Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

LAKE

90 bobas left until we both die … (the same day)

I’m weeping over boba in a tea shop filled with beanbags and posters advertising the latest Korean dramas. I’ve got a fresh, hot hotteok in my hand—it’s like a pancake with cinnamon filling. Joules has one with cheese. My girls are loosely clustered around me, each person with their own drink.

“I’m going to neuter him,” Joules says calmly, holding an identical drink to mine. He hasn’t taken a single sip because he’s anticipating me finishing mine and then stealing his. I polish off my pancake and then take it early, one drink in either hand.

They’re both bright pink—elegant rose milk tea—with crystal boba and a cup whose lid has colorful phrases written in the Korean alphabet. In tiny English letters underneath, it says Hwaiting! And my eyes fill with tears again.

Wasn’t I already fighting for this? How can I fight any harder?

Joe. I didn’t want to talk about Joe. Not Aunt Clara either for that matter. I feel … greasy, like I gave up a part of myself to the curse. It makes me sick. I’ve already threatened to burn my Frost family journal. Nobody here has to know I’ve only filled out one single page. What use am I going to be to any of our ancestors? And I say our because it doesn’t look like I’m going to be having a direct line of my own.

“Tam didn’t do anything wrong, Joules. It was his manager who said that crap to me.” I’ve edited my story about my dinner date with Tam so that nobody here will know I’ve revealed the truth about the curse.

I know that I said I was going to be honest, but I’m just not ready for Joules to know that I told Tam. He’s going to be furious—but with me. Look how mad he is already.

“He invited you guys to dinner,” Maria declares, standing up with her chrysanthemum milk tea in her hand. It’s all she ever orders, flower flavored things. “That’s a huge deal, Lake. He likes you, even if he doesn’t know it.”

“His manager sounds like a jerk, so please let me preface what I’m going to say with that.” Lynn puts her hand on my arm, fingers cool and wet from the condensation on her cup. “But the guy is partially right. In order for Tam to date you, he has to break up with Kaycee Quinn who’s basically woven into his career. Their top three songs are performed together. Their dates are the most-watched videos on every social media platform there is. It really is dangerous for him to have you around. Take this date as a win.”

I do. I do take it as a win. I’m not all that upset about what Jacob said. He’s right in some ways, isn’t he? I’m upset about Joe and Clara, but I can’t say anything about it without showing my hand.

I accept the comfort and platitudes from my cousins and friends, and we head back to the hotel. It isn’t until I’m getting ready to climb into bed that Joules comes in and pauses at the foot of it.

“I want to show you something.” He gestures at me with his phone, and I sigh, glancing at the bed with undisguised longing. We’ve got a king with Ella, Chloe, Luna, Lynn, and Maria already tucked into it. It’ll be a tight fit tonight. I’m standing next to the edge, waiting for Joules to show me his phone screen.

Your sister was crying at a gravestone with the name ‘Joe’ on it today. She said she hurt herself, but I don’t think that’s why. I wanted to bring it to your attention. Sleep tight.

It’s a text to Joules from Tam.

Oh.

He noticed. And he didn’t mention the curse.

Joules puts his arms around me and hugs me nice and tight.

I cling to him, and I don’t think about how hard it is to sit across from Tam and fight for my life with every single word that comes out of my mouth. How much it hurt to use my cousin’s death as a bargaining chip for his affection.

If I hadn’t already had Joe die on my lap, this would’ve been more than enough proof that this is, in fact, a curse. It is not a blessing. And I hate it. I hate magic. I hate the curse. I just want to be done with all of this, and more than anything … I’m afraid to die.

I’m afraid.

89 bobas left until we both die …

Joules and I say goodbye to everyone the following day, seeing them to the airport and dropping them off at the curb. I almost cry when they leave, but I look out the window and hide my face from my brother. I don’t want him to know that I’m counting down the weeks until it’s over.

I won’t see my friends or cousins anymore. I won’t see my parents. I won’t see Joules.

It gets harder to breathe, and I find myself fisting my hand in my shirt.

My brother notices like he always does, and he pulls over. Gets out. Comes to my side of the car and opens the door.

“Joules,” I whisper, and he holds out his arms for me. I take my seat belt off and climb out just so that he can hug me in the parking lot of a busy fast-food restaurant. I smell French fries, and my mouth waters as much as my eyes. “Sorry that I’ve been so whine—”

I was going to say whiney, but Joules has pushed me back and snatched me by the shoulders. He leans down to stare into my eyes, and there’s so much pain in his that I nearly collapse right there on the pavement.

We only have three months left.

Is that long enough?

“Do not apologize for being scared or upset. We’ve seen what this curse does firsthand.” Joules wets his lips and then closes his eyes. For a second there, I think he’s about to confess something to me, but then I hear my phone ring.

The ringtone I set for Tam is the slow song about his dad.

Joules opens his eyes, and we exchange a look.

I dive into the SUV, scrambling over my seat to get to my phone. I answer the call, breathless.

“Hey, sorry. A little busy.” I’m not sure why I answer like that. Tam hesitates on the other end of the line, but I can hear him breathing.

“No, it’s … I should’ve just texted.”

We both wait in silence for the other to talk, but he’s the one who called me. I want to know what prompted such a move.

“Are you two still interested in going to dinner with me and Kaycee?”

Oh, he thinks I might be angry with him.

Interesting.

“Didn’t you see today’s trending hashtag on the site formerly known as Twitter?” I can’t hold back a bit of laughter as I think about it. “You, stalking angrily out of a restaurant holding a five-hundred-dollar bottle of wine by the neck. Are you even allowed to go out to dinner anymore?”

Tam huffs softly on the other end of the line as I gesture at Joules with my hand. I’m trying to mime myself eating fries and then pointing at the restaurant.

Joules flips me off, but I think it’s more for Tam than it is for me, so I ignore him. He shuts my door and then disappears into the restaurant to get me some fries.

“I just texted you the address. Tomorrow at eight. You can meet us there.” Tam pauses. “You’ll both be searched by Daniel, and Kaycee’s bodyguard, Wrenlee, before being allowed to enter.”

“Oh, damn, now I can’t bring my katana.” I hang up on Tam the way I would hang up on Joules, and then I remember with a sharp spike of fear that normal people say goodbye on the phone before they hang up. I’ve just done it to Tam, and I don’t even know him.

I call him back immediately.

“Call dropped?” he asks sarcastically, like he doesn’t believe it for a second.

“Actually, that’s just how my family ends phone calls—with a quip.” My lips twitch because I get the idea that Tam likes being resisted a little. Everyone fawns over him all the time, so I think he’s craving something real. Fine then. I won’t treat him any differently than anyone else I love. Because I might not love Tam yet, but if I want to live, I have to get there. I’ll just … act like I love him, like he’s as important to me as Joules or Joe or my parents.

I hang up on him again, and when he calls back, I grin, but I don’t answer it.

He texts me the address of the restaurant just as Joules returns with a large fry and a large soda for us to split.

“We’re still getting boba tonight,” I warn Joules as he climbs into the driver’s seat. He gives me a look.

“I’m so stuffed that I can’t eat another bite—let’s get boba?” He’s quoting a meme at me, but it’s also pure truth, so I just shrug.

“I only have so many left before I die, Joules Frost.”

“I’ll pick your dress for the double date,” he says, and I throw a hot fry at his face. It smacks his chiseled cheekbone, and I pray that he gets a pimple or something. What would Kaycee think about that?

“Then I get to pick your outfit,” I retort, but I’m not going to. He’ll pick both outfits out, and that’s what we’ll wear.

But that’s okay: I trust my brother’s judgement implicitly.

88 bobas left until we both die …

“I hate you,” I tell Joules, shifting uncomfortably in the plain yellow dress he picked out for me. It’s a T-shirt dress, made of cotton, and it’s oversized and bland. I’m wearing tights with it. Tights. The only part of the outfit I like are the red heels that Joules and I bought with the family credit card.

Yet another purchase that made me supremely uncomfortable. Better than the lingerie though.

“You’ll thank me later,” Joules murmurs, and then we’re both raising our arms so that the bodyguards can give us thorough pat downs. Only then is the glass door to the restaurant opened, and we’re ushered into a modern space with white walls and beige floors. The only point of interest is a large faux cherry blossom tree in the center of the room. Its branches extend over the minimalist dining tables, each limb glowing with tiny white fairy lights. It’s so beautiful that it makes up for the lack of décor elsewhere.

Kaycee is already seated at a four-top in the back, and she lifts up her hand to wave us over. It’s cute, but there’s nobody else in the restaurant. There won’t be anyone else in the restaurant tonight.

I’ve always liked the buzz of a busy restaurant, so it’s a bit disconcerting to find that energy missing.

Joules jets off, making his way around the tables and then snagging the seat directly next to Kaycee. I’m left standing by the door, gaping at his rapid-fire gameplay. He’s now engaged in quiet conversation with her while I turn to find Tam coming through the door beside me.

He stops and we look at each other for a minute. He seems like he might be judging my expression to see if I’m all good. I smile at him.

“Thank you for inviting us here. I thought the steakhouse was fancy, but this is …” I laugh. “My family does a lot of backyard barbeques.” I just don’t tell Tam that I prefer backyard barbeques. He squints at me a little, but all the expression does is emphasize how frustratingly handsome he is.

My cousin Isla’s Match? The bald guy that Chloe was complaining about? My cousin said he was the most beautiful man that she’d ever seen. She was the only person who thought that, so it worked out well for them. Everyone thinks that about Tam which makes it difficult to determine what my true feelings are, and also makes me one of millions. Not great odds.

But I’m here.

He invited me to dinner, somehow. He invited me to an escape room, somehow. I’m not sure how any of this happened. It can only be the influence of the curse, right?

“You’re welcome.” Tam’s gaze slips over to the table where Joules and Kaycee are laughing together. He reaches down to take my hand and pulls me through the restaurant, pausing to scoot my chair back for me. His attention slips down my body, but I don’t see any reaction in his face. He may as well be observing a blank wall.

“You really are an old-fashioned gentleman type.” I laugh as I take a seat, folding my dress under my thighs. “My uncles and my dad might actually like you.”

“Are you nuts? They’d clip him below the waist with a pair of garden shears.” Joules snickers, and I lift my napkin like I’m going to whip him with it.

“Do you want to die?” I whisper, and both Kaycee and Tam shift to stare at me like my face is made out of pineapple. They’re both frowning like they’ve eaten something sour. Not in a bad way, more like they’re both contemplating that Joules and I are very, very different from the pair of them.

I didn’t register at first which chair Tam pulled out for me, but I’m now seated across from Kaycee and Tam is standing beside the chair that’s across from Joules.

“Hey, should we switch?” Tam asks my brother, gesturing between the two spots. Joules responds to that statement with an odd look, staring at Tam like that’s the dumbest question he’s ever heard in his life.

“Why?” Joules asks, trying to bait Tam into an angry response. I watch as Tam’s hands curl into soft fists, his thumbnail digging into the skin of his pointer finger. It looks painful, so I reach out and touch my fingers to his wrist.

Tam’s attention shifts to me, and I think about Lynn’s words. Jacob’s words. Getting to know me flies in the face of everything that’s good for Tam’s career. Yet, here he is. This is good. It’s going to be okay. I could live through this, right?

“You guys really should switch though,” Kaycee tells Joules, but it’s too late because Tam has just stepped back and folded himself gracefully into the small chair. He kicks a leg out into the aisle because they’re just too long to stay trapped beneath the tabletop. Like the other night, when he put his leg between mine by accident. “Why would you sit next to me while my boyfriend is over there?”

“I could switch with you,” I offer, turning to Tam. Joules is glaring at me from across the surface of the table. His expression clearly asks are you seriously that dumb? But I offered out of habit because it seems unreasonable that Kaycee and Tam wouldn’t at least sit across from one another.

The waiter saves us all the trouble by appearing at the end of the table to give us menus and explain that the dishes on it are small plates that we’re intended to share.

This should be … fun. Why did I bring Joules again? Because I thought he could woo Kaycee for me? It doesn’t even look like he’s trying. What’s with that expression on his face? He’s a gargoyle.

“Let’s start with two of these,” Joules says, ordering eighty-five-dollar wagyu—times two. It’s my turn to glare at him now. He ignores me to focus on Tam. “You’re okay with that, right? Dinner is on you, isn’t it?”

“Is it?” Tam replies, folding his hands on the tabletop. “I don’t remember ever agreeing to that.”

Joules scoffs a laugh as Kaycee glances between the two men in much the same way that I am. We exchange a look with one another, and I feel a bit of a pang when I notice what a beautiful dress she’s wearing. Pink and gold and skintight, like something you’d see worn to the Oscars. It swoops low over a porcelain neckline, sticks to the lithe form of a dancer. And that bright blond hair? It’s all braided together now, hanging thick over Kaycee’s shoulder and pooling in a coil on the table.

Yeah, I’m fucked. I was running late today, and I forgot to put makeup on. Kaycee also doesn’t look like she’s wearing makeup. She is, but it’s so well-done that it presents a flawless sculpture of a girl. She seems nice, too. I was hoping that she’d be an asshole, so I wouldn’t feel bad about this. I have to take him, Kaycee. I’m sorry. I’ll die if I don’t.

If … you know … I can get him at all.

“Okay, then.” Joules turns to Kaycee and smiles. “Sorry, I thought Tam was paying and I have no problem swindling him out of every cent. You … I don’t think I’ll let you spend a single dollar on me.”

“I have no problem paying for dinner,” Kaycee replies icily, looking my brother up and down. In the moment, I’m convinced that Joules is failing me big time, that he’s ruining everything. But I have so much faith in my brother’s love for me that I know he’s doing exactly what needs doing to win the long game.

He can read people so much better than I can.

“I am going to pay for it, but you’re an entitled dick, you know that?” Tam sighs and sits back, turning to look at me, almost in apology. The way his lips part when he’s embarrassed about something is … nice. “I’m sorry, Lake. I didn’t mean that I didn’t want to pay for you and Kaycee. It’s Joules that I don’t like.”

“The feeling is mutual,” my brother replies easily, and then he turns to Kaycee. I think they’re getting in an argument over Joules’ assumption that she wouldn’t or couldn’t pay. I hope he’s finally met his match, someone he can’t force into submission after a single encounter. Joules Frost is a tricky beast.

“Why don’t we split the check four-ways? That’ll be easiest.” I take a sip of my water, willing my hand not to shake. Tam is staring at me, and I feel so uncomfortable. I don’t even know this person. The curse chose this person, and I don’t know his character at all, and … I make myself breathe and then turn to look at him, lifting a brow. “What?”

“I don’t want you to pay for your dinner,” Tam tells me, and there’s something in the tone of his voice that gets Joules agitated—and quickly. But then my brother mumbles an excuse about the restroom, and he leaves. Kaycee is speechless, like she has no idea what just happened.

But I do.

Joules can see something in Tam that I’m not seeing. He wants me to be with Tam, but he also hates Tam. Could be that he’s angry on Kaycee’s behalf as well.

Tam’s fingers drum on the tabletop, and I laugh, putting my hand over my mouth.

“Yeah, now I’m definitely not paying for anything. You owe me for making such a stupid statement.” I turn back to Kaycee, ignoring Tam. Well, pretending to ignore Tam. It’s hard to ignore someone that you have to force into a curse-damned relationship because you don’t want to die like your cousin did, gasping for breath and looking so terribly sad.

I nearly drop my water glass. I’m not doing well here, am I?

“So, Kaycee, this might sound clichéd, but I’m not even sure where to begin. What sort of things are you into when you’re not working?”

She blinks long lashes back at me, her mouth like something forbidden and also shiny. My lips are chapped, but I did paint my fingernails. That must account for something?

“I … I don’t know,” Kaycee admits, and Tam exhales like he agrees with that statement, like he doesn’t know his own answer to that question. “I like writing music.”

I smile and then nod.

“I don’t even have a hobby, so I’m not judging. If all you like is music, then go all the way in. Life is too short to waste on …” Shit. Why did I just say that? My life is down to nothing. Am I wasting it in pursuit of Tam? Am I wasting all that I have left? There must be some sort of balance between looking toward the future and enjoying the present that I’m not getting.

“I like to read,” Tam offers, tapping the Kindle app on his phone so that I can see his library. I scroll through and see everything from non-fiction to romance to thrillers. I notice that werewolf book that my aunt likes. It has a banner in the corner that says Read.

That calms me down a little. I move on from the life is short bit.

“My only hobby is perpetually having no hobby,” I explain, wanting Tam to understand the real me. “I guess I hang out with my friends and my cousins a lot. I do read, but only a little. I like video games sometimes. I’ll watch movies.” I shrug and wish I had something more interesting to say about myself. If Kaycee weren’t here, I’d tell Tam that being cursed is probably the weirdest thing about me.

I’m painfully normal, and I’m not ashamed of that whatsoever.

I like who I am.

“I’m getting my degree in business, so that I can help my uncle with the construction company.”

“Mm,” Kaycee says around the edge of the flute in her hand. She’s sipping something sparkly, the lights catching on the smooth planes of her face. I glance over to see that Tam is watching her, but I can’t read his thoughts when he looks at Kaycee any more than I can when he looks at me. “I talked to your uncle the other day.” Kaycee is grinning at me, and Tam is … he appears confused.

“You spoke to their uncle?” he repeats, and I guess if you put it like that, it is sort of weird. “How? Why?”

“I’m going to do a commercial for him,” Kaycee states, and my jaw drops. Just her wearing the Frost Family Construction sweatshirt has brought more attention to the business in the last few weeks than my uncle’s entire advertising budget for the last few years. “Just a short little video that he can post on social media.” She shrugs one perfect shoulder as Joules makes his way back to his chair.

We stare at each other, and he smiles at me. That helps. I smile back at him.

“I asked her why the hell she would even want to talk to Rob, but she asked first, so I relayed the request to him.” Now it’s Joules who’s shrugging.

Our food is delivered, and it’s not exactly what I expected.

There are two large bowls with solid tops that the waiter explains are hot stones. The wagyu beef is raw and sliced thin, and we’re supposed to toss it on the hot stone for just a few seconds on each side. There are some extras like pickled vegetables and furikake to go with it.

Kaycee and I take one serving, and the boys get the other. She declares herself done at three slices, and I take four. There’s one left on our side. I scoot it between the boys so one of them can eat it. I want to try more items on the menu, so I’m not stuffing myself just yet.

“Here,” I say absently. Both Tam and Joules reach out with their chopsticks at the same time. Metal clinks against metal, and they both look up to glare at one another. Neither of them moves, and it takes me quite a while to realize that their arms are tensed, fingers straining against their chopsticks. They’re engaged in a silent battle of wills with one another.

Underneath the table, I put my hand on Tam’s knee, and he drops his chopsticks. He doesn’t look at me, but he is breathing a bit harder than he should be. Joules smirks and tosses the meat onto the stone where it sizzles.

“I’ll just order another round,” Tam whispers, voice rough. “I can afford it.”

“Good for you,” Joules replies absently, and then he takes the cooked piece of wagyu, turns, and places it gently on Kaycee’s plate. He leans in toward her. “I could see you looking at this. If you want to eat it, Kaycee, then for fuck’s sake, just eat it.”

Kaycee stares down at the food on her plate like it’s poison, and then she purses her lips, snatches up her chopsticks and shoves it into her mouth. Joules’ lips spread in a wide grin as I sit there with my hand on Tam’s knee. His hand comes up, fingers curling over the top of mine. For a second there, I think he’s going to hold my hand and my heart soars. Yes! It’s working!

Tam pushes my hand off his knee, but he doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t even look at me. I blush as I fold my hands in my lap. Shit. I have no game.

We order more alcohol, more food. I place items on Joules’ plate. He places some on mine. Some on Kaycee’s. Tam takes a little of everything from each plate, but he doesn’t eat it. He shifts it around on his plate with his chopsticks, and then he takes the spicy tuna roll from his plate and gives it to me.

“I’m exhausted,” he admits, laying his chopsticks down. He stares at the tabletop, and he looks pretty upset about it. His gaze comes up to meet Kaycee’s and then swings over to mine. “I’m so sorry, but I’m basically falling asleep at the table.”

He stands up and pushes his chair in.

“I’ll take care of the bill on my way out. Order whatever else you want.” Tam turns and heads back in the direction of the host stand.

“You deserve to be treated better,” Joules snaps, and when I look at him, I can’t tell if he’s talking to me or Kaycee. I think he might be talking to both of us?

“I need to use the bathroom.” I stand up and turn the corner. Once I’m out of sight of the table, I follow Tam out the front doors and into a balmy spring evening. He glances back at me like he’s surprised to see me out here, but he doesn’t ask his bodyguard to step in or anything. “Jacob didn’t come tonight?”

Tam smiles softly.

“I told him to take the day off.”

I nod at that, and then it gets really awkward, really quickly.

“Are you working the Portland concert?” he asks, because that’s the one that comes next. I nod my head, and Tam raises a brow. He turns fully around to look at me, coat slung over one arm. “That was just for meet-cutes, right? We can just hang out sometimes.”

I appreciate that so much, but I don’t know how to tell him that without coming across too strong.

“We need the money. It’s expensive to be a member of your entourage, you know that?” I’m teasing, but Tam gets a weird look on his face, and I wonder what it is that he’s thinking about.

“Do you want a job working at my merch table? Then you’d have a job at every show. Travel expenses are covered, too.”

“Seriously?” I ask, my eyes widening. I feel my lips split into a grin. It’s a bit ironic that the reason for my spending all this money, the reason for my traveling around, is the very same guy who’s offering me a job, but whatever. “That’d be amazing. Thank you. Should I email you my résumé or something?”

Tam just laughs, and then he reaches out and puts his palm on my head.

Um.

Brotherly touch? Romantic touch? Either way, he’s willingly touching me.

“I’ll text you when I figure out what to do. My mom got her friend’s daughter hired, so surely I can do it, too?” Tam laughs at that and then drops his hand by his side. Who just puts their hand on the top of someone’s head? He must like me, right? “Portland …” Tam yawns and then reaches up a hand, putting the heel of it against his forehead. “Sorry. I was going to say, let’s hang out in Portland.” He gives my arm a tap like we’re friends. “I’ll be in touch.”

Tam slips his coat on and then heads down a small set of stone steps to a waiting SUV. I watch him go, and then I sit down on those steps and watch the city go by. Joules comes out once to give me his coat and another time to bring me a hot drink.

I leave him and Kaycee alone in the restaurant for over an hour, sitting outside by myself because my Match is as slippery as an eel.

Joe, I need your help so bad. If you can hear me, give me a sign.

All I see are the bright lights of cars and pedestrians walking their dogs. If Joe is watching over me, I can’t see, hear, or feel him.

That makes me so unbelievably sad, but I smile and close my eyes, tasting the spring breeze and cementing this moment to memory.

86 bobas left until we both die …

I take a grape tea slush with crystal jelly to my new job. It’s so nice to have one job to learn and focus on, and all the women who work there are super nice. Unfortunately, they’re also all Tam superfans, but that’s okay. I can deal with selling sweatshirts with his face on them. Photo cards with him shirtless. Listening to women fantasize about all the things they want to do to him.

And I get it. He’s selling a concept, a persona. But it makes me feel bad for being attracted to him, too. I’m trying to get Tam into bed like everyone else here, and that makes me sad for him as well as myself.

I sigh and take a seat on a bench in the break room. The door opens and someone walks in, pausing beside the table and putting a drink down in front of me.

“I was hoping you hadn’t bought a boba yet today,” Tam says, and I smile, tilting my head to the side so that I can look up at him. He’s got on his face mask, ballcap, and sunglasses.

“And I told you, keep screwing up the number of bobas I have left. That’s your job, as a curse Match.” I turn the cup that Tam brought me so that I can read what flavor it is. Kiwi boom with yogurt popping boba. Uh. Yes, please. “You got yourself something, right?” I continue when he doesn’t respond.

“Unsweetened green tea.” Tam sounds a little salty about that. “I wanted to wish you luck on your first day of work.” He lifts both hands out toward me, voice muffled by the mask.

One of my coworkers shuffles into the room, and then stops dead. She drops her mug, and it shatters. Her hands fly up over her mouth and Tam stiffens.

“Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.” And then she starts weeping.

“I’m running late, but I’ll come down later and sign some merch for you girls, okay?” Tam turns and takes off without so much as a backward glance. My coworker stumbles over to the chair across from me and then collapses into it.

“What was he doing in here?” she whispers to me, and then her eyes drop to the fresh boba on the tabletop. Tam … he signed his name with a Sharpie again. The woman looks from that to my face, and then she slowly gets up and leaves. She doesn’t say anything to me, but I feel like she’s substantially less nice after that moment.

I have a bad feeling about that, as if her attitude toward me is a portent of doom.