Prologue

1 year earlier…

Skylar

I slip into our rival's locker room.

Ducking my head, I avoid eye contact with the guys wearing orange and black jerseys. It's the first tournament of the season and Taber University has home field advantage. The rough edge of my poster digs into my hands as I duck past the rows of lockers, my grip on the rolled-up piece of paper tightening until I make it to the safety of Silverwood's lacrosse team.

At the far end of the locker room, the Sabers are jostling each other, their laughter and high spirits helping to take some of the tension out of my shoulders.

If everyone is in a good mood then maybe today will be okay.

Pushing back the grey hood of my sweater, I nod to a couple of the familiar faces who smile at me. I've never been particularly friendly with the varsity team, most of the guys on it are overly aggressive and use their sport as an excuse to beat the shit out of their opponents.

The worst of them being my older brother.

The tension returns when I come to a stop in front of him, my eyes raking over his body language to determine whether today will be a good day. Calm fingers make quick work of his cleats, the steadiness of his hands and relaxed posture giving me a flicker of hope.

"Are you going to keep it under control today?"

Stark blue eyes glance at me, an amused smile painting his face, "Depends if the Tigers are in the mood to play or not."

"You promised to be better this year."

The smile slips, "I red-shirted last year to work on keeping things under control ." He hisses out the words and the threat in his voice has a few of the Saber players glancing over, "I've put in my time, Sky. Stop being such a mother hen."

I stare back at him, wishing his words were true.

My brother sighs, shoving his shoulder-length blonde hair out of the way, "Look, I'm going to try my best, okay? I can't do more than that."

His best is bullshit and we both know it.

I remain silent, choosing to keep the fighting words buried deep inside me. Over the years my silence has saved a lot of pain, and today doesn't appear to be an exception.

"Baby Vin, would you mind giving our all-star some space? Man needs to get his head in the game if we're going to slaughter some Tigers. "

The Silverwood player closest to us slaps a locker and I flinch, making him laugh. The dark-haired player has barely caught his breath when my brother stands up and grabs him by the jersey. The locker room goes deathly silent as Silverwood's leading forward leans in with a snarl.

"Show some fucking respect or the only person being slaughtered on that field today will be you." Vector turns and flashes his teeth to the rest of the team, "That goes for all of you. The next person who looks at my little brother the wrong way will have me to answer to."

Shame washes over me as each player mumbles some sort of an agreement. Vector turns back to me with a satisfied gleam in his eyes and nausea creeps up my throat.

He's just like our father.

Vector drops down on a bench across from where I'm standing. I drop my gaze, not wanting to see the fire burning in his eyes.

Today isn't going to be a good day.

"Don't be like that, Sky." There's a bite to my brother's tone, "Can't you see everything I do is for you?"

Another bullshit excuse.

"Can you at least show me the masterpiece you drew for me?" Vector tilts his head, trying to catch my eye, "I heard you drawing late into the night. I know it's going to be a good one."

He's offering me an olive branch and because I'm weak, I take it. A strong sense of self-loathing washes over me as I hand over the poster and watch my brother carefully unroll it. Delight fills his eyes as he takes in the carnage I disposed on the black piece of paper.

"It's beautiful."

He runs a hand over the slaughtered tiger, the darkness of its blood and mutilated organs bringing out the metallic colour of the blade slicing it right down the middle.

"That's fucking horrifying." Walsh, another forward player, bends over Vector's shoulder to get a closer look, "You drew this?"

He glances my way and I give him a short nod.

"Damn. Your little bro's got talent." He slaps Vector on the back and gives me a toothy smile, "I'll hit you up the next time I want a violent piece done, yeah?"

My shoulders tense and I quickly look away.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter that I don't use my physical strength to hurt people. My temper is just as unhinged as my brother's, the only difference is I direct mine to the ink on a page. I don't hurt people, but no matter how hard I try, I can't escape the monster inside me. The rage that controlled my father now controls my brother, and I'm terrified that one day it will control me too.

"I can't wait to see the Tigers' faces when they see it." Vector passes my poster back and I take it with a dry throat.

"I didn't draw it for them. I did it for you."

"And now they get the chance to admire your artistry. It's a win win." Pulling me in for a quick hug, he whispers in my ear, " Hold it up high so I can see it from the field. Might help keep me under control."

I know exactly what he's doing, so I don't respond when he releases me. Heart burning with broken shards, I turn and head back towards the exit door without another word.

I push through the door and almost make it outside when a black and orange jersey crashes into me. I stumble sideways and a muscular arm quickly reaches out to steady me.

"Sorry about that, my head is all over the place this morning. Should have checked where I was going."

A concerned look takes over the guy's face, his blonde fauxhawk giving him an inch or two over me, "Are you okay?"

I stare back at the Tiger's team captain, wishing I could tell him to run before my brother is unleashed on his team.

"I'm okay."

"Good. Wouldn't want the Sabers losing any fans before the game starts." Cody glances at my team hoodie and casts a smile at me.

He has a kind smile. One that doesn't have menace or violence behind it.

"Yeah."

He gives me one last smile before disappearing through the door I just came out of. I stare after him, hoping with all my heart that I was wrong.

Today will be a good day.

Vector doesn't hit the field until halftime. It had been a close game with the Tigers one point ahead, but the excitement I was feeling cheering on the Sabers quickly turns into dread when I see my brother walk towards the front line.

He casts a glance at the crowd, and I know when he sees me – or rather, the poster I made him – because he gives me a grin that does nothing except increase my nerves. I watch the next few plays with eagle eyes, wincing when Vector makes an aggressive cross check, but his temper remains in check, and he leaves the poor guy alone.

Just like he promised.

Relief hits my chest when I see the uninjured Tiger player get pulled off the ground by Cody, the captain I bumped into earlier, and a dark-haired rookie. The defenseman shoves them off with a laugh and walks back to his starting position.

And that's when it goes to shit.

The bleachers are too loud for me to hear what's being said between the teams lined up on the field, but I can tell something is wrong. Vector yanks his helmet down over his face and staggers back to his position. The ref blows his whistle, and the players take off, my brother's fumbling movements making me drop my poster and scream.

"VECTOR NO!"

His graceful athleticism is long gone when he goes charging towards the rookie running for the ball. I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing Vector isn't thinking about stealing the ball right now.

He's out for blood .

The crowd gasps as the ref blows his whistle again, and I peel my eyes open, forcing myself to look at the damage my brother left behind. The breath gets knocked out of my lungs when I register it isn't the rookie lying unconscious on the ground.

It's the Tiger's captain.

The one with the kind smile.

"CODY!" A piercing scream cuts through the bleachers as a girl goes running for the field. I can't tear my eyes away as she sprints past the medics and drops to her knees beside him. My stomach surges and soon I'm running as well, except I'm running in the opposite direction.

Away from my brother's carnage and my equally horrifying poster.

I make it to the parking lot before nausea takes a hold of me. I collapse to the ground, throwing up the breakfast I'd eaten hours before. I heave until there's nothing left then crawl along the pavement towards my car. It takes me a few tries to get my door unlocked and even more tries to drag my shaking body into the driver's seat.

I don't touch the ignition once I get inside. I just sit there, trembling as I watch the ambulance pull into the stadium through my cracked windshield.

It doesn't matter what I do, or who I try to become.

The monster will always find me.