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Chapter 45

Chapter Forty-Five

T his game is dangerous and unfair, yet everything inside me screams to give in because I know I only want him. At least when it comes to sex. But I’m not ready to end my marriage. However, Ezra hasn’t said a word about it. I want to agree with him and give him every promise he wants to hear as long as he gives me what I need.

I’m completely at his mercy; unfortunately, I enjoy this far too much. Ezra rules over me and my body in a way that literally intoxicates me. And yet he does nothing. I don’t want one hundred percent. Every thrust, bite, and slap is exactly what I want and need . What I long for.

Just as I’m about to open my mouth to agree, I see a light shining under my flickering eyelids. It’s only a moment later that I realize it’s the bedroom light in our house. Then I recognize Thomas and his standing at the window, looking over at us.

“Ezra! My husband!” I gasp in complete panic, squirming under him so he’ll get off me, and I can hide.

“He only sees your sexy ass, Beauty. Relax,” Ezra replies with amusement as he continues to take me so deliciously hard from behind and slaps my bottom so hard that I can’t help but moan again.

The panic in me doesn’t subside and completely replaces the excitement. I can’t do this! It’s bad enough that I’m cheating on my husband right next door, but I don’t have to take this dangerous game so far and push it to the limit that he might catch me in the act. That’s unfair to Thomas, and I don’t want to end my marriage like that. After all, I don’t want to end it at all. I think… Oh, damn!

“Ezra. Please, stop,” I whisper, as if my husband could hear us, still standing by the window, as if he could see what we’re doing here. Can he see us?

I keep my head down and try not to show my face. But I’m sure he would have stormed off in a rage long ago if he had recognized me.

Grumbling, Ezra lets go of me so I can crawl out of Thomas’s vision. My heart is pounding in my throat, and a knot forms in my chest, preventing me from breathing properly. I wrap the sheet around me and look at Ezra, who is drawing the curtains in front of his window, plunging the room completely into darkness.

“I have to go,” I whisper in a shaky voice, rising with wobbly legs to grab my clothes as quickly as possible.

When Thomas realizes I’m not there, he’ll quickly put one and one together as he’s probably clearly seen Ezra in action with a woman. Oh, God! What was I thinking?

My breathing quickens, and I threaten to hyperventilate as I get out of bed to get dressed. But I’m frozen and can’t move an inch. The fear that my husband might have seen us literally paralyzes me.

“Calm down, Beauty. He saw nothing. He turned away when I closed the curtain, and he realized I had just caught him peeping. If he’d recognized you, he’d probably be here already, wouldn’t he? So take it easy. Breathe,” he commands me in a gentle tone, stepping close to me to take my face in his rough, strong hands.

As soon as he touches me and I feel his closeness and warmth again, my pulse calms down, and my breathing becomes shallower again.

“Are you all right?” Ezra whispers against my lips before planting a delicate kiss on me.

I nod gently before releasing myself from his grip because I can’t stay here any longer. I put the sheet back on the bed and grab my clothes, which I quickly slip into. I have to change my wet panties as quickly as I can without attracting attention as soon as I get home.

“I have to go,” I repeat, not knowing how to say goodbye or what to say to him.

Just a few minutes ago, I wanted to promise him I only belong to him because I’m a pile of mush as soon as he touches me. I do things that I probably wouldn’t do in my right mind. Or would I? I don’t know. Right now, my head is empty and overflowing at the same time, and I can’t think about anything other than what I’m about to say to Thomas when I get home. I’m sure he’s still awake and has been looking for me.

“When will I see you again, Beauty?” Ezra asks me, clasping my face with his hands once more.

“I… I don’t know. I must go now, Ezra. My husband…” I stammer, break free from his grip, and walk backward away from him because I don’t want to go, yet I have to.

I’m so confused. On the one hand, I want to push him off me and scream at him never to touch me again because if he does, I’ll weaken again and won’t be able to resist him because I want him. Damn it, I want Ezra so much. I want to pull him to me and kiss him until we’re breathless and then ask him to pick up where he left off. I don’t want to think about my husband when I’m with Ezra. Nor do I want our everyday problems to exist here when we’re together.

Overwhelmed by my jumbled thoughts and feelings, I turn off my thoughts and the admonishing voice for a second and rush toward Ezra to bridge the distance I’ve created again and jump into his arms to kiss him for the first and last time today. I claw into his strong shoulders and wrap my legs around his hips, leaving Ezra to steal my breath away once again with a kiss.

“I want to ask you out tomorrow night,” he murmurs between kisses against my swollen lips.

I nod eagerly because there’s no other option. I want to spend time with Ezra. I want to be close to him and simply forget everything around me. He ends the kiss slowly, sets me back on my feet, and releases me. We both know it’s time for me to go. I can’t put it off any longer. If it’s not too late. Either way, I’ll only find out if I finally go now. Even if I don’t want to…

Ezra interlaces his fingers with mine and walks me to his bedroom door. But before he opens it, he pauses and reaches blindly for something on his bedside table.

“Here. Give me your number.”

He holds his unlocked cell phone under my nose. Blinded by the bright light of his screen, I squint my eyes slightly, as they have already become accustomed to the darkness.

Unsure, I take his phone and pause for a moment, wondering whether it’s wise to give him my number so that he can always text me. It’s already difficult enough not to get caught by my husband, but if we’re texting, there’s solid evidence on my phone…

“Don’t worry, Beauty. I’ll be your dirty little secret until you decide otherwise. This is only on your terms. Okay? I won’t force you to do anything you’re not ready for or don’t want,” he promises me and kisses my cheek.

“And what was that just then? You wanted me to promise you I wouldn’t sleep with my husband anymore,” I counter, looking up at him with a raised eyebrow.

That audacious grin that always makes me weak creeps onto his face again.

“Like I said, I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to,” he replies cheekily.

I bite my lower lip to keep myself from smirking because Ezra is right, but I can’t admit it. I can’t promise him I won’t sleep with my husband again. That’s absurd. And yet I almost promised you, if Thomas hadn’t interrupted us…

I quickly shake off this thought, lower my eyes, and enter my number into his cell phone before handing it back to him. He gives me a quick kiss and lets me go. I hurriedly sneak through his house and out of the back door into his garden. It’s hard to keep my bearings in the dark. I keep glancing up at our house, which is already in complete darkness again. Has Thomas gone back to sleep? I hope so.

I quietly open the front door, head inside, and quickly enter the code for the alarm system before listening into the darkness. But the house is completely silent. Thomas seems to have gone back to sleep.

I go into the kitchen to have another glass of wine. At least that way, I have an alibi. My thoughts are racing through my head. So much has happened that I can’t take it all in and put it all together. I must talk to Kelly tomorrow. Maybe she’ll have some advice for me, besides the fact that I should enjoy it. How am I supposed to enjoy cheating on my husband? Well. I enjoy it. I don’t want to admit it because I’m a good person and thought I’d be a good wife. Damn it!

But then why does it feel so damn good and somehow not wrong at all with Ezra when he’s around me and making me feel all these amazing things? Why does my whole body burn for him and only want to belong to him, at least sexually? Where do all these contradictory feelings come from when I hardly know this guy and am actually happy with Thomas? At least, I thought I was, but everything feels so… wrong right now. It’s like I’ve woken up in an absurd movie, and the plots and characters don’t fit at all with the part of the movie’s first half.

After three glasses of wine, this little fog forms in my head, and everything feels wrapped in cotton. My thoughts don’t make much sense anymore, so it’s probably best to finally sleep. It’s already late. It is well past 3 a.m., and theoretically, the alarm will ring again tomorrow morning so I can get Thomas’s coffee and breakfast ready. I’m too exhausted and perhaps a little too drunk to get by on just three hours’ sleep. He’s given me the day off, and I will enjoy these days off.

Staggering slightly, I walk up the stairs and into our bedroom. I ignore the throbbing between my legs that won’t stop. Even though I can’t hide the smile when I think of Ezra’s words. I’m really excited to see what he has planned for us. Whether I accept it is not up for debate. I can tell myself as much as I want that there’s nothing between Ezra and me, but in the end, I should know better, and resisting it doesn’t help, as I’ve just discovered. Otherwise, I would hardly have snuck out of my husband’s bed and into his in the middle of the night so that Ezra could give me what Thomas couldn’t.

Ezra has awakened a desire in me I didn’t even know I had. But maybe it’s also because I’ve only slept with one man in my life so far. I’m not saying that Thomas and I have bad sex, but since I have a comparison and know that it can be different… it’s hard not to say otherwise. Ezra triggers a fire in me I didn’t know before, but now I don’t want to miss it. I feel young and free right now, as if all doors are open to me. It’s as though I have a choice and could choose another man if I wanted to.

I didn’t have that choice back then because when I got pregnant, it was clear I was going to marry Thomas and share the rest of my life with him. And I wouldn’t change it. I love my daughter and our little family. But with Ezra, I still have that choice and can now do whatever I want without the sky falling in on me. Of course, I know I can’t leave my husband for Ezra. But I can imagine it, and I do, as often as I want to…

Slightly tipsy, I climb into bed with my husband and fall asleep faster than I thought I would without waking him up again, which I’m glad about because I want to have the conversation about where I was with a rational mind.

“May I know where you were last night?” I am rudely awakened from my sleep.

“Hm?” I mumble sleepily as my eyes fall shut again because I’m just so exhausted.

“Cora, damn it!” Thomas scolds me, and I’m wide awake in a second.

Startled, I straighten up and quickly tidy my mane, which is hanging wildly in my face.

“I… had some wine outside yesterday because I couldn’t sleep. Sorry about that. It must have been late, and I didn’t hear the alarm clock.” I try to defuse the situation.

Yesterday, in my slightly tipsy state, it all sounded much more logical. But now, looking at it soberly, it wasn’t exactly a brilliant performance on my part. Especially not when I look at him like this. Thomas stands in front of our bed with his arms crossed in front of his chest and looks down at me admonishingly.

“Cora… This behavior is unacceptable. I’ve told you often enough in the last few weeks! I will not repeat myself. I’m going to work now, and when I get home tonight, you’ll be waiting for me with dinner as usual.” With that, he turns and leaves our bedroom without giving me the chance to reply.

Even though his tone annoys me, I refrain from chasing after him because I don’t want to get into another argument with him early in the morning. So I don’t tell him I won’t be there tonight. He’ll find his dinner in the oven and a note on the dining table telling him I’m out with Kelly. As there will be a fuss either way, I’ll at least save myself the discussion beforehand.

The anger about my husband and everything that’s going wrong in our marriage continues to build up inside me until an incoming message snaps me out of my angry thoughts, and I reach for my cell phone. An unfamiliar number appears on my screen. I pause for a moment before opening the message.

***

Good morning, Beauty.

I hope you had a restful night and are looking forward to tonight as much as I am ;)

Be at my favorite place at 8:00 p.m., where I’ve already taken you once in your car, and be surprised at what else you can do with me ;)

See you tonight, Beauty. I can hardly wait.

***

I can’t stop smiling and have to read the message repeatedly, and I can’t help the butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach. I know I’m not supposed to feel like this with Ezra, but unfortunately, I can’t remember the last time Thomas sent me a message like this without it being an apology.

But I realize I shouldn’t compare the two. However, my husband’s misbehavior and this attention from Ezra make it hard not to. But I will do as Kelly said. I will enjoy it while it lasts. I want more, but I will not get that ‘more’ from my husband right now…

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