13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

W ith a long, tired groan, I bang my head against the desk again. I love my job, but I hate paperwork. I also hate having to work on the weekend. Why did they have us come in again? It's Sunday; I should be chilling on the couch reading or watching TV.

Exhaling a heavy sigh, I look at the stack of paperwork I still need to get through. The team held a voluntary practice, and the guys decided to go, but it mainly consisted of the guys who live in the common houses. The players with families usually wait until mandatory practices are held. I keep hoping one of the guys will randomly bust through my door. I never thought I'd wish for them to distract me from work, but I offered to come along because there's always paperwork to do. Routine logs of the players are normal but mine? I'm extremely detailed and efficient, which is great when you are in charge of ten men, so you don't forget things. Downside? There is paperwork for ten men. Which is a lot of paperwork.

I've ensured my boys are in top shape for the start of preseason. My notes are so detailed that I can pinpoint if there have been any changes in how they navigate both on and off the ice. That also means I need to keep my notes organized in a way that makes them easy to find. Why must I girl boss so hard?

I put in my ear buds with the hope that it will help me get through the daunting task of organizing my horde of notes. Clicking the Spotify app, I let it shuffle through my main playlist.

The first song to play is What was I made for by Billie Eilish. I remember hearing this song for the first time. It reminds me of the day a shattered ankle destroyed my dreams. I had put every piece of myself into skating for so long, I didn't know what else I could do. It's hard to think of the future when your soul withers away alongside your dreams. When you watch everything you worked so hard for go up in smoke.

I can't help but replay the song and sing along while I do my office work. After the accident, I didn't know what my reason for being was anymore, but after months and months of physical therapy and watching hockey, I knew I was made for the ice. The ice is a part of my very soul, and no matter what happens, I will find a way to be a part of it.

The last lines of the song pass over my lips, and I can't help but smile. I might have forgotten how to be happy for a while, but I've finally found happiness again. During a pause between songs, I hear a knock on my door.

I look up to find Taz and Vicy standing there, mouths agape. My cheeks heat as I remove one of my ear buds. "Uh, how long have you guys been standing there?"

Taz swallows before shaking his head with a wide grin. Though the smile looks forced; it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Long enough to know that you are coming to karaoke nights from now on."

Embarrassment fills me, and I groan. I'm not saying I'm a bad singer, but I'm by no means a professional. "And when are these karaoke nights?"

"Monday nights after practice," Vicy answers, still looking a bit shocked. He wipes a hand down his face before adding, "We won't take no for an answer. We will drag you if we must."

I hum as I try to gather a bit of my dignity. "Right... anywho. Is there a reason you knocked on my door? Shouldn't you two be in practice?"

Taz nods. "We ran a few drills, but coach could tell we were distracted. He knows about your whole situation and let us go early, so we can help move your stuff out of the apartment."

I'm speechless and not entirely sure how to respond. Vicy seems to know what's going through my head because he adds, "The whole team helped. Don't worry we didn't go into your stuff or anything. Danni packed up your room."

Taz snorts. "She's quite the packing queen. She's already talked to Max, who is trying to find somewhere closer to our place since your stalker obviously knows where your apartment is now. Your current building doesn't have much in the way of security, so Max is looking into a place somewhere a little safer."

Vicy doesn't let me get a word in as he adds, "We were able to get all your stuff in the basement of the house. Tuck and Ozzy stayed behind to clear out one of the extra rooms and get it ready for you. We got your essential stuff with Danni's help."

I'm silent for a moment, trying to process everything. I could have easily moved my stuff to my parents' house while I tried to find a different place. But it seems the team has taken it upon themselves.

"Roe Roe?" Taz asks hesitantly.

I shake myself before saying, "Yes. Um... okay. That's a lot to process. Everyone didn't have to do that."

Taz shrugs. "We wanted to. You're part of the team, which means we take care of you, the same way you take care of us."

My eyes begin to burn, and I pinch my leg to prevent myself from crying. There is no way I am going to cry about this right now in front of people. Maybe when I'm in the shower and by myself. "Right... okay." It's then that I notice the box in Vicy's hands. I point to it and ask, "What do you have there?"

He lifts it as he answers. "Danni found it in the back of your closet. She said to tell you she was sorry, but her curiosity got the best of her."

I sigh, realizing exactly what that box holds. "Did you guys look?"

They both shake their heads no. Vicy walks into my office and lays the box on my desk. "The look on Danni's face told us that it was private."

With a chuckle, I reach for the box and open it. Inside holds the memories of my ice-skating career. Every video my parents took, along with pictures of Emmitt and me. I look up to find Vicy and Taz trying to peer into the box, curiosity painted across their faces.

I snort as I pull out a few pictures and lay them on the desk so they can see. I also take out a few CD's that contain the music from each of my competitions. The guys immediately grab for the pictures.

I search for the CD with my last competition on it. The moment I find it, I let out a deep sigh. I haven't watched the video. I never wanted to see the moment my dreams shattered across the ice like my ankle.

"Roe?" Pulling myself from the dark thoughts, I look up to find Taz with an arched brow, pointing toward the CD in my hand. "What's that?"

Biting my lip, I stare back down at the small square case that holds the worst day of my life. "It's the video of my last competition," I answer quietly.

"The one where you broke your ankle?" Vicy asks.

I nod but keep my eyes on it, debating if I want to finally watch it. I suppose I could watch it alone, but that would probably lead me down a spiraling rabbit hole of trauma I don't want to revisit. "I'm debating if I want to watch it or not."

"You've never seen it?" Taz asks quietly.

"No, I... I couldn't watch it after what happened. To be honest, I forgot about the box until now."

"Well... shit," Vicy says. "Sorry, Roe. We can put it back; we didn't mean to bring up horrible memories."

I wave my hand dismissively. "No. It's okay. I should probably watch it. It's been long enough."

"Do you—" Taz starts hesitantly. When I look up, I find him rubbing the back of his head. "Do you want us to watch it with you?"

I point to the two of them using the CD case. "The two of you?"

Vicy shakes his head. "No, the team. Well, your team," he says with a smirk. "We can make a night of it. Make some popcorn, and you can tell us about all the amazing songs you've skated to."

Taz bumps Vicy with his shoulder. "We can even trash talk the dude who hurt you." He raises a brow at me and asks, "Are you ever going to tell us his name?"

I chuckle darkly as I put all the stuff back into the box. "You'll find out when we watch the video. They introduce us before we skate."

"Nice," Taz says as he high fives Vicy. He points at the box filled with the memories of my old life. "You hold onto that. We'll go tell the guys the plan."

Vicy points at me as he backs out of the room. "No take backs! Meet us out front, Roe Roe."

I glance at the stack of paperwork I still need to get done. "But I need to finish all of this."

Taz clicks his tongue. "A problem for tomorrow. Let's bounce!"

Looking back down at the paperwork, I debate. But it doesn't take long for my brain to say a problem for another day. Huffing a sigh, I push away from the desk and grab the box. Vicy and Taz turn to find the others. I cup my free hand around my mouth and yell out behind them, "I want adult beverages for this!"

Vicy throws me a thumbs up as he turns the corner. Taz shakes his head and chuckles but follows. I'm not joking; I want alcohol for this. The memories of that day are still seared into my brain. Watching them play out in HD won't be much better.

The gang has all gathered at the common house—the guys I'm in charge of anyways. The guys' Danni oversees have already left. Perri, Merc, Gilly, and Fenni somehow managed to convince their wives they were needed at the common house for a few hours. I suppose the life of a hockey wife means accepting that your husband is often gone more than home.

Vicy takes a seat beside me on the couch, pouting slightly because he's the only one not old enough to drink. Legally anyway. Taz and Ozzy work together to make me a fruity drink, stating that it will blow my mind. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, but if it helps me get through this video... I'll take it.

While Oli and Lewi get the popcorn ready, Tuck sits down on my other side and bumps my shoulder. I look up from where I was staring down at the CD still in my hand.

With a soft smile, he asks, "What was your favorite song you ever skated to?"

I smirk, welcoming the distraction. "My favorite song? I suppose it would have been Lady of the Worlds by Miracle of Sound . We had really cool outfits for that one. It was a fantasy-themed skate."

He hums. "I hope you have the recording of that one in your box too. It sounds like an amazing routine."

I nod as I look back at the disk in my hand. "It was." I groan but get up to put the disk in the DVD player. Once it's in, I return to my seat between the guys. A bowl is placed in my lap, and I look over my shoulder to find Oli.

He shoots me a wink before handing me a glass as well. "I hope Taz and Ozzy didn't make it too strong."

I give the drink a tentative sip before I grin. "It's good."

He nods and takes a seat on the floor in front of us, leaning back against the couch. "Let's get this night going!"

Lewi hits play, and the screen comes alive. I'm pulled in by my parents cheering in the background. This was our short program, which was the one we did amazing in. It was going to be our ticket into the big leagues. At least that's what I thought at the time.

All I can do now, is sit and watch the skater I used to be as she flies across the ice, unaware it would be the last time she'd ever skate like that. The screen reflects all of my dreams that slipped through my fingers like melting ice. Don't get me wrong, I love my new job and my new dreams. I've accomplished so much. But you never forget your first dream. You don't forget the pain of watching them disappear.

Old wounds, long healed and forgotten, reopen as I watch the younger version of me. A head rests on my shoulder, and I know it's Vicy. He has a way about him that he can't help but try to make people feel better. To reach out and attempt to spread some of his happiness to those around him. It's often infectious, but right now, it can't break through the old hurt.

His voice is gentle as he says, "That's you." It doesn't come across as a question. More like an awed observation.

All I can do is nod as I keep my eyes glued to the TV. The short program wraps up, and the video switches over to our long program. The one where I broke my ankle. I can't tear my eyes from the screen as horror builds within me. I know what's going to happen, but seeing it happen offers a different perspective than experiencing it in the moment.

Vicy's voice is hesitant as he continues, "And... that's the guy who botched the throw and caused your injury?"

I nod again as silence fills the room. The guys know his name now. I noticed they all stiffened when he was announced at the beginning.

"You looked happy," he whispers.

"I was," I reply. Holding my breath, I watch as Emmitt tossed me into the air, and it's clear that he botched the throw on purpose. He knew what he was doing; it was no accident. I watch the teenage version of myself slide across the ice while panic builds in the crowd. The camera is moving sporadically, and I can tell my dad is rushing down the bleachers, having forgotten that he's still recording.

I admit something that I never thought I would reveal to anyone. A secret I've kept all these years. "Do you know what hurt more than my broken ankle?"

Vicy lifts his head from my shoulder and asks, "What, Roe Roe?"

"Being betrayed by the one person you trusted more than anything." My eyes slip from the screen to look at Vicy. Screaming and yelling is all you can hear in the background as the recording stops, and the screen turns black. "He was my soul mate of a different kind. We might have dated, but we were friends before that. He was a part of my very soul. We knew each other on a deeper level than many experience in a lifetime."

He looks devastated by my admission, and I'm afraid to look at anyone but him. "Roe?" His voice is a quiet question.

I tilt my head, giving him a sad smile. "It's hard to cut off a person who is part of your very soul. But I suppose that's why you can have more than one soul mate. At least... that's what I hope."

His fingers twine with mine, and he gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'll make sure you find the perfect soul mate and get the happy ending you deserve."

My smile is real this time as I squeeze his hand back. "I know you will." I finally gather the courage to look around the room and find all they guys watching me. "If it makes you feel better, I'm happy now. And this alcohol is kicking in. So... I'm feeling great."

There's a round of snorts and laughter as Vicy steals the remote. "Time for some anime." Can't argue with that. A night can't end badly when anime and alcohol are involved.