Chapter Three

CHAD WANDERED in a daze at the third enormous warehouse-o'-party-shit they'd scoured so far. The first house of horrors hadn't worked out. The only fountain she'd actually had in stock was the gigantic one that would never fit in Raudel's Honda. The rest of them had apparently only been on display to tease them. After the second option had also proved futile, they decided to grab some coffee to fortify them on their search.

As they sat on a bench outside, gazing at the crystalline lake, Chad was struck by how startlingly clear it was, how the brilliant blue and green tones of the huge body of water were hypnotizing in their beauty. Plenty of snow still clung to both the Carson Range and the Sierra Nevada that rose to the left of them. The occasional kayak drifted by, but it was still too early in the season for much in the way of water activities, especially since most of the ski resorts were still open.

Despite the sun, it was damn cold sitting so close to the lake, so Raudel fetched an extra sweatshirt out of his car for Chad to wear. Chad wrapped his arms around himself as if he could contain the aroma of Raudel that still clung to it. A rich, male scent so alluring that he'd wanted to roll around in it like catnip.

He couldn't stop jabbering like a loon, filling Raudel in on what happened to many of the kids from high school—who married, who left town, and who ended up in jail. In the back of his mind, he knew there were much more important discussions to have, but he needed mundane first. His emotions were already so rattled that recovery time was essential.

Raudel didn't seem to mind, and Chad wondered if maybe he was going through the same struggle. The revelation was the most surprising event of Chad's life, and maybe Raudel felt the same from his side.

His cheeks ached from all the goofy grins. The teeniest of hesitant twinges tried to shoulder their way in, whispering that all Raudel had promised was a couple of weeks. But he squashed them down. He wasn't going to let his usual certainty of doom mindset ruin an amazing day.

They hadn't known each other very well in school, and they'd spent all of a couple of hours actually getting to know each other for the first time that day. Of course Raudel wouldn't make long-term promises. It wasn't as if he expected anything more, either. He couldn't possibly be sure of Raudel yet, had no idea whether he'd ever want anything beyond a fling.

"Hey," Raudel whispered in his ear. "I hate to say this, but we should get to the next place on the list."

He placed his hand on Chad's knee, making him shiver. His response had nothing to do with the cold.

"You're right." Chad sighed. "The sooner we find that ridiculous thing, the sooner we can move on to better pursuits."

Raudel let out a low chuckle, and Chad's face heated. He supposed his words could be taken a few different ways.

Once they reached the party place and made their way to the floor displays, they discovered there were a few choices that might work. But when he glanced at the price tag of a less hideous one than the others, he winced. He hoped his mom's credit limit was high enough to buy the fake silver nightmare.

Chad glanced up to see Raudel in deep concentration as he pondered an intricately designed, gold-embellished fountain option, rubbing his forefinger and thumb over his stubbled chin, his prominent eyebrows pulled together, full lips pursed as he considered it. Then he bit at the pad of his thumb, and a wavy lock of hair drifted across his forehead.

Oh, who am I fucking kidding? Of course I want more than a fling with him.

Chad let out one of the sighs that had almost made his mother take him to the emergency room on the drive up to the lake house.

"Too expensive?" Raudel regarded him with the same smile he'd been flashing ever since their first kiss.

Our first kiss.

Chad unconsciously touched his bottom lip before yanking his hand away. "Uh, I'm not sure any price is too high for Mom to fork over right now. It's how much I'll be stuck paying her back that concerns me the most."

Raudel sidled over to him. He slipped an arm around his waist, never taking his eyes off Chad's. "I've been thinking. It's partly my fault that the fountain got broken." He briefly pressed their mouths together before pulling back. "I'll pay half. Let's get this fountain thing over with, then go grab some dinner."

Chad blinked repeatedly, lost in the spell of Raudel's sultry gaze. As far as he was concerned, standing in the Party Clown Solutions Outlet store staring into each other's eyes all night was just as cool an idea as getting something to eat.

Raudel pulled him closer, his hold tighter. "My treat. Where do you want to go , mijo?"

"I, uh, wherever is fine."

Jesus . How would he survive so much awesomeness?

Raudel brushed his lips against Chad's temple, the scrape of his stubble sparking the nerves under his skin. "Tell me what you like. I'm going to find out as much as I can about you in the next two weeks. It'll be like we've known each other our whole lives."

"Wow."

He'd never been the most eloquent thing on two legs, and he'd certainly never been wooed before. As much as he was reveling in the moment, he wanted to tell Raudel to save his energy. It wasn't as if he had to worry about whether or not he'd score. He'd give it up for Raudel anytime, anywhere.

Raudel chuckled, and for once, it belonged only to Chad. For however long Raudel wanted him near, he'd take it. It had nothing to do with being needy or due to some vague unhappiness he wished to be temporarily distracted from. Being with Raudel was all about being unafraid to take what he deserved, to believe he deserved it, and to enjoy whatever might come from their time together.

"I like Italian. You know, the ‘old-fashioned, giant meatball, heavy tomato sauce with a mountain of powdered cheese on top' Italian."

Raudel nodded. "Hmm. Sounds good. What about lasagna? I like lasagna."

"Sweet. I'll Google it."

Raudel grinned. "I'll go see if Bozo the Clown over there can ring up the fountain."

Chad snorted. "Good luck with that. Clown-boy could be dangerous. He's hated us ever since we set foot in here."

Raudel rolled his eyes. "I've got news for you, honey. I'm willing to bet he hates everybody."

Chad scrolled through the listings. "Yeah, you're probably right." He frowned at the screen. "This place looks good. Oh, wait… it's on the California side of Tahoe. Is that a deal-breaker since we had to drive all the way up to this store?"

Raudel got close to Chad's ear, the heat of his breath tickling the little hairs in the canal. "If it makes you happy, that's all that matters."

Damn. He's good.

Raudel straightened, then strode over to ascertain whether they'd both get out of there alive, and if it would be with a new fountain. Chad decided he'd rather ogle Raudel's round ass as he walked away. Then he'd consider other restaurant listings.

Priorities.

CHAD SNAPPED the breadstick in half and crumbs flew everywhere. He widened his eyes. "Sorry."

Raudel snatched one of the halves, smacked him on the back of the hand with it, then took a bite while winking at him.

"You brat." Chad couldn't stop laughing. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun, and truthfully wasn't sure if the fun had ever been so incredible.

Raudel had ordered them a bottle of Chianti. They'd already drunk their way through half of it while eating their salads and a bushel of breadsticks.

Chad was stuffed, and he hadn't even seen one meatball yet. He wasn't much of a drinker in general, but when he did have anything, it was usually a beer or two. The wine had turned out to be surprisingly potent. "So, are you excited school's almost over with?" Chad grunted. "I know I'd be."

Raudel nodded as he chewed. He swallowed the last of his wine, then reached for the bottle to pour another. He indicated to Chad's half-full glass.

"Nah. I'm good."

Raudel refilled his own. "‘Glad' doesn't begin to cover it." He set the bottle down. "Don't get me wrong. There's so much about it I've loved. UCLA is in a great part of LA. Westwood's nearby, and it's a cool place to hang out on the weekends, lots of excitement. Bars, clubs, movie theaters, people on the street. And the university itself is amazing. So much history there, such a grand place."

Raudel looked down at his hands, and Chad had the sense that he was mulling something over. Finally, he glanced up again. "I have an internship this summer with a well-respected law office in Century City. That's kind of on the other side of the city, but very nice too. They've told me that barring any unforeseen circumstances, they'd like to take me on in the fall."

Chad swallowed, the wine not sitting so well on his stomach anymore. "Oh. Well. Congratulations." He cleared his throat a bit too loudly. "I mean, that's exciting news, right?"

Raudel pressed his lips together. "Is it?"

"Uh, sure. After all, you moved all the way down to California, studied and worked hard for all those years, and now here you are. Some high-class legal firm wants you right away. You don't even have to go out and search for a job, it's waiting right there for you."

Chad had almost blurted out "your mom must be so proud of you" but stopped himself in time. He was obviously spending way too much time hanging out with his mother.

"Well, I'm not so sure. I do love LA, though, want to work in a good firm, so it's not that, but—" He shrugged one shoulder. "—I want more than just a good job."

Chad gazed around the restaurant as if the building itself held the secrets of young men's futures. He wasn't an idiot, not really, not in the way he thought of himself on occasion. He was capable enough that old man Sherman had steadily promoted him from a part-time yogurt slinger all the way up to assistant manager in less than three years with incremental raises that had brought him to that two dollars above minimum wage. For the small town he and Raudel had been born and raised in, it was practically the Franklin Mint.

Yogurt wasn't a career. It was a placeholder. It allowed him the freedom to live in a shithole and come and go as he pleased, except for the part where he had to be at the shop forty hours a week and hope his shift wasn't when the middle school kids would come in and dare each other to throw the frozen, pseudo-dairy product in his face. Or whether he'd have to confront a group of young moms gossiping about whoever had been crowned Skank of the Week while simultaneously ignoring their spawn, who were also throwing yogurt all over the store.

Must be something about that shit that makes people want to throw it.

He finally answered Raudel. "I guess I keep thinking that you have a purpose. You decided on something, then left our crappy town and did it. Even though it was hard, and you didn't have your family there, it didn't stop you from reaching your goal, making something of yourself. Whether or not you ever take that job, or even if you never practice law one day in your life, you'll still have that degree. You earned it. It's yours. That deserves a congratulations if nothing else."

Raudel stared back at him, his eyes glittering, head tilted to the side. "Why did you stay?"

Chad shrugged. He'd asked himself that so many times and never come up with a definitive answer, only the feeling that he didn't want to leave his family for no particular reason. He sincerely doubted that a family-style Italian restaurant on the California side of Tahoe would inspire the truth of it to magically appear. "Where would I go?"

Raudel didn't answer. He reached across the requisite red-and-white checkerboard cloth and took Chad's hand, intertwining their fingers together, holding on with gentle strength.

Even if everything else was a mystery to Chad, one thing was clear: he wanted Raudel even more than he had before.

"I'M NEVER eating again."

Chad patted his typically flat tummy. He'd barely been able to tolerate grocery shopping. All that food. He wasn't used to such gargantuan, starch-enhanced meals. His normal fare mostly consisted of frozen burritos, along with the occasional orange, so he didn't die of scurvy. He knew better than to eat the shit he served at work—even if it was free.

Raudel squeezed his knee. His hand had rested there ever since they'd gotten back in the car, and Chad occasionally pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He hoped Raudel hadn't noticed.

Then again, he thought finding me with a fake dong stuck up my ass was hot, so self-pinching is probably pretty timid by comparison.

"We should go over the itinerary before we get back."

Chad narrowed his eyes, attempting to study Raudel's expression to see if he was fucking with him. "She actually made an itinerary? As in, telling us what to do and where we need to be every hour of every day?"

Raudel let out a snorting chuckle. "Pretty much. I mean, I can understand it to a degree. There's a lot that goes on with these weddings, and the last week before go time is particularly difficult."

"Yeah. I sensed that." Chad crossed his arms, his mood deteriorating from elated to cranky in record time.

Raudel tickled his knee, and Chad jerked his leg. "Hey!" Something akin to a giggle escaped him. "What are you doing?"

"Don't you think I checked when all the free times would be? I have them memorized. Then we can do whatever we want. Together ."

Raudel sported a ridiculous grin, and Chad found himself drawn back to a happier state by his upbeat attitude.

Chad held back what would surely turn into an embarrassing giggle. An odd snort came out instead. "Oh yeah? Tell me about those. Then maybe I can suffer through the rest." A sudden thought filled him with dread. "Is there a photo session before the wedding? You know, with us all tricked out in those horrible tuxes with the peach satin bow ties and little hankies?"

Raudel laughed. "They're called pocket squares, and yes, there is." Raudel gasped. "Did you just say peach ?"

"You didn't know? Sorry, dude. This whole thing has turned her into a creature I no longer recognize as someone I share DNA with."

Raudel shook his head, his eyes fixed on the dark and quiet road. "You don't have to explain it to me. I've been through the same thing with my older sisters and a couple cousins. Now, I'm not getting down on Lindsey—you know I love her—but my sisters were just the same. It turns what should be a beautiful day to share with someone you love, someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, into a stressful nightmare. Who needs it? I'd much rather be with my guy for our special day, then have a party with everyone else later on."

Chad's face heated up to an alarming degree. Should I say anything? Agree? Change the subject? Cry out that I just had a Bigfoot sighting?

As soon as Raudel had confessed his secret longings about him, Chad hadn't been able to stop thinking about forever afters. Even if he shouldn't, he couldn't pry the goofy thought from his head that something about the whole situation was fated.

We had an unrequited crush when we were horny kids. Now we're horny adults about to share the same bed for a week. No big.

"Yeah." Chad was back to maniacal chuckling. "Sisters."

"Anyway, about our free time together."

Raudel appeared not to notice anything odd regarding his nervous reaction to Raudel's future wedding wishes. He'd gone back to playing with Chad's knee in a way that had his dick wondering when it would get a piece of that.

"Is it going to be along the lines of we can dip our big toes in the lake for ten minutes between prepping the grill and tying bows around the tiny favor bags holding the sugared almonds?"

Raudel chuckled, a sound that Chad was already addicted to. "Kinda. But I have a secret plan to get us more time together."

"Right on. Tell me about those moments."

"Well, like today. This worked out great, right? We shopped for the fountain, picked up groceries and propane canisters, but we also had lots of time for just you and me."

"True. And I loved every second of it, Raudel, I swear." He tried not to fall back into his habitual sighs. "But the closer it gets to the wedding, the more stuff there will need to be done. I doubt we'll get so lucky again as to have a whole afternoon and evening to ourselves."

"Don't worry, mijo. We have the week after the wedding, and we have every night alone in our room."

Raudel ran his hand up the inside of Chad's thigh, so close to his hardening length that his entire body tensed with anticipation.

Come on. One more inch.

Raudel moved his hand back down to Chad's knee.

Dammit.

Then it struck Chad what Raudel was really saying. "So… I don't know if you knew that the room we're sharing only has one bed, and I wasn't sure if you wanted—?"

"You aren't?" There was a playful note to Raudel's voice. "Then I've been absolutely terrible at seducing you properly. I want you, Chad. I want as much of you as you're willing to give, and not just in bed. The day we've spent has made that very clear to me."

Fuck . Chad didn't know how to respond, how to act. Raudel had been with rich guys and some famous actor or another, while he had never had an actual boyfriend before. Was Raudel suggesting something more… permanent? He couldn't be, though, could he? There was the job in LA, but even if Raudel didn't take it, he'd still have to go back and finish his degree. He'd been melancholy at dinner when they discussed it, but the food had come shortly thereafter, and they'd changed the subject.

Raudel spoke in a tentative voice. "Am I overwhelming you? I know I can get intense. You can tell me to back off, it won't hurt my feelings."

"No! Don't back off."

"Good."

Chad stole a peek at Raudel. His smile was wide and toothy as he stared ahead. The reality that Raudel desired more was clear. He wasn't entirely sure what that was , but he trusted Raudel. Something inside told him that he could leave his heart in Raudel's care, and it wouldn't get damaged or broken. With Raudel, he could be safe to discover what having a man in his life was about.

A rumble of laughter echoed in Raudel's chest. Chad furrowed his brow. "What?"

"Oh, I was just remembering what you said about the dildo."

Great. That'll never go away. "I'm scared to ask."

"Did it work out for you? You know, when you finally had sex, were you glad you'd practiced with it?"

Chad was back to calculating what the risks would be if he leaped from the car. He couldn't entirely see what was beyond the side of the highway. Would he be hurtled into the lake or simply slammed to the ground? If it were only broken bones to contend with, he might've gone for it, but they were going fast enough that death was a real possibility.

"Chad? I feel like I keep asking you things you don't want to talk about. That's not what I'm trying to do. It's only me needing to learn about you—that's all. Get caught up on all the years I missed."

"I know. And it's cool. I want to learn about you, too." He winced. "It's just… you're so sophisticated now." He chewed on his lip, searching for the perfect words. Not one of his best traits. "Don't take this wrong, because I totally mean it in a cool way. But you've changed. You're still the same for the most part, but there's this aura about you that's different from before." He snorted. "Obviously, you were a lot younger and everything, but still, you're so worldly or something. I dunno." He rolled his eyes. "I sound like an idiot."

Chad lowered his head, not sure if Raudel could understand how inadequate he felt in comparison. He didn't think he was that bad of a catch—he could make a mean pot roast, knew how to budget like a champ, and would give his whole heart to the man he loved. But he was still the same guy from the same stagnant desert town, while Raudel had been living the high life in Los Angeles, one of the most glamorous places on Earth.

"Stop that." Raudel gave Chad's knee an extra-harsh squeeze. "You're not an idiot. I am, in some ways. I don't regret all I've done. I'm glad to get my degree and want to be involved in the legal field somehow. But like I said earlier, I want more." He paused before speaking again. "I was hoping that more might be you."

Chad jerked his head up. "But what about all those actors and rich dudes throwing themselves at you?"

Raudel shrugged. "They weren't real, mijo. They were a mirage, something I thought could fulfill me, make my life better." Raudel glanced his way before returning his gaze to the road. "Do you know that when I visited my family for the holidays, I almost approached you a few times?"

Chad dropped his jaw. "No way."

Raudel grinned. "Way."

"But… all that stuff you said about still thinking about me. Why didn't you try to see me, then?"

Raudel kept his eyes forward, his jaw working as if gritting his teeth. He finally answered, still staring straight ahead. "Because I knew if I saw you, I'd never return to Los Angeles."

Raudel traced lazy circles on Chad's knee again, while Chad's belly tightened, a funny, euphoric sensation filling his chest.

"Oh." He swallowed, his throat too dry. "I don't know what to say."

"Say you're glad I'm here now, that you think we could be good together. That you'd like to give us a try." Raudel sniffed loudly. "Even if it's not true."

If he starts crying, I'm a goner.

Chad grasped Raudel's hand and clutched it with as much resolve as he could muster. "It's true, Raudel. You have no idea."

Raudel sniffed again, then laughed shakily. "I know you said I could have whatever I wanted from you, but I needed to verify you meant more than a lay."

Chad ducked his head, still holding on to Raudel as if to anchor them both. "Come on, Raudel. You know how big a crush I had on you in high school."

"Had? What about now?"

Chad squirmed in his seat. He had to tell Raudel the truth. All of it. Not just the really squishy good parts he wanted to share and was pretty sure Raudel wanted to hear. Because the truth was so much more than wishes and longings and what could've been. It was about where they were heading next since their lives had gone in such different directions.

"I was convinced you thought I was some perverted weirdo because of what you saw. That's what's been in my head all these years. ‘Raudel thinks I'm disgusting, Raudel never liked me, never could'—all those mindfucky things we do to ourselves. But even with all of that, I held on to the fantasy part of you. The part I knew deep down was more than a crush, that all this time—" The hint of a panic attack built, but he sucked in a few good breaths to stave it off until he could force the rest of his thoughts out. "That all this time, I might still be in love with you. Because even when I tried to tell myself I was way too young to have known what love was, the reality is that a crush doesn't stick to a person the way it has when I think of you. If I hadn't tried so damn hard to find another guy, I'd think it was obsession. Hell, I might still think that anyway. But I want to find out the answer to it one way or the other. Because before you leave, I want to either be with you from now on or walk away from you for good."

A slow trail of sweat snaked its way down one cheek.

Hopefully, he won't slam on the brakes, then toss me out of the car.

"Oh, mijo." Raudel brought Chad's hand to his lips, then kissed his knuckles before setting their twined fingers on his thigh. He rubbed his thumb over Chad's skin. "I suppose this means I have to show you before I leave how much I do want you to be with me from now on."

"I know you're not promising, Raudel. I'm not either."

It made him a little sick to say it, but he was done being Loser Chad. He was something more than a guy who pulled the lever that oozed out fake yogurt in colors that didn't appear in nature. He wasn't simply someone who had no one to share his life with, so instead he'd go to his mom's house once a week to do his laundry before doing her grocery shopping.

If nothing else, his time with Raudel would shake him loose from that dead-end existence.

"We don't have to promise, mijo. All we need is to be."