Chapter 16

McKenzie

Istand and twirl around so quickly I almost fall over. Phoenix's neck and face are flushed, his nostrils flaring. I did not want him to find out this way.

"Nix," I murmur. But I don't know what to say.

"Upstairs. Now." His tone leaves no room for argument.

I turn back to Anna, giving her a hug. "Good luck," she whispers.

I touch her cheek. "Eat something," I admonish. She nods once and I turn to face Phoenix. He waves at me to come on, so I hurriedly walk out into the hallway. Rex is standing there with a grim look on his face.

I grab his forearm. "Make sure Anna eats."

His eyebrows draw together, but he nods once. Phoenix places his hand on the small of my back. His touch is gentle, even though I know he's pissed. When we enter the kitchen, Phillip is waiting expectantly.

"Phillip, we have something to take care of. Can you make us a plate?" Nix doesn't give Phillip time to answer as he rushes me out of the kitchen, through the living room, and up the stairs. My stomach churns as he leads me into our bedroom and closes the door.

I turn to face him, crossing my arms over my stomach and rubbing my hands up and down my arms. He doesn't speak right away, instead he stares at me. He changed since this afternoon in the library. I exhale sharply. Was that just a few hours ago? He's wearing his classic dark slacks and black button-up shirt.

He unbuttons the top buttons on his shirt, then the cuffs of the sleeves, and rolls them up. I watch as his tattooed skin is slowly revealed. I swallow and think over the day. I should have told him in the library, but he was so upset and I didn't want to overwhelm him and he wouldn't let me.

My breathing is erratic as I watch Nix. He looks like a caged lion. His arms hang at his side, his veins popping against his skin as he balls his hands into fists. His eyes are like glaciers as he stares at me. I swallow and take a step back, but he takes a step forward.

His voice is bourbon over ice. "If you had all your memories back, I'd put you over my knee and spank you." My eyes widen as his hand flexes like he's imagining it.

I take another step back and he takes another step forward. Heat swirls in my stomach, shocking me that I somehow like being the prey and him being the predator. One side of his mouth tips up like he knows it.

"We did that?" My voice is barely above a whisper. He takes another step forward, closing the distance between us further.

"We did." He tilts his head like he's considering his next words. "The auctions gave us liberties to explore, and we took advantage of it."

"Oh." I don't know what else to say. I loved when he bent me over the sex chair at the auction a few months ago. Then I had a memory when he showed me how it worked. I tilt my head at him. "I thought you said the sex chair was specially made."

He narrows his eyes at me. "What?" He steps closer to me again.

"You said it was specially made for me. So it was just right for me, but in my memory there was one already there."

He snorts and shakes his head. "Is that your question for me today?"

I glare at him. "You haven't answered questions in a couple of days, so maybe you should answer more than one."

"That room had been put together for couples to use before I bought you. After I bought you, I moved everything in that room to a different one and that one became ours. Everything in that room was specifically made for us." He takes one more step, effectively caging me against the wall when he places his hands on either side of me. "Now, let's deal with the present situation. Why didn't you tell me?"

I cross my arms over my chest and give my best unbothered expression, even though my heart is pounding in my ears. "When did you want me to tell you? After you told me you needed some time alone and walked out on me? I didn't even know you left until Phillip told me after I sat in that library for thirty minutes with your cum still dripping out of me."

I stand up on my tiptoes and get in his space, trying to show him he's not going to intimidate me. His smirk turns lethal when he grasps my throat and lifts my chin. "Tell me everything."

I arch an eyebrow at him, refusing to talk until he gives me some space. He drops his hand and takes a step back. I push his chest, making him stumble back and I side step him to sit on the edge of the bed. He leans back against the windows and stares at me, waiting.

"You know, Nix. I know you're a dangerous man. You've told me you've killed people. You do illegal things. You're one of the leaders of the Society and part of the mafia. But to me, you're just Phoenix. And I'm just McKenzie. Unless we decide to be completely honest with each other, this isn't going to work. Even if the chemistry between us is off the charts."

I comb my fingers through my hair. Nix loosens his muscles slightly as he listens to me. "I don't know why I didn't tell you all of this before, but I'm guessing it's because I was trying to protect you in my own way. Your mother took me the first time and the second time, but…" I trail off and glance away from him.

"But what?" His voice is softer.

I squeeze my eyes shut for a second before opening them again and looking at him. "I think I went with her willingly the second time because she threatened to kill you. When I get those memories back, I'll tell you for sure."

He sucks in a deep breath, his eyes flaring. "Fucking hell." He rubs his hand down his face.

"The memory I had the other night, your mother watched as some guy hosed me down. I was freezing as they brought me back to that room they held me in. Then, Dr. Chamberland walked in and told her you were getting close to finding me and it was time they changed up the drugs they were giving me so I would forget."

My mouth is dry and uneasiness settles in the pit of my stomach. What if he doesn't believe me? What if he throws me out? I blink back the tears that want to fall and stare at him. Waiting.

He takes a step toward me, and I lift my chin, waiting. Stopping in front of me, he grabs my hand and pulls me off the bed. He raises his hand and cups the side of my neck. "Fuck, Kenz." He moves his hand to cup the back of my neck and pulls me into his arms. I wrap my arms around him and the tension in my muscles slowly fades away.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper as I hold him tightly.

"Don't apologize, love," he says against my forehead. "I should be apologizing. I've been such an asshole." A tear escapes from my eye and drips on his arm. He leans back and watches as another tear falls. He leans forward and licks it.

"I don't deserve your tears." He cups my cheeks with both of his hands and tilts my head up until his lips are ghosting against mine. "I want you to know we're going to make them fucking suffer, then we're going to kill them."

I sag against Nix. "You believe me?"

He huffs, his breath cool against my warm skin. "Of course I believe you. I told you I can tell when you're lying." He rubs his lips against my cheek. He tilts his head back and blows out a hard breath. "I haven't made it easy, have I?"

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. "I told you I didn't think it was my father. Even before some of my memories came back."

He walks over to the chair in front of the window, pulling me along with him. He sits and pulls me down in his lap. He wraps one arm around my waist and the other lies on my lap as he grips my hip with his hand.

"My father lied to me." He's gripping my hip so hard it might leave bruises, but I'm the anchor he needs right now. "He knew years ago my mother left, but he planted a seed that your father took her and he never said any differently. He let me believe that for years. Chasing a ghost."

A sharp pain hits me in my chest as my throat tightens at his words. I rub my hand through his hair and massage the muscles in his neck. He looks at me and one side of his mouth tips up as he rubs his hand from my hip down to my outer thigh and back again.

"I can't say I'm completely upset about it, though."

I tilt my head at him. "What? Why?"

He brings his hand up, cupping my face, and rubs his thumb over my bottom lip. "Because I got the girl." I lean forward and capture his lips with mine. In this brief moment, everything falls away. It's just him and me. Not his mother or my father or the unanswered questions lingering between us.

For all the times he's made my pulse race, in desire, in anger, in frustration; I don't know if I've ever experienced this with him. His hand wraps around my throat as he deepens the kiss, his tongue brushing against mine. He pulls me closer as I cling to him. We kiss until we're out of breath, breaking apart briefly, our lips still touching. I breathe in the breath he exhales.

Our souls binding together as one. Whatever may come. Whatever we may face. We'll do it together. His lips trail up my jaw to my ear and he sucks my earlobe into his mouth, making me moan. He increases the pressure on my throat slightly with his hand, forcing me to open my eyes and I'm staring into his beautiful ice eyes.

"I will love you until I breathe my last breath." My heartbeat quickens at his words. It's a promise and a declaration.

I sink even further into him. "It's always been you." He rubs his thumb over my lips again just before he leans up, kissing me until everything else fades away.