38. Ava

AVA

I shoved clothes into my backpack, my hands shaking as I grabbed at random clothes. Was it only hours ago that I was in this very room laying out clothes in neat piles, taking my time as I inspected every single piece in my closet, assessing whether to take or not to take?

Fuck, was it only three months ago that I was just a journalism student, trying to balance studying and hanging out with my friends?

How everything could change so quickly.

I snatched jeans from my dresser and spotted my face in the antique framed mirror hanging above it. I could barely recognize the pale haunted girl who stared back.

Was that… oh God, that was blood?

I touched my face and my fingers came away in damp red smudges.

Fuck. I glanced down and spotted red stains on my cream sweater.

I still had Dr. Vale’s blood all over me.

I wasn’t thinking straight. I drove home from campus with blood all over me. For the grace of God, no one had seen me or, worse, pulled me over.

And I was about to leave my fucking house forever with blood all over me.

I dropped the pair of jeans in my hand and stumbled to the bathroom, fighting back nausea.

I dropped to the toilet bowl and threw up, the sour stomach acid burning my throat, my fingers gripping the cold bowl.

I stripped, my limbs numb, my hands shaking, dropping my bloody clothes into a pile. I’d have to burn them.

God, no time to burn them.

I’d have to take them with us and we’d have to burn them later.

I couldn’t leave them for Ebony to find. She’d think the worst with me gone.

I pressed my forehead on the cool marble wall tiles as the shower water ran over my body. I shivered even though the water was hot.

Dr. Vale killed Liath.

He had abused Liath and she was starting to remember and he killed her to shut her up.

I hoped they hanged him for it.

Even though it was all over… something deep down inside me felt… unsettled.

I scrubbed my body with my loofah and way too much soap. But it felt like Dr. Vale’s blood had sunk into my skin, tainting my bones, staining my soul.

I stumbled out of the shower, rubbing my pink skin with the thickest towel I could find.

My gaze stopped on my pills—the memory suppressors— on my bathroom counter and I froze, my hand against my damp hair.

A coil of dread settled in my belly.

It might be over, but it wasn’t over.

The minute I stopped taking them, my memories would come back.

Fuck. Was I ready for that?

I grabbed the bottle and threw it into my backpack before I finished getting ready.

I know Scáth told me not to, but I just couldn’t leave without a word.

Dear Ebony,

I’ve got to go away for a while. But know that I’m fine.

I…

I paused, my pen hovering over the words that I wanted to write but just couldn’t— I love you.

A wave of sadness washed over me. I would never see Ebony again. We’d never have the kind of mother-daughter relationship that I always wanted.

I lowered my pen again and finished my note.

…I’ll miss you.

Ava x

I zipped up my backpack and placed the envelope marked Ebony on my dresser.

I didn’t want her worrying.

That pebble of uneasiness scraped against my soul. I tried to shake it off but it remained there, feeling like it was poking me, trying to get my attention.

I was missing something.

Something didn’t make sense.

I just had been too in shock to really think about it until now.

Like… if Dr. Vale had been the one abusing Liath, if he’d been the one to suppress her memories and the one to kill her when she got too close to the truth… then why was he suppressing my memories?

Why did he give me memory suppressors as well?

I’d only met Dr. Vale a few years ago when I started seeing him weekly.

But I didn’t have missing time or bruises since I’d lived with Ebony.

Those were things that happened in a previous life. My abuse remained buried in the missing years between the orphanage and Ebony.

Dr. Vale couldn’t have been the abuser that I had buried in the recesses of my mind.

So why was Dr. Vale repressing memories that couldn’t have been of him ?

I thought that Liath’s experiences had triggered my own dark but unconnected past.

But my abuse years ago and Liath’s abuse… could they be connected?

A movement outside my window caught my eye. I froze .

There was someone out there. Someone watching me.

I crept to my curtain, my heart hammering against my rib cage, and peeked out.

Relief washed over me as I spotted Scáth lurking among the trees, his familiar broad shoulders in his all-black outfit, his skeleton mask over his lower face again.

I waved at Scáth—I think he saw me—and turned to leave.

But a dark figure in my doorway startled me.

I let out a scream.

Cormac stepped into my bedroom and into the light, the black eyepatch over his right eye making him look almost sinister.

“Jesus Christ, Cormac.” I placed a hand on my heart, trying to stop it from banging out of my chest. “You scared me.”

He walked into the bedroom, hands in the pockets of his pressed cream-colored pants, and stared at my backpack. “You going somewhere, Ava?”

Shit. No one was supposed to know.

I scrambled for a lie to cover up my departure. “I, um, I had an invite to spend the summer holidays with a friend. In, eh, Paris.”

Cormac’s eyebrows furrowed. “Hols don’t start for another two weeks.”

I shrugged. “Going early. So sue me.”

I grabbed my backpack handle.

Cormac placed a hand on my backpack. “You’re not going anywhere.”

I rolled my eyes and tugged against him. Would he ever get the hint? “Oh my God, Cormac. Don’t be a fucking creep. Let go.”

He let go.

My backpack thumped onto my bed.

Ugh, how did I ever find him cute?

“What do you want, Cormac?” I shifted my hair over my shoulder so it wouldn’t get caught in the straps and I turned so I could hoist up my backpack. “I’m late to meet my friend.”

I felt a pinch in my shoulder and flinched.

I turned to see Cormac pulling out a needle from my skin. He’d… he’d injected me with something.

What the fuck?

I grabbed at my shoulder, at the pinprick where he’d stabbed me with his needle. “What are you doing?”

Cormac just watched me, a smug smirk on his face.

My limbs began to turn to liquid, my vision blurring. “W-what did you…?”

My knees gave out.

Cormac’s glare was sinister as he caught me in his arms. He leaned in so close that I could smell his sour breath.

“You are coming with me.”