Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Jen scooped the starter from the crock, weighing it on the scale. No matter how many years she’d been working with it, feeding it, storing the discard, the whole process felt a little like she was working with a hungry child in the kitchen. The sourdough bread bowls for Tuesday’s clam chowder special were usually started on Mondays. Today, it was up to her to make sure they were prepared.

She moved the starter to the mixing bowl, then added warm water and flour. When Bunny had first taught her how to bake bread, Jen had watched in amazement as Bunny seemed to measure out the precise amount without weighing it. Bunny had told her that after over forty years of making bread, she knew by feel what the right weight was.

Eight years later, Jen understood what she’d meant. She’d gotten there faster than eight years yet still measured everything just in case, but she didn’t really need to. Some day, she might feel brave enough if she was working in her own kitchen. But in the same way that Bunny was the best mentor Jen could have ever asked for, she also expected precise results.

“What do we do now?” Jason’s voice cut through Jen’s thoughts.

She looked across the kitchen toward the stove, where Jason held a wooden spoon above a pot. Colby stood on a step stool beside him.

She still couldn’t believe he’d shown up here this morning.

Wiping the flour from her hands onto the apron, Jen crossed the kitchen and peeked into the pot. A yellowish lump of dough had formed in the center. “It looks pretty good.” She turned off the heat and grabbed the wax paper sheet she’d gotten ready for him. Laying it flat on the counter beside the stove, she spooned the dough out onto the wax paper.

“Knead it on the wax paper until it gets smooth.” She turned and then held back a smile at Jason’s blank expression.

“What the hel—heck does that mean?” Jason quirked a brow. “You sure this is going to work? I bet that toy store up the street has playdough, you know. I don’t mind buying some.”

She choked on her laughter. “I know. I was in charge of making playdough for the preschool. It’ll be fine.” She wasn’t entirely sure it would come together. Somehow, the mixture looked lumpier than when she made it.

“Can we add the blue now?” Colby asked eagerly.

“Not yet. Really soon.” She pushed her palm flat against the dough. “Knead. Like this. Except not yet. It’s still too hot. My hands are used to handling hot stuff.”

Jason shot her an amused look. “I bet.”

She felt her cheeks warm and cleared her throat, giving him a warning look. “Also, I’m going to move you to that smaller table over there. Lunchtime is starting soon, and the kitchen is about to get really busy.” As it was, the cooks were shooting Jason looks like they were wondering what the hell he was doing in there. She tried to stay out of their way. Cooking always took precedence over the baking, and they would need her help during lunch today.

This had felt like a great idea when the morning had started, and things were relatively quiet. But now that the kitchen was at full speed, it felt stupid and dangerous. A kitchen was no place for a toddler, even at a place like Bunny’s where everyone knew and loved them both. Jen suspected the only reason no one had said anything was because they all knew Travis was one of her best friends.

Jason gave the lump of misshapen, hot dough a disgusted look. “I was thinking, what if I walk Colby down to that bookstore a few stores down? I saw on my run yesterday that they have a story hour at eleven.”

She bit her lip and caught one of the line cooks giving her the side-eye. Would Colby be safe?

“Behind!” Molly, the server working the lunch shift, called, passing them with a tray of hot soup. She scowled at Jen as Jason tucked Colby out of her path.

Jason must have noticed the looks, too, if he’d suggested the story hour.

As much as Jen felt guilty about letting Colby out of her sight, it might be a better idea than keeping Jason and Colby in the kitchen during lunch hour. “What do you think, bud? You want to go to story hour at Miss Annie’s?”

Colby’s face brightened. “Yeah!”

She helped Colby down from the stool, then untied the apron from his neck. “Sounds good. But if you need anything at all—”

“I know where to find you.” Jason gave her a reassuring look. “I promise I’ll bring him right back.”

As they headed out the kitchen door, Travis passed them on his way in. He held the door for Jason and then let it swing shut behind him. Jen met his gaze and looked away, her face feeling hotter. “I know what you’re thinking.”

Travis crossed his arms and came closer. “You don’t know.”

“I do. You’re thinking I’m being an idiot. That I shouldn’t let my baby out of my sight with a man I hardly know.” Jen returned to her station. She’d played that argument over and over and over in her head ever since that day Colby disappeared. And as much as she’d felt judged harshly over the past three years for being the “single mother,” not a soul had said a bad word about her— to her knowledge— regarding that night. In fact, since then, she’d felt as though everyone had been a little more attentive to Colby’s location. So she’d hoped that those extra eyes would be on Colby now as a virtual stranger led him to the bookstore.

“No, I wasn’t thinking that, Jen, but clearly, that’s where your head went.” Travis had followed Jen to her station and tilted his head. “I was thinking how nice it is to see you finally trusting people again.”

She cringed and gave him a one-eyed squint. “Have I gotten that bad?”

Travis simply nodded slowly.

“Ugh—it’s the worst. Speaking of which, my anxiety is going into hyperdrive. Can you call Annie and ask her if Colby got there safely? Jason took him to story hour.”

Travis laughed and pulled his phone out. Less than a minute later, Travis flashed a picture of Colby and Jason sitting on the braided rainbow rug in the children’s area of the bookstore. “From Annie. See? You can calm down. Go back to that progress I thought you were making.”

Despite Travis’s teasing, it set her heart at ease to see Annie’s picture. And made her heart throb. “I really like Jason. But he’s not in town for long, and then I’ll probably never see him again. And he probably doesn’t feel the same way. We talked about spending a night together and not getting into a long-term thing. But I have this weird gut feeling about him. He seems like someone I can trust, and Colby was strangely very comfortable with him.”

Spilling her heart out to Travis was easy. Like Lindsay, he’d been there to pick her up off the floor a thousand times before. Sometimes literally. One time in her late teens, Travis had been forced to go into the ladies’ bathroom at The Bench and carry her out because she was too drunk to stand. Then he’d taken her to Lindsay’s house to spend the night so Jen’s parents wouldn’t kill her for underage drinking.

“He’s spent the morning hanging out with your three-year-old, Jen. Trust me when I tell you he likes you.”

“Then you don’t think I’m being stupid?” Jen held her breath, hoping. Her instincts kept screaming at her to slow down, to be more cautious, but maybe if Travis thought it was all right for her to jump into this without overthinking it, she’d feel more validated.

Travis winced. “It’s not stupid. It’s . . .” He released a slow sigh. “I don’t want you to get hurt. And you don’t know much about this guy, right?”

Her heart fell. She’d hoped he wouldn’t say this. “You think he just wants to sleep with me?”

“He definitely wants to sleep with you. He wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t.” Travis’s eyes were warm. “But that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that I’d hate to see you finally open up to and trust someone only to have it set you back in the long run. There’s a middle ground between being too cautious and running off an airplane with a backpack instead of a parachute.”

Jen finished feeding the starter and then put it away. She reached for a pastry bag to fill éclairs. “So what do I do? It’s not like I can ask him to stick around. Should I talk about where this is going before I let things go any further?”

“Not unless you want to scare him away permanently.” Travis chuckled. “I was thinking maybe an actual date. You said you all stayed in Yardley’s for what—ten minutes?”

“Yeah, but we had pizza together last night.”

“With Colby. Watching cartoons.” Travis gave her a sympathetic look. “But you need a date. One where you can get lucky if it goes well.”

“First, I can’t ask my parents to watch Colby for a date and tell them I might not come back that night, so they should just keep him all night. They’d be pissed.”

“Then don’t plan on staying the night. That’s not what this thing you’re having with this guy is, anyway. Wrap up dinner early, go back to his place, and then go home. And if it helps, I’ll watch Colby.”

That was true. Her mind didn’t need to go to a long night together. She gave him a grateful look. “But doesn’t that make me a horrible mother? Colby spends enough time away from me as it is. For me to be pawning him off on you so I can get laid...that makes me a shitty mother.”

Travis slipped his arm around her shoulder. “It just makes you a person. You’re not shipping him off for a month or even a week to a boarding school either. It’s one evening. One date. Give yourself permission for a quick fling. You have to take care of yourself, too. Otherwise, you can’t be the best mother anyway. No one can run on an empty tank of gas.”

Travis looked back toward the kitchen doors. “I should go back out there. But I’m serious. Get that date and get to know the guy a little. Just tell me when. I’ll clear whatever I have planned for you.”

As Travis went back into the front, Jen snipped the end off a pastry bag. She set it over a cup, folded the edges over the side, and filled it with pastry cream. Getting lost in work was the peaceful part. She didn’t eat too many desserts these days—she’d had more than her fill of pastries and cakes—but she still enjoyed the creation process.

Thoughts of Jason and Colby crowded in, though. The idea of having the date Travis had suggested was exhilarating, actually. She had to stop trying to think of the long term.

Give yourself permission for a quick fling.

They’d also lost the spontaneity and mystery of Saturday night. How would Jason react if she asked him out on a date? It seemed to break whatever fragile rules he had for women. Did he take the women he hooked up with on dates? Or was it more like he’d implied at Yardley’s: finding someone at a bar? If it was the latter, the idea of a date might repel him.

The start of lunch hour left her little time to worry about it, though. She shifted her efforts over to helping the cooks, plating meals, and packing to-go containers as the orders came in. She barely could wave as Jason snuck back in to let her know he and Colby had returned and were grabbing a table.

When the rush died down, she left the kitchen for a few minutes to go check on Colby. He and Jason were seated at a booth in the corner. She hung back for a moment near the doors.

Except for the color of their hair, Colby and Jason looked like they could be father and son. They wore similar expressions: self-satisfied smirks, their laughter twinkling in their sharp blue, intelligent eyes as they laughed about something. Even with him only being three, Jen could tell Colby was smart. He had a way of understanding things that shocked her sometimes.

The moment made her heart melt as Jason said something to Colby, then stole a piece of a brownie from his plate.

A wave of anxious, breath-stealing nausea smacked her, crowding her lungs. She was letting herself get carried away by thoughts of Jason.

Travis was right. She needed to set some ground rules. Especially now that Colby had met him. Rules that might be better fleshed out with a date. This was a short-term fling, and that was that. She wasn’t being dumb and irresponsible, and she hated that Dan’s words hung on the fringe of her thoughts.

She walked up to the table, managing a weak smile. “How’s it going?”

Colby had the remnants of a grilled cheese sandwich in front of him but was busy digging into a brownie. Whatever Jason had eaten had been polished off, but she guessed it was a bowl of soup and a sandwich, from his order the previous time. He ate healthier than she did. And worked out more, too.

Great. Another thing to be self-conscious about.

“Guess what, Mommy! Mr. Jason got me a book!” Colby held it up, a story with a cartoonish dog on the front.

“Wow, did you say thank you?” Jen kept her gaze level with Colby.

Colby mumbled a thank you, going back to the brownie. Jen mouthed, “Thank you,” to Jason.

The corners of his mouth turned up in a smile, but he looked away as his phone rang beside him. Checking the phone, he frowned. “Um, I gotta take this. That okay?”

“Of course.” Jen stepped to the side to let him pass. He answered before passing through the front door to the café, then hurried out to the sidewalk.

She sat on the side of the booth Jason had vacated. “Did you have fun with Mr. Jason?”

Colby looked up between a bite of brownie, his face covered in chocolate. “Uh-huh. Can we go home now?”

Tension pushed up her esophagus. Poor Colby had barely been home since Thursday afternoon—no, Wednesday. She checked her watch. “Mommy will be done working in another hour. Do you think you can wait that long? I bet we can play with your playdough. I finished that batch for you and gave it to Uncle Travis to hold for you behind the front counter.”

She didn’t want to tell Jason that she’d had to start the playdough all over again. He’d made a good attempt. Colby swung his legs around the side of the booth, eagerly heading toward the front counter. “Wait, wait, wait.” Jen grabbed him by the back of the shirt, then wiped his face with a napkin. He grumbled, then she took his hand and led him to the front counter.

Travis was busy with a customer, and he directed Colby to sit at the front barstools for single diners while he waited for Travis. Surprisingly, Colby seemed all right being patient and took out his new book. Jen walked a few feet back toward the table where he and Jason had been to clean up some of the food Colby had spilled on the floor. Not that they went out to restaurants often, but Jen was always hypersensitive to how much food Colby spilled on the floor while eating after having worked in food service for so long.

But Bunny’s was like a second home for him. Except, not really. Because he had three “second homes”—her parents, the guest lodge, and the café. And he spent more time in all three places than in his actual home. Not to mention that his actual home—their apartment—was the fourth place that she’d rented since Colby’s birth.

And she was still struggling to pay her bills. How far behind was she on rent? Not to mention everything else.

She released a shallow breath that couldn’t encompass the actual sigh she needed for her life. What was she doing? No matter what she tried, she was constantly failing.

A shadow crossed the table, and she didn’t look up as Jason sat back down. “Hey there.”

Except it wasn’t Jason.

She looked up sharply. A familiar man sat there. She frowned. He’d checked in to the cabins the night before.

He was middle-aged with a touch of gray in the light-brown hair of his temples. His hair was short, as was his stature, but he was slender. His dark eyes were analytical. “How are you?”

“Fine.” She scanned the café. The lunch crowd had died down, so there were plenty of open seats. What was he doing?

“Ned Vickers.” He slid a business card across from her. “I’m a private investigator. I was hoping I could ask you some questions since you’re the only local I know.”

The only local he knew? She fingered the edges of the business card, which was made of heavy card stock and embossed. Not at all like the cheap business cards she’d printed at home for the cookie business she’d tried to start a couple of years earlier. These were expensive.

She eyed him warily. “What do you want to ask me questions about?”

Before Ned could answer, Jason sidled up right beside her. He slipped his arm around her shoulders. “Hey, babe.”

Babe? Despite the instant comfort of Jason’s protective stance, her brain fumbled to catch up. Jason reached his free hand over. “Hi, I’m Jason.”

Ned looked from Jen to Jason. Then he stood awkwardly. “Sorry, I didn’t realize this seat was taken.” Giving Jason another look, he slipped away and sat at another table.

“Geez, I leave you for two minutes, and men come out of the woodwork to hit on you,” Jason said smoothly. “Even with that costume on.”

“Oh, um.” She laughed, suddenly acutely aware of her messy ponytail, hair net, and chef’s coat. “Watch it, buddy. You insult the cook, and you might live to regret it.”

“You know, you keep threatening that.” Jason’s eyes gleamed. Then he looked at the empty booth seat. “Where’s Colby?”

“At the counter waiting patiently for Travis to give him the playdough you all made.” She threw Colby a glance and smiled at the sight of his feet swinging. “And what can I say? I lean into stereotypes. They say writers kill off people they hate in their books, and people in food service take their revenge out on the food you eat. Just consider yourself lucky that I’m not a baker who likes to write.”

“I didn’t know you hated me.”

Jason’s arm still weighed against her shoulder, and the warmth of his body tempted her to lean in closer. Plus, he smelled like Old Spice and...mmm. She leaned in and whispered in his ear, “I’m more than happy to prove that I don’t.” She pulled back with a self-satisfied grin. “I gotta get back to work. Thanks for helping me out with Colby. I think I can handle him from here.”

Jason groaned softly. “You’re killing me, you know that?” He gave an exaggerated sigh. “What did that guy want, by the way?” He took a glance over his shoulder at the table Ned had scurried away to.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Says he’s a private investigator.” She motioned to the card he’d left on the table.

“Huh.” Jason ignored the card and reached for her hand. “What are you doing tonight?”

Everything about his touch made her want to delay going back to the kitchen. Her gaze darted to Colby. Travis had taken the playdough out and grabbed him some cookie cutters. Thank God for Travis.

“Colby and I are just hanging out at home. Why?”

“Can I take you out?” Gentle pressure from his fingertips shot sparks up her core. “I have something I want to run by you.”

“Uh...” His words were intriguing. And he was asking her out.

But Colby also hadn’t had a normal night at home for the last few days. Even if she was doing a shoddy job of it, she couldn’t deny Colby some stability for a date with Jason. She sighed. “I really can’t. Colby needs some time at home, I’m sorry. It can be a little hectic managing everything, so I like to make sure he gets the time he needs with me.”

His eyes flickered, something in his gaze unreadable. Then he nodded and squeezed her hand again. “What about tomorrow night?”

If she said no, would he ask for a different day? She didn’t want to take that risk, either. He could leave by then. And she had Travis’s offer on the table. “I’d have to find someone to watch Colby, but it should be okay. What time?”

“I can pick you up. My assistant is working on getting my car out of the impound lot. Where should I meet you?”

“I’ll text you my address.” This time, she really needed to go. Jason had a way of making her want to forget she had any responsibilities. She hurried back to the kitchen, her heart feeling remarkably light. One date. That would be enough, right?