21. Addison

21

Addison

I sat in biology class, trying to focus on what the professor was saying about next week's midterms, but my mind kept drifting. The events of the past few days swirled in my head—Eren's sudden change of heart, Michael's intense lessons, the complicated web of relationships I found myself tangled in.

As the professor droned on about the exam format and topics to review, I absently doodled in the margins of my notebook. Spirals and geometric shapes took form under my pen, a manifestation of the chaotic thoughts I couldn't seem to organize.

"... and remember, this midterm will account for 25% of your final grade," the professor warned, his voice cutting through my reverie. I glanced up, catching the serious expressions on my classmates' faces.

A twinge of anxiety twisted in my gut. With everything going on in my personal life, had I been neglecting my studies? The last thing I needed was to let my grades slip.

I forced myself to tune back into the lecture, scribbling down key points about cellular respiration and photosynthesis. The complex diagrams on the whiteboard seemed to blur before my eyes, and I blinked hard, trying to bring them into focus.

Next to me, my friend Leah leaned over. "You okay, Addie? You seem distracted."

I managed a tight smile. "Yeah, just stressed about the exam." It wasn't the whole truth, but it was easier than trying to explain the tangled knot of my love life.

Leah nodded sympathetically. "I feel you. But hey, we can study together this weekend if you want. Two heads are better than one, right?"

"That would be great, thanks," I said, feeling a surge of gratitude for her friendship. With Leah's help, maybe I could get a handle on the course material and quiet the anxious voice in my head.

The professor's voice faded into the background as a man in a suit walked into the lecture hall. He had a commanding presence, with sharp blue eyes and a chiseled jawline. He was older, but he still exuded an allure that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I straightened in my seat, my attention suddenly focused on the unexpected visitor.

Professor Bradshaw paused mid-sentence, his gaze shifting to the man. "Ah, perfect timing," he said, a note of surprise in his voice. "Class, I'd like to introduce you to John Walker, our new dean."

Murmurs rippled through the room as students craned their necks to get a better look at Dean Walker. He stood tall and confident at the front of the hall, his suit impeccably tailored and his light brown hair neatly combed.

"Thank you, Professor Bradshaw," Dean Walker said, his voice deep and resonant. "I apologize for the interruption, but I wanted to take a moment to introduce myself and share a few words with your class."

As he spoke, I found myself leaning forward, drawn in by his charisma. There was something about the way he carried himself, a quiet authority that demanded respect.

"As your new dean, my priority is to ensure that each and every one of you receives the best possible education and support during your time here," Dean Walker continued, his gaze sweeping over the room. "I believe in fostering an environment of academic excellence, but also one of community and collaboration.

"First, we are committed to improving our student resources. This means not only upgrading our library and technology centers but also expanding our counseling and career services. My daughter tells me mental health is the new buzzword going around. Not sure if I fully embrace that, but I'm open.

"Second, we aim to expand our research opportunities. Our university will seek to increase funding for research programs, particularly in areas that can make a significant impact both locally and globally. This initiative will provide our students and faculty with the tools and support needed to pioneer innovations and advance their fields.

"Last, we are looking to strengthen our partnerships with local businesses and organizations. By doing so, we can offer our students real-world experiences through internships and cooperative education opportunities. These partnerships will not only enhance their learning but also enrich our community as a whole. And it'll teach you the value of hard work paired with an education.

"Together, these initiatives will propel our university into a new era of excellence and opportunity. I am thrilled about the journey ahead and grateful for your support as we move forward."

As I listened, I couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope. With someone like Dean Walker at the helm, maybe things were looking up for the university. Maybe his leadership could bring about positive changes that would benefit us all.

The lecture hall was silent, every student hanging on to Dean Walker's words. When he finished speaking, a round of applause broke out, and he smiled slightly, nodding his thanks.

Professor Bradshaw stepped forward, shaking Dean Walker's hand. "Thank you, Dean Walker, for those inspiring words," he said. "We're thrilled to have you on board and look forward to seeing your vision come to life."

"You heard what happened to Westwood, right?" Leah asked, her voice low and conspiratorial.

I shook my head, intrigued by the gossip. "No, what happened?"

She leaned in closer, her eyes sparkling with the thrill of sharing juicy news. "He had to resign," she whispered.

My mind immediately jumped to the scandal that had rocked the campus a couple of months ago. "Because Brooke Westwood and Connor Bradshaw were caught together?" I asked, remembering the hushed whispers and knowing looks that had followed the dean's daughter and the former NHL player and professor.

She nodded. "That," she said, "but also because he was gambling university funds. I hear he's in some rich person's rehab now."

I scoffed, shaking my head in disbelief. The former dean's fall from grace was a shocking turn of events, but a part of me couldn't help but feel a sense of justice. "That'll teach him a lesson," I muttered, my tone laced with a hint of bitterness.

It was hard not to draw parallels between Westwood's situation and my own complicated relationships. The secrets, the betrayals, the consequences that seemed to lurk around every corner — it all felt like a twisted game of chance.

As the lecture resumed, I found myself lost in thought, wondering how many more scandals and secrets lay buried beneath the polished surface of our university. With a new dean at the helm, perhaps things would change for the better. But I couldn't shake the feeling that there were still more surprises in store, waiting to be uncovered.

As class was dismissed, a knot formed in my stomach at the thought of the upcoming midterms. Science had never been my strong suit, even as far back as middle school. The mere mention of the subject made my palms sweat and my heart race.

Leah must have sensed my unease because she leaned over and whispered, "Don't worry, Ads. We'll study together and ace this thing." She gave me a reassuring smile before gathering her books. "Talk soon," she said, waving as she headed towards Ring Road.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I knew I couldn't avoid the inevitable, but the thought of failing was almost paralyzing. Slowly, I packed my bag and made my way out of the lecture hall, my mind still reeling with the complexities of the subject matter.

As I stepped outside, the cool breeze helped to clear my head. I decided to head to River Styx, hoping that a change of scenery would help me focus. But as I turned the corner, I spotted a familiar figure leaning against the wall.

Eren stood there, his dark hair falling over his eyes, his hands shoved into the pockets of his worn jeans. He had a brooding, intense look about him, as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. When he noticed me, his green eyes locked onto mine, and I felt a shiver run down my spine.

I hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to say. Things had been strained between us since that night at the party, and I still hadn't quite figured out where we stood. But as he waited for me to approach, I knew I couldn't avoid him forever.

Taking a deep breath, I walked over to him, my heart pounding in my chest. "Hey," I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper.

Eren nodded, his expression unreadable. "Hey," he replied, his voice low and gruff.

We stood there for a moment, an awkward silence stretching between us. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, trying to find the right words to say. But before I could speak, Eren cleared his throat.

"About the other night," he began, his eyes flickering away from mine.

I nodded, my throat suddenly dry. "Yeah, about that..." I trailed off, unsure of how to broach the subject.

Eren sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Look, Ads, I'm sorry. I know I've been a real jerk lately. I just... I got caught up in my head, you know? But I want to fix this. I want to make things right between us."

I felt a glimmer of hope flare in my chest. "I'd like that," I said softly, a small smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

He grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He reached out and grabbed my hand, his fingers intertwining with mine. "You're coming to the game tonight, right? It's against Boston."

I nodded, my heart skipping a beat at his touch. "I'll be there," I promised.

"Good," he said, squeezing my hand. "I was thinking after... we can just finish everything."

I frowned, confusion clouding my features. "Finish everything?" I asked as we began to walk along Ring Road.

The February day was crisp and clear, the sun shining down on us despite the chill in the air. The trees that lined the path were bare, their branches reaching towards the sky like skeletal fingers. A few students hurried past us, their breath fogging in the cold.

Eren nodded, his expression turning serious. "Yeah, you know, wrap up this whole thing with Michael. I don't want it hanging over us anymore."

I bit my lip, a sense of unease settling in my stomach. I knew that Michael and I needed to have a conversation, but the thought of confronting him made my palms sweat. Still, I knew Eren was right. We couldn't move forward until we dealt with the past.

"I want you and him to do what needs to happen," he said, his thumb running over the back of my hand, "and then you and me can finally move forward. We can finally be together the way I want to."

My heart stuttered as Eren's words sank in. I wasn't sure what I had expected him to say, but it certainly wasn't that.

"Oh," I said, brushing my hair back nervously.

Eren looked at me intently. "You'd like that, right? We can put Michael behind us and finally be together."

I chewed my bottom lip, a sense of unease settling in my stomach. "Did you talk to Michael about this?"

"Yeah," he said. "He agrees. He just wants this over with too."

Surprise washed over me, and a dull ache bloomed in my chest. Had Michael really said that? I wasn't sure. The thought of him agreeing to just... end things like that felt like a punch to the gut.

I tried to wrap my head around Eren's words as we walked along the path. The bare branches of the trees swayed in the breeze, their shadows dancing across the ground. A group of students hurried past us, their laughter echoing in the crisp air.

"I don't know, Eren," I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. "This all feels so... sudden."

Eren stopped walking and turned to face me, his green eyes boring into mine. "Ads, I know this is a lot to take in. But I really think this is for the best. We can't keep going on like this. It's put a strain on my relationship with you and with Michael."

"Then maybe that means we shouldn't do it at all," I said before I could stop myself.

He huffed. "I'm not saying you're wrong," he muttered. "But I can't… I won't do it. I don't want that. And you deserve to have a good first time. I can't give you that. But Michael can. And I want that for you."

I bit my lip, my mind racing. Part of me knew that Eren was right. The situation with Michael was complicated and messy, and it was holding us back from truly being together. But another part of me hesitated, unsure if I was ready to let go of whatever it was that Michael and I had. If I even wanted to be with Eren the way I thought I did.

"Can I just... think about it?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly.

Eren sighed, but nodded. "I just want it done tonight," he said. "After the game. We don't have to keep waiting anymore."

He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his touch sending a shiver down my spine, like he was Death and I was his next victim. I wasn't sure if that was an omen or not.

"I know," I whispered, my eyes fluttering closed for a moment. "I just need some time to process all of this."

His expression softened. "I understand. Look, just come to the game. We can meet back at your place after and go from there."

I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly tight. "S-sure," I promised, my voice barely audible over the pounding of my heart.

He kissed my cheek. "You have my jersey, right?"

"I-I think so," I said, my voice wavering slightly. I had come to a few games before, but I couldn't remember if I still had his jersey.

"Great," he said, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I have to go. I can't wait for this to be done, Ads. I can't wait to make you mine."

With that, he turned and walked away, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. I watched him go, my heart heavy in my chest.

The problem was, I wasn't sure if I belonged to him anymore. The thought of being with Eren, of being his girlfriend, had once filled me with excitement and anticipation. But now, as I stood there in the cold February air, I felt only uncertainty and doubt.

I couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted between us, that the connection we once shared had been strained by the events of the past few weeks. The thought of being intimate with him, of giving myself to him completely, no longer held the same appeal it once did.

And then there was Michael. Despite everything that had happened between us, I couldn't deny the pull I felt towards him. The way he made me feel, the way he challenged me and pushed me out of my comfort zone, was unlike anything I had ever experienced before.

But I knew that whatever it was that Michael and I had, it couldn't last. Not if I wanted to be with Eren. Not if I wanted to have a normal, healthy relationship.

Did I want that anymore?

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I knew I had to make a decision, that I couldn't keep stringing both of them along. But the thought of choosing one over the other made my stomach churn.

As I turned to walk back to my house, I couldn't shake the feeling that no matter what I decided, someone was going to get hurt. And I wasn't sure if I was ready to face the consequences of my choice.