Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

“ M om, can I help you?” June asks me, snapping me out of my wild thoughts.

Of course, they were all about Ezra again. Since yesterday, all my thoughts have been about Ezra and what we have done. My guilt is almost killing me. I feel so awful, like I’m the worst person in the world. I cheated on my husband. That doesn’t suit me at all. Above all, I feel like the biggest hypocrite because I once gave Thomas an ultimatum to choose between his affairs and me. And now, I'm no better than he was. In fact, I might be worse because he doesn't even know about it.

“Mom?”

Startled, I turn to June. I’ve completely zoned out again due to all the confusion in my head.

“No, it’s fine. Sit down, dear,” I say with a friendly smile, and I put the steaks in the pan.

She nods and sits at the kitchen island, watching me prepare the meal. She’s nervously playing with her fingers, which is unlike her.

“What’s wrong?” I ask her because it’s clear something is bothering her.

June sighs loudly and looks up at me sadly.

“Mom, I can’t go on like this,” she whispers, glancing over her shoulder to ensure her father isn’t suddenly standing behind her.

But he’s not home yet and will probably only come in when it’s time for dinner, just like he has the past few days. Thomas has a lot on his mind at the moment.

"I know, dear. But you don’t have to tell me; you must tell your father. If it were up to me, I’d want you to be happy and to do something that fulfills you."

I give her a tentative but sincere smile because I mean what I say. It's not important to me that my daughter becomes a star lawyer and earns tons of money. Money and fame alone don't bring happiness. June should pursue what she enjoys and loves, not what she's forced to do. It's understandable that, despite her cleverness, she fails one exam after another because she doesn't put her heart and soul into it.

“But Dad won’t understand,” June objects angrily.

I nod in dismay and flip the meat in the meantime. Because today, everything must go smoothly. Not like last time. My thoughts want to drift off again, but I forcefully keep them with my daughter. I can’t always think about Ezra, especially not when June is hurting, and I must get him out of my head. I can’t be attracted to him; even more so, I can’t miss his touch and closeness. Dammit!

I want to scream and rage. I want to destroy everything around me and lash out wildly because I feel like I’ve been torn apart. Another man can’t be allowed to make me feel this way.

“We’ll talk to your father and explain it to him together. And then we’ll see,” I suggest, nodding toward the cupboard for her to set the table.

She shakes her head with a weak smile before sliding off the stool and complying with my silent request. She hands me the plates from the cupboard and sets the dining table.

Meanwhile, I take the potatoes out of the oven and arrange them with the steaks on the plates. I place the remaining potatoes in a porcelain bowl so they can serve themselves if they want a second helping.

When everything is placed on the table and I'm just about to pour two glasses of red wine to go with the meat, I hear the door opening. Thomas comes in a minute later, briefly furrowing his brows in irritation when he sees the table and our daughter, as if it's surprising that June is here for dinner on a Friday evening. Then his face brightens again as he walks up to her, beaming with joy, to greet her. I choose not to comment on his strange behavior and give him a quick kiss before inviting him to sit down with an inviting hand gesture.

“This looks delicious. If I’d known you were cooking, I wouldn’t have eaten so much with my client for lunch today,” Thomas jokes, clutching his stomach.

I furrow my brows in disbelief and want to remind him I’ve been cooking for him every day for nineteen years, but again, I decide to keep my mouth shut. June still needs to have a meaningful conversation with her father, and I don’t want to provoke him unnecessarily.

“How are your studies going, Pumpkin? I assume you’re doing well.”

June immediately tenses up at her father’s words and gives me a pleading look. Smiling kindly, I encourage her to tell him the truth. I’m afraid you’ll have to start sometime, dear.

June swallows hard, puts her cutlery aside, and turns to her father. Meanwhile, he continues to eat his steak in peace. At least everything was right with the food today, and I didn’t upset him in advance again.

Tense, I take a big sip of wine and watch June open the conversation.

“Dad… I wanted to talk to you about that,” June begins uncertainly but tries to keep her nervousness under control.

Thomas looks first at me and then at her with an irritated expression as if he can’t understand what there is to talk about. Men…

“Is that so?”

June nods but kneads her fingers in her lap. Oh dear!

I mentally cheer her on. I want to do this for her now, but she must do it alone. Unfortunately, part of growing up is standing up for the important things and fighting for them. If she doesn’t learn to do it now, when will she ever?

I’m certainly as agitated as she is, but I remain silent and will only intervene if there is no other way. You can do it, dear!

I reach under the table for her hand and give it a firm squeeze to give her some courage.

“Yes… I… well, I want…” June stutters more to herself.

“What do you want? June, please be clear! You know I don’t like it when you talk like that,” says Thomas more sternly than he should, and the mood shifts.

“Darling, our daughter is trying to tell you this: She’s not quite so happy in her life anymore and wants to change it. Wouldn’t you like to help your daughter and support her?”

I carefully place my other hand on his and look at him with a gentle smile. I hope my words calm him and he doesn’t freak out. But when Thomas’s face contorts with anger, I know my hope is futile.

“What do you mean, change ?” he shouts at June, and I’m met with a fiery glare.

The thought of confronting him briefly strikes me because I can’t stand it when he talks to our daughter or me like that. But I think it’s enough for one person at the table to raise their voice. Besides, this isn’t about the power struggle between my husband and me, but about the well-being and future of our daughter. Surely he must see it that way, too?

“Dad, I don’t think studying law is right for me. I failed my mid-term exams, and I don’t enjoy it at all,” June tries to explain, but he doesn’t want to hear it.

Thomas thunders his fists onto the dining table with a loud clang, his nostrils flaring like an angry bull.

“You think it’s not right for you? Are you kidding me? Cora, you can’t possibly support your daughter’s laziness!” he turns to me in horror.

I frown at him because I don’t understand his train of thought. June is many things, but certainly not lazy!

“Lazy? I’m not lazy! I just don’t want to be a boring lawyer!” June objects indignantly, unfortunately only making things worse.

“Not a boring lawyer? I see. What do you want to do instead? What do you want to study? What do you want to do with your life so you don’t become a boring lawyer ?” Thomas probes, and I can tell June’s defense is faltering.

“Why can’t you just accept that I’m an adult, and I can make my own decisions!” June’s voice is cracking, and I realize this conversation is gradually escalating.

“You’re an adult? I don’t see it that way. Because if you were, you wouldn’t be talking such nonsense! You’d act responsibly and do what’s best for you and your future!” Thomas counters dryly, and unfortunately, he’s not entirely wrong.

June doesn’t have a Plan B, and that’s another problem entirely.

“A suggestion,” I begin cautiously because I don’t want to add fuel to the fire. “June has until next semester to think about what she wants to do instead, and then we can talk about it again. Because right now, you two probably won’t come to an agreement you’re both happy with.”

I look from one to the other, hoping my proposition will calm the waters.

“And then what? It sounds like she’s ready to squander all the money I’ve invested in her education and throw away her future. A change is out of the question! You’re studying law! End of discussion!”

Thomas is about to get up, signaling once and for all that this conversation is over.

“Ahh, that’s what it’s all about! About your precious money. Not about my future,” June sneers and stands up too.

When anger consumes her in moments like this, she is so like her father. Both are stubborn, insist on their rights, and think that shouting will get them further. Whoever is louder wins. I inwardly roll my eyes.

“Careful, June!” growls Thomas.

“Thomas!” I warn because he shouldn’t use that tone toward our daughter. I know where this undertone is going; it certainly won’t come to that in her presence.

“You know what, Dad? Then put your beloved money somewhere else! I don’t need it, and I don’t need you either!” June shouts and is about to leave the table.

“You stay here!” Thomas yells, grabs the wine bottle, and throws it against the wall next to June.

We both flinch and take a sharp breath before looking at him with a shocked expression. This has gone too far!

“June, go!” I say sharply and look at her firmly.

“Are you mad? She’s not leaving now!”

June looks uncertainly back and forth between the two of us. She’s never seen her father this upset; she’s completely overwhelmed by the situation.

“Go! Sleep at Linda’s this weekend!” I tell her again, only this time with an even harsher tone.

I completely ignore Thomas. It’s his turn in a minute!

After looking disappointedly toward her father, she hurries upstairs to pack her things. Thumping back down the stairs a moment later, she storms out of the house. Thomas and I have been having a devastating stare-down the whole time, and only when the front door slams shut do I break the silence.

“You’ve gone too far!” I shout at him angrily.

His entire body tenses at my words. He can’t handle it when things don’t go his way.

“ I’ve gone too far?! And what about you? When were you going to tell me? And our daughter? Is it suddenly completely okay for her to talk to me like that? No, Cora! I won’t tolerate that in my house!” he complains loudly and stands menacingly, but above all, close— far too close —in front of me.

I blink for a moment, and I’m not sure whether he’s going to hurt me or he’s just trying to intimidate me to gain control over someone in this house. But not with me. Not anymore and never again!

“I will not argue with you anymore. You will apologize to your daughter for your behavior on Sunday before she goes back to campus. And you will tell her you will not stand in her way during her discovery phase. That’s how this weekend will end, and that’s all I have to say!” My voice is calm yet firm. I also look at him confidently because I mean what I say.

Nothing happens momentarily, as if Thomas has to digest my words first. But then everything happens very quickly. Unexpectedly, he grabs me by the back of my neck and pulls me up to within a few inches of his face. I barely manage to stand on my tiptoes and look at him breathlessly. You’ve done it again…

My eyes widen in bewilderment as the full extent of this thought hits me.

“That’s all you have to say to that? Who do you think you are talking to me like that?”

His grip on my neck tightens as his voice becomes more profound. Right now, this is no longer my husband who loves me but the monster who takes his frustration and stress out on me. And his answer to my disrespect has always been the same. He wants to silence me.

All kinds of emotions rush through my body, and I can’t even put my current emotional state into words. This is a poor joke, a nightmare I’m bound to wake up from any second because he promised . I promised myself never to let him treat me like this ever again. I will not return to be his silent and obedient wife he can treat like garbage.

“Get your hands off me, and then leave my house!” I spit angrily at him and push against his chest so that he releases me.

“ Out of your house ?” he snorts contemptuously. “Cora, unless you want to make me even angrier, keep your mouth shut now. Otherwise…”

“Otherwise, what?” I interrupt him angrily and fight against his grip. At least I can get a bit of distance between us.

“I wouldn’t be so sassy if I were you, Cora!” he growls darkly.

“What do you want to do? Beat me in every single room again ? Do you want to sink that low again ? Do you want to behave so dishonorably again ? That’s pathetic! You’re…” But I don’t get any further because Thomas has already swung his backhand.

The impact is so strong that it knocks me to the ground as Thomas releases me from his grip. I hit the floorboards hard. A gasp squeezes out of my lungs. Stunned, I clutch my burning cheek before turning to him and looking at him in horror.

“I warned you, Cora!” he hisses menacingly and looks down at me with a furious expression.

“You’ve done it again,” I gasp in horror and crawl away from him.

“It’s your fault! And now, don’t make me any angrier, Cora!” he growls and grabs my arm.

Another shocked gasp leaves my throat, and I try to push him off me. I just want to get out of here.

“Let go of me, Thomas!” I scream and struggle with my hands and feet to get him off me.

But when the next resounding slap hits me, I freeze.

“You’ll behave like my lovely wife again, or I’ll forget myself! That’s enough! You and June, you’re both out of your minds!” he continues to talk himself into a rage.

My heart is pounding fast, and I hold my breath in shock. You’d think that after all these years, I’d have gotten used to his outbursts and these situations. But I haven’t. I’m rigid with fear; I can’t stop the trembling that grips my body as it takes possession of me and literally shakes me to the core. My nails claw into his shirt as I continue to try to loosen his grip on me.

“Don’t look at me like that, Cora! Just get out of my sight.” He sighs the last one outright as if he’s tired of my behavior.

Thomas lets go of me and gives me a warning look. I don’t even know what to say or think. I thought he had meant his promise a few months ago. He was doing so well, but now he’s ruined everything again. I just want to get out of here!

I leave the room without saying a word, grabbing my car keys and handbag on the way out. Thomas runs after me, shouting my name, but his calls only make me move faster. I jump into my car, back out of the driveway quickly, tears streaming down my face.

In the rear-view mirror, I see him stop on the sidewalk in front of our house and look after me as I speed away down the street. My heart is racing, and the roaring in my ears drowns out everything around me. I sob, even though I don’t want to. I don’t want to shed another tear because of him. The disappointment and anger almost swallow me whole.

I wipe my eyes briefly with my sleeve, trying to clear my vision through the tears that have blurred everything. I’m driving way too fast and wipe my eyes repeatedly. Suddenly, I hear a honking horn, and then a loud crashing sound pulls me out of my emotional chaos.

I step on the brakes immediately and come to a halt. My hands are strangling the steering wheel, and I stare straight ahead like a person possessed. My body is shaking so badly that my head feels like a bobblehead.

Suddenly, my door is wrenched open, and I let out a scream of terror. But when I see the sharply defined face before me, everything inside me breaks, and I collapse completely.