Chapter 36

Chapter Thirty-Six

Dragon

She doesn’t react. Which startles me.

I just poured my heart and soul out to this woman. Told her everything I want to do to her, everything I don’t understand about myself, and why I want to do it.

Is she truly fine with it?

“Diana.”

“What?”

“Tell me to stop. You need to tell me to leave.”

“I won’t. I will not tell you to leave. If you want to leave, Dragon, you’re going to have to do it on your own.”

I rise. The two halves of my shirt still hang over my shoulders. I look down, and one lone button lies on her hardwood floor. I have no idea where the others are.

And that button…

It triggers a memory, and I find myself careening back through time.

“Mommy, Griffin ate a button.”

“What?” My mother goes red in her pretty face.

“I tried to stop her. There was a button loose on my shirt. She pulled it off and ate it.”

“Oh my goodness.” My mother grabs Griffin, who’s about two years old. “Griffin, are you all right?”

Griffin giggles.

“Dragon, put on your shoes. We have to take her to the emergency room.”

“But she’s fine.”

Mommy shakes her head. “I can’t take a chance. Why did you let this happen, Dragon?”

“I didn’t.” I start to cry. “She pulled off the button, Mommy. She put it in her mouth and swallowed before I even knew what was happening.”

We rush to the emergency room anyway. Griffin giggles the whole way. She seems fine.

We get there, and my mom is so distraught that they let us right in.

The doctor comes in. “Your baby ate a button?”

“Yes, my son had a loose button on his shirt. I’m so sorry. I should have sewn it back on.”

The doctor holds Griffin, looks in her mouth and nose. “Ma’am, she looks fine. Let me take a look down her throat. We could do an X-ray, but I think she’ll pass it. You just need to check her stools.”

Mommy’s face is white. “Are you sure?”

“Ma’am, she’s clearly not in any distress.” The doctor smiles. “You probably didn’t even need to come in.”

“But she’s just a baby. Only two.”

“So she’s still in diapers?”

“Yes.”

“Then all you need to do is check her bowel movements. If the button doesn’t pass in the next two days, see your pediatrician.”

“I’d feel better if we did an X-ray.”

“It’s contraindicated, ma’am. There’s no reason to put you or your daughter through that.”

Mommy cocks her head. “It’s just taking a picture. You’re not putting her through anything.”

“There’s no reason to do an X-ray and expose your daughter to that kind of radiation when it’s not necessary.” The doctor sets Griffin down on the exam table. “I looked down her throat. The button has clearly passed down to her stomach. She would be in obvious distress otherwise.”

Mommy stomps her foot on the floor. “I am her mother, and I want the X-ray.”

The doctor sighs. “I can’t guarantee that your insurance will cover it, ma’am, because it’s contraindicated.”

“I don’t care. I want the X-ray.” Then she looks down at me. “This is all your fault, Dragon. All your fault.”

I was six.

I forgot about that until now.

My parents were loving other than that time.

My mother apologized to me later, after we got the X-rays, which showed the plastic button had descended all the way down Griffin’s esophagus and was beginning its journey into her stomach.

A day later, my mother found it in her diaper.

But that was the beginning of the end.

Even though my parents continued to be loving, I see it now.

That was the beginning of it being all my fault.