12. Chapter 12

Chapter 1 2

Lacey

"Where have you been?"

Nico crosses his arms, the pink polo shirt he's wearing tight enough to show off the lean lines of his chest.

"Your roommate nearly killed me when I woke her up this morning." He sniffs, "She has no appreciation for morning routines."

I bite back a laugh and swipe my access card to the residence building. With a flash of green, the door unlocks and I wave for him to follow me inside.

"Sorry, I should have texted. I stayed over at a friend's place last night."

Nico draws to a halt, right in the middle of the hallway.

"Was this friend male by any chance?"

"Uh…."

"I KNEW IT!" Letting out a shriek, Nico charges towards me and scoops me up, "My girl is back on the band wagon! Taber University better look out cause this sexy lady is on the prowl."

I laugh, "Put me down, you ridiculous man. You're gonna get housing services called on us."

"Hell, yeah I am. Tell me everything ."

Nico grins and bops my nose, "Actually, wait until we're back at your dorm so you can pull out a ruler and I can see what we're working with."

I shake my head with a smile, "Does your mind always jump to sex?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

Setting me back on the ground, Nico doesn't give me a chance to walk away before he grabs my hand and twirls me around.

"I am so proud of you, mi amor. You're finally putting yourself out there again."

"I'm trying."

He grins, "That's all you can do. Come on, let's go get that ruler."

A student walking by shoots us a concerned look, but I'm too busy laughing to notice.

"He's a little… skinny. "

Nico zooms in on the picture I took of Skylar at the bookshop, "The white hair is adorable though. And I don't hate the emo vibe he's got going on."

I reach over and take back my phone.

"He's a very talented artist. You should see the flowers he drew for me the other night."

"So, he's good with his hands."

I blush, remembering the way Skylar touched me last night. Nico immediately notices and lets out a hoot.

"You did have a good time last night."

We're sitting on my bed, backs against the wall and legs dangling over the edge. Being around Nico is safe and comfortable, but I hadn't realized how much I missed the intoxicating excitement of being around someone you're attracted to until I met Skylar.

"It was incredible, Nico." Pulling my knees closer, I squeeze them into my chest, "He made me feel alive."

Dark eyes study me intently, the teasing smirk softening into a genuine smile.

"You deserve to feel alive every damn day, Lace. And if this skinny kid does it for you, well, there's nothing left to say except I'm happy for you."

"Thank you."

He throws his arm around me and I lean into him. Breathing in Nico's cologne, I let the scent envelope me and smile, thinking about how far we've come .

"You were the first boy I ever loved, you know." I let out a rueful laugh, "I used to wish on every birthday candle that one day you would wake up and realize you were attracted to girls instead of boys. It was so selfish, but I couldn't tell the difference between love and friendship."

"It's not ridiculous. I used to do the same thing."

Nico shakes his head, "When I went to visit you at the hospital, I remember thinking it was my fault. If my sexuality hadn't gotten in the way, none of this would have happened."

I frown, "I made my own decisions. You had nothing to do with it."

"But you wouldn't have had to make those decisions if I'd been able to love you back."

His eyes start to glisten, "I had the whole thing planned out. We would have been best friends through elementary, pretended to hate each other during junior high, and finally given in to our feelings in high school. I would have taught you the unbearable talents of my tongue, and by the time we graduated, we would have been engaged to be married."

Nico's voice breaks and so does another piece of my heart.

"We would have lived happily ever after, mi amor. That's how it was supposed to be."

I close my eyes as a wave of grief washes over me. The story Nico painted is the same one I used to imagine for myself, the young girl who wanted to fall in love with her childhood best friend, the boy who understood all my quirks and didn't question my idiosyncrasies. All I wanted was a love story, complete with a happy ever after.

Instead, I got reality.

"Do you know why my birthday wishes never came true?" I choke out a laugh, wiping the tears from his cheeks, "Because we weren't wishing for something real."

"But it could have been."

"No, Nico. Life doesn't end with marriage proposals and babies wrapped up in bows. Life is hard and ugly and sometimes people and relationships get damaged and lost along the way."

I press a kiss to his cheek, "We are exactly where we are meant to be. You've found someone who scowls as much as he smiles and I've found someone who smiles with his heart. Neither might work out but at least we know there are good men out there who treat us how we deserve."

"Maybe you're right." Nico slumps with defeat, "I just wish you didn't have to go through that to get to where we are now."

"I know."

Nudging his shoulder gently, I try to lighten the mood with a smile, "It never would have worked out between us. I don't have nearly enough muscle mass for you."

Nico snorts, wiping his eyes with the cuffs of his sleeves, "Apparently I have too much muscle for you. Seriously, babe, maybe we should put that kid on a cycle. He looks like he's one strong breeze from falling over. "

"Skylar is perfect." I smile, thinking about the boy whose broken pieces align seamlessly with mine, "And he's got very talented fingers."

"I bet he does."

Nico cracks up and it doesn't take long for me to join. Even though I missed out on the fairytale, there's no one I would rather have in my corner than Nico. He's the friend I always needed, the one person I could always turn to until my life spiralled into darkness.

I almost gave up our friendship with a bottle of pills, but just like our ill-fated love story, it wasn't meant to be the end. The doctors who pumped my stomach gave me a second chance and this time I won't lose sight of what's important.

"Wait. Does this mean I get to meet him?"

Nico sits up, making me fall over on the bed, "Oh my God, he should come to our next movie night! Wes will be so excited to meet him."

Pushing myself upright, I huff out a laugh, "Inviting Skylar over to watch a movie with my older brother and his closest friend sounds like a terrible time. No offence."

"Babe, we both know I'm your closest friend, but I see your point." He purses his lips, thinking it over, "What about inviting him to our next lacrosse game? Then you could chill in the bleachers and we could do the casual bro hug at the end."

"Do you even know what a bro hug is?"

He scoffs, "Of course, I do. I'm just too sophisticated to swoop to that level of childish masculinity. "

"Uh huh."

"Don't get cheeky with me, Miss Sleeping Over at a Boy's House. I'm not above blackmail."

I laugh, "Pretty sure I have more blackmail on you than you do on me."

"Touché." He grins, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze, "Just make sure I get to meet Skylar first. I can't have Wes holding that over my head for the rest of my life."

"I'll do my best."

Skylar

"Blue or green?"

Lacey hums, thinking over her answer. We've talked on the phone every night since that first call, and every time it lifts some of the weight off my chest. There's something about hearing her voice that makes me feel like I can breathe without my past bleeding through the layers.

"I'm going to say green. I love the aesthetic of thick, heathy leaves."

I bite back a smile, "So, your ideal phone background would be a pile of fertile leaves."

She laughs, "If you saw my succulent collection, you would understand. My plant babies have some of the prettiest shades of green. My favourite is probably this little cactus that's a dark green colour, almost like a tainted emerald. "

"Like your eyes?"

The question stuns her into silence and I clamp my mouth shut.

I would have to be blind not to notice Lacey's devastating features, but I do my best not to draw attention to them. Her long legs and sparkling green eyes are such a small part of my attraction to her that it feels shallow to complement the outer layers when there's an even more enticing beauty underneath.

At the end of the day, my flower is so much more than the petals on her stem.

"You've noticed the colour of my eyes?"

"I've noticed a lot of things about you, Flower. I know the way your eyes change shape when you smile. The way your cheeks darken when I catch you looking at me. The sound you make when you're reading a funny book. The weightlessness that fills my chest whenever you're nearby."

Swallowing thickly, I whisper the rest of my confession, "I know that you're the only person who makes me feel like more than just Skylar."

Silence falls on the other end of the line. I lay my head back and study the chipped state of my ceiling. My pillow still smells like Lacey's shampoo from the night she spent here, a flowery scent that has helped to chase away the demons on more than one occasion.

I don't know if I will ever deserve her, but I do know she felt perfect coming apart in my arms.

"I think it's my turn to tell you a secret." Lacey blows out a breath, "I used to think you smile with your eyes but recently I discovered that wasn't true. You smile with your heart and it's easily the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

I freeze, feeling the air vacate my lungs.

"Your blue iris catches the most attention, but the brown one is my favourite. It speaks to the darker parts of your soul and it gives my own a safe place to land. You don't waste words with dishonesty and you have the most unexpected yet brilliant sense of humour."

She pauses, "But most of all, you help me remember what it's like to want to live again. Not for my family, but for myself."

I try to suck in a breath but there doesn't seem to be enough oxygen in the room.

"You might be the only person who sees me." I can barely choke out the words, "Nobody else looks past the outer layers."

She falls silent and I fall back on the age-old breathing technique my therapist taught me. It doesn't help the burning hole in my heart, but it does ease the pressure in my diaphragm.

"I've always seen you, Skylar. Even when I didn't know what you looked like."

"You aren't disappointed I didn't turn out to be a middle aged woman with a barn cat?"

She blows a raspberry, "I'm not sure that vision could have gotten me off the other night, but you never know."

Laughter, loud and unrestrained, explodes out of my mouth. The boisterous sound takes me by complete surprise, echoing off the walls of my bedroom as my stomach muscles clench against the foreign sensation. I hunch over as laughter takes over my body, the shake in my shoulders from mirth rather than tears.

Lacey's corresponding giggles float down the line and it sets me off again. By the time I catch my breath, it's impossible to keep the smile from stretching across my face.

"I wasn't expecting that."

"Thought I'd take a page from your book and go for honesty."

"Now I see why you like it so much."

She laughs, and the sound only makes my smile grow wider. It feels like my face is about to splinter right down the middle, the elation bubbling through my bloodstream.

"You're something special, Skylar. You just need to start believing it."

"I'll work on it."

She clicks her tongue, "Promise?"

"I promise."

"Good." She sighs, "I don't want to say goodbye but I really need to go to bed. I have a midterm tomorrow morning."

Sneaking a glance at my clock, I'm shocked to see the midnight hour staring back at me.

"That's okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"I'm looking forward to it. Goodnight, Skylar."

"Sweet dreams, Flower."

Ending the call, I roll out of bed to brush my teeth. There's still a smile staining my face when I swing open my bedroom door, but it quickly disappears when I see the hulking figure leaning against my doorway.

"How long were you standing there?"

Vector tilts his head, studying me in the dark hallway between our two rooms. The glow from my desk lamp is just strong enough to illuminate the shadows under my brother's eyes, the gaunt features hidden beneath the endless pounds of brawn.

"Not long." His gaze flicks over my face, "It's been a while since I've heard you laugh like that."

Carefully tucking my emotions back under my skin, I feel my stoic expression lock back in place.

"There hasn't been much to laugh about."

"Don't do that." He clenches his jaw, the volatile temper simmering just beneath the surface, "Don't make it sound like it's my fault."

"I didn't say it was your fault."

"Like hell you didn't." Vector shakes his head, "I'm not the villain you paint me out to be. I did what needed to be done."

"I know you did. But why are you still hurting people now?"

I stare at him, feeling my earlier joy slink away. My brother's actions have always been a source of tension between us, but that's because he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand that every sprained ankle, every broken bone he's left in his wake have all landed on my conscience. That every person he's hurt has snipped away at the tattered edges of my soul .

Vector rolls his eyes, "You make it sound like I go around assaulting people. The only people I've hurt are the ones who deserved it."

"Did Cody Ellsworth deserve it?" I fire back the question, frustration cutting through me, "Did any of the players you put in the hospital deserve it?"

"Lacrosse is a contact sport, Sky. It's supposed to be aggressive."

"But you don't have to be aggressive." My teeth snap together, "Haven't we seen enough violence?"

The tension in the air ignites the fire in his eyes.

"You're blowing it out of proportion."

"Am I? Tell me, when was the last time mom went to see one of your lacrosse games?" I give him a bitter smile, "That's right. She stopped attending your tournaments after that goalie had to get emergency surgery. All because you couldn't control your temper."

"You're one to talk."

He bares his teeth, bending down so we're eye-to-eye, "You think I don't know about the box of crayons you keep hidden under your bed? I know exactly how many pencils you've broken drawing scenes that would make grown men cry. I've seen the evidence, Sky. You might act like you're better than me, but deep down we're the same."

"No. "

I shake my head, taking a step back from the monster living inside me, "I'm not better than you. I just choose to express my anger in ways that don't impact other people."

"Not all of us get that choice."

"There's always a choice." I breathe out a sigh, "You just have to be strong enough to make it."

He glares at me, the fury in his gaze identical to the one we used to see every night before our mother would start to cry.

"For fifteen years I had to stand by and watch mom take beating after beating because I was too weak to do anything." Vector shakes his head, his pale blue eyes darkening, "I would rather die than watch someone else lay a finger on her ever again. The same goes for you. If someone messes with either of you, I'll fucking destroy them."

I stare at him, seeing the stains and shattered pieces even my brother isn't strong enough to hide.

"Then that's your choice. Just don't drag me down with you."