11. Sawyer

Chapter 11

Sawyer

Everywhere I look, I see something that reminds me of Violet, and I feel like I’m starting to go a little crazy. First, it was her bottle of body wash and appropriately violet loofah in the shower, then it was the soft almond and cherry scent of her shampoo lingering in the hallway. She’s been living with us for almost three weeks now, and it’s like I can’t escape her. Her presence is beginning to fill the house, slowly taking over.

And then there’s that kiss we shared the other day.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop thinking about it. About her . I’ve always known she’s a great person, but I never thought of her in any other light than that until recently. And now I can’t seem to stop seeing her that way, which is a fucking problem.

I know damn well that I can’t have her, not like that. There are a million reasons why it would be a terrible idea to ever think otherwise—not least of all being that she’s one of my best friend’s little sisters. She also works for me now and watches my kid, so it’s problematic all around.

I shake my head as I tug a t-shirt over my head. I’ll be dropping Jake off at his friend’s house for a birthday party this afternoon, and honestly, I’m grateful for the opportunity to get out of the house and away from Violet for a while to clear my head. Jake’s friend lives in the neighborhood, so it’s not that far of a drive, but I feel so steeped in Violet right now that even five minutes alone will be a reprieve from the constant temptation I’ve been warring against.

As I leave my bedroom and head for the stairs, I hear Violet and Jake laughing in the living room. I don’t know what they’re doing, but I can make out soft thuds and some kind of music coming from the TV.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs and they come into view, I pause for a moment, a grin spreading across my face. They’re both following along as a woman on the TV screen instructs a group of kids to “get their wiggles out” before she calls out a litany of actions for them to perform—things like “touch your toes,” “spin around in circles,” and “wave your arms.” The kids on the screen throw themselves into each action, and so does Jake. Violet is doing each activity too, although I can see her keeping a careful eye on Jake to make sure he doesn’t get too excited and bump into anything.

It’s fucking adorable.

“That’s right, kids!” The woman on the TV claps her hands. “You’re all doing wonderful! Ready for your next move? Let’s do downward dog!”

Jake cocks his head, clearly confused, and Violet grins at him.

“Like this, bud.”

She demonstrates it for him, her legs and upper body forming a perfect A shape as she bends forward.

“Oh cool!” Jake does his best to match her, putting his hands on the floor too.

“There you go.” Violet nods encouragingly, her blonde ponytail cascading over the top of her head as she leans into the pose a bit more.

My gaze shifts from Jake to her, and my breath catches in my throat.

Fucking hell, she’s gorgeous .

She makes the stretch look effortless, and although she’s just wearing a comfortable looking t-shirt and a pair of sweats, they cling to the supple lines of her body in a way that has my imagination shifting into overdrive.

I clear my throat, partly to announce my presence and partly to gather myself, and Violet twists a little to look over at me.

“Oh, hey!” She grins and straightens up as the woman on screen tells everyone to stand like a tree. “Are you ready to go already?”

“Yeah. All set,” I answer, shoving my hands into my pockets as I mentally chastise myself for thinking about things I definitely shouldn’t.

Get a fucking grip, Townsend .

“You got ready faster than I thought you would,” she says as Jake lifts his hands over his head, trying to balance on one leg. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take him? I don’t mind.”

“It’s no problem. I’ve got some other errands I need to run after I drop him off anyway.”

“Okay.” She smiles easily, and my gaze drops to her lips for a second before I drag it away. “Maybe I’ll get some stuff done too, then.”

I clear my throat again, and my voice is a bit more gruff than I mean for it to be when I speak again. “Sounds good. You ready to go, Jake?”

“Yeah!” He nods enthusiastically, dispensing with his attempts at tree pose as Violet turns off the TV.

I already got him dressed before I showered, and although his clothes got a little rumpled from his game with Violet, I’m not bothered by it. He’ll probably come home from the birthday party with some new stains on his clothes anyway.

“Alright. Don’t forget Carter’s gift.” I gesture to the tissue-paper laden gift bag Jake left sitting on the ground by the TV. He grabs it and hurries to me. “Let’s hit the road. See you later, Violet.”

“See you,” she says with a wave, and I lead Jake outside to the car and get him buckled up in the booster seat.

“What was that game you guys were playing when I came downstairs?” I ask, and Jake beams excitedly.

“It’s called Get Your Wiggles Out! Ms. Violet said it would be good for me, and for her too. She said it was good for her heart.”

That makes a lot of sense after what she told me, but as I climb into the driver’s seat and start the engine, I wonder if her heart is still a concern for her.

“I can’t wait to jump around in the moon bounce!” Jake exclaims, and I smile at him in the rearview mirror as I back out of the driveway.

“Sounds like you still have some wiggles that you didn’t get out yet.”

“I guess so. Carter said his mom might let him have a Nerf war too!”

“Sounds fun. Just try not to lose an eye, okay?”

He laughs. “I don’t think Ms. Violet would like that very much. Then I’d be her pirate!” He covers one eye with his hand like he’s wearing an eye patch. “Arr!”

“You’re silly.”

Jake giggles, kicking his legs a bit and watching the houses pass by outside the window. “I wish Ms. Violet could come to the party,” he says after a beat.

My gaze shoots to his face in the rearview. “Really?”

“Yeah! She’s so much fun. I think my friends would love her too.”

“Well, I’m sure they’ll get to meet her eventually. She’s not going anywhere for a while.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know, buddy. Not for a couple months, at least, until she starts her new job out in California.”

“Where’s that?’

“Pretty far away.”

“Can we go visit her?”

I hesitate, my hands squeezing the steering wheel while I think of a good answer. “Maybe. If she’d like that, we could make it happen. But Ms. Violet is a grown-up, so she has a lot she has to do.”

“Okay…”

“Hey, don’t worry about it, okay? We still have plenty of time to spend with Ms. Violet before then, so let’s just enjoy it.”

Jake nods at me in the mirror, and although I smile at him, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t share his disappointment at the thought of Violet leaving.

I get that she has her own life and this nannying thing was just a convenient stopgap for her, but the more time I’ve spent with her, the more I’ve grown to like her. And I’m not looking forward to the shuffle of trying to find another babysitter because I highly doubt anyone will come close to making the kind of bond with Jake that she has.

But we’ll survive. We always have, and we always will. And just like I told Jake, there’s still a lot of time left before we have to cross that bridge, so I tell myself not to worry about it either. Besides, a lot could change in the next few months, and who really knows what will happen?

We drive in silence the rest of the way to Jake’s friend’s house. Carter is the same age as Jake. They met in preschool and have been best buddies ever since, which was a huge relief because Jake struggled to make friends at first. But now he’s in with the best of them, and Carter’s parents, Hazel and Jeffrey, have been great about inviting Jake to a bunch of other stuff.

“Wow, there are so many people here already!” Jake peers excitedly out the window as we park on the street among the dozen or so other cars. A stream of kids comes tearing around the corner from the backyard, chasing and shooting each other with Nerf guns that are as big as they are, and Jake bounces in his seat.

“Daddy, look! There’s Carter having the Nerf war.”

“Yeah, I see,” I say with a laugh and hurry around to the back of the car to let Jake out.

“Can I go play with them?” he asks as soon as his feet hit the ground.

“Go ahead. I’m just gonna check in with Mr. and Mrs. Green, then I’ll be back to get you later, okay?”

“Okay. Bye, Daddy!”

Jake runs off after the line of kids that’s now streaking into the backyard on the other side of the house. The garage door to the Greens’ house is open, giving passage to the backyard where all the action is, so I grab Carter’s gift bag and step through.

A few other parents are milling around the giant inflated moon bounce and a table piled high with cake, snacks, and presents waiting to be opened. I drop Jake’s gift on the table and find Jeffrey and Hazel by their in-ground pool supervising some kids jumping in the nearby moon bounce.

“Hey, there’s Sawyer!” Jeffrey says when he spots me and steps around to offer me a hand to shake. “Glad to see you, man. Where’s Jake?”

“He’s around here somewhere. He saw Carter and some of the other kids executing each other with Nerf guns and couldn’t resist, so I turned him loose.”

Hazel laughs as she joins us. “Sounds about right. Can I get you something to drink? We’ve got beer and Coke in the cooler.”

“Uh, thanks, but I’m not staying. I’ve got some errands I need to run while the kiddo is preoccupied.”

“Hey, I get it. You’ve gotta multitask as a parent sometimes,” Jeffrey says. “Well, good to see you. Feel free to hang out when you’re done. We’ll be here all day.”

“Okay. I already dropped Carter’s gift on the table. Tell him I said happy birthday, and I’ll be back in a couple hours to pick up Jake.”

“No rush. He’s in good hands,” Hazel says with a smile.

“Thanks. See you in a bit.”

After doing one last quick check to make sure that Jake is happily occupied with his friends, I head back to my car.

Thankfully, my errands don’t take long, and I’m able to wrap up everything I planned to do while Jake was at the party in under an hour. It’s too soon to go back to pick him up, so I decide to head home for a bit instead.

When I get back, the house is empty. I find a note from Violet on the kitchen counter, written in her neat, loopy handwriting.

Sawyer,

Had some shopping to do and errands to run, so I decided to knock them out while I had a little free time. I’ll be back in a bit. Give me a call if you change your mind about picking up Jake and want me to do it on my way home. I’d be happy to! I wouldn’t mind having the chance to snag a leftover piece of cake if the kids haven’t eaten all of it. ;-)

XOXO Violet

A grin tugs at one side of my mouth as I set the note back down on the counter. There’s something so bright and happy about Violet, a kind of lightness that I haven’t been around in a long time, and I feel like that energy has been infusing my house just as much as her belongings and the scent of her shampoo.

I like her. And as much as I’ve been fighting against the truth, I’m so fucking attracted to her.

As I head through the living room on the way to the stairs, I can’t help glancing over at the spot where she and Jake were “getting their wiggles out.” The memory of her body bent over into a perfect A-frame, her ass in the air and her t-shirt riding up just enough to show of a strip of pale, smooth skin at her lower back, makes my cock twitch.

“Fucking hell,” I mutter, reaching down to palm myself as I make my way up the stairs. My cock is half hard against my palm, and I give it a squeeze, willing the arousal that’s been simmering under my skin for days to dissipate somehow.

Of course my damn body refuses to follow my mental commands. Hell, even my mind isn’t cooperating right now, as images of Violet keep flashing through my head as I enter my bedroom and swing the door shut behind me.

Her lips were so fucking soft against mine when she kissed me at the mall. Her cherry and almond scent, which I’d been doing my best not to notice, was impossible to ignore, and when we broke apart, the feel of her breath against my lips almost made me forget what the hell we were doing and kiss her again.

“Shit,” I groan, glancing down at the fully formed bulge in my pants.

Rather than calming down, my cock seems to have developed a goddamn mind of its own, pulsing against my zipper as I grit my teeth.

Maybe I just need to take the edge off. I’ve been so dead set on not allowing myself to think of Violet that I haven’t even touched myself since right after she moved in. But maybe my attempts to keep my thoughts from wandering to places they shouldn’t is only making the problem worse. I’m so damn pent up that I feel like a taut wire that could snap at any moment.

“Fine,” I whisper, reaching down to slide down my zipper and pop the button above my fly. “Just once. Just to take the edge off.”

My cock throbs against my palm as I tug it free, leaving my pants and boxer briefs slung low on my hips. I lean against the wall beside my bed, tipping my head back as I wrap a hand around myself, rubbing my thumb over my crown to gather up the precum that’s already leaking from the tip of my cock. The metal balls of the piercings that line the underside of my shaft are warm to the touch as I start to stroke myself, and my eyes drift closed as I give in to the thoughts I’ve been fighting against for days.

Like what it would feel like to kiss Violet again—without an audience this time. Without having to stop.

What it would feel like to slide my tongue between those perfect, plush lips of hers that are so often turned up in a smile. What she would taste like as I explored her mouth with my tongue, fisting a hand in her hair to tilt her head back so I could take the kiss even deeper.

What kinds of noises would she make?

Would she get loud for me?

What does she sound like when she comes?

That last thought enters my mind suddenly, and I groan as my cock hardens even more. My fist works up and down my length a bit faster—rough and almost desperate, no real finesse to it at all. Just me and this simmering, inescapable desire and my forbidden thoughts about Violet.

“Jesus, that’s so good,” I rasp softly. “So fucking good.”

My breath catches in my throat, my teeth gritting together as my balls draw up tight. I don’t know if it’s because it’s been too long since I did this, or if it’s just the thoughts of Violet, but I’m about to come faster than I have in a long time, busting a nut like a horny teenager.

“Fuck,” I bite out, my voice rising in volume. “Violet… oh fuck .”

“Sawyer?”

The sound of Violet’s voice in the hallway makes my eyes shoot open. My gaze lands on the door, and in a flash, I realize too late that it never actually clicked shut.

Before I can say anything, it swings open, and Violet’s delicate features come into view on the other side.

“Are you okay? Did you hurt yourse?—”

She freezes when she catches sight of me, her eyes going wide.