17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

I ’ll throw you the biggest damn wedding in the history of Haven House.

Lying flat on her back, Willa watched the shadows dance on the ceiling. Everything hurt. Every bone in her body held an aching weariness like she hadn’t felt in years.

Throw her a wedding? Was he joking?

She had almost laughed. Lost in her attack, she had truly almost laughed directly in his horrible face. All she had ever wanted was for them to accept her. They never had to love her. Hoping for a Fairweather to love something other than themselves was a stretch, but accepting her? Had that been too much to ask?

And now, in the blink of an eye, when she was suddenly a useful pawn, he wanted to give her a beautiful wedding. The years of abuse ran deep in this house, and he wasn’t about to erase them with a pretty party to celebrate the daughter he could hardly tolerate.

Stifling a groan so as not to wake anyone, Willa rose from the bed. She only had one more night here. One more day to make it through. Looking around her room, she felt suddenly nostalgic, reliving all the memories the space held. The conservatory was her public sanctuary, but here in her room, she could pretend to be anything she wanted .

In her younger years, it had been her and Grace. Playing for hours while Willa was always inevitably ill, she and her sister created kingdoms from their imagination. Cal would join in every so often, forced to participate as the diabolical villain. When Lucy came along, it had been such fun to show their smallest sibling the tiny world they had created right under Haven’s roof.

But then time moved on. Bored with their games, her brother and sisters left her, each seeking to discover the real world—to have real adventures—without her.

Grimacing at the pain radiating from her shoulder, Willa tried to stretch the muscle. She should sleep. It was desperately needed, but she was too nervous over the possibilities of tomorrow, and as her brain rehashed every question a thousand times over, one singular thought was louder than the rest.

Would she be enough?

Would Noah truly love her forever? Would he willingly grow old with her? Would she be enough to keep a man like him captivated for all eternity?

Or was her father right? Would Noah grow tired of her eventually?

Self-doubt was almost as devious a demon as hope. The two emotions warred inside her brain, making her feel foolish and unsure of everything.

What if they left, and he abandoned her on the way to Ohio? But what if they settled down and lived happily ever after? What if his parents hated her? But what if his parents loved her? What if her condition grew worse, and he found himself tied to a person he was required to tend to night and day? But what if she got better up north and could live like a normal person?

Covering her mouth, Willa attempted to cease her crying, but it was impossible. Being shunned her entire life and treated as if she was less of a person because of her illness had taken its toll. The neglect had destroyed the woman she might have been. A woman who might have easily enthralled Noah Anderson and kept him happy .

Perhaps she should stay. They would marry and live close, with him opening a medical practice and her figuring out how to function as a wife. Haven House could continue to serve as her refuge should Noah one day realize she wasn’t worth the effort.

Yes, that was it. That was the perfect idea. She would give her father exactly what he wanted and— Grace’s song .

As it had been, the melody grew, giving Willa no choice but to follow. Stepping out onto the balcony, she breathed in the crisp night air. It would be a lovely Yule season here at Haven House, and while she never had much joy living under its roof, she did love the illusion of happiness the holiday season brought to her home.

The haunting song grew, floating on the evening breeze as it encircled where she stood. Leaning on the balcony, Willa closed her eyes and aimed her face toward the singing voice.

“Should I stay, Grace?” she whispered, thinking herself a lunatic. “Should Noah and I make our home here? Father is happy, and Mother will be as well, I assume. The marriage will give them the alliance and… I love him, Grace. You know I love him.”

She felt it. So very sure what was happening was real, she leaned into the caress against her cheek. Willa was positive Noah felt Grace’s presence with them in the forest, but in the light of day, would he believe? Or would this be just another quirk of hers that might eventually drive him away?

“I love him, Grace, but what if I’m not enough?” She didn’t hide her tears, not with her sister’s comforting touch here. “I’m so very broken, and I don’t understand how he can want me. Should I stay in case he one day doesn’t want me?”

The song halted, and a single word replaced the melody.

Go.

Go.

Grace was telling her to go. Run . Willa could feel the rush, the absolute need to place as much possible distance between herself and Haven House. The urgency to flee mixed with her desire for Noah, and once her eyes snapped open, the decision was made.

“I’ll go,” Willa whispered to the dark swirling shadows weaving their return to the forest. “I’ll go and never look back.”