24. After the Dust Settles

1864 JULY–AUGUST

24

Tension grew between Sergeant Downs and me, causing me to steer clear of the Chisholms' home, to Brett's great disappointment. Captain Reynolds departed on a gurney, waving farewell to us as he was loaded onto the train with his wife and children. Sergeant Downs was well enough to return to his regiment yet continued to stay in St. Albans, as if stalling for time and waiting for another opportunity to approach me. I avoided him, especially at the summer bazaars and parties, allowing Clara to take up most of his time, while I stuck with Nora and danced with every gentleman who asked.

The only great concern of the month was the invasion into Maryland toward Washington. Confederate General Jubal Early led his forces into the North in order to relieve the pressure on General Lee's Army. Early came close, only five miles away from Washington, but was then driven back to Virginia on July 13th. However, news was light, with no great battle to be remarked of, except for a few skirmishes in Virginia and in the west, down toward Louisiana.

Then came the siege of Petersburg. We had hoped the war would end soon. Richmond, the capital of the Confederacy, was twenty-some miles away. Our troops had been digging a mine beneath the enemy entrenchments and planned to set explosives, leading from a ninety-foot fuse, directly beneath their lines. Union forces would have the entire city by July 30th. The day came, and four o'clock in the morning approached, but nothing occurred. The fuse went out halfway down the line. Two intrepid men volunteered to relight it. The ground shook like reverberating thunder and a great explosion burst into the air, spreading like an enormous mushroom with fire and smoke.

The explosion rained down rocks, timber, and mangled human bodies. A plume of smoke filled the air and ash floated to the ground, revealing something deeply unexpected. There, in the location of the leveled land between the enemy entrenchments and the Federals, was a crater more than two hundred feet long, fifty feet wide, and about thirty feet deep. Every soldier rushed forward as ordered, charging toward the enemy and thinking they would trample right through them, but our men found themselves trapped against the wall of the crater, enemy fire showering down upon them. Regiment after regiment descended into the crater, and the enemy, who had recovered from the surprise, continued to throw concentrated fire upon our trapped soldiers. Many were killed and others were taken prisoner, hopes disintegrating as the explosion evaporated in the air.

In the early morning hours, Seth and I walked forest trails until we were miles from St. Albans. In the quiet of nature, he showed me how to load the revolver and fire at makeshift targets he would line up against trees, fallen logs, and abandoned, split-rail fences. With each passing morning, my confidence grew and my aim improved. Seth was impressed how quickly I acquired marksmanship.

He kept my secret and I kept his.

"Where do you go at night?" I was too curious to avoid the question after days of watching him rub sleep out of his eyes.

He was rubbing them now. "Ma would kill me if she knew. I promised her I wouldn't after what happened with John."

We stood in the wooded silence, our grips on our guns, ready to fire at our next mark.

"A group of us practice drills and bivouac on a friend's property. We're all itching to fight, and I want to be prepared when it's my turn to enlist next fall."

Nodding, I took aim at the tin can resting on the split-rail. I fired, the tin pinging as it fell to the forest floor.

Seth whistled. "You're a quick learner."

"I won't tell your ma what you're doing. Preparing is all we have control over, and if it helps protect us in the end, then it's all worth it."

"What are you preparing for?" Seth studied my face, waiting for my answer.

"The same as you. A fight."

He was perhaps rebellious, but I was thankful Mrs. Mathis instilled some manners in him as he did not press me to elaborate.

By the end of the summer, I was hitting each target without hesitation. I felt strong and capable; each time, Seth whistled in amazement. He did not pry further, and I never commented on the dark circles under his eyes.

"What happened to Robby?" I asked Seth one day. "John never told me."

"It's why I promised Ma I'd not sneak out anymore." He gave a long sigh. "I promised John I'd never tell, but then … I'm not sure it matters now."

"Don't say that!" I couldn't bear to think John would never return, that it didn't matter.

Seth shrugged. "Who knows anymore? I'll tell you anyway. I think I was fourteen when my pa sent him out of the house. They got into a row. Something about John not wanting the law firm, and his excessive drinking and gambling. I know John wanted to be a writer. I think my pa thought John was wasting his life. They didn't end things on good terms.

"And then Pa died that winter. John didn't even come to the funeral. I was lonely and missed my brother, so I started sneaking out to find him.

"He and Robby would be in saloons or at the Chisholms' home. At some point, John moved into a boardinghouse, and I'd visit him there. He'd teach me card tricks, how to cheat—but don't tell my ma—and he'd weave adventure stories just like he had when I was little.

"I remember that he'd usually yell at me to go home." Seth chuckled, and I softened at his memory.

"At his furlough, I hadn't seen him since the night Robby was killed. I recall following him from the hotel where he had been playing cards with some out-of-towners. I think it was March because there was still snow on the ground, and I kept pestering him with iceballs. He yelled at me that time too.

"But I kept following him all the way to the Chisholms' house, all while he told me to get lost. I think he thought I had, but I trailed him and Robby to the bridge over Rugg Brook. I remember hearing him tell Robby that he was caught, and he had lost all his money. When they reached the bridge, two men were waiting for them. They all argued with each other. One of the men fired his pistol and hit Robby. I ran then, until John caught up with me, making me swear to secrecy … then John was gone and Robby was dead."

"Oh, my God!" My hand flew to my throat. "Were those men ever caught?"

"They were found hiding in Smuggler's Notch. But I'm not sure what became of them after they were arrested."

"No wonder John avoided coming home."

"Honestly, I didn't think we'd ever see him again. He's different now, though. At Christmas, he seemed like the brother I remembered. He wasn't so angry anymore."

"I'm glad he came for Christmas." Not just for myself, but for his family. It may be the only happy memory we all had left.

"I am, too, but I don't think he came home for us … I think he came for you."

Seth averted his eyes, uncomfortable with the heavy emotions settling around us, and went back to priming his revolver.

My heart ached for John.

Brett Chisholm was regaining his strength, and although I avoided their home, he and Clara would meet me for a walk down at Houghton Park, a ride along Stevens Brook, or a picnic at the lake. On days Clara had to remain home, the Chisholms would allow me to invite him for a buggy ride. Thad drove us as we talked, laughed, and innocently flirted—such was our relationship. I was a different person when I was around Brett. I enjoyed being in his company. He made me feel young and carefree again. I felt powerful each time Brett winked at me or gave me a sideways smirk, knowing that I held the control.

By August, Sergeant Downs had given up on me, and it was soon announced he and Clara were engaged to be married. A party was held in their honor, and I had no excuse but to attend. I made certain I was on Brett Chisholm's arm, feeling that it afforded me some level of protection. I feared Sergeant Downs would treat me coldly, but he behaved cordially and respectfully. Clara, overflowing with sheer joy and excitement, told Downs to kiss me, and he did so obediently with a peck on the cheek, although we both cringed in the discomfort.

At the end of the party, Sergeant Downs found me alone on the porch while I waited for Brett to fetch my hat and shawl. The sky was already dark, sparkling with glittering stars, and the waxing gibbous, glowing with powdered whiteness. Neither Sergeant Downs nor myself looked at each other but stared into the night sky.

Then he spoke. "Do not think I am marrying her to spite you because I would never mean to hurt you in any way. My only wish is that it is you I was marrying instead of Clara."

"Clara adores you, Sergeant, and I don't want to see you hurt her. Be good to her. You're a lucky man to be marrying a woman so beautiful. You should be pleased."

I was relieved when Brett stepped out with my shawl and hat in his hands. I took the hat from him, while he stood behind me to drape my shawl across my shoulders, his hands resting on my arms. I could feel Brett's protectiveness through his firm hands. He shifted from one foot to the other. I knew he could sense the uneasiness between Downs and me.

He cleared his throat. "I'll take you home." The Mathis carriage already left, but Brett had promised Mrs. Mathis he would deliver me home safely after the party concluded.

I nodded and walked away from the house, my hand on Brett's arm, leaving Sergeant Downs in the shadows of the dark porch.

Once we arrived at the Mathis house, Brett accompanied me up the front steps.

When we reached the door, he put a hand to my elbow to stop me. "Something transpired between you and Downs, didn't it?"

The moon cast shadows over his features, the scar on his cheek making him look swarthy.

I didn't want to say anything. I knew it would hurt him and Clara. "No, there is nothing between Sergeant Downs and me." I touched my hand to his smooth-shaven cheek. "Don't worry, Brett."

He took my hand in his and brushed his lips across my knuckles.

"Good night, Ella, my angel."

"Good night, Brett."

He released my hand, and I went into the house. Nothing would ever occur between Sergeant Downs and me again. He knew where I stood. My heart still yearned for John. Sergeant Downs would not hurt Clara or betray Brett's friendship. I believed and was entirely convinced my heart would never be unlocked to anyone but John.