Chapter 7

7

Time passed in a whirlwind after our memorable afternoon at Magnolia Gardens.

Days of working and surfing turned into a week of afternoon trysts and nights with Giselle. The week turned into a month of having her with me on the beach—at my house—in my bed.

Giselle.The addictive enigma who, even after all this time, I still seemed to have only scratched the surface of. My mysterious Gi, as I called her now.

Lying in bed on my side, I could see her through the bedroom’s open balcony. The moonlight traced an unearthly glow over her slim curves showing through the transparent nightgown she’d put on.

The sight had me pulling on shorts and leaving the bed to be with her as she leaned on the railing and admired the night sky. When I wrapped my arms around her from behind, she froze for a second as if I’d broken her out of a deep trance. But she then relaxed into my hold, resting her weight against me, our bodies flush.

"I was just thinking." Her voice was clear. As clear as the shining full moon above us. "About how long it has been. About us."

"Me too," I said.

"Must be the full moon," she said with a little laugh.

"One of the first jobs my dad got when he was in his early twenties was at a corrections facility. He said it was at a full moon when the great majority of the fights and madness occurred like clockwork."

She turned her head to meet my eyes.

"The question is, what kind of madness does it mean for us now?"

The challenge I saw in her eyes suddenly weighed me down. Although I didn’t want to let go of her, I slumped back to sit on the end of the chaise lounge.

"You know, it feels like there’s enough madness already." She waited for me to say more. "These feelings—I mean…they’re just…not at all what I expected."

She continued with her moon-gazing. "Not what you expected in a good way? Or bad?"

Pushing upright, I caught her by the waist and flopped back into the chaise, bringing her down with me.

"Bad, obviously." I nuzzled and kissed her neck. "So terribly bad."

She laughed lightly. "Me too. What a summer being stuck with this Gage guy."

As we laughed, she eased herself back, until her head rested on my shoulder. "Seriously, though. When I came to Charleston, I never expected…to find…someone like you."

Her hand rested on top of mine, facing forward as we held them up, and I could see how much smaller her delicate fingers were compared to mine. Fingers that drew portraits, that touched my body with perfect skill, that I loved to have in my mouth and kiss.

"Same. When I met you, I was in a low place mentally. My ex and I had just recently broken up and…"

"You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to."

Thefree pass was implicit in her words even though I wouldn’t accept it. Not this time.

I focused on the glossy circle of the moon and stroked her silky hair through my fingers.

"We fought for more than half of our relationship. About the stupidest things, too, like…my socks on the floor. Although I think, deep down, all that was because of the real problems, the ones we barely talked about. I couldn’t open up to her."

Giselle stiffened against me slightly, but she didn’t speak. She was in listening mode. And since this was something I wanted her to know about me, I kept on talking. Because this wasn’t really about her—it was about me. I was saying these things out loud for myself.

"In the end, she left me. And she was right to."

"But didn’t you say that she was—"

I clasped her hand in mine. "Okay, so she did it in the shittiest way possible, by giving me a page of handwritten hate-speech and running off with one of my friends, who she’d already been fucking." I let out a half-laugh that had been trapped deep in my chest, but now seemed to want to be free. "But the past months have given me perspective. That it was for the best. That Cassidy and I, we weren’t right for each other. She knew it, and, deep down, I knew it too." I shrugged. "I guess I just figured our relationship was normal. What you did. Found a person you were more or less compatible with and settled down. Built a life that was better together than if you were alone. Whenever I saw those romantic comedy movies, I’d always roll my eyes. I never thought it was possible to feel—"

"That strongly about someone." Instead of sounding cheerful, Giselle’s whisper was desolate…like a death sentence. And yet, she snuggled against me, and held me tight. "I’m so happy I met you, Gage."

Her words pricked my heart.

Suddenly, despite being outside in the open air, I felt stifled. I cared deeply about Giselle. And so, the right thing would be to tell her about the type of man I was. Clearly the right thing to do, but it felt agonizing doing it.

"Giselle." I took both her hands in both of mine and pressed them tight. "I need to say something."

My nerves left me as soon as I made the decision. How could I even know Giselle was thinking that far ahead? We’d only been together for one month, after all. Maybe she wouldn’t mind what I was going to say. She’d never mentioned exes or marriage or children.

After a few seconds of deliberating over the right words, it occurred to me there weren’t any.

"One thing my ex said in her letter was definitely right. I don’t think marriage is in the cards for me."

An overpowering silence screamed between us.

Giselle didn’t react as I expected she might. No piercing wit or sarcastic teasing. No dismissive little laugh. Only a cool solemnity that came over her features. Her eyes closed for a moment, and then when she opened them again, they were resolute as she spoke into the cool night air.

"I have something to tell you too."