Chapter Ten

MY HEART HASN'T STOPPED thudding against my chest since I left Zahir's room. I also have a hard time breathing, and my knees seem like they're only a second away from turning into jelly.

I know I'm not doing anything wrong.

So why does it feel like every step that takes me further away from him is like a stab to his heart?

It's not like I lied to him or anything.

He knows where I'm going.

And who I'm meeting.

So why then?

Why has pain pierced my heart the moment I enter the hotel library, and why do I feel like I've committed high treason as soon as I come to a stop in front of Jamieson?

"That's new, isn't it?"

"The d-dress?"

"He bought that for you?"

I nod.

"Things sure change fast," he says bitterly. "You never used to let me buy anything for you."

My fingers dig deep into my palms. I wish I could tell him the reason for that was because the clothes he wanted to buy were clothes I could never see myself wearing. But if I do...won't it just make things worse?

"And I guess he's also the reason you said no to us meeting in my room."

All I can do is look at him, but pain still flashes in his gaze.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

His face whitens, and it's like seeing someone collapse as he sinks into the armchair behind him.

"What the hell happened to us?"

I sit down as well, and I feel like crying at the way he's staring at me.

"I'm sorry."

"Is that really all you can say to me?"

I nod.

"I still love you, Lys."

I know he's lying, but I'm just not up to explaining why I'm sure of it.

"Don't you love me anymore?"

Lying isn't even an option, but because I also know that telling him the truth would only make things worse—-

"I hope we can be friends again," I say haltingly.

"Friends..."

The way he says it makes me realize I still ended up hurting him.

"I should've expected you'd still want to be friends with me."

I look at him blankly, and his lips twist in a humorless smile.

"You're obviously still too nice to tell me the truth, but I get it now. You never loved me, Lys. That's why you can still be friends with me."

Tears sting my eyes.

Because what he's saying is absolutely and heartbreakingly true.

"I'm sorry," I choke out.

"What a fucking mess."

"I'm so sorry."

A weary smile touches his lips. "I hope you mean that..."

"I..."

"Because I'm about to do something..."

He leans forward, and my mind starts to scream.

No, no, no.

Hell will break loose for sure.

So don't let him do it.

But it's too late.

"For old times' sake. "

Jamieson grabs my shoulders before I can pull away, and the last thing I see is Zafir entering the library and jerking to a stop at the sight of Jamieson planting his lips over mine.

Oh God.

I shove him away, but it's too late.

I run out of the library.

And look for him everywhere.

I'm crying and crying his name out.

But he's gone.