Chapter Six

I 'm waiting at the cafeteria for Kellan when Monica walks by, giving me a dirty look. I frown as I look back at her. She looks like she's been crying.

I bet Kellan broke up with her. His first girlfriend in college has already come and gone. One day, he will grow up. That's what his mama always says, at least. I have a feeling he will be more like Peter Pan. Always wishing to stay a boy forever instead of becoming the man I know he can be.

It's really too bad. When he finally pulls his head out of his ass, he's going to make some girl an amazing husband.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," Kellan says as he slips into the seat across from mine with his plate of food.

"Did you break up with Monica already?" I ask right away.

He freezes. "Why would you think that? Did Clayton tell you?"

I frown. "I haven't spoken to Clayton today, but from that response, I'm going to take it as a yes. She gave me the death stare as she walked by a few minutes ago. What happened? I thought you really liked her."

He sighs before straightening his shoulders and looking me right in the eye. "I'm starting to realize all this dating around isn't going anywhere. I already know who I want to spend the rest of my life with. She's been right in front of me my entire life. I just needed to be able to see it." He reaches across the table, grabbing my hand. "Gracie Bear, you once asked me if we could date, and I said no. I wasn't ready then. I was a boy, but I'm a man now, and I know what I want. I want you. Please say you'll have me. Don't break my heart."

What. The. Fuck.

I slowly blink as I process his words. Part of me is fluttering, as this is what I always dreamed of, but I push that part down. This isn't real. Not really. The anger begins to build as realization sets in.

God, Clayton was right.

Kellan is an asshole. I've literally seen him date more women than I can count on one hand. Yet the second he thinks I'm into another guy, he randomly decides I'm the one for him? Does he think I'm stupid?

God, I can't believe he thinks I'm that pathetic.

I shake my head, pulling my hand from his. Then I stand, storming from the cafeteria. He's hot on my heels. He pulls me to a stop once we are a ways away from the building. The most privacy we are going to get.

"Where are you going? I just told you that I love you basically."

I scoff. "Oh no, you didn't say those words, and I don't even want to hear them. Do you even hear yourself right now? You just now realized that you want me? After all this time? I don't believe in coincidences. I always thought in the past, when I would flirt with a guy or go out on a date, that you were just being protective about me when you would bad-talk them or warn me away from them. I thought you wanted to do group dates so you could make sure the guy was a gentleman. I was so wrong. I feel like I've been blind this whole time."

God, I'm such a fucking idiot.

He swallows hard. "You're right. I did all of that because I was jealous. I've always known I wanted to be with you, Grace. Of course I would. You are beautiful and smart. Hell, you're the best person I know. My mama always tells me that I should marry you, and I promised her I would one day. Can't you see that I have been in love with you since you sat next to me in that class all those years ago?"

I shake my head. "You are unbelievable. First off, you can't just decide that we're going to get married someday without consulting me, it's my life too, you know? Second, if you felt that way, then you would have made your move then. You didn't. Now you are here saying all of this shit, and why? Because Clayton James took me to dinner last night? As friends. It wasn't even a date, yet it threw you into this jealous rage, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I'm not something you can put on a shelf for you to bring me down when you want to. You don't get to decide you want me now and expect me to go along with it. That's not how this works."

He swallows hard. "You're right. I shouldn't assume you want to be with me too. You are my best friend, Gracie Bear. Give me a chance, at least. Don't write me off. I'm not dating anyone but you from this point on. I'll prove it. I'll show you that I deserve to be with you."

My heart is pounding in my chest. I don't know why, but his words aren't affecting me the way I thought they would. Instead, I just feel cold. Detached.

When I dreamed of this moment, I always stood up for myself like I just did. He always begs for me like he is. Yet instead of running into his arms, I'm disgusted. I feel like a piece of meat. Like one of the girls he chases after.

I feel like a puck bunny.

The thought makes my stomach roll.

I shake my head as I lick my lips. "I can't do this with you right now. I need some space. I'll see you later."

Not my most mature moment, but I know if I stay, I will break. Either I will break down and cry and let him comfort me, or I will lose it on him and lose him as a friend. Either way, it won't be good. In this moment, I choose me for maybe the first time in my life.

He calls out my name, but I ignore him and keep my head down as I head toward my dorm.

I swear people jumped out of my way as I made my way to the building. I must have been sporting some major "don't fuck with me" vibes because I make it to my room in record time. Slamming the door behind me, I wince when I realize Peyton was sleeping.

She jumps up, eyes wide. "What happened? Whose car are we keying? If it's Clayton, I have to tell you, he doesn't have a nice car. I bet he won't even notice the scratch."

"Sorry for waking you."

"It's fine. Now tell me who pissed you off. Was it Clayton?"

"Not Clayton. Kellan." I huff, moving to my bed.

I toss my bag on my floor before toeing off my shoes and scooting back until I'm against the wall.

"Oh fuck. It must be bad if you are shit-talking about the Lord and Savior."

I glare at her. "I do not worship the guy."

"Maybe not, but you do act like he can do no wrong. What changed?"

I rub my hands across my face. "He had the audacity to tell me he broke up with Monica and wants to give us a real shot. He actually told me that he has always wanted me."

Peyton frowns. "Then why has he been dating all of these other girls all these years?"

"My thoughts exactly. What about now has changed? I know what. Clayton James."

She's quiet a moment. "Isn't this what you always wanted, though? When we met, you told me that you hoped one day he would wake up. Well, he's awake now."

"That was before."

"Before what?"

I chew my bottom lip a little. "Clayton, but not the way you think. We're just friends. He's made it clear that he has no plans to date anyone, and I'm honestly fine with that. He said something the other night that made me think, though."

"What was that?"

My cheeks heat as I remember what he said.

"Grace, you are a very beautiful woman. You have a best friend who is a guy. He should be telling you every single day that you look beautiful. Even if he doesn't want you, which I guarantee you is a lie, he should still be setting the bar high so you know what you deserve. He is supposed to be the threat at your back for any man who treats you wrong. Instead, he is failing. That is a pity."

"Nothing specific, just that Kellan was failing his duty as a best friend. He gave some examples, and the more I thought about it last night, the more I realized he was right. I have always been there for Kellan. If he calls, I run to him. I used to believe that the same would be true if I needed him, but since we've gotten here, he has treated me differently. Or maybe I'm just different. He ignores my texts and only responds when it's convenient for him. He took me to a party and abandoned me. I didn't know anyone but him there, and he just left me to hang out with his friends. He never even checked to see if I got home. Clayton offered to walk me home, and he didn't even know me then. I know for sure now that Clayton would do more for me. Hell, I bet if I texted him right now, he would text back. Either right away or as soon as he could. He has the same schedule as Kellan."

"Do it," Peyton encourages me. "Prove your point to yourself. I can see in your eyes you still want to give Kellan the benefit of the doubt. Let Clayton show you the truth. If he wanted to, he would."

Sighing, I pull out my phone. I ignore the missed texts from Kellan and go to Casanova.

Me: Hey.

I don't even know where he is right now. He could be in class or at the gym. I know his practice hasn't started yet.

Casanova: Hey, Shorty. Miss me already?

"Oh god. He answered," I whisper, looking up at Peyton.

She has a knowing look on her face. "Can I be brutally honest with you without you deciding not to be my friend anymore?" she asks.

I set my phone down and give her my complete attention. "Please do. I think I need to hear it."

"Kellan isolated you. In high school, you were in a bubble of his making. He had total control over your life because he dictated who you hung out with and what you did. He used your feelings for him as a tool to control you. Now, I'm not saying he did it on purpose. He might have thought he was protecting you, but even if he did have feelings for you all these years, those feelings would never last. If he really loved you the way you deserve to be loved, looking at another woman wouldn't do a thing for him. He would feel ill even attempting to kiss one, let alone date them. Kellan is the definition of selfish. One day he will wise up, but he's not there yet. He's still a boy, but he's been thrust into a man's world now, and it scares him. He sees Clayton with you, and he's worried he will steal you away. He's never had to share your attention before and hates it. The problem is he doesn't realize you were never his to begin with."

She's right. Everything she is saying is true. It's not Kellan's fault. He really isn't a bad guy. I allowed him to put me inside that bubble. I was content in it. Then we got here, and that bubble had already started to fade. Clayton only made me realize it before it completely popped on me.

"You're right," I rasp as it all hits me at once.

"So what are you going to do about it? Are you going to let him pursue you?"

My phone vibrates again, and I look down at the screen.

Casanova: Is everything okay? I can leave class if you aren't okay. Please text me back. I'm worried now.

Before I can respond, another text pops up, this time from Kellan.

Kell Bell: I'm sorry. Let me know when you want to talk.

I still haven't even read his other messages.

I have a decision I need to make.

"I have no clue," I tell Peyton, letting my head fall back against the wall. "I don't know what I'm doing." I admit.

"No one does."

I've been antsy all day. I hate that we had to wait until today to see one another.

Grace said she was fine yesterday. She said she just wanted to check in with me. She brought up the school work we have been working on, but I think something else was bothering her.

Or, I guess, someone else.

If he hurt her, I will kick him in the nuts. Guy code be damned.

When she finally walks into our meeting room, I let out a breath of relief. She looks good. She's wearing her normal T-shirt and jeans with her sneakers. Her hair is pulled back into a bun, and her face is clear of makeup. She doesn't look red or splotchy, so she hasn't been crying. No puffiness, either.

I finally take a deep breath, moving over to the table.

"You okay?" I ask her.

She tilts her head with a confused look. "Yeah. Why?"

Maybe I read too much into the random text. Maybe I'm paranoid after my talk with Kellan. I've debated what I plan to tell her about it. I know I need to at least warn her of his plans, but I don't want to overstep.

I've never been friends with a chick before. Indecision rolls through me. This is hard.

"Kellan said some shit at practice the other day. Then you texted, so I thought he might have done something."

Her eyes widen. "What did he do?"

"Confronted me. Told me to leave you alone. I told him he doesn't get to dictate your friends, and he may have said he was going to pursue you. Tell you he liked you." I take a seat at the table, gesturing for her to do the same.

"He told you that?" Anger flashes in her eyes as she drops her stuff onto the table and sits down. "I don't know what has gotten into him. It's like ever since we stepped foot on this campus, the guy I grew up with is gone, and in his place is this asshole." She takes a deep breath before letting it out. "He did tell me he wants to pursue me, and I stormed off. I'm leaving his texts on read for now. I don't have time to deal with his shit. I need time to think."

"I would have come over if you needed me to. I could have left class," I tell her again.

"You just keep proving my point," she mutters.

"What point?"

She shakes her head before looking to the ceiling. "I need to admit something to you, and I hope it doesn't upset you. I used you yesterday."

My chest tightens at that. "How?"

"I had made a comment that I bet if I had texted you that you would respond in a reasonable amount of time, whereas Kellan lately only replies when it's convenient for him. Peyton told me to test it, so I did."

That feeling in my chest eases, a smile covering my face. "I passed with flying colors, huh?" Pride runs through my veins.

"I should say so. You not only responded right away, but then offered to leave class for me. Now here you are, repeating that offer. You just met me, and in the what, four days we have known each other, you've been a better friend than Kellan has been in the last two months. It's a hard pill to swallow. At this point, I'm not sure I even want to be his friend."

"Hey." I reach out, grabbing her hand. "It's all going to be okay. You are going to figure it all out. Until you do, I'll be right here by your side."

"I thought you didn't have time for girlfriends." She gives me a pointed look.

"Oh, I didn't realize we were dating. Is that what this is?" I tease.

"Absolutely not. You would be a terrible boyfriend. You already annoy the hell out of me." She says the words, but the smile on her face says she doesn't mean it.

"I don't have time for a girlfriend, but I can make room for a friend. Especially when that friend is doing me a solid and helping me pass my classes."

"You know, I can help you study for the other classes too. We don't have to keep this formal thing up. Anytime you want, we can meet and do our homework together," she offers.

I give her a tender smile. "I would really like that. The guys are cool to hang out with, but I don't feel like I really fit in with them."

"Why's that?"

I don't want to admit the truth, so I go with a half truth. "They like to party and date, and they have lives outside hockey. I don't know how to find that balance."

She beams at me. "I can help you find it. I'll be your balance, and you can be my example of a good friend. Together, we will make each other better."

Together.

That sounds damn good. I don't know how I got lucky enough to find this woman who wants to be my friend and nothing more, but I'm going to take it. I miss having someone who understands me.

"Sounds like a plan, Shorty."

"Good, now where are you at with your marketing class, Casanova? Did it go okay today?"

"Casanova? Is that really sticking."

She laughs. "I mean, I thought you were a player when we met. Now it's kind of ironic, don't you think?"

I shake my head. "Whatever you say. Class went fine today. The teacher said instead of sitting in class on Thursday, he's going to have his TA watch me retake the test. Can we go over another practice one?"

"Of course. We can do one today, and if you want, after my late class, I can come over tomorrow, and we can do one more before you go to bed."

I let out a breath of relief. I wanted to ask her, but I also didn't want to push her. "I would love that."

"Good. Now get your pencil. We will do question one."

I smile as we go over question after question until I feel like I could recite them in my sleep. Still, Grace never gets annoyed with me. Instead, she makes me laugh and smile.

For the first time in a long time, I'm truly having fun, and it has nothing to do with hockey.