47. Violet

Chapter 47

Violet

Sawyer clasps my hands together and holds them above my head, and I swallow hard as his words wash over me.

He’s fucking me slower and deeper than before, but it’s no less intense than the first time. I’m totally lost in it, in the feeling of our bodies melding into one. It hasn’t even been that long since the last time we were together like this, but now that I have him again, my body can’t get enough.

We move like that until the spark flickering inside me grows into a full-on flame again. I whimper mindless words against his mouth, kissing him with swollen lips as the familiar tingle starts to spread through my body.

“Come with me,” he whispers hoarsely, and I nod, already falling over the edge.

Sawyer’s tongue slants against mine, his deep groans mixing with sounds of pleasure as his hips buck against me. I feel the warm flood of his cum again, more wetness seeping out between us as he fills me to the brim.

We come down together, still kissing leisurely, and I finally feel the desperation that’s had a hold on me since he got here start to subside.

After several long moments, Sawyer gently pulls out of me and lies down beside me. I’m messy, but neither of us care or move to do anything about it. He doesn’t seem to want to leave my side any more than I can bear the thought of him going even for that. Instead, he pulls me close, holding me against his chest that’s still heavily rising and falling as he tries to catch his breath.

I lie there quietly enjoying the glow and the feeling of his warm body against mine while he strokes my hair with one hand and my lower back with the other. I have no idea how much time has passed or how long we’ve been in this trance, but I don’t really care about that either. I don’t want it to end. Not tonight, not ever.

But I know it has to eventually, so I’m determined to drink in every moment, every little detail of the way he looks and feels against me.

Being away from him has been suffocating, and I’ve felt like I’ve barely been keeping my head above water, but now that he’s here, I can relax and breathe again. Everything was out of place for so long, but in his arms, everything is back to the way it’s supposed to be.

I draw in a deep inhale, breathing in his scent, then freeze when a note of something I hadn’t noticed before catches my attention.

“Wait… why do you smell like my shampoo?”

Sawyer chuckles. “Oh, that. Um… I’ve been using your brand ever since you left.”

I sit up to look him in the eye, my brows furrowed. “You have? Why?”

He tips my face up by my chin to meet his eyes. “Because I needed it. I missed you so fucking much that having your scent with me was the only way for me to function for even half the day.”

My heart thuds in my chest as I stare back at him with a million thoughts racing through my mind. But they’re all a jumble, and as soon as I focus on one, it’s gone, replaced by a dozen others.

“Did you think about me when we were apart?” I finally ask, and Sawyer raises his brows at me.

“Are you kidding? Every single minute of every day,” he says, and the certainty in his voice makes my heart skip a beat.

I swallow down the lump in my throat and try to speak, then I realize I wouldn’t know what to say even if I could. “Sawyer,” I choke out. “I…”

He gives me a gentle squeeze, something warm and steady shining in his eyes. “I’m past trying to play it cool with you, heartbreaker. I’m so fucking in love with you.”

My chest swells with emotion, my heart pounding even faster. “Is that why you came here?”

He nods. “I had to see you. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

My smile widens, then fades into a grimace, because it occurs to me that maybe this was all a terrible mistake. It’s not like him coming to California has changed anything. I still have this new job and life here, and he still has Jake and the Aces back in Denver.

This has been a much-needed break from reality, but reality has been lurking and waiting to greet me the entire time—and here it is. Sawyer and I are going to have to say goodbye, there’s no getting around it, but now that we slept together again, it’s only going to make that inevitable goodbye even more painful than it was already guaranteed to be.

Sawyer traces the edge of my jaw with this thumb, and I jolt as I realize I drifted away into my thoughts.

“You’re awfully quiet,” he murmurs, his brows furrowing. “I thought you’d be happy to hear that. What’s wrong?”

I shrug and sigh, turning away from him but clinging to one of his arms like a life raft as I drift out to sea. “I’m so in love with you too, Sawyer. But I don’t know if I can stand to say goodbye again. Maybe not right this second, but at some point, tonight or tomorrow or whenever, you’re going to get on a plane back to Denver and we’re going to be right back where we left things.”

Sawyer shakes his head and turns me back toward him to stare into my eyes. His thumb finds my jawline again and starts tracing back and forth across it. His jaw is working like there’s something he wants to say but can’t let it out.

“What are you thinking?” I whisper.

“What if we didn’t have to say goodbye?”

I frown at him, unsure what he’s getting at. I’ve turned this situation over in my mind a thousand different ways every night since I moved, desperate to find some way to make our lives fit together, but they just don’t. Does he see something I haven’t?

“How is that possible? We put an expiration date on this thing for a reason, remember? Several reasons, actually.”

“I know. But I don’t want to let you go. I can’t let you go,” he says, and I still don’t really know what he’s getting at. He strokes my cheek with his thumb. “Hear me out. I’ve been thinking a lot since you left, and I’ve realized there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”

My stomach flutters, my breath catching in my throat. “What are you saying?”

“What if…” He props himself up on his elbow a little, his expression serious. “What if I left the Aces? Jake and I could move out west.”

“What?” I gasp, almost unable to believe my ears. I scramble in his arms to sit up and face him. “Sawyer, that’s your team! You can’t just throw that away.”

He shakes his head. “I can, and I would. I could try to get traded to LA. I’m dead fucking serious. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”

“But… even that?”

He nods, his expression serious. “Even that.”

I sit staring at him, shocked and struggling to take in what he just suggested. It would be such a drastic move, and not just for him. Sawyer loves the Aces, and they love him too. Sure, players get traded all the time—but the Prowlers are the Aces’ biggest rivals, so I can only imagine the heat it would stir up if he signed with the LA team.

“What about Jake?” I whisper.

Sawyer chuckles. “Are you kidding? He’d love it in LA. Getting to go to the beach all the time, the palm trees, the blue skies? Plus, I’m pretty sure there are bowling alleys here too, so he’d be set.”

That draws a fond laugh out of me, but then I shake my head, biting my lip. “And what about you? Could you really be happy out here?”

“I could be happy wherever you are.”

There’s so much conviction in his voice that I want to believe him. I want to believe that it could be that simple. But I know life doesn’t work like that. It’s messy and complicated, and I don’t know if I could live with myself if I made Sawyer and his son uproot their lives just for me.

My hand rests on his chest. “I… Sawyer, that’s too much. I can’t let you do that.”

He takes my hand in his, bringing it to his mouth to kiss the back of it tenderly. “I want to. It would be worth it.”

I bite my lip, blinking away the tears that sting the backs of my eyes. I want to say yes so badly it hurts. But I can’t let him make that kind of sacrifice for me. I’m not even sure he understands how big of a sacrifice it would be. Still, I don’t want to let us go any more than he does. I don’t think my heart can handle watching him walk out that door, knowing I’ll probably never get to be with him like this again.

We’re both silent for a long moment, and then Sawyer pulls me back against his chest and kisses the top of my head.

“I’m sorry, heartbreaker. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up now. We don’t have to make any decisions right this second. But we’ll figure something out. Like I said, I’m not letting you go.”

As if to prove his words, he tightens his arms around me, and I melt against him, luxuriating in the feel of his strong, solid body next to mine.

I don’t know what that “something” could be, but my heart feels so full it could burst, so I cling to him and this feeling, hoping against hope that we can find a way to make it last.