Ilya's eyes looking up at him.

"Are you the silent type?"

Ilya asked. "I'm not."

"I'd noticed."

"I think I'm going to increase your word ration to ten. You might say something nicer then."

I daren't.

"So you're not a chatty sort. That's good really because if you were, the two of us would never get a word in edgeways. I've had to be really careful what I said for the last month. Not that I always managed to keep quiet. Still, it's a wonder I haven't bitten off my lip. Except now the dam has burst and everything's going to spill out. Oops. That was more apt than I meant it to be. Do you think you might be somewhere on the LGBTQIA2S+GFM spectrum?"

"That's grown longer since I last heard it."

"Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, queer, intersexual, asexual, two-spirit, plus pansexual, demisexual and androgynous…and I'm sure there's more. But am I barking up the wrong tree, woofing for no reason, lying on my back with my tongue out when there's no chance of having my tummy rubbed? Tell me and I'll shut up. Well, I'll try to."

Julien's hand was working faster now. He'd spat on his fingers while Ilya was talking. The lube was too far away. "What's GFM?"

"Gay for me,"

Ilya whispered and Julien barely held in his groan. "Sort of BA. Bi-awakening maybe. I wonder if you'd do what I told you to do. You seem bossy but maybe you like to be told what to do in bed? Do you only top? I'm vers. Well, when I get the chance. Which is not often because one look at me and assumptions are made. But I do tend to top from the bottom. Should I shut up? You're making me nervous. And when I'm nervous and attracted to someone, I go weird. Sorry."

Julien was breathing more heavily. He knew Ilya would be able to hear.

"You have to say something,"

Ilya quietly wailed. "Just a bit of encouragement."

"I…I…"

"That's okay. That's more than enough. You've not cut me off. I told you that you always know the right thing to say. I…I…did it. Oh God. I'm going to have to bite my lip now. Fuuuuuck!"

Julien came almost silently, but Ilya was making enough noise to cover the sounds Julien was making. Oh God. That was…good. And…strange.

There were muffled sounds for a few moments, then Ilya gave a little chuckle.

"No resus team. But the old man in the bed next to me just gave me a thumbs up."

Julien snorted with laughter.

"I wish I was there to lick you clean,"

Ilya whispered. "I'll have to make do with licking my fingers. Night."

"Night, bratkin."

Ilya gave a long, contented sigh.

Once the call was ended, Julien gave an even longer one.