28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Jamie

I can't remember the last time I completely let go and had this much fun. As soon as Evie and I grabbed our tubes and went down the run for the first time, it was like I was a child all over again.

The elation and freedom replaced a weight I didn't even realize I was carrying. And a feeling of weightlessness overcame me, leaving me in a state of pure bliss.

But being able to experience it with Evie was complete ecstasy.

Watching the childlike wonder that flowed off of her in waves gave me permission to feel safe in a way I hadn't for a long time.

I'm not sure when I started to question the safety of myself and those around me when it came to my job, but at some point I did.

Working in cybersecurity sounds pretty benign, and for the most part it is. But the reality of the job I currently hold is that I am working to stop criminals who will go to any length to accomplish their objectives.

I work to remain an anonymous man behind the screen, just like them, and yet I find them. If I can find them then there's a possibility that they can find me. Odds of that are happening are pretty slim, especially since I'm only acquiring enough information for the company to pass along to the agencies.

The biggest part of my training over the last six months was how to dig just deep enough without leaving too much of an electronic footprint. I was the best at it, which is why I was offered the position. But it made me realize how dangerous my work could be if I'm ever found out.

Until this moment, I didn't understand the toll that my work was taking on me.

"Are you okay?" Evie's voice brings me back to the present moment.

I look at her hand resting on my arm, and then up to her eyes. In them I see a combination of joy and concern.

"Yes. I'm good." I force a smile, wanting to quell the concern from her eyes so that only the joy remains. "I'm having a ridiculous amount of fun. You?"

A question passes across her eyes before she lets it go. "So much fun. Do you want to go again before resting to grab some hot chocolate and sit by the fire for a bit?"

"Sounds good." I smile at her and start walking to the top of the hill. She comes up beside me, takes hold of my hand, and gives it a squeeze. When I meet her gaze, I see a knowing look there.

The O'Connells all have a way of just knowing that something is going on behind what people say. They also know when to pry and when to let it go. At this moment, I am grateful for that quality because I don't even know how to put into words what I just realized.

I left my family and the woman beside me so that I could go and work for a government contracting agency. It was the excitement and challenge that I was looking for in my life. But what if it was a mistake?

"Ready?" Evie asks as we reach the top of the hill.

I notice that she led us to the lane that allows for two tubes to go together and a grin crosses my face. "Are you afraid to go by yourself?" I tease.

"Ha! I think I've shown you that I am more than happy to go on my own." She hip-checks me. "I just feel like you need to know that you aren't alone anymore."

My breath hitches at her words and my eyes widen as I let them roam over her face. How does this woman completely understand me? A coldness runs through me and I feel the urge to run, but just that moment, Evie grabs my hand.

"Jamie," she says softly.

I meet her gaze, and warmth fills me as I let go of whatever it was that came over me. I make a vow to tell her what I've come to realize where my job is concerned and let us figure it out together.

I've gotten so used to doing everything alone that I forgot what it was like to let myself need someone.

"Thank you." I lean in and give her a soft kiss.

"Remember that when we're at the bottom and I ask you what's really going on."

I can't stop the smile that creases my face at the love and determination in her tone.

"Hey!" An anxious kid shouts behind us. "There's a line here."

"I guess we better move it then." I wink at the woman next to me.

As we go down the hill, hand in hand, I think of my parents and the example they've always set for me and Jessica. They've always been there to support each other, including Jessica and me.

As a kid, it felt like they were butting in, but really, they were loving us.

I've watched Sean and Jessica build the same for themselves.

I never thought I would have a chance at that. No, that's not true. I never let myself want it.

Isn't it funny that as kids we don't want to be anything like our parents and then one day we clearly see some of the traits we hated are the ones we want?

I want that same type of support from my significant other. And I know that Evie will give it to me.

Tension leaves my shoulders, and nothing but laughter fills the air as we fly down the hill. For the first time in a long time, maybe ever, my heart is full.

I see Evie on the phone as I walk back with two hot chocolates.

"Here he is." She turns the phone to face me, and I see Sean and Jessica looking back at me, waving with smiles on their faces.

"How did I not guess snow tubing?" Sean grumbles. I roll my eyes and hand Evie her hot chocolate.

"Thank you," Evie murmurs and hands me her phone so she can wrap her hands around the hot cup.

"That was a great idea, Jamie," Jessica chirps. "Totally fits in with our winter theme."

"Yup. Okay, you two, we will talk to you when we get home."

"Jamie, wait—" Sean shouts just as I hit the end call button.

"Talk about impatient. How many times did they call?" I take a sip of hot chocolate and relish in the warmth as it washes down my throat and into my belly.

"Only like twenty." She smirks behind her cup.

"Twenty?" I shout. "Are you kidding?"

"Maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but it was a ton." She takes another sip of her hot chocolate. "Mmm, this is really good. And just the perfect temperature. "

I take a look at my phone and see ten missed calls. Between the two of us it was probably close to twenty calls.

"Did you call them back?" I ask.

"I was going to wait, but then my phone rang again, and I thought it would be easier to just answer and get it over with."

I laugh and shake my head. "Probably smart."

"You know they'll be calling back since you hung up on them, right?" She chuckles.

"Yes. But I silenced both of our phones." Her eyes twinkle at me, and I grin. "Let them call all night long."

She throws her head back and laughs. When her gaze captures mine the gleam in them has my heart flipping. "This was a really great idea Jamie. I forgot how much fun it is to go tubing. Thank you."

I let my eyes drift over her face, taking in every inch of her beauty. The corner of my lips lift and I make my way to her sparkling blue eyes. "I think anything with you would be fun."

A faint hint of color tinges her cheeks, and her gaze flits away before coming back and pinning mine.

"Do you want to tell me what had you looking so concerned about earlier?"

"That was slick of you, Miss Evelyn O'Connell." I snicker.

"I saw my chance, and I took it." A mischievous smile lines her lips. "Are you going to answer me or keep changing the subject?"

I swallow hard and look over at the kids, who are laughing as they run back up the hill to slide down again. "I was thinking about whether or not my job is the right one for me," I mumble.

"What?" Evie asks. Her voice filled with surprise. "I thought you loved your job?"

"I do." I look down and fiddle with the top of my cup. "I'm just questioning this specific line of work."

"Jamie, I don't understand." She reaches out her hand to my arm, and I look at it before looking up and meeting her gaze. Her eyebrows are furrowed, and her mouth is frowning as she tries to understand.

"My job requires me to find some pretty bad people, Evie," I murmur.

"I know." She nods. "But they can't find you, right?"

"Technically, no."

"Technically?" Evie's expression turns worried. "Are you in any danger? "

"No. No, I'm not." When I look in her eyes, I can tell that she doesn't believe me, so I add firmly. "I'm not in any danger, Evie. I swear."

"Okay." She nods, her face relaxing. "But I still don't understand."

"I am really good at my job and am usually completely untraceable. I've just been thinking about the people I've been tracking lately." I blow out a deep breath. "Realizing that they are really good at what they do, too."

I look up to her, watching me intently with pursed lips.

"I realized that my job could potentially put my family in danger. It was a thought I hadn't had before, but now that I've had it, it's making me question what I'm currently doing."

"Ahhh. I understand now." Her face relaxes as she grasps the direction my thoughts are moving. "How many people were there with you during the six months you were away?"

"There were eighteen others when I first got there, but by the last few weeks, there were only two of us left."

"So you and one other person out of eighteen were offered jobs?" Evie queries .

"Actually, no. Just me."

"You were so good at what you do that you beat out seventeen other experts to get this job?"

I shrug. "I guess."

"You guess?" She smacks me on the chest. "Jamie. You're so good at what you do that you ," she points at me to emphasize her point. "Beat out seventeen other people."

"And?" My eyes widen. "What's your point?"

She lets out a deep breath and sighs. "My point is that you are an elite member in what you do, so good, in fact, that you beat out the other top experts in your field. I think you're worrying about nothing."

I open my mouth to speak, and she puts a finger on my lips. " But if you decide to change who you work for, or the way you do what you do. I have no doubt that you will have the full support of your entire family."

"What about you?" I ask sheepishly.

"Do you even need to ask?" Her blue gaze never leaves mine, and the look she gives me sets every part of my body alive with her answer.

I don't just see that she loves me; I feel it.

"I love you," I say, my voice hoarse as tears burn the back of my eyes.

She cups my face and leans in, just before her lips touch mine, she whispers. "I know."

"Ewww, gross," a little boy yells.

"Bobby!" His mother yells out mortified. "I'm so sorry. You know boys."

Both of us nod and try to hold back our laughter at her shrug.

"Well on that note, are you ready to head home?" I stand up and put my hand out to Evie.

Laughing, she nods and takes my hand, but not before she gets in one last kiss.