Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

The car chimed as Jason opened the driver’s side door, and he climbed out. Despite the pounding of her heart, Jen lifted her chin calmly, trying to give him the steadiest look she could muster. She set her hands on her hips. “Why do you call her Mildred?”

Jason stopped mid-step and gave her an odd look. As though he’d expected a different question. And maybe it was a strange thing to ask first. But she’d spent the night and the entire morning in the café going over everything in her head. Kevin had called Millie “Gran.”

That Jason had called her Mildred felt like one last-ditch attempt to continue his lies. Which meant he’d never intended to tell her the truth about who he was until he felt his back was to a wall.

Jason took a few slow steps toward her. “We weren’t close to her as kids. I only saw her a handful of times that I even really have a good memory of. Grandma just never stuck.”

She studied his features. Now that she knew he was Kevin’s brother, the hints of the resemblance were unnerving. There wasn’t that nearly identical look like Dan and Warren had, despite being a few years apart,just something familiar.

Sadness crept into her heart once again. As she’d cuddled with Colby the night before, she’d allowed herself to really think about Kevin for the first time in years. They’d met at a church picnic, and Jen had been drawn to how different he seemed from the other guys she knew. He was older than her by four years, too, and she’d been an inexperienced nineteen-year-old who was easily swept off her feet by a guy who could talk about Paris and Amsterdam and Bali . . . because he’d been there.

“Kevin called her Gran.” She crossed her arms. “It just seems like another way you were trying to lie to me.”

“Kevin was younger than me.” Jason’s eyes were flat. “He remembered less.” He gave her a tense smile. “It wasn’t Mildred’s fault. My grandfather was a proud and difficult man. He didn’t like her and did his best to keep her away from our family.”

Millie was well-liked by the community, but she had a quiet, reserved side and didn’t let a lot of people in. When Jen had started dating Kevin, her mother had dragged out her high school yearbook and looked Martha Price up. Martha was a couple of years younger than her mother and had left town shortly after high school, never heard from again. Even Millie didn’t talk about her.

Sadness washed over her. Millie’s daughter had been separated from her. Even her own grandson didn’t call her by any affectionate title. It was a wonder that she wasn’t filled with bitterness and anger. Jen regretted the times she hadn’t made more of an effort to let Colby spend time with Millie.

Tension settled between them.

“You should have told me the truth,” Jen said, her voice sounding less angry than she intended it. She’d been angry. And sad. And then angry once more while she was at work and couldn’t concentrate on a damn thing. Bunny had sent her home early, sensing Jen’s distress, which was just one more thing to worry about because Jen couldn’t afford to lose the pay.

Because her mom wasn’t expecting her to come pick up Colby until later in the afternoon, she’d driven around aimlessly, trying to get her head on straight.

And then she’d ended up here.

“I know.” Jason’s eyes were veined with red, as though he hadn’t slept well. Well, that makes two of us. He deserved to lose more than one night of sleep.

“I don’t know that I can trust you again.” Whatever they’d had was over. He couldn’t be a casual fling because he was her son’s uncle, not some hot mysterious stranger like she’d thought. When he left here, it wouldn’t be like their connection would stop. “I don’t . . .” She gulped another breath, trying to slow her thoughts. Laura wouldn’t want her having a shouting match outside a cabin, and she felt herself losing the ability to remain calm.

“You used me. I’m not even sure why. But you took advantage because you knew who I was when the reverse wasn’t true.” She took another step toward him, hugging her arms closer. Despite her best efforts, her voice rose in pitch. “Explain it to me, Jason. Help me understand how you could just get involved with me, knowing that I could never just be that one-night stand girl you claimed you wanted. Was it just to screw with me? It feels so . . . I can’t even verbalize how wrong it feels.”

Jason looked away, his eyes reflecting the gray sky and looking less bright than usual. “I didn’t come down here looking to get involved with you.”

He could say that, but then why? Why carry on with her? “But we are involved now, Jason. And I don’t just mean the fact that we slept together. I mean this whole stupid baking competitionand that you’re my son’s uncle, which, by the way, I don’t know how in the hell I’ll ever explain that one to him. I don’t kiss any of his other uncles the way I kissed you at the Depot in front of him.”

“Well, I hope not. Considering they’re your brothers.” Jason’s voice was dry, the hint of a smile curving on his lips.

“This isn’t funny.” His joke only stoked her anger. “Don’t you get it? No, I guess you don’t. There’s a little boy involved here. A little boy who maybe you don’t give a shit about and if that’s the case, fine. You’re not obligated to. God knows Kevin didn’t stick around. But for you to come here and do what you did? It feels like a sick joke.”

Her anger burned up her chest. She’d parked at the guest lodge, which she was thankful for. She needed a moment to walk off her mounting fury before getting behind the wheel of a car again. Giving him a look that she hoped was scathing, she started forward. She shouldn’t have bothered to come here. Seeing Jason only made things worse for her.

Jason’s hand shot out as she brushed beside him, his fingertips catching hers. “Jen, wait.”

She stiffened, closing her eyes. She didn’t want to feel anything for him.

Jason didn’t release her fingers, and she didn’t pull away. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you the truth the last few days. And the more I tried to find a way, the more I didn’t know how.”

She threw him a glance over her shoulder. “Yeah, well, you should have thought of a way before we fucked.”

“It wasn’t that easy.” Jason’s hand tightened on hers. “I didn’t plan what happened between us; it just happened. And, yes, I’m the type of selfish asshole who lets it happen. You and Colby are both better off without me in your lives. I spent a good part of the morning trying to come up with a way to apologize to you, and everything I thought of fell short of what you deserve. There’s nothing I can do to apologize.”

She pulled her hand away, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “You could start by saying you’re sorry. You haven’t even tried those words, Jason! God, it’s not that hard to do the bare minimum decent thing here.” She searched his gaze and then shook her head. Was he incapable of saying he was sorry? He was awfully arrogant. Maybe he didn’t have much practice. But it didn’t excuse him.

He stared at her, silent, clearly struggling to speak.

A choked, overwhelming feeling gripped her. Whirling around, she scanned the nearby wood line, then took off at a sprint, desperate to get away.

She’d avoided these woods since Colby had disappeared in them. But they offered a desolate comfort to her now, of just being away from Jason and everyone. Everything.

Avoiding the path that would lead downhill to the stream, she took the trail that led to the cliff known by locals as “Redding’s Bluff” even though it was in the state park beside the cabin property. A crunch of leaves sounded behind her.

“Jen, wait.” Jason was close behind, but she didn’t stop.

“Go away.” She swiped a few tears from her eyes. God, I’m such an idiot. She ran, thankful she was in her work tennis shoes and jeans.

“Will you stop?” Jason grabbed a fistful of her jacket, but she wrested herself free.

“No. I mean it, Jason.” She continued her uphill trek, dodging past barren tree branches and brush with spindly thorns. “Leave. Me. Alone.”

“I’m not letting you run off into the forest by yourself. The last thing I need is for you to fall off a cliff or get attacked by some axe murderer out here and have that on my head.” Jason didn’t even sound like he was struggling with the trail, which was her luck. He was a runner, though, so this was probably nothing for him.

She slowed, unable to verbalize her response while running.

“Why do you care? You’re just planning on leaving, aren’t you? Anyway, I’m a small-town girl from the country. You city boys seem to think that there’s nothing but serial killers hanging around here instead of good-hearted people who realize the value of a life without so much noise.” She broke through the crest of the hill, out of breath, then gripped the trunk of a maple where the forest let out onto the rough sandstone of the mountain cliff.

She couldn’t appreciate the view through her tears. Thick gray clouds blanketed the sky. But in the distance, a few sunbeams streamed down onto the tops of the naked trees, branches swaying as a strong, icy blast of wind wound past them.

Jason came up behind her and set his hands on her shoulders. “Jen, I’m sorry.” His voice was raw, strained. “I don’t even know how to tell you—”

“It’s not that hard, is it?” She turned to face him, still trying to catch her breath.

He cupped her face in his hands, wiping the trail of tears away from her cheeks with his thumbs. “I’m so sorry, Jen. I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m just no good. I’m sorry.”

He didn’t say it in a self-pitying way. It was more like a statement of fact. He’d accepted this way of thinking about himself. That he was inherently rotten.

“What made you think this way about yourself?” She moistened her dry lips, searching his eyes. Kevin had struggled with his darkness, too, but he’d turned to drugs to soothe his pain. And that was when she saw a very distinct difference between the brothers. Jason believed his darkness. Jason had... accepted it instead. She didn’t know which was more dangerous.

What had happened to them? She reached up, placing her hands on his wrists. “I may not know much about you, Jason, but you’re not a bad person. I don’t know why you think you are.”

“Because you don’t know me.” He leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead. The stubble of his jaw brushed against her skin, and shivers crawled up her spine.

As though he sensed the response of her body to his, he pulled back, just slightly, as she raised her chin, lifting her lips toward his. His mouth descended on hers, not a kiss of wild sexual passion but something more.

Need.

She didn’t want to forgive him. Didn’t want to pretend it was okay for him to have done what he’d done to her.

But her hands slid from his wrists and found their way around the back of his neck, clasping on to him as the wind whipped around them, their bodies melding together until she felt like they were two warm souls who had found each other amidst the emptiness of the expanse. Both of them broken.

He didn’t want to reveal any depth, it seemed. His words said that he wanted her to believe he couldn’t be better. But she didn’t believe it. Couldn’t. Her back pressed to the tree trunk she’d been gripping as he pinned her there, his arms tight around her, one hand splayed on the small of her back, the other digging at the hair at the nape of her neck.

As Jason dragged his mouth away, he managed again, “I’m sorry.”

Her lips grazed his jaw. Her mother had once told her how forgiveness had a way of changing the life of the person on whom it was bestowed. And maybe she wasn’t street-smart or worldly like Jason, but she knew some things he didn’t. She’d known unconditional love. She’d received it from her parents and given it to Colby.

What little Kevin had told her and Jason had confirmed, neither of them had been that fortunate.

Holding on to her hurt wouldn’t help her. If Jason wasn’t planning on staying, she’d just be left with that anger, and she’d stew until it turned into bitter resentment. And she’d done that once before.

Setting her forehead against his cheek, she skimmed the back of his neck with her fingertips, her hands cold. “I’m still angry, Jason. But I forgive you. So if you need to go back to Chicago now and just forget us, I’m not saying it won’t hurt. But I’ll be okay.”

Jason’s jaw tensed, and he held her closer. With his closeness, she could feel the pounding of his pulse at his neck. Then he murmured, “I won’t be okay.”

His fingers wound their way around the hair at the nape of her neck, and he drew her head back to stare into her eyes. “Jen, I didn’t sleep with you under the pretense of things being a casual, one-night-only event. It might have started out that way, but I couldn’t stay away from you. Even when I really should have. What I’m trying to say is—”

She drew him down toward her, cutting off his words with a kiss.

He doesn’t plan on just walking away.

A strange sense of relief crested in her mind.

I couldn’t stay away from you.

The tenderness of her kiss dissolved quickly, their mouths meeting with strong, rushed passion. Their tongues collided as Jason hoisted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist.

He doesn’t want to leave.

And she didn’t want him to. Whatever they’d started by getting together the way they had, she didn’t want to stop. She wanted to feel his lips against hers, to hear his jokes and witty comebacks.

Text him all night.

She wanted to watch him make playdough with her son and feed him chocolate-covered strawberries and have him dip her for a kiss in front of a crowd.

And she wasn’t ready to let go of that yet.

He pinned her against the tree, the rough bark catching on her jacket, her jeans less flexible than she wanted. Keeping one hand on his neck, she slipped the other hand lower, popped off the button of his jeans, and tugged at his waistband. She slid her hand down and wrapped her fingers around his firm length.

God, she wanted him.

And not just because she knew how good it could be between them.

The aching emptiness resurrected with their fight last night nagged at her. But being with him made that pain dull.

Jason drew back, searching her gaze. “This is what you want? We should probably talk some more. We can go back to my cabin—”

“This is what I want.” She drew him back down again for another kiss. “Right here. Right now, Jason. I want you.”

He set her down, unbuttoned her jeans, then pushed them and her underwear from her hips. She pulled her shoes off, staying in her warm wool socks because it was cold, then stepped out of her pants. He unzipped his pants, freeing himself from the boxer briefs below them. Jen practically jumped back onto him and he lifted her, wrapping her legs around his waist. He grimaced and stopped, his forehead against hers as the tip of his shaft found her entrance. “Ugh, goddammit. I don’t have a condom here.” He drew back, his breath shallow.

He was tantalizingly close, and she ached for him. Catching her breath, she squeezed her eyes shut as he shifted her on his hips. Her legs tightened around him. “I’m on the pill,” she whispered against his cheek.

“Are you sure?” His heart pounded against her breasts, her nipples hard in her bra. She longed for his touch. Too many clothes, but then she had never had sex in the middle of the woods like this, especially not in the cold. She shivered, but she also didn’t care.

Being with him made her feel sexy. Unlike she’d ever felt before—but maybe it was the strength of his body and the hardness of his taut muscles. How wet he made her. But she also knew he’d been with other women recently. “Do you always use protection?”

“Always.” His mouth found hers again, then he pulled back with a groan. “I’m driving myself crazy like this. I’m going to put you down.”

“I want you, Jason.” She nestled her head in the crook of his neck. She clasped her legs tighter. “Please.”

He groaned and held her gaze as he positioned himself against her again. Taking her in one hard thrust, she cried out, her fingers digging into his shoulders. “Oh, God,” he groaned. “Jen, you feel so fucking amazing.” He pumped into her, grinding her back against the tree, her hips rocking against him to receive every thrust, her need for him slick and undeniable.

Something about being out here in the woods in broad daylight was animalistic, as though this view was made for two lovers drinking in the wild. She moaned, and he pushed deeper, relishing in the feeling of the bare, hard ridges of his length inside her, lost in the pleasure as it passed through her body.

She rocked against him harder, lifting her hips off his just slightly, exposing the sensitive nerves against him. As they found a rhythm, a deep, throbbing lightheaded feeling spread through her and built. She was on the verge, and he thrust harder, faster. “More,” she managed, moaning louder as the sensation simmered to a hot breaking point.

She sensed him thickening, his own release approaching, and she dropped her head back, her hair catching the bark as a simmering hot climax tingled through her nerves.

Jason slammed himself one last time, and she nearly doubled over as she reached the peak, pleasure washing over her body as he pulsed inside her and released with a groan. She cried out his name, and her lips found the curve of his neck as she clung to him tightly.

When he stilled, she drew her mouth away, still connected to him, the remnants of pleasure sizzling through them like lightning unleashed.

As he lowered her to the ground, her legs wobbled, and she braced herself against him. He kissed her temple, and he reached down for her discarded jeans. As he handed them to her, he caught her in another kiss, this one sweeter, more tender than before. “Thank you,” he said, when he pulled away, then kissed the backs of her knuckles.

“For sex? No problem.” She gave him a sheepish grin.

He chuckled, but his eyes were more serious. “For being you. And forgiving me. I swear I’m going to make it up to you, Jen.”

Jen pulled her jeans on, more conscious now that they were on a hiking trail that could attract company. “You already did,” she teased. But as she caught the unreadable expression in his eyes, she couldn’t help but feel a spark of worry that she could no longer afford to ignore.

Do either of us know what we’re doing?