CHAPTER 90 That Wasn’t Becoming of a Dark Lord
Keith
This is your newest Potts's Cast.
Mount Vemund is going to have a high drop rate for porous clay this week; those skilled in pottery and sculpting terracotta earthenware can find chunks falling off the mountain in Martin's Grotto.
Sumbria might be making a last-minute appearance at the Spring Ball. Countess Peregrine Fern just lost her fiancé to pirates. The young Lord Geoffrey was a terror, so I congratulate the woman on dodging that bullet, erm, arrow. Countess Peregrine can take over for Julia, who is no longer on the market.
Speaking of the ball, this caster has it on the best authority that Lavender the Lizard Wizard will be pouring drinks and putting on a magic show. Anyone hoping to meet the legend will have to wait in line.
There is a 140% crit rate when using spear attacks in the Depths of Despair Dungeon this month, so get out there and start farming EXP!
Knight Commander Bastian of Peldeep won a bolt of pink silk from the St. Veralyn's Day Crafting Competition with his 108 hand-sewn toys, including dolls, balls, stuffed animals, and play food. He donated all of the toys to orphans. I don't know about the rest of you good gentles, but I'm excited to see what the knight commander does with all that pink silk.
There will be a stampede of capybara next week, as they'll be disturbed from their home by poachers. The capybara are friendly creatures and will need to be rounded up and returned to their natural habitat. There is going to be a shortage of carrots in Sumbria next month unless something is done.
This is Madame Potts's Cast,
Until next time, dear listeners.
Keith read the report and sighed. Things were finally settling down after the war—if anyone could even call it a war—and his mind was on paperwork and proposals.
Chloe was in full dragon-bride mode, sending in requests for more and more ridiculous decorations. Keith was nervous about having the wedding so close to an actual dragon, but on second thought, Feliwyn would probably enjoy the idea of sleeping through a royal wedding.
He'd have to discuss things with Grand Duchess Calisto during the Spring Ball, or after the ball if she was too busy. He also wanted to create some new golems for the laundry room. He was doodling designs on a notepad at his desk when Gimtak flew in.
"Your Viciousness, another delivery for the princess." The imp whipped out a sealed letter and flapped it about.
Keith sighed, recognizing the seal. "Toss it with the rest."
Gimtak nodded, flying over to a small basket on the floor by the window. In it were all of the letters from the king and queen of Drendil. They were exhausting to read, and he'd run out of any desire to look at the things, let alone waste the mana required to light them on fire.
And he really shouldn't burn them without reading first. So he'd been putting them in a basket and contemplating making one of his minions sort them out as a punishment … but then, said minion would be reading Henrietta's mail, and that wouldn't do.
"My liege, perhaps you could ask the princess?" Gimtak offered, eyeing the pile.
"But I told her I'd handle it," Keith argued. "She doesn't wish to receive any mail."
"She's a grown woman," Chloe said, having walked in unannounced while the pair were still wondering what to do with the basket. "If it'll make it easier, she can light them on fire."
Keith felt a small smile tug at his lip, imagining her doing just that. "I'll bring it up. What can I do for you, Chloe?"
"I'm just saying goodbye," the necromancer informed him. She had her long blonde hair in two braids and was wearing comfortable sky-blue riding clothes. "We're off to help mother-in-law set up the Spring Ball and start writing the wedding invitations. So much to do, so little time."
Keith mumbled, "You can say that again."
She let Keith know the plans for the healers in her absence, and Keith was glad to see her off. The wedding plans were worse than the war plans, especially since Henrietta had actually liked war planning. When Chloe had offered to include Ria in the wedding plans, the princess had shriveled up like a pile of expired adhesive that looked like it would shatter if you so much as poked it.
She was happy to talk about the wedding cake, and then she bravely ran away.
Speaking of running away, Keith glanced at the clock. It was time for his mandated break.
He played about in his workroom for a while until he had a working design for a construct limb that could be outfitted to a small ratkin. It would protect them from boiling water. He'd considered a full golem, but he had no idea what techniques were required to wash laundry. And in no universe would he just assume that the task was easy.
Instead, he focused on creating tools for the ratkin to use that would help them finish their tasks safe and secure.
When he stumbled into his room that night, tired but pleased with his work, he was met with a terrifying sight.
Rinrin stood in his chambers, a measuring stick in one hand and a long pair of glistening scissors in the other. Her eyes gleamed with an intensity that made him physically take a step back.
Too late. A ratkin closed the bedroom door just behind him.
"This Rinrin needs to fit your outfit for the ball, Master." The scissors snapped twice as the royal seamstress walked slowly toward him. Keith tried to compose himself as every fiber of his being screamed to run away.
That wasn't becoming of a Dark Lord, though, so he simply accepted his fate.
The ratkin smiled. "Now, stand very, very still, Your Viciousness. So Rinrin doesn't cut you."