Chapter Nineteen

C layton offered to let me stay with him last night, but after what we did? Yeah, I needed some space.

I don't regret it. I knew I wouldn't the moment I decided it was what I wanted. I just need to process my emotions before I face him again.

Well, that, and I liked the way he made me feel. So much so that I was worried about what I would want to do if I stayed.

So instead, I ran downstairs and made Peyton leave with me. She was drunk, so I told her to sleep it off. Now I'm sitting on my bed, waiting for her to wake up.

My phone rings, and my heart is in my throat. Clayton already texted this morning, but I left him on read. I don't know what I would do if he called.

I let out a relieved breath when I see it's my mom.

"Hey, Mom." I keep my tone low to let Peyton continue to sleep.

On second thought, I should talk normally. Maybe the girl will finally wake up.

"What's this I hear about you and Kellan not talking?" Mom asks in lieu of a greeting.

"You talked to his mom, I suppose. I didn't know he would tell her that. It's not that I'm not talking to him. He's busy with hockey, and I have my own thing going on."

She makes a hmm noise on the other end of the line. "I was worried about this."

"What? What does that mean?"

"Honey, you were attached at the hip here, which was good. He got you out of the house. Did things with you, but you never really came out of your shell. All of your friends were always his."

"I thought you loved Kellan."

"Oh, Gracie, I do. He's like a son to me. He's a great kid, and he's going places, but you always had hearts in your eyes when it came to him. I knew when you went to college that your world would grow larger. I only hoped he wouldn't help keep you in your box. That's why I pushed for you to go to North Kent. It would have given you space from him so you could grow. It seems you found that space on your own, though."

"I guess I did," I tell her, considering her words. "I wish you would have said something sooner."

"You can't tell a caterpillar that it's going to be a butterfly before it bursts out of its cocoon. They will never believe you. Sometimes there are things in your life you have to experience for yourself. Trust me, I would love to keep you from living my past mistakes. Some of them I can. Like not wearing white and drinking red wine. Others, you have to learn on your own."

"Such solid advice, Mom," I tease while trying to withhold a sniffle.

"It is, now tell me what's going on."

"Kellan is being so weird. It's like he saw me having a life and didn't like it, so he decided to finally give me everything I ever wanted," I tell her after I fill her in on everything that's been happening.

"Oh no. He didn't." Mom gasps.

"He says he loves me. That he wants to give us a real shot."

She sighs. "That dumb boy. What do you want, honey? Do you want to date him?"

"Not anymore. Sophomore year, I would have given anything for that, but he turned me down. I think I spent the next three years getting over him. Now, I can't imagine being anything but his friend."

"Kellan has always thought he was in love with you. I could see it in the way he would interact with you. The problem is that if he were in love with you, he wouldn't have strung you along for so long. I'm not saying that one day you might end up together. Lord knows me and Sheila joked about it all the time, but you both are in different seasons of your life. You are finally finding yourself. Learning who you want to be while he thinks he has his life figured out, but I'm betting he's having to face some hard truths. It's okay to be a little selfish, my love. It's okay to do what's right for you."

Tears start falling from my eyes as I listen to her words. They are what I needed to hear. I have felt so selfish for enjoying my life with my new friends while he has no one. Or at least every time I see him, he isn't with anyone.

"I have a whole group of friends now, Mom. Friends who are with me for me. Not him."

"I got that impression the last two times we spoke. Peyton sounds like a gem. You only get one or two lifelong friends in your life. I think she might be one of them. The hockey guys? They sound like they really care about you."

"Clayton took care of me while I was sick a while back. He even dressed up for this stupid party he didn't want to go to last night," I admit.

"That's the boy you spend most of your time with?"

"Yeah." I think back to last night, my cheeks heating. "I'm scared, though. I'm only a freshman. I'll be here for the next four years. He's a junior, and he only has one year of school left. That's if he doesn't enter the draft in June."

"Enjoy this moment of your life, honey. It's okay to enjoy yourself now. You can't stop yourself from experiencing heartbreak. It's part of life. All you can do is enjoy the ride while you're on it. Make memories that you can look back on. One day, you will remember these days fondly. That heartbreak? It won't even be a blip in your memory. I promise."

‘"Thank you, Mom. I needed that."

"I know. Don't worry about Sheila. She feels the same. We love you both."

"I love you too, Mom."

As we hang up, I look back down at my phone at the message from Clayton.

Casanova: Morning, beautiful. See you tomorrow in Garrison?

The game is an away game tomorrow, and I know he had practice this morning. Then they are getting on a bus. Peyton and I are supposed to drive Clayton's car over. He gave me his spare key and his gas card this morning. Not that I'll be using his gas card.

He texted me at six. It's nine now.

Taking a deep breath, I text him back.

Me: Wouldn't miss it for the world. *kissy face*

I hope my mom is right because I'm about to dive into the deep end with no floaties.

I hope I can swim.

I look down at my phone and tap the screen.

Nothing. No new texts.

Sighing, I run my hand through my hair. Logically, I know that Grace is in class, but I can't help but want to talk to her. Ever since the other night, I haven't seen her in person. Our schedules just haven't synced up, and it's killing me.

It's like right when I got a taste of her, life got crazy. My cock twitches at the thought of how she tasted. God, what I wouldn't do to get another chance to be with her like that. My mind shifts to other ways I could have her.

My hands run up her thighs, pushing them apart as I lay between them.

"Open," I rasp when she tries to close her legs.

Like a good girl, Grace does as I say. Leaning forward, I start kissing around the apex of her thighs, but never where she wants me most.

Grace groans as she pulls my hair. "Stop teasing me, please."

I chuckle as I look at her. My eyes trail up her body. I love the way her nipples are hard and her skin is flushed. Seeing her breathing hard with hooded eyes makes my heart race.

I did that. I made her look like this, and I want to do it again and again and again.

"Clayton."

"Tell me what you want."

She licks her bottom lip and pulls my hair, putting my face right where she wants me. "Lick me, please."

I lean forward.

I get slapped in the back of the head, startling me out of the daydream. "What the fuck!"

"Pretty sure we decided that getting turned on in the living room was against the rules," Beckett says.

"I don't know what you are talking about," I say as I rub the back of my head.

"Dude, you were literally rubbing your dick."

I look down at my hand, and sure enough, I'm cupping my half-hard dick.

I cringe. "Dammit."

"Are you ready to go?"

I stand up. "Yeah, let's go."

Beckett and I grab our bags from by the door and head out of the house and to his car. We get in, and he starts driving toward the gym. The radio plays quietly as we ride in silence. When he parks, we both get out and grab our bags from the backseat and start walking toward the gym.

"So, I'm guessing you were thinking about Grace."

I look at my friend out of the corner of my eye. "I don't want to talk about it."

He scoffs. "Sure you don't."

"What happens between Grace and me is our business and our business alone."

Beckett grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop. He shoves his hands in his hoodie pocket.

"Look, just let me say this okay?" He takes a deep breath. "I saw you two the other night go up to your room." I go to cut him off, but he raises his hand. "I'm not asking for details. Honestly, I don't want to know, but I'm friends with both of you. You've never been in a relationship, and she was basically in a neglectful one until she got here. I just want you to make sure that this is what you want before it goes any further."

"I like her," I confess as I rub my hand over my mouth.

"Really, I had no clue," he says sarcastically.

For a minute, I contemplate telling him about the other night but decide against it. I meant what I said when I told him that what happens between her and me is no one's business. I won't be one of those guys who gives his buddies every little detail about his personal life, let alone his sex life.

I clear my throat and change the subject. "What's going on with you and Peyton?"

Beckett rolls his eyes, and we start walking again. "That woman is a pain in my ass. I don't know how someone as sweet as Grace can be friends with someone like her."

I go to say something but stop when someone scoffs behind me.

"That's because you don't know Grace the way I do."

I sigh when I hear his voice and turn around. Kellan stands in front of us with his duffel over his shoulder.

"Did you get your workout done for the day?" I ask when I see he's already in his suit for the trip with dry hair.

I suspect he skipped his workout, but I have no proof. He is getting reckless. That's not a good look for him. I don't really care what happens to him, but I know Grace still cares for him. For that, I hope he gets his shit together.

He rolls his eyes. "Yes, Cap."

"Hey, talk to him with some fucking respect," Beckett barks.

Kellan's jaw clenches as he looks away.

I bite back my sigh. "What can I do for you today, Cooper?"

"You walk around here acting like you know Grace so well, but you've only known her a couple weeks. I'm getting tired of you coming between me and her. If it weren't for you, everything would be fine."

I shake my head, and Beckett makes a sound in the back of his throat.

"How many times do I have to tell you that Grace and I are friends?" My heart clenches at the thought of us being just friends, but I push it away. "And again, she's her own person, you can't own her like a possession. Get it through your fucking head. If you are having issues with her, it has nothing to do with me."

"I might not have known Grace as long as you, but even I know she would lay you on your ass for talking about her like this," Beckett adds.

"Whatever. You are going to hurt her one of these days, and she will come back to me crying. Then you will see," Cooper growls before pushing past me, shoulder-checking me in the process.

"That dude needs a fucking attitude adjustment. Seriously, should we tell Coach that he needs to be checked for brain damage? He's taken one too many hits to the head is the only thing I can think of," Beckett says.

"Come on, let's take that anger and use it in the gym," I say as I slap him on the shoulder.

He isn't wrong, though. Cooper needs to change his tune, and he also needs to accept that I'm not going anywhere.

Grace Myers is mine. Well, as long as she will have me.