14. Violet

Chapter 14

Violet

My eyes flutter open as the car comes to a gentle stop, and I realize we’re back at Sawyer’s house. But something is different. After a second, it hits me what it is—the sun is almost down, obscured by the house. I blink and turn to look at him.

“What’s up?” I ask, confused.

He smiles at me. “You fell asleep on the way home, so I took a little drive up to the mountains to let you get some shut-eye.”

It takes a few seconds for what he said to sink in, but when it does, I almost can’t believe it. Sawyer is busy as hell between his hockey career and taking care of Jake, so the fact that he took time out of his day just to drive me around so I could sleep stuns me a bit.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“But this was your afternoon off…”

“So? I didn’t mind. It gave me time to think about the houses, and we got to see some great views. Right, Jake?”

“Yeah! And we saw some mountain goats!” Jake says excitedly from the back seat. I’m really touched by the fact Sawyer did that for me, but I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, so I turn in my seat and smile at Jake.

“That sounds really cool. Bummer that I missed it.”

“Daddy took some pictures on his phone!”

“Yeah, I’ll show you later.”

“Thank you,” I tell Sawyer quietly, smiling, and he smiles back and nods.

“Of course,” he says and pats my leg. It’s such a little thing, but it makes my heart thud. “Let’s get out of this sardine can, yeah?”

“Sounds good,” I say, eager to put some extra distance between me and Sawyer. I climb out of the car and stretch my aching body, my mind racing with competing thoughts.

Is it a problem how much his hand on my leg just affected me? And what about him wasting time driving around just to let me sleep? Sawyer’s a nice guy to most people, so I try to convince myself it doesn’t mean anything more than that, but there’s a part of me that can’t help wondering. But that’s a train of thought I can’t afford to follow.

On our way into the house, my phone vibrates in my pocket, dragging me out of my head. I pull it out absently and my stomach lurches when I see it’s a notification from the dating app. Someone apparently liked me, but I don’t care to check it right now, so I swipe the notification away and drop my phone back in my pocket.

“You hungry?” Sawyer asks from the open refrigerator door. “I was thinking about cooking something.”

“Yeah, I could eat,” I say and slide down into one of the kitchen table chairs.

“Alright. Jake, why don’t you go watch TV while I cook? I’ll give you a bath after. It’s getting close to bedtime.”

“Okay,” Jake says through a yawn. Even after his little nap in the car earlier, the poor guy’s dragging after all the excitement of the day. He disappears without arguing, and a few seconds later I hear cartoons droning from the TV in the living room. My phone buzzes in my pocket again, so I pull it out and find yet another “like” notification from the dumb app.

My thumb hesitates over the notification, unable to clear it. My eyes move to Sawyer, who’s standing at the kitchen island chopping some onion. He notices me looking, stops chopping, and raises his eyebrows at me.

“What is it?”

“Oh, nothing. I was just wondering if you’ve had any activity on your dating profile.”

Sawyer snorts and goes back to chopping. “I haven’t looked.”

“Not at all? Really?”

“No. They’ve been spamming me with notifications, but I just clear them. I highly doubt I’m going to meet anyone worth talking to on an app.”

“Not with that kind of attitude you won’t,” I say and stand to walk over to him, leaning against the counter beside him. “Where’s your phone?”

“In my pocket, where it’s staying.”

I hold my hand out toward him, wiggling my fingers expectantly. “Give it up. You aren’t ever going to meet a girl if you don’t try.”

“Violet.” He fixes me with a stern look. “Not now. I’m cooking.”

“No, you’re not. You’re chopping. There’s a difference.”

He glares at me for a second, but I can see his resolve wavering. Finally, he huffs a laugh under his breath, then brushes off the onion chunks from his fingers and reaches into his pocket. He swipes to unlock the phone, leaving an onion juice streak on the screen, then taps to open the app and hands me the phone. “No funny business.”

“Me? Funny business? Never,” I say as I take the phone and instantly swipe right on a pretty brunette his age. “Oh, whoops, my finger slipped. Must’ve been the onion juice.”

Sawyer glares at me. “What did I just say?”

“Have you even opened this thing since I set up the profile for you?” I shoot back, and although it takes him a second, he shakes his head. I purse my lips, narrowing my eyes at him. “Really? Then why did I do all that work?”

“I just did it to placate you. I’m really not interested in dating right now.”

“Well, I guess no one can fault you for not being honest. But seriously, look at her. She’s pretty! Wouldn’t you like to go on a date with someone like that?” I ask, turning the screen to show Sawyer an honestly beautiful redhead in her late twenties named Jessica. It kills me to even have to talk to him like this about another woman, but I don’t have a choice.

“She’s fine,” Sawyer answers without ever looking, intensely focused on the onions. It’s frustrating, to say the least, because I really want him to find someone who’ll appreciate how amazing he is—since it absolutely can’t be me—but he doesn’t seem at all interested.

Well, not in her anyway.

His eyes finally drift up to mine, and I can’t put my finger on what it is I’m seeing, but there’s something there. An intensity that makes butterflies flap wildly in my stomach. He draws in a breath as if he’s about to say something, and the butterflies go wild. But instead of speaking, he just lets the silence drag out between us for a long moment until I’m sure he hear the heavy thudding of my heart.

“Here, look. It’s easy.” I clear my throat and show him my phone, hoping it will defuse the tension hovering in the air.

As much as I want to, and as much as I’m starting to wonder if maybe he does too, I can’t afford to let things get muddy between us. Sawyer is my boss and my brother’s teammate. I can’t cross that line, no matter how tempting it is.

A real guy-next-door type named Derek is on my screen. He’s not gorgeous, but he seems like a nice guy based on the multiple pictures of him doing volunteer work with animals, so I swipe right on him. “See? You swipe right if you like them. If they’ve already liked you, or they do it after you, you’ll get a match. Then you can talk.”

“Looks like Derek wasn’t interested,” Sawyer says with a little smile as he reaches under the cabinet for a large frying pan, sounding way too satisfied about the fact I didn’t get a match. He sets the pan on the stove and turns on the burner.

“Maybe not right now. But there’s a chance he just hasn’t seen my profile yet. The apps are kind of weird like that sometimes. You’ll like someone and forget all about them until weeks later when they randomly like you back and message you.”

“Wow, that sounds like a great time. You’re really selling it,” he says as he oils the pan.

“I mean, sure, it’s not the most natural way to meet people, but when you’re a busy single dad, how else are you going to do it?”

That seems to get Sawyer’s attention because after he tosses the onions into the pan, filling the kitchen with an aromatic sizzle, he stares at me. “Fine. Give me my phone. I’ll at least try.”

I hand it to him excitedly and stand to his side to watch as he scrolls through the profile of a girl who’s honestly way too young for him, but my opinion doesn’t matter. It can’t matter.

“Hm. She seems nice but too young,” he says, and I breathe a little sigh of relief that worries me more than when he swipes right on her profile. The heart animation plays, and Sawyer looks at me, horrified. “But I didn’t like her!”

“You swiped the wrong way,” I say, stifling a laugh. “It’s swipe left if you don’t like them, swipe right if you do.”

“This is so stupid,” Sawyer grumbles, although he keeps scrolling the profile of a pretty blonde in her early thirties named Ava. He drags his finger halfway to the right. “I like her. It’s a right swipe, then?”

“Yup, you’ve got it.” Sawyer finishes the swipe, and the match animation plays, inviting Sawyer to send Ava a message. “See! You got a match. She likes you too. Women usually want the guy to make the first move, so say something to her, and don’t make it cheesy.”

“So I shouldn’t tell her matching with her is the goal of a lifetime?”

A laugh bursts out of me. “Oh god, you’re hopeless. Hockey puns? Really?”

Sawyer chuckles and sets his phone on the counter to go back to cooking. “I’m messing with you. I would never say something that awful.”

“Well, that’s good.” Sawyer’s phone buzzes, and I glance over at it to see a message from Ava. “Oh, she took the initiative and wrote to you already.”

Sawyer is rummaging in the fridge with his back to me, but he glances over his shoulder. “What did she say?”

“She loves the picture of you and Jake at the hockey game. So I guess she doesn’t mind you having a kid, which is another great sign.”

Then why do I feel so shitty right now?

The thought, loud and abrupt in my head like a book dropped in a quiet room, catches me off guard. Sawyer is a great guy, and Jake is a great kid, so I can’t blame any woman for being interested. And besides, isn’t this exactly what I wanted to happen when I proposed this whole stupid dating app idea? The only difference between me and this Ava girl is that one of us can actually date Sawyer—and it isn’t me.

Sawyer closes the refrigerator quietly and comes back to the stove with a package of ground beef in his hands, and I stare at him while I try to snap out of my mental fog.

“I’m making tacos. I know it’s nothing fancy, but you don’t have to look so unhappy about it,” he says with a teasing smile.

“That’s not…” I shake my head, clearing my throat. “You aren’t taking this seriously at all, are you?”

He sighs. “Why are you so intent on setting me up with someone? Jake and I are doing just fine on our own for now.”

Because the longer you stay single, the longer it’s going to kill me to keep my hands and thoughts off you.

But I can’t say that. Not now, not ever. So I take a deep breath to make sure I don’t let anything slip and proceed carefully.

“That’s great, seriously. But I don’t want to see you alone forever, and I’m worried that’s exactly what’s going to happen when I leave.”

Sawyer grimaces as he tears open the ground beef and places it in the pan, filling the kitchen with an even angrier sounding sizzle.

“I’ll cross that bridge when—and if —I get there,” he says as he jabs at the beef with a spatula to break it up. It’s hard to tell, but it sure seems like there’s an implication in that sentence.

Does he not want me to leave?

My mind lingers on that question for a lot longer than I’d like. But it doesn’t matter. Even if in some upside-down world I ended up staying here in Denver because my job in California fell through, or for whatever other reason, there’s zero chance that he and I could ever be a thing. Reese would never allow it, for starters, and he’d probably skewer Sawyer for even entertaining it. And I wouldn’t be in his best graces, either.

You’re imagining things, Violet. This isn’t what you think it is. Sawyer has told you repeatedly he’s not interested in dating at all, and he’s making it clear with this app. So if anything, he’s just worried about losing you as a nanny.

“Would you mind helping me get out the toppings and setting the table?” Sawyer asks, jutting his chin at the table while he sprinkles taco seasoning into the pan and thankfully distracting me from my thoughts.

“Yeah, sure,” I say and push off the counter to pull out three plates from the cabinet and silverware from the drawer beneath it, then put it all on the table. I haul the sour cream, salsa, cheese, and other goodies from the fridge to the table next.

“There are tortillas in the pantry,” Sawyer tells me, so I grab those too and set them out with everything else. “Jake! Dinner’s ready, buddy.”

“Coming!” Jake calls back from the living room and though it takes a minute while he finishes what he’s watching, eventually the sound of the TV stops and he comes shuffling out of the living room into the kitchen looking half awake. He climbs into his usual seat at the table, and I start helping him make a tortilla for himself so he doesn’t make a mess.

“Looks yummy!” he says with his tongue sticking out. Sawyer brings the sizzling pan full of meat to the table and scoops some onto Jake’s taco.

“You get first bite, so dig in but be careful, it’s very hot,” he says before taking the pan back to the stove. I help Jake fold his taco so it won’t fall apart on him, and he brings it to his mouth to take a huge bite.

“Mmm,” he says, bouncing side to side happily. “It’s so good!”

“He loves tacos,” Sawyer tells me as I doctor up my own tortilla. We eat in relative quiet, all of us winding down from the long day of house hunting, and Jake’s first to finish. He pats his tummy.

“Daddy, do I have to take a bath tonight? I’m so sleepy.”

“That’s fine, buddy. You can take one in the morning if you want. But you still have to brush your teeth,” Sawyer answers, and Jake groans. But when Sawyer fixes him with a stern look, Jake relents.

“Do you want me to tuck him in?” I ask.

“Sure, thanks. I’ll clean up in here.”

“Come on, little man,” I tell Jake and hoist him up in my arms, resting him on my hip to carry him to his room.

He puts his head on my shoulder, and he’s already rubbing his eyes by the time we get to his bathroom. I lean against the doorframe to supervise him brushing his teeth, then pick him up and carry him to his room where I pull back the covers and lower him gently to the bed. When he’s tucked in tight, I rub his head affectionately.

“Sleep well, bud. See you in the morning.”

“Night, Ms. Violet,” he says sleepily and rolls over to reach for Chewy, who’s lying on the bed next to him.

He pulls the rabbit close and by the time I get to his bedroom door, I can already hear him breathing heavily, out cold. I pause at his doorway to glance at him, missing the days when it was so easy for me to fall asleep like that. It takes me forever now, and sometimes I’m lucky if I get two or three hours of shut-eye.

My phone buzzes again in the hallway on my way back to the kitchen, so I stop to check it and find a text from Callie, Reese’s girlfriend.

CALLIE: Hey, stranger! I feel like I’ve barely seen you since you’ve been back in town. Let’s fix that! Want to get drinks with me and the rest of the Aces girls tonight? I know it’s a Sunday, but we won’t keep you out too late, I promise!

Honestly, despite how tired I am after the house hunt and dinner, after the pressure cooker conversation I had with Sawyer a bit ago, a distraction sounds great. But I’m not sure how Sawyer would feel about that given I’m supposed to be with Jake in the morning, so I decide to ask him first before I say anything to Callie. I find him in the kitchen standing over the sink with bright yellow rubber gloves on his hands.

“Hey, would you mind if I stepped out for a while tonight?” I ask, and he turns to give me a curious look.

“You’re going out?”

“Yeah, Callie and the rest of the Aces girls want to meet up, and I haven’t gotten to see them much.”

Sawyer’s face almost instantly relaxes, and his shoulders slowly slide down from their raised position. “Oh. Yeah, sure. I wouldn’t want to piss Callie off by denying her the chance to see you.”

“Yeah, you don’t want to get on her bad side,” I joke back, since Callie is one of the sweetest people in the entire world, and we both know it.

I text Callie back, and we exchange a few messages before agreeing to meet at a bar downtown. Before putting my phone away, I call for an Uber since I don’t know how long I’ll have to wait for one.

“Do you need a ride?” Sawyer asks.

I shake my head, shooting him a grateful look. “Thanks, but I’ll get an Uber.”

“Use the card I gave you to pay for it.”

“What?” My head snaps up, and I fix him with a look. “A girl’s night out isn’t a business expense, Sawyer.”

“Keeping you safe definitely counts as a business expense,” he says and goes back to washing dishes.

A smile spreads across my face, something warm curling in my stomach. “Okay, if you’re sure. I’ll use the card then.”

I cancel the ride so I can update the payment information—I’m not sure my own card would’ve gone through anyway—then call for another. “I’m going to go get ready before the car gets here.”

“Have fun. Tell them I said hi.”

“I will,” I say and dash upstairs to change. I’ve only got about ten minutes before the driver arrives, so I have to hurry, but I manage to throw on some makeup and a cute dress.

“You did all that in that amount of time?” Sawyer asks, his gaze immediately landing on me when I re-enter the kitchen a few minutes later.

My hands freeze in my hair, which I’m still working into a loose ponytail, and our eyes lock. Something shoots through me like a lightning bolt, a kind of heady awareness, and my stomach does flips at the sensation.

“Never underestimate a woman in a hurry,” I joke to break the tension, but his eyes rake over me, soaking in every detail like he thinks it’s the last time he’ll see me. Like he hasn’t already seen me completely naked.

“You look amazing,” he says, his voice low. A shiver ripples down my spine, but headlights flash across the front lawn and the driver honks once to signal he’s here, mercifully breaking the moment.

“Thanks. Uh, see you later. Don’t wait up.”

Sawyer chuckles. “Text me when you’re on your way home so I know you’re okay.”

“Got it. Bye!” I sling my bag over my shoulder and head outside, eager to put some distance between us and to feel some cool air on my face. I climb into the backseat and find an older guy in a well-worn hat like the kind my grandpa used to wear smiling at me in the rearview.

“You’re Violet, right?”

“Yes, sir,” I answer while I buckle myself in. The guy drives a bit slowly and cautiously compared to me, but it doesn’t take long to get to the bar, and as soon as we pull up to the curb, I spot Callie, Margo, and Becca standing outside the entrance waiting for me. They’re all dressed and look like the hockey girlfriends and wives they are.

I climb out of the back seat and make sure I’ve got everything before I close the door. “Thank you for the ride.”

“You’re welcome. Have a good night,” the driver says and pulls away.

“There you are!” Callie hurries over when she catches sight of me, pulling me into a hug. “I was starting to think you were trying to give me the slip.”

“Me? Never! But I’m surprised Reese let you go out without him.”

“He’s watching sports, so I don’t really think he minded,” she says, and we share a laugh as I hug Margo and Becca too.

“Come on, let’s get inside and get a spot before this place gets any more crowded,” Callie calls and swings open the bar’s heavy front door.

A wall of thumping music washes over us, and I can’t stop beaming at the sound and the sight of the lights flashing inside over the heads of a huge crowd of people dancing. It’s as much a club as it is a bar, which I wasn’t expecting, but I’m not disappointed. It’s been way too long since I’ve been to a place like this, and I can already feel the itch to dance.

We all link hands so we don’t get separated and work our way through the crowd to the bar toward the back of the main room. It’s packed with people, just like the rest of the place, but there’s at least enough room here that we can spread out and hear each other speak while we wait to order a drink.

“Can you believe you’re getting married soon?” Callie says to Margo, who laughs brightly.

“Yes and no! I still have so much to plan, but it’s right around the corner.”

“I didn’t know you and Noah were getting married already!” I tell Margo, putting a hand on her forearm. She smiles at me.

“Yeah, we’ve been kind of keeping it quiet just so the press doesn’t have a field day with it or—god forbid—crash the wedding. You’re invited, obviously!”

“I don’t think I’ll still be in town when it happens,” I tell her regretfully. “I’ll be moving out to California soon for a new job.”

“So we heard,” Becca says. “That’s exciting. Let me know if I can help you find a place to stay out there or anything, I still have lots of friends in LA.”

“Oh, that’s right! I totally forgot you used to live out there.”

“I try to forget about it too,” she says, and we all laugh again before the bartender signals us over to take our order. I can’t hear what the other girls order, but I go for a gin and tonic just to keep things simple and easy, and bounce on my heels to the music while I wait.

When we all have our drinks, Callie raises hers. “To the Aces girls! Let’s have a blast tonight.” We cheer and clink our glasses together, then take healthy sips of our booze. I don’t drink very often, and the bartender made my drink super stiff, so it burns all the way down and I can’t stop myself from puckering up.

I shoot a sour look at the bartender—a hot, ripped guy with golden-brown hair in his late twenties wearing a very revealing, form-fitting tank top—and he chuckles.

“Too strong?” he calls over the throbbing bass, but I just make an okay gesture at him.

“Perfect!”

“Just like you,” he calls back, and I spin around as the girls all devolve into giggles like we’re back in high school.

“Oh my god, is he flirting with you?” Callie says in my ear before glancing over her shoulder to take another look at him. “Get it, girl!”

“I’m definitely not here for that. Let’s go dance,” I say back and grab her by the arm to drag her away from the bar into the crowd.

“Finally! I’ve been waiting for this,” Becca says, holding her drink over her head and slinking out into the crowd like it’s where she belongs. But the woman’s a professional dancer, so of course she’s right at home. We stick together, all four of us swaying to the music and laughing, and I realize just how badly I needed something like this without even knowing it.

But it’s hot and stuffy on the dance floor, so my drink goes down quickly. I suck on the ice until there’s none left, and when I can’t fight contact with the flirty bartender anymore, I tell Callie I’m going to get a refill before forcing my way through the tangle of bodies back to the bar.

“Welcome back,” the bartender says with a warm smile when I put my empty glass on the bar. “Another gin and tonic?”

I’m feeling the alcohol already, and I don’t really want to have to come back for another soon, so I summon some liquid courage and nod at him. “Yeah, and make it a double this time, please!”

The bartender raises his eyebrows at me as he swipes my glass off the counter to replace it with a clean one. “And here I thought you were a lightweight!”

“I’m more of a seasoned pro than you’d think.”

The bartender’s blue eyes drift up to mine while he pours a seemingly endless amount of gin in the glass, and a hint of a smile appears at the corner of his mouth as he finishes pouring with a flourish. “Oh, I don’t find that hard to believe at all. I bet a pretty girl like you is all kinds of fun.”

He’s one hundred percent flirting with me, but I still find it kind of hard to believe, so I just watch with a smile as he tops off the glass with some fizzing tonic water from the hose built into the bar. He tops it with a lime wedge and thin black straw, then slides the drink over to me.

“This one’s on me.”

“For what?”

“For blessing me with that beautiful smile.”

I scoff and laugh, then scoop the drink off the bar and turn away before he can see my face catch fire. The straw finds its way to my mouth, and I suck down a huge gulp of the drink, relaxing as the bubbles fizz on my tongue. Whether it’s from the alcohol, the flirting, or both, the room is spinning, my vision throbbing at the corners in time to the music.

I steal a glance over my shoulder at the bartender, who’s working on a drink for someone else, but he notices me looking and winks at me. With the straw from my drink lodged in my teeth, I reach into my pocket for my phone. It has to be the booze talking, telling me to do it, but my fingers tap to open my text conversation with Sawyer.

ME: You know what? Screw the dating apps. Maybe I’ll just meet a guy the old-fashioned way.