8. Widow’s Weeds

1863 JULY 9, THURSDAY

8

Ientered Pa's office, where he and John sat waiting. The sergeant major's beard was trimmed and his wet hair brushed back. His uniform was cleaned and pressed, and he beckoned me to sit beside him, a soft smile like balm for the soul. Pa, on the other hand, looked haggard, his eyes shadowed with exhaustion as though he had not slept.

"The sergeant major accompanied me last night. He understands the threat Ethan poses to you and Robert's family." Pa rubbed his temple. "He did not go quietly, but he's gone now."

Pa took a sip of coffee to fuel his words.

"There was a business deal Ethan and Pocket contracted, and I must protect you and our family from it. If the authorities were to discover this scheme, we could all be seen as accomplices to treason. Just knowing this could see me hanged."

I heard an audible gasp. It must have come from me because John's brow furrowed and his eyes were liquid fire when I looked at him. His jaw flexed and his knuckles turned white as he clenched his fists in his lap.

"Any further information could endanger you, daughter. He conceded to leave, but … Ethan will be back. His pride and greed will force his return. He has a reputation and a fortune to protect. He won't let the law or us stand in the way."

I attempted to digest his words. A business deal I could not be privy to? Accomplices to treason? I thought back to all those times I'd witnessed Ethan and Mr. Pocket conspiring. Was he part of some Rebel spy ring? Was he profiteering? What was he doing?

"I cannot let you stay here, where he knows he can find you," Pa said.

"What do you mean?" My heart pounded in my chest.

"Sergeant Major Mathis told me the promise he made to Robert, and I think we came up with a plan to keep you safe. This, I'm hoping, will not be a permanent solution but only until the situation is stabilized." What he meant by stabilized worried me.

"On the four o'clock train, you are to travel to St. Albans, Vermont to stay with my mother." Mathis's voice was hard. An edge I had not heard from him before.

His mother? I'm sure my eyes went wide with surprise because he nodded, a silent understanding he was sending me to the place he had escaped.

"Mr. Harris will not be able to find you there," he continued. "It is a small town near the Canadian border. Far away from the war. I'll send you with a letter of introduction explaining the circumstances and the necessary details. My mother will welcome you."

I sat dumbfounded, as if I were floating away from my body, viewing this exchange from above. I was to be sent away? Away from my home? Where Ethan couldn't find me? To live with strangers?

"Your trunks and luggage will meet you at the station this afternoon." Pa pushed a train ticket across the desk. "From York you will travel to New York, then to St. Albans."

"Alone?" There was only one ticket. I knew John had to return. His regiment had to pursue the enemy. But could Pa not escort me?

"I need to stay here," Pa explained. "I'm protecting you and our family, and you have to trust we are doing our best. Your mother has reluctantly agreed, under one condition. You'll need to dress in mourning. This war has left many widows. No one will bat an eye at another widow traveling alone."

Widow's weeds? I was to pose as a widow? As Robert's widow? My heart felt hollow and stiff in my chest, achy with grief. He had been my one constant since we were children, until this war and Ethan tore us apart. Anger filled that open cavity, boiling up. Ethan was forcing my exile. And Robert damn well let him when he took that money and enlisted … and then held me to a promise to care for his sister? I wanted to scream and curse! How dare these men manipulate me to their will? Katie was as much a victim as I was.

"What about Katie?" I asked, exchanging looks with Pa and John. They were both fulfilling obligations, but what of my commitments?

"Katie?" Pa asked, puzzled.

"Robert's sister. I promised Robert I would look after her. I can't do that from St. Albans."

"What about her parents?" he asked.

"Her father and stepmother are neglectful. She is mute, and they do not seem to be able to properly care for her. She may be in as much danger as I am. I must take her with me. Robert would have wanted it."

"Away from the only home she knows? No, that is out of the question." Pa shook his head.

"This is all for the best," John piped in. "I assure you, you must be kept out of harm's way. St. Albans is the only answer at the present."

I could not help it, I shot John a glare. He was taking a side—the one where I was not given a choice. John's mouth curved down, but his eyes lit up like a lantern as if ignited by my daggers.

I turned my scowl on Pa. "I will go, but please let me petition Mr. Moore and his wife to be Katie's benefactor? I could take care of her as Robert wished."

Pa steepled his fingers beneath his whiskered chin. "You are young and unwed, without the means to care for a child."

"I will be dressed as a widow. No one will assume the worst. Please, Pa. Ethan may see her as collateral, or a way to still get to Mr. Moore. Robert would have wanted her safe. I must take her with me. At least let me ask?—"

"I suppose my mother and sisters can help," John interjected.

I flashed John a grateful smile.

Pa groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Very well, but if Mr. Moore denies her traveling with you, you must accept his decision."

I nodded in acquiescence.

Pa looked at John. "Could you excuse us for a moment?"

"Yes, sir." He gave a curt nod before he strode from the study.

Pa waited until the door closed quietly behind him.

"This breaks my heart, Ella. You are my eldest child, and I feel like we are losing you."

I could detect Pa's pain on his aging face, his moist eyes. I never recalled seeing Pa cry. Not even when my brother, Christopher, passed away. His tears broke me.

"Your mother and I love you very much. Your safety is our utmost concern." Pa dabbed his eyes with his handkerchief. "We have discussed even sending Elizabeth to live with your grandmother, but your mother is hesitant to have her leave when she is still so young. I will need you as far away as possible if Ethan returns or if authorities are involved."

"What's going to happen, Pa?" I knew there was more he wasn't telling me. Pa handed me his 'kerchief.

"I fear grave trouble may be coming … you must be strong now. You have your mother's gumption and my tenacity. I know you will do what's right. I should have never given Ethan permission to marry you."

"What?"

"I thought I was doing well by you and our family. I should have known it would only cause us anguish." Pa glanced at the painting of our young family on the wall. "I made some poor decisions—selfish decisions. Decisions I thought I had to make to prove my worth to your mother, her family, and people like the Harrises."

Pa got up out of his chair and came beside me, helping me rise from my seat.

"Now, now," he soothed. "Gather your wits. You have much to face today, and you will need all the fortitude you can muster."

I took in his smell, trying to memorize the hints of coffee, cigar, wool, and ink.

The afternoon breeze drifting off Codorus Creek dried my cheeks. I had no strength to dry them myself. My arms hung limp at my sides, a handkerchief balled in my hand. John stood at my side, while Mr. Moore handed me Robert's Bible and the letters I had written him. He said he had "no use for them," just as it seemed he had little use for Katie. She was missing again, and we waited for his wife to fetch her.

"Found her." Susan Moore ushered her forward by the scruff of her neck. "She was hiding in the chicken coop."

Her frock clung to her, and the sleeves reached just below her elbows. She stared ahead, her little jaw stiff, her brow furrowed, feigning older strength than her four years.

I squeezed my fists, angry to see so much hurt in a little girl. What more could I do? Could I keep my promise to Robert? It seemed impossible now. Mr. Moore was not keen on the idea of me helping care for his daughter, let alone take her to Vermont. I was furious at Robert too. We loved each other, and he pushed me into Ethan's arms. He left me. He left his sister.

Mr. Moore's mouth was firm, his face etched by years of hard living and grief.

"I could give her all Robert would have wished for her," I explained, trying to maintain my composure. I knew I was asking too much of this man. A man who had lost his wife, his son, and now may lose his daughter. "But she'll need to come with me today."

Mrs. Moore looked stunned, as she reached out to lay a hand on his arm. "You're enlisting, Moore," Susan reminded him, brightening.

"Sir?" I was surprised.

"Yes, Miss Coburg, it's my obligation to enlist after Robert sacrificed his life. Rather, it's a necessity. I can no longer stay here either, it seems. Mr. Harris has made that clear."

Ethan was ruining lives in his wake.

"He knows what I've done."

"Slavery's abolished, and you can no longer be held for giving safe haven to a runaway."

He leaned on his cane, an old injury he must have received in the Mexican War. He had already gone to battle … must he return? He most certainly would not survive another war. Katie would be left an orphan.

Mr. Moore lowered his voice, exchanging looks with John. "I took a bounty hunter's life protecting that young man." He shook his head in regret.

"You may be the answer to our prayers. You should take Katie," Susan interjected.

Mr. Moore grimaced. "I don't know what will happen if Mr. Harris decides to turn me over to the authorities. He took the money. All of it. The money he paid Robert for his substitution. Only to keep me quiet." His jaw clenched. "Good riddance! I've no need of his dirty money."

Robert had given his father the money in hopes of providing for them? And then Ethan took it back! But Ethan's threats … would Ethan turn an old man in to the authorities? Would he involve the authorities, risk being charged with treason himself? I did not know how much Mr. Moore knew or how much I should share. I couldn't put him or Katie in unnecessary danger.

"He has threatened all of us. He is the reason I must leave for Vermont today," I said instead.

"Then you must take her," he said. "Robert would have wanted you to protect her, and I cannot keep her safe. Katie?" he called for his little girl.

Katie peered up at her father.

"I'm going to need you to go with Miss Coburg. You're going on a nice trip with her to Vermont," he explained. "What do you say to that?"

She bobbed her head vigorously. "Yes, yes."

I startled at her words, and her father started chuckling.

"She started speaking after your last visit, Miss Coburg. Only a few words here and there, like yes, no, bread, and papa, but she will be speaking full sentences before we know it."

I smiled down at her tear-stained, dirt-tracked face. Robert would have been joyous to hear her speak.

John interrupted, "We must be going. The train leaves upon the hour."

Katie came and took my hand. I gripped it, relief washing over me.

"Papa?" She looked up with questioning eyes at Mr. Moore.

"I'll see you again, little Katherine." His voice cracked, stooping down to embrace her. "Miss Coburg will take good care of you while I'm away." Mr. Moore straightened himself. "Take good care of my child, Miss Coburg."

"Yes, sir. I intend to keep my promise to Robert—and now to you."

Mr. Moore gave a wane smile.

"Thank you," Susan spoke for her husband, who leaned against her.

Four large trunks sat on the station platform. Harold was the only one from Woodhue at the station. I had hoped Pa or Anna would send us off, but alas, they would not. My anger flared at Pa's absence.

"Your father would've come if he could," Harold said, handing me a money purse, "but some business required his immediate attention. He insisted I give you this allowance 'til he can send more."

"Thank you, Harold … please, tell Pa, thank you."

"Will do, Miss Ella," he said.

I wrapped my arms around him. Harold jolted a little, surprised by my sudden embrace, and patted my back.

"Now, Anna wished for me to let you know she put some of Miss Elizabeth's old dresses in your trunks for Miss Katie."

Anna assumed Katie would be coming. She had more faith in me than I felt like I had in my little finger.

"Tell Anna, thank you."

I willed myself to step away from him, my last connection to Woodhue. John and Katie stood waiting by the trunks. I approached them, fiddling with my black skirt with apprehension.

"I have something for you." My heart did a funny, little skip. He took a note from his coat pocket. "For Vermont."

The note for his mother. So, this was goodbye.

"You were a good friend to Robert, and now I can say you are a friend of mine. Here, you may need it more than me." I handed him Robert's Bible from my embroidered travel bag.

"I mustn't." John took it hesitantly.

"Please, I insist."

He looked at me with deep sadness. He knew it was goodbye as well. For him, it could well be the last.

"Ella …" He took a step forward and grasped my hand.

He leaned over me and my breath hitched. It was as though his eyes pierced my soul.

"Everything will be well," he said, but his words were wooden. I willed them to be true.

"Thank you for everything, John."

His jaw tensed and his throat bobbed.

The train gave a high-pitched whistle.

I wanted him to say something profound, something comforting that could carry me to the uncertainty awaiting me, but instead he said, "You and Katie best be off."

I pocketed the note in my bag and watched as two men loaded the trunks.

"I suppose we must board." Katie accepted my hand.

We turned toward the train, but then I spun around to look back, a pinch in my gut. John stood with his hands in his pockets, watching us.

"Will I see you again?" I asked.

"God willing."

"Write to me?"

"It would be my honor …" He hesitated, searching for the right words. His face flushed under his broad-brimmed hat. "I'll send you a missive as soon as I know where I'll be."

The whistle blew once more, and the conductor called for all to board.

Katie and I followed the passengers onto the train and were shown to our seats. She plopped herself down on the plush cushion. With a jerk and a squeal of steam, the train lurched forward. It was as though my skin were peeling from my bones, being ripped away from my home as the train left the station. John's figure became smaller and smaller, and I feared I was leaving something I'd never get back.