Chapter 24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

KAYCEE

81 bobas left until they both die …

I’m so angry that I can’t concentrate. I’m supposed to be learning fresh choreo today, and all I can do is stand here and obsess over what Tam told me.

A curse? A curse? Joules Frost and I are messaging each other fifty-plus times a day because he thinks his sister is cursed?

It’s so stupid-infuriating that it worms its way into my brain and eats enough holes that my manager calls for us to take the rest of the day off. I snatch up my phone and my water bottle and head back to the hotel.

I shower and get ready to go out, picking a bar at random and heading there with Wrenlee and nobody else. I take a cab, so that Laura won’t be able to track the company SUV, and I end up on a leather stool with another shot of tequila.

I lick salt from the back of my hand, take the shot and sigh, my phone perched on the countertop next to my elbow. I’ve blocked Joules, of course. I never had his sister’s number, so that’s not a problem. But I’ve also blocked Tam for now.

Since the beginning, I’ve wondered if he only started dating me because the CEO wanted him to. I’m not sure that Tam was ever interested in me as a woman. He touches me like I’m his sister, and he kisses me like I’m his mom. I sigh and rest my head in my hand.

For a while there, I field advances from random guys, and I drink. Drink some more. When I get drunk enough, I unblock Joules and lay into him.

You bastard.

I send that, and then I sit back, breathing hard and feeling like I’ve finally done something productive today. Mostly, I’ve been stuck inside my head, cursing myself out for falling for yet another ploy from some delusional fanboy.

I’d love to know what it is that I’ve done that makes me a bastard, Joules replies, and then he sends me a picture of himself with a single earbud in, shirt stuck to his chest with sweat. He’s obviously on a run, silhouetted against the outside of a brick building and offering me the middle finger. That’s his response. I’m so pissed that I can’t think straight.

Wow. Okay. Let me spell it out for you: you’re trying to break Tam and me up. Is that enough to call you a bastard?

My phone rings, and I’m angry enough or drunk enough that I pick it up. I’ve been having fun with Joules for weeks now. He makes me laugh, and when I have something serious that I need to talk about, we can delve into that, too. He never makes me feel silly or stupid, never makes me feel like I’m a puppet on strings or a doll meant to be posed.

So why?

Why did this have to happen?

I can feel tears on my cheeks, but I’m not making any sound. I don’t even say hello.

“Listen to me,” Joules says, and he’s panting, a little husky, like he’s been working out for a while and is starting to get tired. The sound switches something primal on inside of me, and I’m forced to quell it. I’ve been dating Tam Eyre for over a year and we’ve never slept together. I’m used to it. “You don’t even like that son of a bitch.” He laughs, this arrogant scoff that has me bristling. “Lake is who I feel sorry for. You’re the one getting the upgrade here.”

I hang up on him, block his number, and seethe.

I also forget that I gave him the ability to track my phone, in case I got drunk again and needed his help.

Joules appears at my elbow the same way he did that night I asked for his help. I turn to look at him in disbelief before I remember how he found me.

First thing I do is remove his ability to track me, and he waits patiently next to me while I do it, arms crossed. He’s still sweaty from working out, a dark frown etched into his handsome mouth.

“You and Tam have zero chemistry. Just let that punk go and date me.”

I whirl around on the stool and push my hair back from my face. I’ve sobered up a bit, and now it’s my turn to offer an arrogant, scoffing laugh.

“Go fuck yourself, Joules Frost.”

“Why? When you’re sitting right there,” he retorts, and I laugh. I laugh so hard that I cry, picking up the sparkling water that I ordered and chugging it to clear my head. I set the glass down, stand up, and then I punch Joules in the shoulder. Several times. I might have tears on my face again, but he just stands there and lets me do it. I couldn’t hurt him if I tried.

“You betrayed me,” I whisper, and I realize I’m far more upset about Joules than I am Tam. If anything, Tam is as much a victim as I am. Joules and Lake are the antagonists here. They followed the tour, engineered their ways into our private lives, and tried to dismantle them from the foundation up.

Well, it isn’t going to work.

“Yes, I came here to break you and Tam up,” Joules admits as I shove past him and head off in search of the restroom. The crowd is relaxed and lazy in here, playing pool and smoking cigarettes. This isn’t a nightclub, and I didn’t want it to be. A bar is better. “At first, I wanted to date you, so you’d break up with him, but now?” I stop suddenly and turn, and Joules takes a forceful step forward. My back hits the wall, and I shake my head when Wren moves forward to help me.

I look up at Joules as he places his hands on the wall on either side of my head, leaning down to look at me. He’s a jerk, but so am I. I’m starting to see that all the dark parts of him match up to the dark parts of me. I wish he’d put his hand on the side of my neck, lean in and steal my lips, force my hand when it comes to choosing between him and Tam.

There’s no choice here, is there? Tam Eyre is the world’s golden boy. He’s beloved by people in nearly every country on the planet. He has the most recognizable—and most handsome—face in show business. He breaks records. No, he murders them. He’s talented, so talented. He’s an amazing songwriter, a fantastic dancer, and his voice is unmatched.

Joules … makes me burn.

I don’t care about anything but the fire kindling low in my body.

Joules is definitely scoping out my mouth. His fingers drag down the wall, the rough scratch of the plaster against his skin makes me squirm.

“But now?” I demand, staring up at him as his fingers find my wrists and curl around them. He lifts them up and puts them above my head. I breathe so hard that my breasts close the distance between us, brushing against the front of his shirt with every labored inhale.

Joules exhales, and the warmth of his breath ruffles my hair. He smells so good that he blocks out the usual unpleasant bar scents, like cigarettes and alcohol. I can hear pool cues clinking against balls in the next room.

When he presses my wrists more firmly into the wall, the short hemline of my dress rides up, and he shifts his whole body forward and against mine.

“Now, I just want to date you.”

“Careful,” I whisper, putting pressure on his hands to see how hard he’s trying. Not at all. And I’m trapped like this unless I signal for Wrenlee to help me. “You’re just a nobody from Arkansas. I could destroy you and your little sister with one social media post.”

Joules releases one of my wrists and hits the wall with a palm, baring his teeth.

“See? And this is where I get confused with you. I like you when we text, but when I see you in person, you inevitably say something just to piss me off. Do not talk shit about my sister.”

“Why not?” I retort, wanting him to hurt as much as I’m hurting. I gave Joules a rare glimpse into my personal life, into my heart, and he spit on me. “Is she the crazy one that believes this curse shit? Or did you brainwash her into it?”

I move to knee Joules in the balls, but he blocks me with his own knee, and then he uses that same knee to push my leg wide. He leans in even closer, using his body weight to pin my knee to the wall, my left leg spread as far as it will go.

I can’t breathe.

I want him to kiss me.

I also want to kill him.

I like him when we talk on the phone or text, and I hate him in person. I want him to fuck me when I see him in person.

“Tell me you don’t want it, and I’ll stop. I’ll leave, and I’ll never contact you again. Kaycee, make a choice.”

I say nothing, and Joules’ attention shifts to my mouth again. He uses his right hand to slide a hot palm against the side of my neck, thumb stroking my raging pulse. I’m sure he’s done this a million times to a million different women, and I don’t care. I just want to take him back to the hotel with me and pretend like I never heard what Tam told me at breakfast yesterday morning.

My fingers dig under Joules’ shirt on either side, curving inside the waistband of his pants to find his slick, hot skin waiting for me. His hips move a little in response, and he makes this noise low in his throat that has my eyelids getting heavy, my lower stomach muscles tightening. My right thigh rubs against his leg as Joules drops his head down suddenly, pausing with his lips hovering just above mine.

I hold my breath, waiting for him to obliterate the space between our mouths.

He doesn’t.

He stays where he is, one of his knees pinning my leg, one hand on my wrist, the other on my neck. He draws back slightly, and I see an expression on his face that I haven’t seen before. Not when we finished dinner by ourselves in the cherry blossom restaurant, not when I invited him to the set to watch me film the drama, not when we video-chatted the other night in our pajamas.

Devastation. Complete and utter devastation. Joules looks like someone who’s committed himself to something that’s going to end badly. He draws back, putting his foot on the ground and releasing my trapped leg. He lets go of my wrist.

Joules Frost does not kiss me.

“I’m willing to explain everything,” he says, his voice a rough rasp that has my heart aching for him. There are no such things as curses, but there must be something else going on. I remember that he said his sister was going to die in a year, and I feel the wild heat in my stomach sour instantly.

Is she … is Lakelynn dying? That would make sense, wouldn’t it? Joules is the type of man who would kill the world to protect those he loves. Is that what he’s doing, killing the world to make his sister happy? What if her dying wish was to be friends with Tam or something?

Yes, Kaycee. Use all of that sexual tension to whip up a properly tragic backstory so you can forgive the bad boy from Arkansas that doesn’t deserve you.

“Please don’t block me. Just … contact me when you feel ready to talk. I’ll …” Joules trails off and lets his head fall back, running both hands down his face. He looks like a man who’s facing the guillotine, quite literally. He looks like somebody who’s met death and is prepared to face it again in the near future. I burn for him in an entirely different way, and I know that I’m making a huge mistake.

I’m glad he didn’t kiss me. I’m glad. I’m in love with Tam, have been in love with him since I was sixteen years old. He’s finally mine, and I’m not letting him go. But I’m panting hard. And my fingers are curled into fists against the wall on either side of me. And I’m lying to myself for sure.

“Oh, Lake,” Joules whispers, but not to me. He’s talking to himself. “Why did you tell him, sweetheart? Why, why, why?”

“I told Tam to block her,” I blurt, wanting to both hurt Joules more and also lick his wounds. I’m confused. I’m so confused, and I don’t trust myself. “It’s an ultimatum. If he doesn’t block you and your sister, I’m breaking up with him.”

Joules turns away suddenly, and then he takes off and leaves me standing there with my dress pushed up in the front, with my body primed for him in all the worst ways. I yank the fabric back into place, and when Wrenlee steps forward to offer me her jacket, I take it and wrap it around my shoulders.

“Let’s go back to the hotel,” she says gently enough, but with a hint of reprimand in her words. “A man like that? He doesn’t deserve you, Kaycee.”

Maybe not.

Definitely not.

But I want him anyway.

What is wrong with me?

I block Joules that night, and I make a promise to myself that whatever toxic bullshit he’s selling, I will not buy. I won’t. I’m not buying it, and I’m in love with Tam.

Please tell me you’re at the hotel. I need you right now. I unblock Tam and send that, hopping into a cab and then going straight to Tam’s room when we get there. He doesn’t answer when I knock, and when I run into one of his staff members in the hallway, she says that he’s at the practice room still.

Fine.

I go to sleep early, but when Tam hasn’t messaged me back by morning, I block him again, too.