19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Cody

I wake up to the sound of someone choking.

The second I realize Stella’s warm body is no longer against me, I’m on my feet in an instant. My eyes take a moment to adjust to the darkness as they do a sweep of the room, coming to a stop on a form huddled on the far edge of the bed.

“Stella?” My feet get tangled in discarded clothes as I make my way over. The frantic breathing starts to slow as I draw closer, a pale and shaky hand waving me away.

“Go back to sleep. It’s… it’s almost done.” Stella’s eyes are closed, her voice weak and trembling. Even in the darkness, I can make out the dark groves underneath her eyes.

“Can I do anything to help?”

The mattress dips with my weight as I sit beside her, staying close enough to comfort but far enough that we aren’t touching.

Stella shakes her head, “I feel better now. Sorry for waking you.”

Pushing off the bed, she walks over to her closet and starts pulling out clothes. I frown, glancing at the time blinking on Stella’s alarm clock.

“It’s not even 4:30, Stel. Where do you think you’re going?”

“The gym.”

“We went to bed two hours ago.” The furrow between my brow deepens, “And are we not going to talk about the panic attack that just happened?”

Stella smirks from across the room, “Pretty sure we were in bed for a lot longer than two hours, Ellsworth.”

“That’s not the point, O’Brien.” I scrub a hand down my face, wishing my brain cells were more awake for this conversation. “You are deflecting again and that’s fine. But you are not going to work out with only two hours of sleep. That’s how you get hurt.”

Ignoring me, Stella makes a beeline for the bathroom. I race over and plant myself in front of the door.

“If I want to go to the gym, I can go to the gym. It’s my life and this is my house.” She goes to step around me, but I deflect it with a small shift to the left.

“Stel, listen to me. You are exhausted. You are in no shape to push yourself right now.”

Stella shoots me a glare that would have lesser men aborting mission.

“Get. Out. Of. My. Way.”

I lean down until we’re nose-to-nose.

“No.”

Her nostrils flare, an angry flush spreading over her features. I watch the frustration make its way down Stella’s naked body, her peaked nipples and clenching abdominal muscles momentarily distracting me.

“Come back to bed with me.”

My request startles her, so I take the opportunity to press further.

“We’ll hit the gym later. Come back to bed, Stel.”

Her eyes squeeze shut as she shakes her head, “O’Brien’s don’t go back to bed. We push through. With no pain there is no improvement.”

It sounds as if she’s quoting White Goodman from Dodgeball, but I know she’s just echoing one of the many lessons her father ingrained in her. It wasn’t until I met Jonathan that I realized that’s where Mo gets it from as well.

“There is no improvement to be made right now. You’re not taking the easy way out. You’re taking the smart one.” I keep my voice soft and gentle, hoping it will soothe the edges of her internal war.

“If I take this morning off, who is to say I won’t do it again?”

I smile, leaning forward to brush my lips softly against her forehead.

“Then you would just hit the gym later in the day.”

The answer seems so simple, so obvious, but nothing about Stella’s past is simple or obvious. I don’t know the full extent of Jonathan’s do-or-die mentality or how it was passed along but given the automatic response to a panic attack at 4AM is to sweat it out at the gym, I’m thinking there are much bigger issues that need to be addressed.

But not right now.

Gently removing the leggings and tank top from her hands, I let them fall to the floor before steering her back to bed. She follows me silently, climbing back under the covers without a word.

Exhaustion hits me almost immediately, but I fight to keep my eyes open until I see Stella’s start to close, her breathing gradually growing deeper.

“I’m sorry, Cody.” Her voice is tired and frail, the tone decades older than the girl lying next to me.

“What are you sorry for?”

“For having so much baggage.”

By the time I respond, Stella has already fallen back asleep, her head nestled against my chest. I lower my voice to a whisper as I watch the tension seep from her features.

“There’s no other baggage I’d rather have.”

Stella

“You two fucked.”

Mo crosses his arms and gives us one of his infamous death glares. If we weren’t related, I can see how that look could be intimidating on a lacrosse field. Think I’m more at risk of frostbite right now than I was on the ski hill yesterday.

Widening my eyes to assume innocence, Cody ruins my strategy by nodding.

“We spent the night together, yes.”

Mo flicks his eyes over each of us, his posture as rigid as the granite countertop behind him. “Are you a thing?”

Before Cody can respond, I shake my head. “That’s none of your business. And how did you know we had sex?”

Next to me, Cody groans under his breath while Mo huffs out a humourless laugh.

“Besides the fact you both skipped morning workout today? The huge ass hickey on Cody’s neck is a bit of a giveaway.”

I turn to look at the varsity captain, clapping a hand over my mouth when I see the fist-size purple bruise blooming just above his hoodie. Cody smirks and mouths vampire at me.

“You should have said something!” I start to giggle despite the murderous look Mo shoots my way, “I would have gone easier on you this morning.”

Cody shrugs, “I enjoyed how much you enjoyed it.”

“Jesus Christ.” Mo presses his palms into his eyelids, exhaling heavily, “Enough with the visuals.”

Cody chuckles and it seems to ease some of the tension from the room. The moment temporarily rekindles some of their bromance until my brother switches back to the protective older brother mode.

Otherwise known as The Dick.

“What are your intentions with my sister?” I roll my eyes at the cliché, tugging Cody’s hand to lead him away from the interrogation.

“Well…” Cody’s eyes flick to mine and the flash of hesitation brings on a wave of nausea. I could blame it on the lack of sleep, but we all know that would be a lie.

“You don’t have to answer that.” My response is steady and firm, the polar opposite of how I’m feeling inside.

I would never expect Cody to get down on one knee after spending one night together, but I really do think we have something special. Something that is more than just a hookup. Something that could withstand my never-ending list of buried vulnerabilities.

I am crazy about you and that terrifies me.

Cody’s pool-bound confession echoes through my mind and I grasp at it, seeking reassurance in a situation that is anything but reassuring.

“Stella, could you give Cody and me a moment? There are some things we need to discuss.” The underlining man-to-man nearly has me rolling my eyes again, but I refrain, not wanting to steal Lou’s signature reaction.

“Considering I am 50 percent of this situation I feel it’s only fair I get a say in whatever goes on here.”

Mo sighs, “Stella, don’t be difficult. Give me two minutes to talk to Ellsworth and if I’m happy with his response, then he’s all yours.”

“If you’re happy with his responses? Since when do the guys who date me need to pass an interview?”

Cody clears his throat and I blush, realizing the slip-up.

“I mean, the guys who have the potential to date me. The ones who might be interested.” My face is getting hotter the more I stammer, so I change tactics. “Whatever! You both know what I’m trying to say here.”

Not my smoothest comeback, but it broke the cycle.

“Stel.” Cody gives my hand a squeeze, “Give me two minutes with Mo. He deserves an explanation.”

“Does my explanation not count for anything?”

Cody’s mouth quirks up in the smallest smile, “It counts for everything. But right now, this is about me breaking his trust, and that’s something I have to face on my own.”

I huff, “You are both misogynistic idiots.” Turning on my heel, I stomp from the room and throw one last comment over my shoulder.

“Cody better not come back with a black eye.”

Their voices fade as I leave the kitchen, my angry footsteps getting swallowed up by the lush carpet in the corridor. I reach my bedroom door, but my irritation has me feeling restless enough to keep going until I reach Mo’s bedroom on the same floor.

While my bedroom was more Barbie Dreamhouse inspired, Mo’s was inspired by the ocean. His childhood was consumed with weekend sailing trips with my father, and his bedroom walls reflected that.

Pushing open the door, I’m surprised to see sailors and seagulls still gracing the walls. Mo’s bedroom looks identical to the one from my memories, and for a moment, it feels as though I stepped into a time capsule.

“Come on, Stella!” Mo’s grinning face twirls by mine as he follows mother around the dinner table. Mother laughs, swinging her hips to the music pounding through the speakers, cheering on an 8-year-old Mo as he climbs onto the table for a solo.

“No fair!” Immediately racing for a chair to climb up on, I scramble up next to my brother.

“Get down from there.” Father’s deep voice breaks through the music, causing both Mo and I to freeze mid tabletop performance.

Mother laughs, “Let them be, Jonathan. They’re just having fun.” The scowl drops from his face as she shimmies over and loops her arms around his neck.

“Dance with me handsome.”

Father’s entire demeanour changes as he smiles, taking mother’s hand and stepping in time to the music.

“How is it every time I come home from work, you three are always dancing?”

Mother grins and pulls father towards the dinner table. “Everything is better when you’re dancing. That’s just a fact of life.”

Mo and I clap and cheer as mother joins us on the wooden table. Father shakes his head and watches us with a smile.

Sporadic buzzing pulls me from the past, drawing me closer to the nightstand next to Mo’s nautical themed bedspread. Although his décor remains untouched since my mother was alive, the brand-new iPhone and shiny cufflinks strewn across the desk attest to the older version of my brother residing here.

The phone buzzes again, the screen lighting up with a list of notifications. My face is already programmed in Mo’s phone for facial recognition, so with a quick swipe of my finger, I’m in.

CARTER: Thanks for last night, we should do that again sometime ;)

BRIAN: Bash going down next Tuesday, you in?

STEPHANIE: I’m going to be in town next week if you’re interested…

I smirk, recognizing the name of the girl from the airport. Scrolling down, the list of Mo’s conquests is endless, as are the number of party invitations. My father’s number pops up a couple of times, but all work related.

Disappointed, I put his phone back down and make myself comfortable on his 4 poster California King bed. When my brother returns from lecturing Cody, he and I are going to have our own little heart-to-heart.