CHAPTER 8 So Don’t Be a Hero

Keith

"Is she back yet?" Keith pushed up his glasses and surveyed his clean workroom. They'd even managed to get the bloodstains out with some good, old-fashioned baking soda and vinegar. Sure, it had taken two treatments, but that was Tulith's job.

He'd finished Delilah, a defense-based golem with enhanced construction, and imbued it with [Sense Enemy]. It'd been immediately sent out to the western field. Then he'd just sat around refilling his mana pool while Tulith made his workspace presentable for experimenting on the princess.

Not that he was cleaning things for the princess, mind. Just that it would be easier to interrogate her while she wasn't sitting on a bloody, oily, arcane wooden bench.

That was the only reason.

"The princess was spotted entering the castle not too long ago." Tulith came back from disposing of the cleaning materials and brought with her a platter of snacks. She held it for the Dark Lord to nibble on as he contemplated dark things. "She was carrying two hampersss: one full of bimbleberriesss, and the other full of garlic."

"Garlic?" The Dark Lord scrunched his nose in distaste. "What dish requires berries and garlic?"

"I don't know, Master," Tulith said. "But you may ask her yourself; I can sssmell her approaching."

Henrietta peeked in through the open door before marching in with her head high and shoulders back, looking regal. Somewhere, she'd acquired new clothes, and the dark-green pants under the decorative, layered white-and-light-green hunting tunic suited her. The pant string on her waist bunched up, as the pants weren't exactly the right fit, but it worked well nonetheless. Her moment of poise was ruined when her stomach growled.

She blushed. "My apologies; [Quick Step] always leaves me hungry, and I didn't have time for lunch, excepting the bimbleberries."

"You can snack on this while I ask you some questions and run my first series of tests." Lord Keith motioned Tulith forward with her tray of cucumber sandwiches, candied fruit, sausages, and unigoat brie. Keith had already eaten the honey scones.

Henrietta looked beside herself with appreciation as she picked up a tiny sandwich.

Keith tried to ignore her adorable facial expressions and turned away to get his scanning tools. "First, we will determine how you got through my minions, then we will see your effect on my constructs. Take a seat on the worktable, please."

He'd been given a confusing report from the guards and read it twice before giving up and going back to tinkering. He could get information from the princess and then summon Chikli to his office that night if his tests were unsatisfactory.

He patted his work desk twice, and the princess jumped up to sit comfortably on its smooth, clean surface.

"Oh, um, I actually found out why I got past the lizardkin guards so easily," the princess tentatively offered. "At least, probably."

"You did?" Keith raised an eyebrow. He'd been reaching for a serrated knife set but changed his direction to a small carving knife hanging from an ornate display case. "Tell me more."

"It's all my fault." She slumped forward, looking miserable. "I am a terrible Hero of Justice."

"So don't be a hero."

"Pardon?"

Keith grabbed a quill and a tray of various ink bottles. He mixed a few together on a small seashell and put everything beside the carving blade. "If you want to be a hero, that's fine, but it's your parents forcing an identity on you without accepting your own preferences, am I right?"

"I mean, it's best for the kingdom if the heir is strong and manly …"

"Sounds sexist to me. Half of the Valarian continent is ruled by women. Even if you aren't counting Their Royal Highness Rowen of Peldeep, who switches between man, woman, or other at the drop of their fox tail." Keith shook his head and tsked. "So aside from your parents wanting a son and forcing you into some half-cocked princely mold, you've no other attachment to being a hero?"

"…"

"As I said," Keith continued when there was no ready response, "just don't be a hero."

Babble bubbled up and spilled out of her. "It's not that I don't like being a hero, and I know that a princess is just as good as a prince. I know women and men level up equally, so there isn't a difference between your Strength level sixty and my Strength level sixty—"

"Sixty?" Keith did a double take and looked the princess over slowly. She didn't seem to notice.

"—and I know girls can rule with an iron fist. Grand Duchess Calisto of North Sumbria is so tyrannical that her nobles don't get to keep any of their collected tax money. They have to put it into infrastructure. It gives my father a hernia just talking about it … but I don't like complicated magical memorization or killing people or backstabbing politics. I just want to go for long walks and meet interesting people and bake. Is that too much—" She cleared her throat. "Sorry, just give me a minute, and I'll pull myself together. What were we talking about again?"

"You." Keith took the empty tray of snacks from her and handed it off to Tulith, who disappeared out the door. "We were talking about you."

"Oh."

Keith waved a hand, and Henrietta lay down on the table. He dropped his brush in the ink and began drawing arcane symbols. The first spell was first level, requiring no concentration on his part.

"So tell me more."