13. Deckard

I should have told her, I should've explained everything and given her the chance to make the choice herself, but my selfishness overtook my brain, and all rational thinking went out of the window. The moment I saw her picture, I couldn't concentrate on anything else but having her.

I've loved Cairo since the very first moment I saw her and I know most men are afraid to admit when they fall in love with a woman, but I've never been afraid of being honest about anything. She was everything I had ever dreamed of, and I just let her go. I didn't fight for her. And I've hated myself ever since.

She isn't the type of woman you let go and forget about. No, she's the kind of woman that haunts you for the rest of your life and spend it hating yourself. When she threw her safe word at me, I choked and for the second time in my life, I let her go. The rules of Idée Fixe are clear, when the safe word is said, the games are done.

Except this wasn't a game for me. This was everything. She was everything. The most precious thing in the world to me and I fucked up… again.

It's the main reason that I'm standing across the street of her apartment, waiting for her to eventually come home. I've done everything I can to get her to talk to me and she still won't. Not even her mother can convince her to give me a chance and if I'm being completely honest with myself, I don't blame her.

So, like a fucking creep, I've been sat here for twelve hours. I know where she works, but turning up there wouldn't help the situation. So here I am, watching and waiting. The moment she parks her car and steps out, I can't catch my breath.

I need to make this right.

I need Cairo back.