Chapter Seventeen

"S o glad you finally made time for girls' night. I was wondering if I was ever going to get you out of Clay's place. I thought you had abandoned me and moved in there."

It's been a week since the carnival. Now it's Friday, and rather than go out with the guys or hang at their place, we decided to stay in. Especially since Peyton was able to get time off work.

"I have never even slept there other than the night we did together," I remind her.

She laughs. "Sure, but you are there a lot."

She's right, and I know she is. That's another reason I decided a girls' night was best.

The truth is, I have feelings for Clayton James. They are some pretty big feelings, and I have no idea what to do with them.

"I am, but Clay and I are just friends."

"Are you sure that's all he wants to be?"

I groan when I remember the Ferris wheel ride.

"He said Kellan was no longer my best friend because he is."

"He cuddled you in the backseat of the car on the way there and home. That doesn't scream best friend to me. Plus, he touched you as much as he could all day. That boy is smitten," Peyton says as she tosses a chip in her mouth.

I think back to the kiss while we were dancing. I hadn't expected that. Maybe he does like me?

Deciding to trust Peyton, I tell her everything.

"During ‘One True Love,' he kissed me," I admit. "It shocked me so much that when the song changed, I jerked back and told him I was caught up in the music. What if that's why he said the friend thing? He thinks I don't like him."

"You are being a little dramatic. Sure, that's not what guys want to hear when they kiss a girl, but this is Clayton. He isn't like most guys. Besides, he still touched you plenty after that. I think he likes you, and that was him making a move. You might have to be the one making moves from here on out, though."

I groan. "Why? Why did I do this to myself? I should have basked in the feeling of being in his arms, but instead I go and say something stupid."

She moves closer, wrapping her arm around me. "Kellan messed you up, babe. You are a little gun-shy. It's okay, though. We will work through this together."

"Peyton, how did I get so lucky to get you as not only a roommate, but then a best friend?" I ask, resting my head on her shoulder.

"It was destiny. High school sucked. My friends sucked. The guys I dated sucked. Then I met you, and we just clicked. We have that special friendship that takes zero effort. We just are. I don't question the universe when it gives me good things." She rests her head on top of mine.

"Well, maybe we should just thank the universe then. I can't imagine life without you now. You have made being here so much better."

"Stop it. You are going to make me cry," she says, sniffling.

I can feel tears in my own eyes.

"I can't help it. How about we change the subject? What's going on with you and Beckett? I saw you dancing at the fair."

She laughs. "Beckett and I are just friends. For real. Not the friends you and Clay are. I mean, we are thrust together because of you and Clay, so why not have a little fun together?"

"Does that mean you two are?" I make the gesture with my hands.

She busts out laughing before she falls over. "I forget you are such a virgin sometimes. You look so scandalized at the thought. Honestly, we haven't done anything, but I wouldn't mind if we did. I don't think we will, though. It would be too messy if things went sideways. It would make group gatherings difficult. He's going to be here until he graduates next year, so I better not mess around where we eat and all that."

"That's too bad. Beckett is a good guy."

"That he is, but alas, he is someone else's wish upon a star. Beckett is going to be an amazing husband one day, but he's not ready for that right now, and I'm too busy trying to survive to even think about boys," she admits.

"Is that why you haven't really dated anyone this semester?"

"That and most of the guys here are pigs. My parents might not be rich, but they are so in love with each other that it's disgusting. I want that kind of love. The kind where we kiss in front of the kids even knowing that it grosses them out. I want to not be able to imagine my life without the other person attached to my hip. I never want to tire of being around that person. I know my forever is out there, but I don't think I'm going to find him here. This is a murky puddle we are fishing in. I've decided to not participate." She shrugs.

"That's such a depressing outlook," I mumble.

"Depressing, but true. So while you got one of the good ones, maybe don't let him slip through your fingers."

"He never wanted a girlfriend, though. That, and if he gets drafted next year, what then?"

She laughs. "You are so worried about what-ifs that you are missing out on your life right now. Maybe you tell him you have feelings for him, and he doesn't agree. Or maybe you make a move, and he rejects you. He will still be your friend. Or maybe just maybe he feels the same way and you both have wasted months dancing around one another when you could have spent this time together."

"It's scary," I admit.

"It is, but tell me this. If you knew for sure this would end in heartbreak at the end of the year, would you go back and choose never to have met him?"

My answer is immediate. "No. Never."

"So maybe you enjoy what you have until you come to that bridge. Then you decide if you are going to cross it with him or not."

"I hate how smart you are sometimes." I sigh.

"Me too. It's a real nuisance. Now, which movie do you want to watch? I have Scream or House on Haunted Hill ."

"I'm going to have nightmares tonight," I groan as I point at one at random.

It's going to be a long night.

I have been tossing and turning for hours. Sleep isn't coming easily to me tonight.

It shouldn't bother me that Grace wanted to have a girls' night with Peyton, but it does.

Not that she wanted to have a girls' night, but I feel like things have been weird with us all week.

It was that kiss. It ruined everything. Made it awkward.

At least, that's how I feel. Then again, she hasn't been shying away from my touches like I thought she would.

It's like my brain is on overdrive.

Leaving my room, I head down to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I'm surprised when I find Wyatt sitting at the table, eating a bowl of ice cream.

"Cheating on your diet?" I joke.

He laughs. "I do allow myself some joy in life. What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep."

He nods. That's what I love about Wyatt. He doesn't pressure anyone to talk.

Maybe that's why I find myself sitting down with him with my own bowl of ice cream. After several long moments of silence, I speak. "I think I have feelings for Grace."

"Of course you do." He says the words as if there is no question in his mind.

"What? How would you know?" I ask.

"It's been obvious for weeks. I'm surprised you haven't made a move yet. You preach about Kellan's inaction with her, but now here you are doing the same thing."

"That's not what I'm doing. I didn't even realize I liked her at first," I admit.

"Oh, I'm aware of that too. You've kept yourself so locked up for so long you don't always know how to recognize your own feelings. It happens."

I stare at him like he has two heads. "What the fuck, man?"

He shrugs. "Psychology major. You can learn a lot about people if you sit back and watch instead of putting yourself in the middle."

"That's deep, man. You okay in that head of yours?" I ask.

He nods. "I have my own traumas, but we all do. You can't make it through life without having it. Grace is still traumatized by Kellan. You are by everything you had to do when you were growing up to help your mom. It's not a bad thing. It's just reality."

"So you think that's what is holding me back from Grace?"

He nods. "Most likely. You told yourself you couldn't have anything but hockey. Until her, you stuck to that like it was gospel. Now she is showing you that maybe your reality isn't as dark as it seems."

He finishes his ice cream, throwing the styrofoam bowl in the garbage before washing his spoon. Then he turns back to me. "You have feelings for Grace. Everyone can see it. You just have to ask yourself if you are going to do anything about it."

Then he leaves the room. I'm so busy thinking about his words that I almost don't feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Pulling it out, my heart skips a beat when I see it's Grace.

I answer the phone, getting up to throw my own bowl away.

"Hey, what are you still doing up?" I ask.

"Peyton made me watch a scary movie, and now I think ghosts are going to come eat me in the middle of the night. Will you talk to me for a while?" she whispers into the phone.

Drying off the spoon, I toss it in the drawer. "Of course. Is she sleeping?" I ask as I make my way up to my room.

"Yes, because she is a psychopath."

I laugh at that as I settle on my bed. "Oh, come on, it can't be that bad."

"It was a movie about ghosts that haunted an old asylum, and these people were there to try and win a bunch of money by staying in the haunted place all night, but then the house starts to kill them. Or more so, the ghosts in the house. It was really creepy."

" House on Haunted Hill ?" I ask.

"Yes," she hisses.

"Oh, that's an oldie, but a good one. Listen, no ghosts are coming to eat you or whatever. Still, I will sit up and talk to you as long as you need."

"Don't you have practice in the morning? I shouldn't have woken you."

"You didn't wake me. I was hanging with Wyatt. So tell me more about your fear of scary movies."

"The ones based on real stories are the worst. Really, I can't be held liable for screaming in the middle of the night when I have a bad dream. She should have thought about this."

"Do you want me to come get you? You could stay here."

She's silent for a long moment before she speaks. "No, that's okay. Thank you for offering, though. I'm sure I would feel better knowing you were there to get eaten first."

"Get eaten first? Wouldn't I fight them off?" I ask.

She giggles. "You can't fight a ghost, silly."

"I can sure as hell try. Besides, they'd be coming after you. But they would have to go through me first."

"And they would probably float right through you." I hear her yawn.

"Maybe, but I'd use my body to protect you."

"That is very kind of you."

As we sit there talking about nothing at all, I realize that Wyatt was right. I need to figure out what is going on within myself. Grace is a fucking catch, and as much as I want her, something is still holding me back.

It's not the thought of her being a gold digger. I know she wouldn't try and trap me with a baby.

Yet, I'm still stuck. It has to be some leftover shit from my childhood. Or maybe a brain block.

Whatever it is, I don't want it to hold me back anymore.

"You're falling asleep," I tell her after she yawns for the third time.

"I'm too scared to sleep," she mumbles.

"Well, leave the phone on. I'll listen in, and if any ghosts try to get you, I'll scream until they go away."

"You would do that for me?" she whispers.

"I would. Now go to sleep."

"Okay. Good night, Clay."

"Good night, Grace."

I spend the rest of the night lying next to my phone, listening to her sleep. I don't know when I fall asleep, but I do, and all my dreams involve her.