Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

I enter the house with a soft smile when I see that I’m alone. I haven’t heard from Thomas, and I don’t care. Indeed, he will shower me with presents and little gifts over the next few days, which will be expensive.

I wonder what he would have done in the past when money was still an issue and we had to think about how much we could spend each month and still be able to cover the rent and his student fees. Thomas’s change in behavior didn’t start until June was about five years old. Before that, he never hit me. Never . He was always bossy and possessive but never violent.

I keep wondering what my daughter’s life and mine would be like if I had left him the first time.

But that ‘what if’ game ends quickly because I couldn’t have taken my daughter away from her father and given her the life she deserves without his financial support.

I knew for a fact that he would have stopped supporting her immediately if I had left him. And he knows June is my weak point. No matter what happens, I must ensure my daughter and her future are safe.

Still, I wish the terror would finally stop, and he would return to be the man I fell madly in love with all those years ago. I still love him, even though everything is so complicated between us. And then there’s this confusing thing with Ezra… I can’t worry about that right now, or my head will burst.

As I check the outside doors to ensure they’re all locked, I switch on the alarm system before heading upstairs. I glance at my cell phone to see if June has texted me, but there’s nothing there. I feel even angrier at Thomas for dragging our daughter into this mess.

He’s revealed his dark side to our daughter— the side that should have been left behind, based on his empty promises. His words mean nothing to me now.

Thomas was my first love, my first in every sense, and I believe that kind of love shapes you in ways that can lead you down unexpected paths. I still love him, but I can’t continue living like this. Unfortunately, I don’t see a way out until June finishes college.

I’ve just come out of the bathroom, ready for bed. As I’m about to close my window and draw the curtains, a melody catches my attention and stops me. A guitar playing. Ezra.

Curious, I look out of my window to see where he is. But unfortunately, I can’t make him out; I can only hear the beautiful sounds. Ezra plucks the strings gently, and I imagine he is doing it for me—to accompany me to sleep, to make me feel better. So, I leave my window open tonight and draw the curtains slightly.

The beautiful melody drifts in and accompanies me to bed. Snuggled up in my big pillow, I listen to his guitar playing. I fall asleep with a smile, even though this day has been so chaotic.

“I want you, Beauty!” I hear a whisper in my ear and am startled out of my sleep.

With half-opened eyes, I look around my dark bedroom until a hot breath hits my cheek, and a familiar smell of wood and leather hits my nose. A strange, sweet taste floods my mouth as I swallow, making me slip entirely out of my slumber.

“What are you doing here in my bedroom, Ezra? How did you get in here?” I mumble tiredly, rubbing my sleepy eyes.

The question is bothering me. We have an alarm system, after all. I want to ask him more, but I feel drunk. Slightly dizzy, limp, and not quite myself. I didn’t even drink a whole glass at dinner with June and Thomas.

“Can’t a man have his secrets?” Ezra jokes, and he unexpectedly presses his soft lips against mine when I try to say something back.

I want to protest, but I don’t because that’s exactly what I want. His soft lips on mine and his hand creeping up my bare thighs, further under my nightgown.

Within seconds, Ezra is on top of me. His mouth completely dominating me again, and his fingers are driving me crazy. Gasp after gasp escapes me, and when he slips his hand under the waistband of my panties, I moan softly. I enjoy his gentle touch, which only drives me even more insane.

But suddenly, a thought flashes through my mind. Thomas ! This is our marriage bed! We have to stop!

“Stop, Ezra,” I gasp and push him away from me against his chest.

He sits up slightly and runs a hand through his short hair. I avert my eyes because I don’t want to see his disappointed expression. But here and now, we can’t give in.

The mattress beneath me gives way, and I feel him move until, after a moment, he puts his hand on my cheek and leans toward me again.

“Relax, Beauty,” he murmurs against my lips before kissing me again with desire.

His tongue invades my mouth demandingly, and I fall for him again. No, stop! Not in my marriage bed!

I press against his chest again and push him away. Ezra breaks away from me and looks down at me. His face is bathed in shadow, and yet I can see the softness of his eyes shimmering. He doesn’t want to push me into anything, doesn’t want to force me. Ezra desires me and wants me just as much as I want him. But in my marriage bed?

I shake my head to tell him I can’t do this again, but the dizziness increases with this movement, and I feel lost. Groaning, I close my eyes, and my head spins. Ezra appears in front of me in duplicate, which can’t be right. What is wrong with me?

“It’s all right,” I hear his calm voice against my ear and feel his weight on me again.

His hand moves under my panties again, only this time Ezra traces my already wet folds more firmly and urgently. As he parts them and rubs my throbbing clit, I moan, although the dizziness increases. I don’t know what’s happening here or whether I want this. So I shake my head one more time. We can’t do this here.

“I want you so much, Beauty!” he growls excitedly into my ear and then captures my earlobe with his teeth, making me gasp.

I can barely react before Ezra has already removed my panties and nightgown and is now in the process of freeing himself from his jeans and shorts.

“God, how much I want you!” No sooner has Ezra uttered the words than I feel his velvety tip against my wetness.

He rubs it playfully between my wet folds, robbing me of the last shred of sanity I have left. I suppress my increasing drowsiness and enjoy every touch. This first powerful thrust is especially important because it is at this moment that Ezra penetrates me. I moan and arch against him, wanting to wrap my arms and legs around him, but I can’t move.

“Ezra,” I moan, wanting to tell him that something is wrong, but then he gives me another heavenly thrust that hits my sweet spot and only makes me moan even louder.

“You’re perfect, Beauty. Perfect for me!” he murmurs against my lips before he kisses his way down.

Ezra leaves a wet trail on my heated skin until his soft lips reach my already erect nipples, and he pampers them with gentle kisses and hot tongue play.

His thrusts become increasingly urgent, driving me toward the cliff with great strides. I feel like I’m in a frenzy, like a shadow watching it all from above. As if I’m not in my body right now, and yet I can feel every thrust, kiss, bite, and touch he gives me.

He pushes himself into my wetness one more time, and we both erupt in pleasure. The beautiful and heavenly intoxication captures me entirely, and I drift into a peaceful blackness.

The ringing of the doorbell wakes me mercilessly, and I sit up with a racing heart and a murderous headache. Groaning, I cradle my head in my hands as the exploding pain in it nearly kills me. What happened yesterday?

I look around sleepily. The curtain catches my attention, and I struggle to remember why my window had been open all night. My bed is rumpled as if I slept fitfully and just tossed and turned, and my nightgown is messy, confirming my theory of restless sleep.

I feel like I have a hangover, even though I drank hardly anything yesterday. I try to put the puzzle pieces together. Still, I can’t remember anything more than being driven home by Ezra yesterday after the argument with Thomas, not even how I got to bed or left my window open, which I never do, especially not when I’m alone in this big house.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes as the hammering pain becomes almost overwhelming. Suddenly, blurry images flash through my battered skull—naked bodies colliding with each other. Loud moans echo in my ears, and the throbbing between my legs feels so real. I rub my face and try to get the images out of my head because I don’t know where they’re coming from or what they mean.

The ringing won’t stop, so I decided to go downstairs to see who’s there. I quickly throw on my silk robe and head downstairs, tired and in pain. I turn off the alarm system and open the door.

Thomas stands before me, but an enormous bouquet of roses covers his upper body. I inwardly roll my eyes as he does precisely what I predicted. Nevertheless, I step aside and let him in.

“Cora, I…” but I immediately choke him off.

“I don’t want to hear your cheap excuses, Thomas! Put the flowers in the vase. I’m going to shower, and then we can talk about it like adults and what happens next.”

Caught off guard by my stern tone, Thomas nods and enters the kitchen while I go upstairs.

Once in the bathroom, I momentarily stand in front of the mirror, lean against the sink, and look down at the precious marble. I don’t know what to do now.

Should I forgive Thomas again? Let him get away with it again? When I think about leaving him, the man I’ve already shared half my life with, I can’t breathe.

I turn on the water, put some in my hands, and splash it on my face and neck. I hope that the cool water will help me organize my thoughts. My gaze finds my reflection again; something catches my eye, making me freeze for a moment.

A reddish spot on the base of my neck that I can’t explain for my life. I lean a little more over the sink and closer to the mirror to better understand what it is. Narrowing my eyes, I scrutinize the stain until I realize what I’m looking at. A hickey?!

I furrow my brows, and I think feverishly about where that mark near my collarbone came from. Ezra !

We kissed wildly in my car. Is that where it happened? Lost in thought, I shake my head. No matter where it came from, I must hide it from Thomas. Otherwise, Thomas’s rampage yesterday was just the beginning, and I don’t want that. I don’t know what I want right now.

I don’t want to divorce my husband and throw away over twenty-one years of relationship and togetherness. I don’t want to take June’s father away and split our family in two. But I don’t want to be treated like that anymore, either. And then there’s Ezra. This attraction between us is getting stronger, and I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. After all, I’m already dreaming about us. And if Ezra hadn’t stopped me, I’m sure we would have gone further yesterday in my car. What am I supposed to do?