19. Kaia

The whole morning with Thoren is spent in the main area of the city, where there are markets, jewelers, and musicians. The city feels alive, and while I like the quiet of Thoren’s little town, it’s nice to get out and experience other places in this new world I find myself in. And seeing his face light up as he watches me take it all in is probably my favorite part.

He’s really starting to show me a different side of him. When I first met him, I thought he was just going to be grumpy all the time. But there have been moments where he shows only me his softer side. The way he was holding me through the night as I slept. I’m sure he didn’t realize it, but I woke up several times to find I was still wrapped up in his arms, his breaths coming slowly and evenly. Even in his sleep, he was almost smiling.

And then to see him with his brother, their playfulness and love for each other. It’s been an enlightening twenty-four hours. A few days ago, I would’ve said there was nothing more important than getting to someone who could help me find my way home. But now… I don’t know. The urge to leave this place is slowly leeching out of me. And in its place is a feeling of home.

Selah, Nat, and Erik have all welcomed me with open arms. They’ve hugged me and gifted me with food and clothes. They’ve invited me into their homes and into their lives as if I was always meant to be there. And coming from a family that didn’t feel like that at all, ever, this is like a breath of fresh air. I feel like I can be my normal, silly self, and they will still like me and want me around.

I’m reluctant at first to let Thoren spend even more money on me. After all, I’ve been living on his dime for over a week now with no way of earning my own money. But he soon convinces me, telling me he just wants me to enjoy my day as he hands me a soft pouch of coins. So I pick out a few items. A necklace made of green velvet that sits right along my collarbone, and I like the way it draws Thoren’s attention to my chest. I find a romance book I think Natalie will like, and I grab it to thank her for everything she’s done for me. And then I find a cardigan of sorts, made of heavy, knitted wool. It’s a deep red color, like wine or the rich mahogany. Thoren says it makes my eyes glow, and I like the way he looks at me when I try it on, so he pays the vendor immediately.

And then I think I need to get something for Thoren. If this person we go see today has the answers to how to get me home, I want him to have something to remember me by. The thought has a knot forming in my stomach, but I ignore it. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, and right now, all I want to do is find something that Thoren can keep.

When he gets distracted by a street artist who is pulling random people into his performance, I sneak away. I had seen a stall earlier in the morning that had jewelry of all sorts, and I remember seeing a simple silver chain that I thought would look perfect with the deep, smokey color of his skin. It’s still there when I walk up to the vendor, and she smiles when she sees me.

“You look like you know what you want,” she says, walking over to me.

“Yes, please,” I say, pointing at a long, silver chain hanging from a hook on the table. It’ll have to be doubled up to be worn as a bracelet, but I think it’s perfect. “I was wondering if I could get that? And do you possibly have any fabric like this?” I gesture to my necklace, hoping to add some to his gift so that we match.

She does, and she quickly weaves it between the small links of the chain. After she’s finished, I pay her with the last bit of money from Thoren’s pouch and race back to the crowd of people. Thoren is at the edge, scanning the crowd for me and looking panicked.

“Hey!” I shout, waving in his direction. When he sees me, his entire body relaxes. He rushes over to me and instantly lifts me off my feet, holding me close to him. He’s practically shaking. “Hey, hey,” I say, holding him just as tightly. “What’s wrong?”

“I thought I had lost you,” he says against my shoulder. He laughs, the sound sad and defeated. “I thought you had taken this opportunity to leave me.”

A little piece of my heart breaks, and I realize he is hiding far more from me than I originally thought.

“Thoren,” I murmur, rubbing his back with my hands. “I would never leave without saying goodbye.” The words taste like ash on my tongue, and it feels like the wrong thing to say.

“Of course,” he says, setting me back on my feet. He looks down at me with a small smile that feels forced and does nothing to make me feel any better. But that’s not his job. I can’t expect him to make me feel okay about leaving him when all it’s doing is ripping his heart out. “I have somewhere else I would like to take you before we meet with Feryn. If that’s okay with you?”

“Of course,” I tell him, smiling up at him to try and change the mood I’ve ruined. We were having such a good morning, and now I feel like I’ve set him back a few paces. “Take me wherever.”

Wherever he is taking me, it’s a long walk. I feel like we walk through the entire city, and then we come upon a view I thought I’d only ever see in movies or pictures. The city is behind us, and in front of us is a landscape filled with green rolling hills, trees colored every shade from autumn, and a river far down in the valley, cutting straight through. I didn’t realize we were this high up, or this close to such a beautiful lookout.

“It’s always kind of busy,” he says, gesturing to the few people who are sitting around, eating their lunches and talking with friends and family. It’s not crowded at all, but I guess when you’re used to a small village of people, a dozen or so people can seem like a crowd.

“This is beautiful, Thoren.” I take his hand in mine again, loving the comfort it gives me. He squeezes it once and then wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. He smells like soap and fire. Even when he hasn’t been in his forge for a while, the smell of fire and smoke follows him around constantly. I love it. It’s like being next to a bonfire.

“There’s a shop just back down the hill we passed. I was going to have you pick a spot and bring you lunch.”

A picnic? I could cry.

“I would love that, Thoren.”

He smiles down at me, plants a kiss on the top of my head, and then jogs off toward a small shop down the way. I watch the way his large body moves with such ease, his wings tucked tightly against his back and his tail wagging back and forth as he runs. And that ass, my goodness. I need to grab that sucker more often.

When he returns, I’ve found a spot against a tall oak tree, away from the rest of the people. I wanted to have some time alone with him, where the other monsters can’t listen in. I don’t want anyone else to invade our happy little bubble as we sit, talk, and eat.

He’s brought a box filled with all kinds of food, from meat pies to pastries, cheeses to fruit. It smells heavenly, and when he hands me a warm cup filled to the brim with a spiced apple juice, I have to bite back the emotions threatening to well up and over. It seems silly to be so taken by such small gestures, but I think that’s why I love them so much. No one else has ever taken the time to plan a picnic, buy me little gifts, or introduce me to their family.

“Are you looking forward to meeting Feryn?” he asks as I take another large bite of pie. The thick gravy tries to escape down my chin, but I swipe at it quickly, embarrassed that my fat self is making such a mess. It takes me back to the time I was walking through a food truck festival in one of the parks we had in Seattle. As I was taking another bite of the lunch I had picked out for myself, a random woman walking past said, “That’s right. Shove it in.”

I remember crying on the bus ride home, angry that I had let such a stupid comment get to me.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” I tell him truthfully, setting the food back down onto the tray.

“Why is that?” He looks at me with such rapt attention, like I’m the only person sitting on this little knoll.

“We said we were going to be honest with each other, right?” I ask, turning slightly to face him more.

He nods.

“I don’t know how to tell what’s real and what’s the bond,” I explain. “Nat told me the bond just gets things started. It’s there to let us know that we’ve found our soul mate.”

“Soul mate?” His thick eyebrows draw together.

“It’s what humans call mates. Some believe in them, and others don’t. I don’t think I ever really did because I had spent so much of my life dealing with rejection and heartbreak.”

“I do not like thinking of you with other humans.”

I laugh softly, rubbing his knee with my hand. “And I don’t like thinking about you with other gargoyles or whoever you may have shared your bed with in the past.” That’s the most truthful thing I think I’ve admitted to myself in the past week. I hate the thought of him being with anyone but me. But the problem is I don’t know if that’s me thinking that or if it’s the mating bond.

“Then do not,” he says, tugging me into his lap and pushing the stray strands of hair out of my face. “Because all I want is you. All I’ve ever truly wanted is you, Goldilocks.” He grins playfully.

“I got you something,” I tell him, digging down into the pockets of Nat’s dress. I pull out the silver chain that’s been threaded with green velvet ribbon. It might look a little girly, but I don’t think Thoren cares about that kind of stuff. “It’s a bracelet, with a green ribbon in it to match me.” I shrug, suddenly embarrassed that I bothered to do this. What if he doesn’t like it?

“You thought of me?” His blue eyes find my own and lock me in, his gaze loving as he looks over my face.

“Of course I did.” I chuckle and grab his wrist. “I realize I bought it with your own money, but I just wanted you to have something that made you think of me.”

“In case you leave me.” I wrap the chain around his wrist twice and then lock the clasp in place, trying to ignore the sharp pain radiating through my chest.

I clear my throat and hold on to his hand that’s resting in my lap, my thumb rubbing circles over his knuckles. I can’t look at him. “In case I leave you,” I whisper, my emotions choking me up to the point I can barely get the words out. I don’t tell him it’s also because I like leaving my mark on him. I like seeing him wear something from me because he is mine .

“I don’t want you to leave me, Kaia.” He nudges my chin with his free hand, forcing me to look at him. His eyes are watery. “But I understand that you may want to. So I will respect your decision. But I do not want you to go back to your own world thinking this one did not want or need you. Because it does. I need you.”

God, how do I say no to that?

“I don’t know how it’s going to go,” I manage to get out. “I don’t know if this person will have the answers or not. And if I’m being honest, Thoren,” I say, taking a deep breath, “I’m not sure if I want her to.”