13. Lana

13

LANA

I 'm in a tug-of-war with myself and I hate it. I desperately want answers to Lazaro's disappearance, and Henry is offering to help. But can I trust him? Is this all an elaborate ploy to gain information on my family? Even if it isn't, I'd still be risking inadvertently divulging information that he could use against us. My being here, reconsidering this deal, is madness. Under any other circumstance, I'd laugh and walk away. So, why am I still here?

Henry.

There's an air of authenticity about him that taps something deep in me. Not that he wouldn't put me in jail, given the evidence, but I also think he's sincere in wanting to find Lazaro and solve the case.

Except it's not for Lazaro's sake. Instead, Henry sees this as a key to solving a cop killing. How badly do I want to know what happened to Lazaro? Bad enough to risk finding him, only to have him jailed for murder?

Disappointment fills my chest. It happens a lot around Henry when I realize that my belief in his genuine goodness and blind justice is wrong. Why do I so badly want to believe in him?

I shake my head. "Why can't you look for Lazaro without conditions?"

He blinks, like he wasn't expecting that from me. "What do you mean?"

"If he was just a regular guy who disappeared, would his family have to make a deal with you in order to have the police search for him?"

He sucks in a long breath. "No. But…" He continues before I can respond. "We would be looking into who the regular guy is, what he was doing, who he was involved with. We would be talking to his family and others in his life. That part isn't different. Lazaro's case is different because it hasn't been looked into, which was wrong. But for me to investigate, I need to know about him and what he was up to. Based on the life he led, I have to consider his disappearance could be related to illicit activities."

I suppose he has a point. "So, in order for the police to care about finding Lazaro, I have to give up family secrets?—"

"I care about justice, Lana. It was wrong for his case to be ignored. But if I'm to find him, I need to know information just as I would with any case. Surely, you understand that? Now if you don't want to give information, that's fine. But then I may not have what I need to find out what happened."

Dammit, he has a point there too. So now I have to consider whether Lazaro's disappearance could really be connected to the murder of a police officer. Could Lazaro have killed him? Sure. But as crazy as Lazaro could be, he wasn't stupid. He didn't go around killing people willy-nilly. If he killed the cop, he was either threatened, or someone in the family was threatened.

So, how do I move forward? How can I help Henry without risking revealing information that could get my family arrested?

"I don't know anything about a murdered cop."

Henry's expression falls slightly. Disappointment flickers in his eyes, though he tries to hide it. It's clear he was hoping for more, but to help me or to solve his cop killing?

"I'm sorry to disappoint you." I don't hide my disdain, and once again I'm questioning my sanity that I'm still here talking to him.

"It's not disappointment."

"Is that all you have? That you and your cop buddies think my brother murdered your colleague? If so, I guess we're done here." Being with Henry is a constant emotional whiplash. Longing. Disappointment. Hope. Anger.

Irritation flashes in his eyes. "Are you looking for an excuse to leave? I'm not keeping you here."

I'm surprised as he's not usually so abrupt.

"I thought you wanted my help in finding Lazaro?"

I sneer at him. "And I thought you were the boy scout who thinks everyone deserves justice, but here you go again, suggesting you'll help only if I give away family secrets."

He shakes his head. "As I've already said, investigations require that I talk to people, and in this case, Lazaro's family and friends, anyone who knew him."

"Are you going to talk to Elio?"

"If he'll talk to me."

Yeah, fat chance of that. If Elio thought I'd lost my mind the other night at dinner, he'd probably have me committed learning I am spending time with Henry.

Henry holds his hands up in surrender. "Look, Lazaro was no saint. The odds of his disappearance being related to his work is high. That's just?—"

"It could be a cop who took him," I snap. "Have you considered that? If you all think Lazaro killed your friend, then maybe one of you took matters into your own hands."

He doesn't like that idea, but he gives a single nod. "It's possible. Lots of things are possible, but I can't find the truth without asking questions."

"Have you asked your cop friends? How about Hartley? He seems to have a hard-on for my family. Have you interrogated him?"

Henry's eyes close as if he's asking God for strength. It makes me feel like he believes I'm being petulant or hysterical. I don't like that feeling.

He finally opens his eyes. "I have to go where the evidence leads, Lana. I have no evidence that a cop is?—"

"You have no evidence my brother killed a cop, and yet you're asking me about it."

He runs his fingers through his hair. "You're right. But Lazaro's lifestyle?—"

"Cops aren't saints either, Henry. And they're in a better position to get away with murder."

"I will look at all options, including cop retaliation."

I laugh derisively. "Right. That will make you popular among your police brotherhood ."

Henry leans back, crossing his arms. "I can only follow the evidence. And from where I'm sitting, the evidence says your brother met with foul play because of your family's activities. Are there dirty cops? Sure. But everyone in organized crime is—" He stops short.

I narrow my eyes at him. "Is what, Henry? Say it."

"My point is, people who are involved in nefarious behavior are at more risk of being the victim of nefarious behavior."

"You act like you're so righteous, but you're just as biased as anyone else. You see what you want to see."

"And you don't?" His eyes lock on mine, challenging me.

For a moment, we're in a glaring standoff. But then I'm just exhausted by it all. This is all my fault for letting my attraction to Henry take me down this path.

I shake my head. "No, I don't see what I want to see. Not anymore." I down the rest of my wine, preparing to leave.

"What does that mean?"

"It means I wanted to see you one way, but the evidence has shown me that you're not who I hoped you were."

"I'm not saying you don't deserve justice or that Lazaro deserved what happened to him. But you have to admit, growing up in your world, it's bound to affect how you see things."

"And your world doesn't affect how you see things?" I counter, but my tone lacks its usual bite.

Henry shrugs. "Of course it does. That's why we need different perspectives. To see the whole picture."

"And what picture are you trying to see?"

Our server arrives, and I'm grateful for a moment to catch my breath as we order our meal. When he leaves, the tension in the air has dropped. It's not gone, but neither do I feel like my emotions are sitting on a powder keg.

"I don't deny bias exists. It's part of human nature. You see cops one way. We see criminals one way." He sighs. "And yet, you just said that you wanted to see me differently." He almost looks happy about that. I look away, hating how vulnerable that makes me feel.

His hand covers mine, bringing my attention back to him. "I'm seeing you differently too, Lana. Not just you, but your family."

My eyes narrow, worried this is a trick. He's going from bad cop to good cop or something.

"Elio's actions to protect his wife and daughter?—"

"The police killed her bastard of a husband."

"I know. The point I want to make is that Elio is a loving husband and father who'd do anything for his family. Had the cops not arrived, he'd have killed Gabriel Collins?—"

"As anyone else would do when a knife is held to a child's throat."

"Yes. That's my point. Your dedication to Lazaro also shows the love and devotion of your family."

"You think we're monsters?"

He laughs and throws his hands up. "I can't win with you. I'm saying that I'm seeing you in a new light, yes. Just like it seems you've seen me in a new light. Or at least wanted to."

I don't want to come off like a nut case, so I take a breath. Then a thought comes to me. "Do you think all those calls on us have to do with Collins?"

His brow furrows. "I don't have any evidence of that. Why?"

"Maybe someone in his family is upset that Piper and Elysse are with Elio, or what happened to Collins."

Henry seems to weigh that idea. "It's something to look into." He pulls out a notepad and pen, writing something down.

"You're actually going to look into it?" I want to believe him, but maybe he's just patronizing me.

"Yes. It's a good theory. You could be a detective."

I snort. "Me? A detective? I think my moral compass might be a little too skewed for that line of work, don't you think?"

He smiles. "Maybe. But you've got the mind for it, that's for sure."

I raise my glass in a mock toast. "To careers we'll never have, Detective Lutz."

He raises his glass and we drink. Our dinner arrives, and for a bit we just eat, but the mention of the calls has me wondering what's going on with that case. I'm not sure I should ask since Henry and his partner have been using the calls to try and put my family in jail. And yet, perhaps I can learn something that will allow me to protect the family.

"About the calls? Are you really considering that someone is out to get us?"

He wipes his mouth with his napkin. "Yes."

"And have you found anything?"

"Nothing concrete yet. I tend to agree that someone has it out for your family. I'm just trying to figure out who and why."

"What about the Rinellas?"

His eyes are intense as he studies me. "Why would you think they have something against you?"

Damn. I need to tread carefully. "Elio was supposed to marry his daughter. But then Piper returned, so he called off the engagement."

Henry seems intrigued. "And that would lead Rinella to retaliate?"

I bite my lip. "The marriage was arranged about ten years ago between my father and Vincente."

"That's a thing?"

"What?" I'm not sure what he's confused about.

"Arranged marriages?"

I seesaw my head. "Yes and no. I mean, we can choose our own mates, but at the time, Elio was reeling over losing Piper, and he went head first into the business." I pause, worried I'm saying too much. "My father and Rinella wanted to create a stronger alliance, and apparently, marriage was a way to do it."

Henry thinks and then he gapes. "Vincente Rinella's daughter was what… eight… ten years ago." It tells me he's been studying the families in The Outfit. He probably knows more than I think he does about all of us. Another reason to be careful.

"Yes, but Elio didn't meet her until recently. She's eighteen now."

"And she's okay with marrying a man she didn't know?"

I've painted myself into a corner, revealing more about my family than I probably should. Not that rumors and gossip aren't on the street for Henry to pick up on, but still. I don't want to be the source of it.

"Women don't always have agency in this world."

"So, it's like some medieval royalty thing? Mafia daughters married off for power or money?"

I shrug.

He grins. "Your family clearly didn't see that for you."

Is that a compliment?

"At least not Elio. He seems to recognize your intelligence."

I think it is a compliment, which I try to brush off with a wry smile. "Careful. Keep talking like that, and I might start to think you actually respect me."

His eyes lock with mine, and there's an intensity there that makes my breath catch. "I do respect you, Lana. More than you might realize."

Warning, warning, warning . I look down at my food to break the charged moment. "By the way, Mafia is a dirty word."

"Oh?" His expression is intrigued. Then he looks worried. "Does it offend you?"

"Would it matter?"

His smile is soft, even sweet. "Yes. I don't want to offend you."

Dammit. Warm feelings swirl in my gut. I shrug, hoping he doesn't see how much his words impact me. "It's not a big deal. It's just wrong. It's assigned to a group of people, not what that group calls itself."

"Good to know."

Meanwhile, I'm sure I've said too much. If this got out, I could be in serious trouble, not so much from Elio, who no doubt would be pissed, but from other Families. Breaking the code of silence is problematic. Then again, I'm not a made woman, as women still aren't officially initiated into the organization. I'm sure other Families won't care that I didn't take the Oath of Omertà. They'd still see my oversharing of our ways as a betrayal.

"What about you, Henry? No arranged marriages in your family?"

He laughs. "No."

As we settle into our dinner, the conversation veers in a new direction, thankfully. Henry shares bits and pieces of his past. Pulled in by him, I hang on every word.

"I remember my first arrest," he says, a wistful smile playing on his lips. "I was so nervous, I nearly forgot to read the guy his rights."

"The great Detective Lutz, fumbling through his first arrest? I find that hard to believe."

He shrugs, his eyes twinkling. "We all start somewhere. I wasn't born with a badge and a steely gaze."

As he continues to open up, I soften toward him. He tells me about his childhood in a rough neighborhood, how he decided to become a cop to make a difference. There's a vulnerability in his words that I never expected to see.

"A lot of people in my neighborhood saw cops as the enemy." He glances up at me, his expression saying, Just like you do .

"Not you?"

He shakes his head. "I wanted to change that perception."

"That's admirable."

He looks at me, surprise evident in his eyes. "You mean that?"

I roll my eyes. "Yes, Henry. I admire someone who has a strong character and determination, even if they are a cop."

As the evening progresses, I'm laughing more freely, my usual guard slipping away. There's a warmth in my chest that I can't quite explain. It terrifies me, and at the same time, I don't want it to cool.

When he tells me about losing his partner in a shootout early in his career, I feel an overwhelming urge to comfort him. Without thinking, I reach across the table and squeeze his hand.

"I'm so sorry. Losing someone isn't easy."

He looks at our joined hands, then back at me. The vulnerability in his eyes makes my heart ache. "It was. But it's what drives me to be better, to do better."

I realize I'm still holding his hand, but I can't bring myself to let go of the connection.

When dinner finishes, Henry walks me to my car. He whistles when he sees it. "Nice."

I smile. "It is, isn't it?" I pat it, wondering what Lazaro would think of me showing off his prized car to a cop. He'd laugh and call me nuts. Then he'd tell me to be careful even as he'd encourage me to walk this tightrope. Lazaro was daring like that.

For a moment, Henry and I stand by Lazaro's car, our gazes holding but neither saying anything. A cool evening breeze sends a shiver down my spine. Or maybe it's the electricity crackling between us. I can't tell anymore.

I have the urge to trust him again. An urge my mind says is foolish, but something else inside me pushes me on. "Henry. Do you trust me?"

He pauses, his eyes searching mine. After what feels like an eternity, he responds. "Against my better judgment… yes, I think I do."

My heart skips at his words, telling me how important it was for me to hear them. "Then come on a drive with me."

He hesitates. I can practically see his mind weighing the risks, the potential consequences. But then he smiles, and it feels genuine. "Okay."