18. Xavier

CHAPTER 18

XAVIER

A week goes by pretty quickly after my phone call with Ella. I didn't admit this to her, but I was actually working the lunch shift that day, and I swapped with Lena. Being able to watch her get drunk among her conservative colleagues? Yeah, I wasn't going to miss that one.

With Christmas fast approaching, the bar is booked out with work functions and family events, I've barely had time to think for myself. I know Ella is in the same boat, but thankfully for her, today was the last student day for the school year. It's almost five o'clock on this balmy Friday afternoon, and I've almost finished the lunch shift. I haven't heard much from Ella today. We talk every day, all day . What started out as just messaging has now turned into sending funny videos to each other as well. She also added me on snapchat last week, and let's just say, we've been having fun. The first snap I opened from her had me hard within seconds. I am now very wary when opening messages from her when I'm at work.

It's great and I'm enjoying it all, but sometimes I worry it's too much, given we are supposed to be just friends. Plus, she said she wanted to keep some distance. Every day we get to know each other better, and she has become a really good friend in such a short amount of time. I just don't want to hurt her or ruin that. But we are having sex now, and the risk is far greater. It's not that I regret it, I just have to be careful.

When my phone rings in the car on the way home, I'm surprised to see Ella's name lighting up the screen.

"Hey, how's it going?" I say.

"Hey, um alright. Had a pretty average day at work, so I just felt like calling you. I hope that's okay?" Her voice sounds small, as if she's been crying.

"Yeah of course, what happened?"

"Just my boss, she's the worst. Always finds a way to make me feel incompetent or useless. It's nothing new, and I don't normally let it get to me, but it did today." She sighs.

"Well, that's a bit shit. After what you've told me, you pretty much run the place," I say. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I dunno. I'm just feeling a bit down, might start a new book or something to distract me. Maybe a gin, too. I was going to hang out with Millie, but she told me tonight is baby making night, so I'm out." She laughs sadly. I remember her telling me that Millie and Clay were trying. I also know she finds it hard because she wants a family, too. She's excited for them, but there's a longing for her that isn't being fulfilled.

"Well, if it's a distraction you're after, perhaps I can come over tonight and assist with that? I have a few techniques that I think will help," I say, lowering my voice into a tone that I know will have her blushing. There's a slight pause, and I worry that wasn't the right thing to say, but when she responds, there is a hint of curiosity in her tone.

"Mmm… what do you have in mind?"

"If you're interested, you'll have to wait to find out. I have dinner plans but I can come over afterwards. I need dessert," I say, and I can just picture her face right now. Her cheeks would be rosy and her mouth would be popped open. I smile to myself at the image. She giggles, and it does something to me.

"Yeah, okay, I suppose you can come over. Just message me when you're on your way," she says.

"Perfect, I promise it won't be too late. It's just dinner with the boys and they all have kids, so I'll probably be at yours by around nine-ish. I'll be in touch."

"Okay, sounds good. Have a good night." She hangs up, just as I'm arriving home. Now to start plotting the perfect distraction. I wonder how she feels about restraints…

Jake, Dale, and Ben have booked us in at 7pm at this fancy Italian restaurant that charges you $32 for a pizza, and to be honest, I think that's a criminal offence. No one should be paying that much money for a pizza, not in this economy. I go with the cheapest option on the menu, pepperoni, and am halfway through my third slice when Jake, my oldest friend, turns my way.

"So, mate, how's the love life?"

I snort. "Ha. Yeah, non-existent man. Jade and I only broke up, what, nine months ago? I'm not ready for anything serious yet, so I haven't really been looking."

There's no way I'm bringing up Ella to the guys. I'm definitely not ready to explain the concept of friends with benefits to them. Most of them have been with their wives since high school or uni. None of them have been single in the last 10 years—they don't understand anything about the modern dating world. Hell, neither do I, to be fair. It's probably why I haven't put any effort into it. It just seems too fucking hard.

"Ahh, come on. Surely you've at least been having some fun. And nine months is plenty of time my friend, at least for something casual," he says.

"I mean, yeah there's been a couple of casual hook ups, but nothing exciting. Really, I'm just focusing on work right now."

Dale pipes up at this—he and his wife Mel have been married for eight years and they have two kids, with another on the way. He's one of the guys who has wanted out of his marriage for years but will never admit it.

"Boring! Nah seriously man, you're the single one of the group. We were all hoping to be living vicariously through you as you embraced your new-found bachelor status." He raises his beer at me, as if to cheers in solidarity. All I can think in my head is these guys have no idea.

"Sorry to disappoint you Dale, single life isn't all it's made out to be."

"Probably because you're not making the most of it," he says, putting his drink down after I didn't ‘cheers' him back. He actually seems annoyed at me that I'm not out there fucking my way through town and telling them all about it.

"What's to make the most of? Meaningless sex with strangers? Coming home to an empty house every day?"

"Yes, exactly that." He scoffs, as if I'm pointing out the obvious perks.

"What's the issue man? Sorry I'm not living the single life to your expectations. But it's my life," I say. I'm getting quite frustrated now. The others are all sitting there, awkwardly eating. Jake clears his throat.

"Dale, relax mate. He can do what he wants. Sorry Xav, I didn't mean anything by it. I was just curious is all. You do you."

Dale slumps back in his seat and I nod my appreciation at Jake. He and I have known each other the longest and are probably the closest within the group. He is the only one who, as far as I'm aware, is still actually happy in his marriage. The other two, not so much. We have definitely drifted apart a little in the last couple of years, especially after his daughter was born. But that happens. Adult friendships change as you get older, and that's life. It's just a bit hard for me now—they're all so far ahead, and I feel like there isn't a whole lot that we have in common anymore.

"Thanks, Jake. It's all good. Ben, how's the family?" I ask, mostly to shift the focus off of me.

We spend the rest of the meal just talking about family stuff and work. Thankfully, the topic of my love life and break up doesn't come up again. I finish my overpriced pizza, making sure to eat every last morsel. We drain the rest of our glasses and as expected, the guys need to get home to the wives and kids. We pay our bill and head outside. Dale is awkward as he gives me one of those ‘bro hugs', mumbles an apology, and walks to his car. I shake Ben's hand and give Jake an actual hug. I'm thankful at least one of my friends isn't afraid to show some form of normal affection.

"You could download a dating app or something; no harm in seeing what's out there. At least then you'll be prepared for when you are ready," he says with a wink.

"I'll think about it. See you, Jake." We go our separate ways, promising to catch up again in the new year. I will consider it. I've been putting it off, but he's right, there's no harm in looking. But then I think of a particular red head who is currently waiting for me. I get in my car and head towards Ella's house. The anticipation is building, and I'm excited.