CHAPTER 79 I Thought I Was the Weird One!

Henrietta

"Wow, is this really where you live?" Bronwynn spun around my parlor.

The comfy fainting couch with lush pillows and a tea table covered in a pile of cookbooks were set in front of the warmth of a crackling hearth. It was a beautiful spring day, and the freshly cut flowers that covered the room made everything cheerier.

The walls were covered in bookshelves and assorted dark portraits and paraphernalia. My favorite was a collection of crystal mushrooms growing on the fireplace mantel. In the evening, they cast glittering orange-and-white lights on the ceiling as they caught and reflected the fire's glow. The nights were still cold, usually accompanied by rain and the odd windstorm.

Everything was a reminder that I was staying in the rooms of the former queen of the Dark Enchanted Forest, though I liked to think I was making the room my own. Even if I barely used a quarter of the space.

Yes, the place was that big. I had only ever peeked into the adjoining spare room where Brownie would be sleeping, but I figured it was about the size of the minstrel's lodgings back in Drendil.

"It's been my home since I arrived." I kicked off my boots and slipped into a pair of comfy floofpoof-shaped slippers. It was sweet of the maids to leave Brownie a pair of her own; they were wolf shaped.

"I repeat, wow." The minstrel collapsed on the couch. Relief washed over the woman, and she sighed. "Today has been a day. One I was not expecting to end like this."

"Oh?" I rang a little bell that would let Tulith know I wanted to see her. The lizardkin maid knew my plans for the evening and would be joining us shortly with after-dinner treats, followed by a two-person bubble bath and massage in my bathing room. "You weren't expecting dinner with the Dark Lord and his generals?"

"Ha! No, I was not." Brownie chuckled. "I was hoping to find you well and whole. Worst-case scenario, I'd get you out; best case … Actually, this is the best case."

"I certainly think so." I joined her, kicking my slippers up on the low tea table. Very improper and unprincesslike; my mother would've had conniptions.

Brownie sat up and gave me a look. "Is everyone in the Dark Enchanted Forest this nice?"

"Yes! Finally! I thought I was the weird one!" Something inside me broke open with all that I'd been holding back. "It's absolutely unrealistic. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has access to potions and healers and help whenever they need it. People are treated with kindness, and everyone gets to be people, from monsters to humans to mixed races. And no one cares—Alright, I think the elves care? But I haven't been there yet. Oh, but they do have … different ideas about the undead, and they consider ruthlessness a virtue. Though, come to think of it, so did mother and father …"

"Well then, I'm not surprised you decided to stay. And that certainly explains why they seem to like you." Brownie nodded. "I hope the invasion doesn't succeed and you get to stay."

All I could do was shrug. "My parents have made it clear they want me dead. Perma-dead. So the only way I'm going home is in a casket."

Our discussion was interrupted by a group of castle maids come to lavish us with tenderness and care. Brownie and I went to bed ready for the next morning.

Of course, we weren't all ready for the next morning.

Brownie and I went to the breakfast parlor to grab breakfast while Rufus paced outside. I wondered if he was waiting for someone specifically but decided to pay it no mind. Shortly thereafter, Keith and Rufus entered together.

The Dark Lord had dark bags under his bloodshot eyes and headed straight for the strongest Peldeep Breakfast Tea. I noticed he still had all his accursed buttons.

"Don't look at me like that, Ria," he murmured, taking an appreciative sip of tea. "I don't have [Mana Burn]. I just wake up like this."

"I know that!" I dragged my eyes away from his perfectly collared tunic and waved my hands in front of my face. "I didn't mean to look worried."

"Are they always like this?" Bronwynn asked Rufus as he took a seat across from her. I resisted the urge to kick her under the table.

"Yes." The beastman smiled at Brownie. "How did you sleep?"

She replied, "Wonderfully, thank you. This is one of the best castles I've stayed at. Anytime you want to hire me for a show, I'd be happy to perform for the Dark Horde."

"That reminds me," Keith interjected, "you're still performing at Scowls tonight?"

"Yes, I'll be sad to miss you."

I tilted my head to the side, questioning, "Why would we miss it?"

"Aren't you hunting down assassins?" Bronwynn laughed. "There are a hundred closing in on us from the east, and at least five hundred Drendil soldiers attacking from the south …"

Rufus scoffed. "Wait. Are they sending less than a thousand? Maybe the regular army can handle everything …"

"I'm sure we can finish things up before dinner," I said, eating the last of my breakfast. Keith was right behind me. I made a fist and cracked my knuckles unbecomingly. "My [Sword Aura] skill should have them hunted down in no time."

"That reminds me." Keith's eyes glazed over as he pulled up his character sheet and notification tab. He concentrated long and hard until I suddenly had a system prompt.

Quest Offered

Hunt down and stop the Assassins who've breached the Eastern Border. [0/108]

Reward: 1080 EXP

I accepted the quest. Bronwynn was happily eating her food, but Rufus looked like he'd also gotten a prompt. He choked on his tea when he read it, and I had to wonder what quest Keith had sent his way.

It would be rude to ask, so instead I said, "I'm almost ready to head out. Is there anything you need, Keith?"

"I need to stop taking my wings off in weird places," the Dark Lord joked. I blushed a bit. I suppose I might hold some responsibility, as I'd forgotten to grab his wings when I'd carried him off to bed. The Pounce Protectorate were going to drop them off as they did their rounds, but that might be a few more days yet.

"A leisurely stroll up the Great Road then? Or a cart pulled by alligator-dogs?" I offered. I thanked my luck that I had never seen a normal horse in the Dark Enchanted Forest. On that note, I should tell Keith about my allergy when we were alone.

I was about to suggest carrying him the whole way when Gimtak materialized in the room with us. A small popping sound and a slight wave of air hit everyone around as the imp suddenly took up space flying over the kitchen table.

"Your Viciousness!" The imp was in a panic. "Your Viciousness, your golems have set off the alarm!"

"Report!" Keith stood up, the full weight of his office suddenly bearing down on us as he became the Dark Lord.

"Drendil's army is marching from the south," Gimtak announced. Keith and I shared a look. The early attack was as Brownie had warned. We were not expecting Gimtak to continue, however. "And there's word from Kith Bog, my liege. It's on fire."