Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

LAKE

98 bobas left until we both die …

I’m sick for an entire week, sick enough that we end up going home so that my family can fuss over me. My dad pretends to be gruff, but he brings me tea every twenty minutes.

“Dad, I have twelve mugs between two nightstands,” I explain, sitting up and sniffling a little. I’m feeling much better today, but man, that was rough. There’s a pressing need in my chest telling me to get back in the car, to chase after Tam, but at least he’s still texting me.

Besides, he didn’t just order me food from Grubhub: he had his mom make it for me.

I sigh happily as I take the new mug from my dad’s big hands.

“Those teas are cold; this is hot. Lakelynn, I will make you every single bag of tea in that cabinet if it’ll help you get better.”

“All the cups are empty anyway; I’ve been drinking what she doesn’t touch,” Lynn explains, lying across the end of my bed and scrolling Tam’s social media on her phone. Maria is curled into a beanbag in the corner while Ella, Chloe, and Luna lounge on the old couch that’s tucked as close to the slanted attic wall as possible.

My dad grunts in response, ruffles up my hair, and then looks me over.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you this time? I feel like we should be spending as much time together as possible.” His voice cracks, and he closes his eyes for a minute.

“Tam’s texting me, Dad,” I remind him, reaching for my phone. Sure enough, there’s a new text waiting for me.

Feeling better today? If you can’t make it to Seattle, there’s always Portland or San Francisco or LA. Don’t stress it.

I told Tam that I was worried Joules and I wouldn’t make it, and this is his response.

My dad finally opens his eyes, emotions carefully tucked away.

“I’m glad you’re home.” He narrows his blue-eyed gaze on me, and I shift a little on my bed. Uh-oh. Here we go. “When that man finally realizes what an incredible young woman you are, bring him home. I want to meet him face-to-face.”

“Will do,” I say, lifting the steaming mug up in salute. The thought of bringing Tam Eyre home to Fayetteville is … well, it feels like a long way from where we’re at.

We’re still very much in the beginning phases of this relationship, and we have less than a hundred bobas to fall in love. I’m still struggling with the idea of it, like on my end and not Tam’s. I’m starting to realize that I’m as stubborn as the ancestor who filled her Frost family journal with the following message: met my Match, the bastard. Hate him. He can die in a hole.

I smile and take a sip of my tea. I don’t need my dad or either of my cousins reading the expression on my face and using Frost family intuition to figure out what’s going through my head.

Dad nods and then retreats, passing by Joules on his way out.

“Tomorrow morning, we’ll get up with the sun, say goodbye to Joe, and then we’re leaving,” Joules announces, standing in the center of the room with his hands on his hips. My friends gaze at him like he’s a god, but he’s made it very clear to them: you’re my little sister’s friends, and that’s it. No dice. Fuck off.

Doesn’t stop Luna from trying though.

“Hey Joules,” she purrs, and he scowls at her, turning his most hateful look in her direction until she shrinks like the expensive shrinking violet shampoo that she uses.

“Piss off, Luna,” he commands. My brother locks his frosty gaze on mine, two snowballs thrown out of his annoyingly handsome face. When I was younger, I used to wish that Joules would get ugly as he grew older, so girls would stop bothering him. Mostly, I wished for that because he’s so damn smug, like a peacock with a perfect tail. “Morning. Greet Joe. Get in car. Leave. We need more meet-cutes and less texting.”

“Can we come?” Ella asks, standing up to face off against my older brother. She doesn’t take crap from Joules or anyone else. He turns to glare at her, and she huffs, steaming up her round glasses before pushing them up her nose. “Hells bells, Joules. She might be your sister, but she’s our friend. We want to spend time with her, too.”

“She is not dying,” he growls at her, throwing out a hand to indicate me. Lynn tears her eyes from a video of Tam taking off his shirt and … a little flicker ignites in my chest, and I force my tea mug to my lips to hide from the ugly reality. I find Tam unbelievably attractive. Ugh.

Maria drops the book she was reading and then stands up, probably to race downstairs so she can fill my mom in on the goss as soon as the fight ends. Chloe wets her lips, looking from Ella to Joules with excitement gleaming in her eyes. Yep, that’s our resident drama queen.

“You don’t know that,” Ella replies gently, and I know she’s thinking about Joe. Pretty sure she’s had a crush on my cousin since elementary school. She … took his death really hard. “Let us come. There’s plenty of room in the SUV, and I can get my parents to give us money to fly home in a few days.”

“Can we meet Tam?” Lynn asks absently, and Joules gives her such a scathing look that she winces. She doesn’t deserve that. She refreshed my hair at my request, and it looks amazing. Even better than before.

“That’s your motivation?” Joules snaps, storming over to the bed and wrapping his hands around the wrought iron footboard. He leans in toward our cousin and she shrinks even further away from him. “If you all come, and you start throwing around your weird fangirl energy, what do you think will happen? Tam will block Lake, and he’ll get a restraining order, and she will die.”

“Stop it!” I yell, shoving the mug onto the nightstand and then immediately regretting my choice to yell. I stand up, breathing hard as I stare my brother down. “They’re coming with us.” I turn to Lynn because she’s the biggest Tambourine out of them all. “You won’t do anything like that, right?” She nods frantically, and I smile before looking back at Joules. “See? It’ll be fine. I’ve spent months away from home, missing everyone like crazy. Can’t you just let me have this one thing?”

Joules wrinkles his nose, but he doesn’t say anything. He’ll give in. He always does when I put my foot down like this.

With spring here, it’s nice and warm outside, so I don’t bother with a coat. I stuff my feet into slippers and then I head downstairs and into the backyard where Joe is waiting.

The process of taking a deceased person and turning them into soil is called human composting, and it’s a green burial option that we used with Joe. The company we hired takes the person and puts them in a special vessel wrapped in a biodegradable shroud. Mulch and woodchips are added followed by wildflowers. Yes, wildflowers are added in, and the vessel is closed up. The temperature, oxygen levels, and moisture levels are controlled so that in forty-five days, a cubic-yard of soil is created.

Some of it was used in forest conversation projects, and the rest …

I walk outside, through the grass, and over to the redbud tree that we planted with … well, it’s Joe. This is Joe. I sit down in front of the tree with its pink flowers and heart-shaped green leaves, and I close my eyes. I can hear birds, can feel the wind on my face, can breathe a little easier.

If I die, it’ll be okay. I’ll be soil, too, and Joules can plant a tree in me the way we planted one in Joe.

I don’t let myself cry today because my nose is already chafed from too much wiping, and I’m only just getting over the hump of being sick. But damn, it hurts. It hurts, but it’s peaceful. Both of those things are true at the same time.

I open my eyes as I hear approaching footsteps, and then there’s Joules, sitting cross-legged beside me.

“Joe, can you please help me with our girl?” Joules pleads, leaning back on his palms. “She never listens to me. She wants to take her whole giggly crew on the road with us. I might die. I might just leave the SUV on the side of the road and walk to Seattle.”

“Joe,” I begin, taking a more diplomatic approach, the way I always did when he was alive. “If you let the girls come with us, we can have sushi every single night. You can pick all the restaurants, and I won’t complain even once. Sound fair?”

Joules scoffs and turns to look at me.

“Cheap move, Canoe. Sushi was his weakness, and you know that.”

I laugh, but the sound is a little tinny, a little strange. It’s like that, when you remember someone or something that doesn’t exist anymore. Happy to have the memory. Sad that memory is all you have. I turn back to the redbud tree and then lean forward, putting my palm on the ground beside the base of it, right over the soil that used to be Joe but is now grass and redbud tree root.

“Joules texted Tam about his balls. And he’s worried about the girls sabotaging me? Joe, please send help.”

“You’re right,” Joules says, getting to his feet and turning to me. He holds out his hand to help me up, but I hesitate before taking it. “I’m not the one that should be texting him about his balls; that should be you.”

“Joe, do you hear the way he speaks to me?” I demand, turning back to the tree. “He’s gotten meaner since you left us.”

“Damn straight. Someone has to protect you from yourself, Canoe.” He reaches out his hand again, his left hand, and then draws it back strangely.

A thought springs to mind in an instant, and I scramble up to my feet much faster than my poor body can handle. I’m panting as I put a hand on my thigh and lean over, trying to catch my breath. I point accusingly in Joules’ direction.

“Show me your left wrist.” My words are a harsh whisper, nearly stolen away by the wind. Joules hesitates in a very strange way, and then rolls his eyes, jerking up his sleeve and flashing his pale wrist tattoo at me. He waves it back and forth, and I sigh in relief.

“Worry about yourself instead of concocting some sort of strange fantasy about me finding my Match.”

“Joules, don’t talk to your sister that way,” Aunt Lisa scolds, coming out to stand between us. She smiles at the tree that’s grown out of her son’s memory. It shades the yard, and the flowers bring us at least a fraction of the joy that Joe used to. “Are you taking all the girls with you tomorrow? That’s what I heard.”

“You mean it’s what Maria blabbed to Mom.” Joules sighs and closes his eyes, letting his head fall back. “Lord have mercy.”

“Are you working on your Frost family journal?” Lisa asks, and I nod. I don’t tell her that I took pictures of every single page in Joe’s journal, so that I could reread them on the trip. He didn’t so much as give advice as lament Marla’s suffering. From the beginning to the end, Joe was more worried about his Match than he was himself.

“She’s lying,” Joules announces, crossing his asshole arms over his asshole chest. I wish I had more energy, and then I could find a rock to throw at him or a stick to beat him with. He deserves it. “She hasn’t written down one single thing.”

“That is not true.” I’m indignant, but I’m also lying. Lisa and Joules turn matching looks on me, and I blush. “Fine. I’ll start it tonight.”

Not that I have anything useful to add. I should just write some good dark humor like my other relatives do. “Don’t get matched to Tam Eyre. End of story.”

“She won’t start it,” Joules continues, and Aunt Lisa chuckles, reaching out a hand and brushing her fingers over the tree’s leaves. I turn and march into the house before Joules can really lay into me. I barely make it to the table before I collapse into a chair. I hate being sick.

“Are you coming home for your birthday?” my mom asks, moving over to sit beside me. She places a fresh boba down on the table, and my eyes widen. I reach out to grab it, reading the label and blushing with pleasure. White peach oolong with cheese crema on top and peach popping boba on the bottom? I know for sure that my mom truly loves me. Boba is love; love is boba. It’s my new catchphrase.

“Mm. I think so.” I stab my red and white straw into the lid, right through the eye of the Razorbacks logo. Yes, please. The campus location is my favorite, even after all the boba and all the milk tea that I’ve tried on my trip. I take a sip and then shudder with pleasure. Mom shakes her head at me, her red hair tied up in a ponytail. She hates boba, says it’s not right for drinks to have stuff floating in them. “Wait, scratch that. Yes. Definitely yes, I will be here.”

“Good. Do you want to have dinner in Eureka Springs? I could book us a table at the Grotto.”

“Please do,” I tell her. The Grotto is my favorite place in nearby Eureka Springs. It’s built up against the natural limestone cliff, and so there’s a whole wall with a cave and a spring with running water. It’d be famous on TT if anyone bothered to film it and share. I should do that, bring them some new business if I can. “And I also want a barbeque, day before or day after.”

I give my mom a look, but she doesn’t resist the way she usually does. Because she thinks this might be my last birthday, and that I might die.

Uncle Rob comes in the front door at that exact moment, breaking the tension.

“Hey cutie,” he says, giving me a kiss on my temple. “You bringin’ that Match home anytime soon? I want to have a talk with him, man-to-man.”

“Only if I don’t get to him first,” Dad adds as he follows my mom’s brother into the house. Unlce Peter is right behind him. “What time are you leaving? I want to do an oil change on the SUV and check the tire pressure.”

“Six in the morning,” Joules announces as he prances in the back door, dressed in a red University of Arkansas hoodie with the sleeves pushed up. I feel like I catch something weird on his left wrist for a minute, but then he turns, and I see that his skin is safe and pale, that the constellation inked there by the hand of some cranky supernatural something isn’t bright red with warning. Like, what did my ancestor piss off? A faerie? A god? A demon?

“Better get started on that then.” Dad heads to the fridge and grabs a trio of beers for him and my uncles just as the girls crest the stairs and shuffle into the room to join us. Well, not Maria. She’s lying on the couch, smiling as she bites into a sandwich that my mom probably made her as a thank you for sharing gossip.

“We’re all going?” Ella asks, slanting Joules a nasty look. He bares his teeth at her, but I’m the one who answers.

“We’re all going,” I tell them, and a raucous cheer goes up, one that makes Joules cringe.

I finish my drink, head to bed early, and rise with the sun.

I make sure to give the redbud tree a kiss before I leave.

“Watch over us, Joe, okay?” I wave at him as I go, crowding into my mother’s SUV with five other girls, and a very cranky older brother.