Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One

Diana

What a first day.

I’m exhausted. I’m excited and thrilled to read more about the mountaintop project.

But not thrilled that I found a pipeline issue that could be a potential liability.

I can’t think about that right now. I place the blueprints on the kitchen counter.

I’m starving but too exhausted to make anything and too hungry to wait around for food to be delivered. I grab a protein shake out of the refrigerator, pop it open, pour a tall glass of ice water, and head straight to my bedroom.

And it’s not until I’m in my bathroom running a hot bath with lavender essential oil that I consciously realize that Dragon’s not home.

Nope.

It’s not my place to worry. Or even to care.

So he’s out. Doing…something. I don’t care.

Except that’s a big fat lie.

I do care.

Somehow, he has edged himself into my heart. And not just because of the great fuck we shared.

Because that’s all it was—a great fuck. To think he was feeling anything more than that would be ridiculous on my part. He went out of his way to tell me that it was a onetime thing.

But take sex out of the equation, and he’s still occupying my thoughts. I actually care about the guy.

I sigh, strip my clothes off, and throw them in my hamper. I step into the warm, inviting tub.

I sink my entire body into the water, turn on the jets, close my eyes, and try to relax.

My sister-in-law Ashley, who’s married to my older brother Dale, taught me this relaxation technique once. She has something called synesthesia, where she sees colors for sounds and sounds for colors and a bunch of other stuff that I don’t understand, so this probably works a lot better for her.

I begin by breathing deeply in and visualizing the dark red of my root chakra at the base of my spine that represents foundation and grounding, our connection to the earth. Once I feel secure in the dark red, I change the color in my mind to my sacral chakra, which is represented by the color orange and is located in my lower abdomen, below my belly button. According to Ashley, this is a very important chakra for me because it represents creativity.

Once I see the red and the orange vividly, I move upward to my solar plexus chakra, which is yellow. This is in the upper abdomen, below the rib cage, and is linked to self-confidence and self-esteem.

Red, orange, yellow.

I repeat the colors in my mind, visualize each of them moving up my body.

I move on to the heart chakra, which is green. Ashley says this one is pink for her because green isn’t the color of the heart. I prefer to use green so the colors go in the order of the rainbow. Makes more sense to me.

Red, orange, yellow, green.

Red, orange, yellow, green.

Onward to the throat chakra, which is blue and linked to communication and authenticity.

This is where I need help. How am I going to communicate to Rod that his team made a huge mistake on that project? And how am I going to communicate about…well, anything with Dragon?

No.

Not thinking about that now.

Red, orange, yellow, green, blue.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in…red, orange, yellow, green, blue…

Then the third eye, and this is where it gets slightly weird for me because sometimes I actually think I’m seeing something from that third eye, even though my eyes are closed. The third eye is indigo, that deep blue that hovers between blue and purple.

Here lies my intuition, and I’m going to need that tomorrow.

Hell, I need that with Dragon as well.

I breathe in, visualize all the colors from red to indigo flowing up my body, through all my chakras, until I get to the final one.

The crown chakra in the top of my head. It’s violet, and it represents spirituality and enlightenment.

Then I lie there, my chakras open, and this time, I breathe in and out, breathing in a pink haze of comfort, and breathing out the black smoke of negativity.

The whole process takes about ten minutes, and I concentrate on all that’s good in my life.

I’ve got what I’ve always wanted.

I’m an architect at the top firm in Denver.

It’s possible I can work on the project of my dreams.

My chakras are opened, I’m relaxed, and I let myself enjoy the fact that my life is exactly where I want it.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out…

The relaxing floral scent of the lavender seeps into my body, relieving the tension.

Facilitating the role of my chakras.

And I breathe, breathe, breathe…

Then I open my eyes.

Yeah.

I’m telling myself a bunch of lies. None of this is working.

When I have fewer things weighing on my mind, this exercise helps a little. It gives me something to focus on for a few minutes, offers an escape.

But once I’ve traveled through the rainbow of chakras, my problems are right there waiting for me, excited to start feasting on my anxiety again.

I’m sure this kind of exercise works for someone like Ashley. Colors mean more to her than they do to me. To me, they’re just colors. And I have never bought into the idea that certain colors correlate to certain parts of the body and certain parts of the mind and blah blah blah. It all makes about as much sense as my cousin Ava’s Tarot cards and all the heady spiritual stuff she believes in.

Me? I’m just Diana.

I’m an architect. Architecture is all about mathematics and physics. Sure, there’s a creative aspect to it—one which I enjoy immensely.

But if you don’t get the math and physics right, that beautiful building you designed will fall.

There’s nothing spiritual about math and physics.

I stay in the tub for a few moments longer because the warmth and aroma are relaxing.

Then I step out of the water, dry myself in a fluffy white towel, moisturize my face for the night, and get into the lounging pants and tank top that I wear as pajamas.

I lied to Dragon. I don’t sleep in lace nighties. I put that on yesterday morning because…

Because I wanted him to notice me. I wanted to entice him.

Admitting that consciously to myself is kind of freeing.

Now it’s time to eat something.

I finished my shake, so I head to the kitchen and make myself a plate of fruit—some pineapple chunks, watermelon chunks, and a Granny Smith apple. I think about my sister, Brianna. Granny Smith is her favorite type of apple—we grow them in our orchards.

I like them too. The tartness of the apple and the sweetness of the pineapple and watermelon create a refreshing balance—my favorite combination for fruit salad.

I grab my phone to see if anyone has texted me. No one has. Not that I expect Dragon to text me. Why should I care where he is?

I set my phone down when it rings.

It’s Brianna.

“Bree?”

“Hey, Dee.”

“Why are you calling? Aren’t you supposed to be enjoying your honeymoon?”

She giggles. “Come on. We have to come up for air once in a while.”

I can’t help smiling into the phone. I’m glad my little sister found her forever. Sometimes I wonder if that’s even in the cards for me.

“I just wanted to find out,” she continues, “how things are going with Dragon.”

Now there’s a loaded question.

“He’s out right now. I just got home from my first day at the job.”

She gasps. “Oh my God, that’s right! How’d it go?”

“It went well,” I say.

“Did you get that assignment you wanted?”

I frown, looking down at the flawed blueprint on the counter. “I’m not sure yet.”

But that’s all I say. Just can’t think about the rest of it right now.

“So…Dragon?” Brianna says.

“He’s all moved in.”

And he got arrested for soliciting, and he also got a weird phone call that has him so on edge we hired a private investigator to trace it. Oh, and he also gave me the best fuck of my life less than forty-eight hours ago.

But I don’t say that.

“Good. Does he seem okay?”

I draw a deep breath in. “I don’t know, Bree. I hardly know the guy. He seems fine. But you know as well as I do that he’s hard to read. He’s looking for some work to help make ends meet until you guys all get back from your honeymoons and the band starts working again.”

“That’s good. Jesse will be glad to hear that. Is he…staying off the sauce?”

“As far as I can tell. I took him to a party Saturday night, and he didn’t touch anything.”

She gasps. “You took him to a party?”

“Well, yeah. He didn’t have anything to do, and my friend Teddy invited me over to her place because she had some friends in town. It’s not like it was a huge shindig or anything.”

“But there was booze and pot,” Brianna says.

“Yeah, there was booze and pot. I told him ahead of time. But he said, and I agree, that he has to learn to deal with being around that kind of stuff. Especially here in Colorado.”

“And he didn’t succumb?”

“For God’s sake, Brianna, I’m not the man’s keeper. No, he didn’t succumb. But if he does, that’s not really my problem.”

She’s quiet a moment, until— “You’re right. I don’t mean to make it sound like it is. You’re his roommate, not his babysitter. Jesse and I just worry about him.”

“I know, sis. But you don’t have to worry that he’s living in a gutter somewhere because I’ve given him a place to stay for the time being.”

“And you have no idea how much we appreciate that.”

“I know you do. And we’re fine. We stay out of each other’s way.”

Except for the time we fucked like bunnies, but I’m not going to divulge that information to my little sister.

“I’m glad you had a good day at work, and I’m glad Dragon’s okay. Call me if anything happens.”

“I absolutely will not.”

“Diana…”

“You’re on your honeymoon. Enjoy it. Enjoy your new gorgeous husband.”

She sighs. “He is gorgeous, isn’t he?”

I can’t see my sister because we’re not FaceTiming, but I’m betting she has that just-fucked look on her face. It’s sure coming through in her voice.

Damn.

I saw myself in the mirror after Dragon and I…

I’d never seen that look on myself before.

And I liked it. I liked it a lot.

“Everything’s cool here, Bree. Go lie on the beach.”

“Okay, sis. Ciao.”

I put my phone down and continue to eat my fruit salad.

And then my phone rings again.