Chapter Fifteen Clover

Chapter Fifteen Clover

Friday morning, December 15, 2023

The first thing Clover did when she awoke was check her phone. It was something she never did as soon as the sun streamed

through her windows, but she needed to make sure last night was real. That she had indeed somehow miraculously, magically,

impossibly run into Hailey Blackwell. And that Hailey Blackwell had asked her to dance.

She sank into the memory. Someone—clearly a stressed-out millennial like themselves—was singing karaoke to “I’m Not Okay (I

Promise)” by My Chemical Romance, and it was not the least bit a romantic, festive, or particularly rhythmic song to dance to. Although

the song had come out when they were still kids, it had been one of their many summer-before-senior-year anthems and they

knew that song well . Hailey took Clover’s hand, and they jumped up and down together, screaming, I’m not o-fucking-kay, at the top of their lungs like the seventeen-year-old girls they had once been. Then they collapsed into each other’s arms in a fit of giggles.

Hailey’s cheek had brushed against Clover’s; then her lips pressed against her ear, hot breath tickling her neck. Give me your phone, Hailey had said. I want to give you my number.

If Clover had been a braver person, she might’ve kissed her right then and there. But she wasn’t that drunk. Instead, she did as she was asked and handed Hailey her phone, sending back a text to confirm Hailey had hers too.

Now, as Clover checked her phone, she was desperate to see if Hailey had texted her again.

Breakfast? Hailey had written.

And Clover suddenly realized she was starving.

At the café Hailey had recommended, Hailey was already seated, dark sunglasses perched on her head as she scrolled through

her phone. Today, her hair was pulled up into a bun, with wisps of waves that framed her face. When she saw Clover, she broke

out into a smile.

“Hey!” she exclaimed. She pulled Clover into a tight hug without hesitation, and Clover let herself enjoy the embrace.

Honestly, it was weird, as if no time had passed at all. Clover could remember every sensation she’d ever experienced more

than a decade ago in Hailey’s presence, every rapid heartbeat, every shiver down her spine. It was like she and Hailey had

been tucked away inside a frame, and now that they were both here, their friendship resumed as normal, a living portrait of

what they used to be.

It was only one summer, she reminded herself. But oh, what a summer it had been.

“It’s nice to see you,” Clover said as they took their seats.

“Yeah,” Hailey said. “Wow. I can’t even believe you’re here. And we had so much fun last night! Just like old times.” At that,

Clover blushed, and Hailey covered her own smile with her hand. “Well, you know what I mean.”

Clover picked up the menu, and Hailey took her cue.

“What are you thinking?” Hailey asked.

Clover mulled over the breakfast menu with its fanciful items. Then again, what did she expect with the word Slut in the restaurant’s name? “I think I’ll do the Beast with Two Backs,” she said.

“Solid choice,” Hailey said. “I’m a fan of that one myself.” She winked at Clover, and Clover blushed again. She’d have been

telling a bold-faced lie if she said she hadn’t spent a fretful night not thinking about that very thing. What made it worse was that her brain couldn’t seem to focus on one thing. Beth’s tight skirts

and cool gaze kept popping in uninvited.

Well, all of it was uninvited. Clover had tried desperately then, as now, to not think about anything lurid. Instead, she

kept her focus as Hailey offered her a warm smile.

“So,” she said breathily. “You’re here!”

Clover laughed. “I am. Although, I admit, I’m probably just as surprised as you are.”

“What brings you here exactly?” Hailey laid her cheek on one hand. “If I remember correctly, I think you once called San Francisco

a den of sin.”

“I didn’t say that!” Clover gasped. “Did I?”

Hailey grinned. “Yes. If there’s absolutely anything I remember from my life in Ohio, it’s that.”

Clover felt her skin grow hot, though she didn’t know if it was from amusement or shame. She didn’t remember saying those

exact words, but she remembered when Hailey had told her that she was going away for college. It had broken Clover’s heart,

though she’d already broken Hailey’s by then.

Clover had made her choice, and now here she and Hailey were a decade later, two adult women in a café across the country

from where they’d met. Clover’s heart fluttered; she wondered if this was a second chance. She didn’t even know she’d wanted

one, but she’d wondered about Hailey for years since that kiss—and she’d wondered about herself. There were so many questions

she’d refused to ask herself, and yet they were always there, just beneath the surface.

“I’m sorry,” Clover said suddenly, and Hailey shook her head.

“We were kids,” she said. “I mean, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t mess me up bad.” She looked down at her menu. “I cared

for you a lot,” she whispered.

“I know,” Clover said. “I did too.”

Hailey looked at her, a brightness in her eyes, and it broke Clover’s heart to think that, for so many years, it was possible Hailey hadn’t known. But why would she? After their kiss, Clover had stopped answering her calls. For all the years Clover had spent questioning herself, she wondered if Hailey had questioned herself too—questioned if she’d miscalcu lated their relationship or Clover’s affections for her. God, what hell that must have been for her.

“I’m so sorry,” Clover said again. “For just leaving you high and dry like that. For just—”

“Disappearing one day and showing up on Knox Haywood’s arm?”

Clover swallowed, but Hailey reached across the table and grabbed her hand.

“It is okay. Seriously. Honestly, seeing you at a lesbian bar last night immediately healed up any wounds that might have

still been open. I mean, that was pure gold. Plus”—and at this Hailey bit her lip—“it was pretty nice to dance together too.”

Clover smiled at the memory of their bodies pressed against each other the night before. “Yes, I suppose it was.”

“What can I get you ladies?”

Hailey smiled up at the waitress. “I think we’re both going to have the Beast with Two Backs.”

As they waited for their food, they caught up about what their lives had been like in the decade that had passed, and how

funny it was, the little world they all lived in, that a chance encounter with total strangers could lead to two old friends

reuniting. When their orders came, Hailey finally asked about Knox, and Clover was honest.

“I knew marriage wasn’t what I wanted,” she said. “Or, at least, marriage right now. To...”

“A man,” Hailey finished, and Clover laughed.

“I guess.”

“He’ll be okay,” Hailey said, taking a bite into her breakfast sandwich. “It’s not easy losing you”—she gave Clover a little smile—“but he’ll bounce back.”

Clover cleared her throat and picked up her sandwich. “What about you?” She took a bite, willing herself to be brave. “Are

you seeing anyone right now?”

This was the first time their whole meal that Hailey looked at a loss for words. “Messy breakup,” she said after a moment.

“On again, off again. Off right now. It doesn’t look like it’ll work out.”

“I’m sorry,” Clover said. She was being genuine, but she’d be lying if a part of her hadn’t felt a spark of hope. Maybe her

church folk were right. The Lord did work in mysterious ways and whatnot. She hadn’t been ready ten years ago, but maybe she

was now.

Hailey excused herself to the bathroom, and Clover glanced out the window. A Black woman with a short bob passed by, and Clover

felt her heart speed up involuntarily, but no, it wasn’t who she thought it was. Why would it be? Why should she care? She

shook her head and reached for her phone, surprised to see a text from Knox. A stab of guilt pierced her. What would he say

if he knew all the things she’d kept from him over the years? They weren’t in love anymore, but even so, she still loved him,

still wanted him in her life. The question was: Would he want the same?

She opened the text.

Hi Clover. Wanted to ask you about inventory for the spring. It looks like the quantity of eggs we were expecting is low...

“Oh my god, Knox,” she muttered. She scrolled past his long update, which he could’ve emailed for the love of all things holy, until another text popped up right after.

Tree lighting’s tonight, btw. We’ll miss you there.

Clover sighed. The tree lighting was another one of those Mills family traditions, and Knox was always eager to find two new

ornaments to add to it every year, one representing something he wanted to bring into the year, and the other, something he

wanted to let go of. It was a fun way to bond with their community, and this year, she was missing out.

Hang something up for me? she typed back.

She watched as the ellipses on her phone indicated he was typing. They appeared. Disappeared. Appeared. Then:

I will.

“Everything good?” Hailey asked when she returned.

Clover pocketed her phone and smiled at her. “Absolutely,” she said.

They fell back into easy conversation until the check came. Clover offered to split the bill, but Hailey insisted, and Clover

let that warm feeling wash over her again. They grabbed their coats, and Hailey looped her arm through Clover’s. “So, Clover.

What do you have planned for the day?”

Clover thought about it. “I’m totally free.”

Hailey grinned. “Perfect.”