Nine

“You okay?” Matt asked as I opened the front door of his Jeep. He’d just pulled into my driveway.

Crying embarrasses me and makes me feel like the center of attention. Eloise was the one who bubbled over; she wore her feelings on the outside, and people loved her for it. I was shyer, kept most things to myself. So in the time it took Matt to drive here, I made sure I was back to my usual calm self.

I nodded and went straight to introductions.

“Matt, this is Iris,” I said. “And, Iris?.?.?.”

“Nice to meet you,” they both said at the same time.

Then they laughed awkwardly. Obviously something was wrong; Matt knew it, and Iris and I certainly did—but I was glad the ice was broken. I got into the passenger seat next to Matt, and Iris got into the back seat.

I felt Matt looking at me, waiting to hear what I’d meant by I need help . My mouth was dry; it was hard to talk.

“I guess Oli told you what’s going on,” Iris said. “She wants to call the police, but I said no. And I don’t want you to, either.”

“The police?” Matt asked, sounding shocked. “I thought we were done with them. They grilled us pretty hard already.”

“No, she means because of what happened to me,” Iris said. “I’m sure Oli filled you in.”

“No,” Matt said. “She didn’t.”

The Matt-ness of the situation had me tongue-tied. It’s one thing to call a friend for help. It’s another when it’s the boy you like. Matt put the Jeep into reverse and pulled onto my street. “Where are we going?” he asked.

“I’m not sure,” I said. “And that’s what this is all about. The reason I called you.”

“Not being sure?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. “We’re going on?.?.?.?a sort of scavenger hunt.”

“Like in a game?” he asked.

“Anything but a game,” I said.

“We’re searching for my memory,” Iris said. “And for my sister.”

“Okay, that’s either mysterious or creepy or both,” Matt said. “Can you tell me more, or am I supposed to guess?”

We hit the main road. I pointed toward the Braided Woods. “Let’s start there,” I said. “Where I found Iris.”

“Found her?”

“Buried,” I said, and again that closed-throat, stinging-eyes feeling came over me. “In the same place as Eloise.”

“Whoa,” he said, looking in the rearview mirror at Iris. “Buried?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“Why? Who did it?” Matt asked.

“That’s what we need to find out,” I said. “It must be the same person who killed Eloise. He kidnapped Iris and Hayley—her sister. And he still has Hayley.”

“Okay, you need to start at the beginning,” Matt said, a hint of disbelief in his voice. “This is bizarre. Where is your sister now?” he asked Iris, glancing in the rearview mirror. “Shouldn’t we call the police so they can go get her?”

“Iris can’t remember where her sister is,” I said. I explained the whole traumatic reaction thing, and the fact that little bursts of memory were starting to come back to her. “We thought that if we started in the place where I found Iris, and drove around from there, she might see things that turn out to be clues.”

Again, I saw Matt looking in the rearview mirror at Iris. He glanced at me, concern in his eyes. He was here with me: I felt it in my heart. I stared at his hand and wanted so badly for him to reach across the front seat and hold mine.

“You have a gash in your head,” he said over his shoulder to Iris. I saw what he saw—the Band-Aids had come off, and the dried blood looked scary. “A head injury isn’t anything to fool around with—it might be part of why you can’t remember. We should take you to the ER.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Iris said. “They’d call the police.”

“The person who took her said he’d kill Hayley if the police got involved,” I explained.

Matt drove in silence for a minute, taking that in, as I had, probably wondering whether to override Iris and—now—me. “Well, if we don’t go to the ER,” he said eventually, “we should have Chris or Fitch check her out.”

High school kids obviously weren’t doctors, but the strange thing was, Matt had a point. They were both at the top of our class, into science and medicine. But I didn’t want to see Chris.

It was too hard, for two major reasons. We had barely spoken since Eloise died. I’d see him in the hall at school, and he’d turn away. Or I’d turn away. Of course he reminded me of her, of what she had wished would happen with him.

But also, mostly, I couldn’t stop thinking that he might be her killer. Was that the reason he was avoiding me ? Because he knew he was guilty and couldn’t look me in the eye?

“Let’s call just Fitch,” I said. “Not Chris.”

“Who’s Fitch?” Iris asked.

“Another friend,” Matt said. “He’s our age, but he’s basically a doctor-in-training.”

I nodded. Fitch had known since sixth grade that he wanted to be a doctor. His sister, Abigail, who was a year behind us in school, had a rare disease, and he wanted to find a cure. Their parents were divorced and their mom was a famous neurologist who traveled all over the country to give talks.

“Really?” Iris asked, sounding skeptical.

“Remember what happened with Tuck?” Matt said to me, and I told Iris the story.

Last September, three weeks before Eloise went missing, our nature group went up Mount Crawford for the hawk migration. Tuck Barlow, a friend of Adalyn’s who’d tagged along, tripped and fell. He hit his head, said he was okay, but Fitch made him stay still while he looked into his eyes to see if his pupils were dilating properly. That was how I’d learned to do that, too.

“Fitch could see that Tuck had a concussion,” Matt explained to Iris now. “We got Tuck straight to the ER, and the doctor said he had a pretty bad head injury. He seriously could have died if he wasn’t treated.” He glanced back at Iris again. “Fitch could take a look at you. Just in case.”

“Oli already checked my pupils,” Iris said. “When she first found me.”

“Still,” Matt said. “Let me at least call him to look at your cut.”

“Please, Iris?” I asked. “It wouldn’t hurt.” What I really wished was that she would let us take her to a clinic, somewhere she could have tests, but I knew that was not going to happen. Seeing Fitch would be something of a compromise.

“Okay,” she said, sounding reluctant. “But I know I’m fine.”

You didn’t even know your own name , I wanted to say. But I didn’t because Matt was already calling Fitch on the Jeep’s Bluetooth.

You have reached 203?.?.?.? The automated voicemail picked up.

“Hey, Fitch,” Matt said. “Oli and I have a question for you. Call me when you and Chris finish banding.”

In spite of everything else that was going on, my whole body shimmered when I heard him say “Oli and I,” our names together.

“They’re still banding?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Matt said, looking over at me. “I would have stayed, but you said you needed help.”

He had chosen to come to me instead of staying with them. I had to look out my window so he wouldn’t see how what he said had affected me.

We drove into the Braided Woods, toward the crevice. Iris gasped in recognition when she saw the spot, so we pulled over and all three of us got out of the Jeep. We walked around, searching for any kind of clue that would jog her memory. I stared down at the ground, looking for gold specks, like the ones I’d collected in my evidence bags. But I didn’t see any. It seemed possible that the wind had blown them away.

Iris wandered ahead of Matt and me.

“Where is she from?” Matt asked, taking advantage of the fact she was out of earshot. “Not from school?.?.?.”

“No,” I said. “Definitely not. She says she has no idea.”

“Doesn’t know where her family is?” Matt asked, with the same disbelief in his voice that I had initially felt. “But she remembers Hayley?”

“Yes,” I said.

“If she was with whoever hurt Eloise, she must live near here.”

“She doesn’t know where she lives,” I said.

“What does she say about the person who took her?” Matt asked.

“She knows it was a guy, but she can’t remember his face.”

“How are you ?” Matt asked, stepping closer to me. “This must be terrible for you, Oli. Here where Eloise?.?.?.” His words filled my imagination with images of my sister, what she had gone through right here, within sight of where we were standing. A tremor went through me, and he noticed. We were standing so close to each other. He started to put his arm around me, and I leaned into him. I felt his warm breath on my cheek.

Iris let out a loud, frustrated sigh. “Nothing,” she said, walking back to us, and Matt and I stepped apart. “Or, at least, nothing before you found me here, Oli.”

“We’ll keep trying,” I said. “Don’t give up hope.”

“Right, we’re just getting started,” Matt said as we all climbed back into the Jeep. My heart was still thudding from what had almost happened between us.

“I keep thinking of cats,” Iris said. “Maybe I was a cat in another life.”

“Or you have one in your real life,” I said.

“Yes,” she said, and paused, as if she was remembering something from far away. “But I think it’s more than just one?.?.?.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “A lot of cats. One of them was named Maisie.” But that was as far as she got.

My stomach growled. It was almost lunchtime. I figured Iris could think better if she had something to eat, and that was true of me, too. I asked Matt to stop at the Big Y. Iris stayed in the car while Matt and I ran inside to get sandwiches from the deli counter, snacks, and juices.

After Gram got sick, Eloise and I had come to the Big Y once a week to shop. We’d push the cart up and down the aisles, getting all the things we needed, the way parents did. As the oldest, I always remembered to get staples like paper towels and dryer sheets, dishwashing detergent and light bulbs, healthy meals, brain food like salmon for our grandmother—to slow the progression of her Alzheimer’s. Eloise was in charge of getting snacks, like cookies and fruit. We were a team: the Parrish sisters. The Girls With Too Much Responsibility.

But never did I picture myself at the Y with Matt Grinnell. I kind of wished some kids from school would see us—see me with him—and while we were waiting in line to get rung up, I spotted Gisele St. John at one of the other registers. She was tall and willowy, a year ahead of us, and I didn’t really know her. Of course she and everyone knew that I was the girl whose sister had been murdered, so she said an awkward hello to me. Then she waved at Matt.

“How’s it going, Matt?” she called.

“Good. How about you?”

She smiled. “Awesome. Looking forward to that boat ride you promised. When are we going?”

“We’re still getting the boats ready for summer,” Matt said. I found myself feeling ridiculously jealous. She was tall, she was beautiful, and she and Matt had made plans for a boat ride.

After I’d paid for our food with the cash from the freezer, Matt and I walked toward the exit.

“I didn’t actually ask her,” he said to me.

“You didn’t?” I asked. “Seems as if she thought you did.”

“Well, she’s friends with Fitch’s sister. I asked him, and he asked if we could take Abigail and Gisele, too. He said the salt air would help Abigail, but actually, I think he likes Gisele.”

That made me feel bad for Adalyn, who had a crush on Fitch. Or maybe she didn’t anymore. Adalyn got over crushes quickly, and I realized that I hadn’t spoken to her in ages. After Eloise died, I backed away from pretty much everyone. At first, people texted, trying to get me to do things, but when I stopped answering, they stopped asking. I was a little worried that I’d hurt their feelings, but when your sister dies, everything changes.

“Fitch might like Gisele, but Gisele likes you,” I said to Matt as we walked outside.

He looked amused. “That bothers you?”

“Well, no, I mean?.?.?.?I don’t blame her, but?.?.?.” I said. Now I was stammering, and it made him grin.

“I’m only doing it for Fitch. He’ll try anything to help Abigail,” he said.

I didn’t know Abigail well, but everyone knew she was sick. Last spring there had been an incident on a school field trip where she’d had a seizure and had to be taken to the hospital. It was serious, and ever since then she’d been homeschooled.

“Is Abigail okay?” I asked.

“Not really,” Matt said. “Her condition is serious, and apparently it runs in the family. Some of their ancestors died of it. Fitch said she’s really depressed, and has been totally shutting herself off from friends. And Fitch’s upset that their mom isn’t doing more to help Abigail, but she’s wrapped up in other things.”

“That’s horrible,” I said. I understood the dynamic of shutting off from friends. And I felt a connection with Fitch, too. I knew how it felt to worry about a sister.

We headed to the Jeep, and Matt’s phone buzzed. A voicemail had dropped in. There’d been no cell reception inside the Y, and he had missed a call from Fitch. He played the message on speaker.

Hey, what’s going on? What’s your question? I’m in the middle of some research, trying to figure something out, but I’ll pick up if I can.

Matt called again—still no answer, so he texted:

We want you to check on a friend who we think might have a concussion. Can we stop by?

We climbed into the Jeep. Fitch could get obsessed when he was focused on science, so I knew it might be a while before he told us we could come over.

“Ready to continue the scavenger hunt?” Matt said as he handed Iris her sandwich and a bottle of iced tea.

“Right. Searching for my memory,” Iris said, staring blankly into space.

“You have to eat,” I said. “You need your strength.”

“I’m not hungry,” she said.

“Do it for your sister, if you won’t for yourself,” I said. “Your brain needs food to start remembering where to find Hayley.”

She shrugged and reluctantly began to unwrap the sandwich. I’d known it would work: the mention of Hayley’s name. It was a major thing we had in common: Like me, Iris would do anything to help her sister.