Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Dragon

I’m back at the diner, and it’s not nearly as crowded at this hour, though it is open twenty-four hours, so people are still here eating.

Lexi’s off duty, but another server I know, Carmen, is taking care of me.

“Coffee?” she asks.

“No. I have enough trouble sleeping as it is.” I yawn. “Another slice of that awesome cherry pie and some ice water, please.”

The other great thing about this diner is they don’t serve liquor. They’re a true old-fashioned diner, where you can get basic food and ice cream desserts. In fact…

“Give me a chocolate malt too, Carmen.”

“You got it.” She winks at me. “I’ll be back.”

Chocolate malt and cherry pie. I really was lying when I told Diana I don’t go for sweets. Luckily I don’t gain weight easily. I probably didn’t need both. Since I already had cherry pie once today, I probably should have just gone for the chocolate malt.

But there are times…

Times when I need something to do with my mouth. Because what my mouth really wants to do is smoke a joint. Suck on a beer bottle.

Or take a few pills.

Anything to get my head out of where it is.

I grab my phone.

A call from Diana.

I should call her, tell her I’m fine. Tell her I got off the roof.

I found the fire escape and climbed down. Nearly broke my neck in the process, but I made it. I thought about heading back to her place, or even back to the party… But my own thoughts plagued me, ate at me, so I’m back at the diner, where I can get something to put in my mouth that won’t make me high.

Except maybe a sugar high.

I have an emergency number for my therapist. He’ll take my call day or night if I need him to. He lets me do that because he knows I won’t abuse the privilege. I’ve only called twice since I got out of rehab.

Once, the day before the wedding, when I had to go to the rehearsal dinner, and then the wedding itself, where the booze would be flowing.

Then once again, after the wedding, to tell him I did fine and also ask his advice on whether I should move back to Denver.

We talked it through, and it turned out what I really needed to do was move back to Denver. Be away from my home on the western slope.

Be away from a lot of things.

A lot of memories.

I didn’t grow up on the western slope. I ended up there after I reached adulthood and got kicked out of the system.

I actually grew up in the suburbs of Denver.

That’s where my parents washed their hands of me, made me a ward of the state.

I always wondered why Griffin never told them the truth once she came out of shock.

Told them I wasn’t the one who hurt her.

Didn’t matter anyway.

Once they sent me away, they lost Griffin as well.

“Here you go.” Carmen slides a chocolate malt, a piece of cherry pie, and a glass of ice water in front of me. “You may need a downer after that sugar rush you’re going to get.”

I chuckle humorlessly. “My whole life is a downer, Carmen.”

She twists her lips into a frown. “I don’t like to hear you talk like that, Dragon. Everything’s fine. Count your blessings, my friend.”

Blessings?

I do have a few.

“That’s good advice, Carmen.”

I should say thank you, but I have such a hard time with those two words. Which is strange because I am truly grateful for a lot of things. Grateful to Jesse and the band for not turning their backs on me when I fucked up the tour. Grateful to Diana for letting me stay at her place. Grateful to Emerald Phoenix for seeing our band in that bar, seeing something in us that we weren’t sure anyone would ever see.

And I’m grateful that I have a few bucks in my pocket—enough to pay for some pie, a malt, and a nice tip for Carmen.

I take a bite of pie, letting the buttery crust float on my tongue for a moment. The tartness of the cherries complements the crust so well, and a scoop of vanilla ice cream would be the cherry on top, no pun intended.

I should’ve ordered a vanilla malt. The chocolate flavor is probably going to clash with the pie.

I finish the pie first. Then I go to work on the malt.

The hour gets later and later… If I’m going to call Tim, I should probably do it now.

I punch his number in.

“Dragon?” Tim says into the phone, his voice sounding like I woke him up. “Are you doing all right?”

“Did I wake you?”

“I just nodded off. But we’re good. What can I help you with?”

I close my eyes and rub my forehead. “I came close tonight. I went to a party where of course there was drinking, and a lot of pot. Things I used to allow myself. I really wanted a beer, Tim.”

“Sounds like you resisted, though.”

“I did.” I sigh. “But it wasn’t easy.”

“Nothing worth having is ever easy,” Tim says. “You know that as well as I do.”

“It’s just…” I take a deep breath in before continuing. “Ever since I got sober, and I mean really sober this time, I’ve had these thoughts. Thoughts I’ve been able to keep at bay for so long.”

“About your sister.”

It’s a statement, not a question. Tim knows. Tim knows me as well as anyone now. I still have a few secrets, but Tim knows as much as Jesse Pike knows plus a little more.

“Yeah. I’m staying with the sister of my best friend’s wife. She’s an heiress. A beef-ranching heiress, and she’s letting me stay at her place out of the goodness of her heart. She’s not charging me or anything. She has a penthouse in this great building, and I have my own private room and bathroom, plus access to all the amenities, like this awesome workout room.”

“That sounds like a good thing.”

“Yeah, it is. I wasn’t even going to do it, and it seemed like she was just as glad, but then she kind of asked me to. Said I could stay with her.”

“That’s great.”

“Is it though?” I scratch the side of my face. “I can’t pay her. Not till the band gets moving again.”

“Right. I get it.”

“I don’t have any talent to do anything other than drumming, so I want to get some private students, but I don’t even know how to do that.”

“There are websites you can hang out a shingle on,” Tim says.

“I know, but still, that’ll take time. I don’t really have time.” I absentmindedly scoot the leftover crumbs on my plate around with my fork. “I think I should maybe just get a job.”

“You could do that, but you’ll have to quit as soon as your band gets back together.”

“Yeah. I know. If I were home on the western slope, I could do odd jobs. That’s pretty much how I made a living—well, that and the dispensary—and I had the flexibility to play with the band as well.”

“You could do odd jobs here.”

“How? Again, I’d have to go on some website and advertise my services. Back home, everybody knew me and always knew to call me when they needed something done.”

“Dragon, what’s this really about?” Tim says, his tone a bit pissy.

I breathe in a deep breath and decide to admit something that I’ve barely admitted to myself. “This woman I’m staying with. Diana Steel. I find myself… I’m attracted to her. I mean, really attracted to her. In a way that I’m not sure I’ve ever been attracted to anyone. I’ve never even had a real relationship. Always figured I was too fucked up for that.”

“Finding a woman attractive doesn’t have to be a bad thing, Dragon.”

I sigh. “She’s way out of my league. She’s gorgeous and rich and smart and amazing. And I’m just…”

“You’re a good man, Dragon. You know that. Your past doesn’t have to rule your life. You’ve done a good job with that so far.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah… When I was allowed to have a beer or a toke every now and then.”

“You’re an enigma for sure,” Tim says. “Most addicts can’t control themselves the way you did. But I honestly think that if you had gone stone-cold sober, cold turkey, the first time, you probably wouldn’t have had that relapse in London.”

I nod, knowing Tim can’t see me. We’ve had this discussion before. I don’t know that I agree with him, but he’s the expert.

“I shouldn’t have gone to the party,” I say.

“Why do you say that?”

I frown. “I’m clearly not ready to be around drugs.”

“You made it to the rehearsal dinner and wedding.”

“I did, but that was just alcohol. It’s easier to decline alcohol. Drugs are another story. Something about being high… It just takes all the shit in the world away.”

“But it doesn’t,” he says.

“Yeah, I know. It’s temporary.”

“Tell me more about the woman you’re living with. About these feelings you’re having.”

“Feelings?” I scoff into the phone. “They’re not feelings , Tim. I’m attracted to her. I get a hard-on when she’s around. If you saw her, you would too.”

Tim chuckles. “Are you forgetting that I’m gay?”

“No. I’m saying she’s that goddamned beautiful.”

He pauses a moment. “You sure it’s just attraction? That there are no feelings involved?”

“Of course I’m sure,” I huff. “I hardly know the woman.”

“You must know her well enough to feel comfortable living in her home.”

“It’s either that or be homeless.”

“Except that’s not true, Dragon. There are other options. You and I both know that.”

Tim’s usually right.

“Yeah…” I take a sip of my water before I continue. “I’m sorry to bother you. This isn’t really something I need your input on. I mean, I thought it was, but…”

“Dragon, you’re not one to misuse your privilege of having my private phone. So the fact that you called me is something in itself. There is something bothering you. And it has something to do with your new roommate because she is the new factor in this equation.”

“I’m attracted to a woman. Big deal, right?”

“You want to try for a relationship with this woman?” Tim asks.

“God, no. She’d never have me.”

“What makes you think that?”

“If you could see her, you’d know.”

“You’re an attractive man, Dragon. Hell, you’ll probably be a bona fide rock star soon.”

“If they let me back in the band.”

“They’ve already let you back in the band,” he reminds me.

He doesn’t need to remind me. I know that. And I’m eternally grateful for it. Apparently, the substitute drummer they hired made it clear he’d be happy to take my place in the band. Jesse and the others said hell no.

“I don’t know what it is,” I say. “Maybe I just have more demons to slay.”

“Some demons you never slay,” Tim says, his tone serious. “Some you just have to learn to live with.”