Chapter 13

There’s no shame in admitting that I hot footed it the hell out of their apartment without a backward glance. After their little ‘doe’ revelation, I’ve been avoiding them ever since.

This week the weather has taken a turn for the worse and not only is it miserable and raining all the bloody time, it’s freezing too. University-issued hoodies are now allowed in place of our blazers which leaves me with a little doe problem of my own.

On the one hand, I firmly think fuck Axel and his demands. On the other hand, I have no doubt he meant his threat about cutting holes in all my tops, which I really don’t want him to do. Hence my compromise.

I run my hands over my new oversized black hoodie, smoothing the material out as I look over myself in the mirror. Against my pale skin, and light sprinkling of freckles, the dark material makes my bright green eyes stand out and look even bigger than usual. The only ounce of colour on my clothing is the large silver doe emblem across my chest, which is an exact replica of my tattoo. Pretty genius on my part if I do say so. The Doe is still visible so Axel can’t say shit about it. Well, that’ll be my argument anyway when he complains.

I grab my notebooks, stationery and snacks before heading out the door. I need to put in some serious study time this weekend. We’re only a couple of weeks in and already the course load is increasing. Yesterday we got our first assignment and although we have a month to get it done, I’m keen to get started on it. Hence the snacks. I plan on spending most of the day at the library.

As I’m walking across campus my phone buzzes but I ignore it. The only people who text me anymore are Kaiden or Axel, and I’m not talking to either of them. The temptation is high, but so far I’m managing not to even read their messages.

As I’m entering the library, I see Harry striding towards me. He hasn’t seen me, which is perfect, so I march over to him and block his passage.

“Oh, sorry,” he says, not looking up from his phone. He steps left and I block him. He moves to the right and I’m there. Eventually he tuts and looks up...and goes as white as a sheet. A strange kind of squeak leaves him and he turns to try and run but I’m too fast for him. Reaching out I grip the back of his shirt and yank him back towards me.

“Harry, behave!” I hiss. “It’s just me and we need to have a little talk.”

“I can’t talk to you, Odi,” he states, turning to look at me. His brow is glistening and he looks desperate.

“No one’s around,” I say, frowning.

“Are you kidding me? They have eyes and ears everywhere!”

“I don’t give a fuck. You owe me answers, so you either come with me right now and start explaining shit, or I will make a goddamn scene.” I throw down my ultimatum with my hands on my hips. Harry, the spineless weasel, looks like he’s about to bolt. He gives a pained kind of strangled gurgling sound before his shoulders slump in defeat and he caves.

“Okay, but not here. I’ll find a way to sneak into your room tonight.”

“No,” I snap. “That will be like the last time you said ‘I’ll be right there’. Dickhead. It’s two weeks later and I’m still waiting for you to show!”

“Odi,” he begs, sounding tortured.

“Fine. But know this: if you stand me up tonight, when this stupid game kicks off, I’ll be hunting your ass first.”

Somehow Harry goes even whiter before swallowing nervously.

“It...erm...doesn’t work like that. And I’m not…erm…playing.”

“Try me.” I stare him down and watch as a single bead of sweat trickles down his temple. Eventually he nods and then scurries off with his tail between his legs. Pathetic. Obviously I won’t be relying on making him an ally. Back to the drawing board for me it is then.

* * *

I waitall evening for Harry. Even after night falls and it’s completely dark outside, he doesn’t show. It gets late and I grind my teeth in frustration, plotting all of the ways I can hurt him when I track him down. I mean, he’s only a distant cousin anyway, so I’m not against killing him outright…but he is all that I have left so maybe I’ll only maim him a little.

Pacing, anxious, twitchy, I decide I need a shower to calm down. I slip into my small en suite bathroom, which is very much like a small pod you’d find in a caravan or motorhome. I don’t care though, I love it because I don’t have to share with anyone. Imagine the horror of having to share with boys. The communal kitchen is bad enough.

After my shower, I’m more relaxed. I brush my teeth, braid my hair and change into my pjs. There’s something about expending nervous energy that tires me out though, and I find myself yawning and needing to sleep. It is pretty late so I don’t feel too bad about giving up on Harry visiting me.

I exit the little bathroom pod and nearly scream when I see someone dressed all in black sitting on my bed.

“You took your bloody time!” I chastise him once I’m able to breathe. The figure on the bed turns to face me and I see that it’s Kaiden, not Harry. “Oh, you’re not who I thought you were.”

“Expecting a booty call?” Kaiden grins at me. I have to force myself not to shudder at his suggestion that I’m fucking my cousin, no matter how distant. He doesn’t know who I was expecting, and it’s probably better that I keep it that way.

“Something like that,” I reply vaguely. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“Bullshit. Why are you really here?”

“I sleep better with you,” he admits sheepishly. I hesitate. As weird as it sounds, I know exactly what he means. Kaiden was always my safety net. Nothing bad could happen to me when he wrapped me in his strong arms and joked all my worries away late into the night.

Until he died on me.

I shut that thought down, fast.

“Do you have bad dreams too?” I ask, moving to sit beside him on the bed.

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Your father?”

“Yeah. And other things.”

“Like?”

“Like losing you.”

“Kaiden, I don’t think—”

He doesn’t let me finish that sentence of course: he makes his move, turning to me and leaning in to press his lips against mine. It’s home. Pure perfection. Everything I’ve missed and longed for and didn’t know I needed.

It makes my chest tight. The emotions he stirs up make my head spin and pulse. I should be gutting him, but somehow I’m sighing into his embrace and deepening our kiss.

“I have to tell you something that I shouldn’t,” Kaiden whispers when he pulls away from my lips. He rests his forehead against mine but closes his eyes. I wait for him to explain, dread unfurling in my stomach, and after a beat he continues. “The game is starting soon.”

My heart swoops and sinks and suddenly I’m reminded of the reality of the situation. This is not one of the boys from my childhood that I fell in love with. I may not be able to help loving him still, but this isn’t some fairytale. He and his friends have tossed me into a nightmare without my permission, and no amount of late night heart-to-hearts are going to change that. The kiss was a mistake, a moment of madness stolen from a misplaced sense of nostalgia. Kaiden and I are too similar, too broken, to ever work together even if I could forgive him for deserting me when he promised he never would.

Sighing, I pull away from him.

“I think you should go.”

“No, please, Peony,” he begs.

“Don’t call me that,” I snap, twisting the end of my braid, annoyed.

“Sorry. Please, Odi. Don”t make me leave. I promise not to talk about the game. Please…just let me stay the night. I just need the haunting to stop. One night of peace and I’ll leave you alone, I swear.”

Reluctantly, wordlessly, I agree to let him stay. I don’t know why, I really don’t. But it’s nice to have company – especially his company – again, despite everything. I shouldn’t let him. But I do. A thousand questions race through my mind, but I don’t ask a single one of them. I simply nod a beat after he reads the resignation on my face and then crawl under the covers.

“Turn the light out,” I tell him.

* * *

Several hourslater thrashing on the bed beside me jerks me abruptly from my deep slumber. I roll over to find Kaiden deeply embroiled in a nightmare. It’s a hauntingly familiar scene to me.

“Kai, Kaiden! Wake up,” I hiss, shaking his shoulder. He reacts to my touch but not in the way that used to work. He becomes more fevered, his thrashing more violent than ever. I have to pull back to avoid being hit, but I also know that he needs me to free him from his demons.

Unsure what to do, I hunt under my pillow for my phone, wondering if I should call Zie. I sure as hell don’t want to, and it would mean answering some difficult questions, but I don’t see what choice I have. Kaiden’s in deep and I can’t pull him out. It’s worse than anything I saw when we were growing up and he would sneak into my bedroom for refuge.

My fingers bump against my phone and I pull it out, pressing the button to light up the dark. Only, no light comes. There’s a light snick instead as I realise I’m holding my flick knife instead of my phone and I just released the blade.

I’m slammed down onto the mattress. Gasping for breath and winded from the weight of Kaiden’s tackle, I look up into his haunted silver eyes. He’s awake – the single deadly sound of my blade drawing him from whatever horrors he was embroiled in – but his eyes aren’t seeing me. His weight pins me to the mattress and his left hand has captured both of mine above my head. His right hand holds the blade to my throat, making my heart rate spike irrationally in excitement not fear.

“Kaiden, please.”

He stares at me, unseeing.

“Kaiden, it’s me, it’s Odile.”

Nothing.

“Kai, it’s Odi.”

The pressure of the blade on my throat increases.

“It’s…Peony,” I gasp.

My eyes sting as my skin yields to the pressure of the blade. I try to shift under him but Kaiden’s as weighty as he looks. His strong broad shoulders have me pinned and…oh god…is that an erection I can feel?

I close my eyes and pray for strength. Now I want to kill him.

“KAIDEN!” I whisper-shout in urgence. “Wake up, you great lump! Your sword is stabbing me!”

“It’s hardly a sword, little doe.” I jerk in shock at the sound of his voice, the blade puncturing the skin of my neck in the process, my eyes flying open to stare into his. He sees me. He’s back here with me. I laugh a sigh in relief. “It’s just a little blade.”

“I’m not talking about that,” I huff in mock annoyance. “Do you think you could get off me?”

“Not if you keep wiggling and wriggling like that. It gets my dick hard.” He grins at me, completely unrepentant.

“I noticed!” My patience snaps like a bowstring.

Realisation dawns in his eyes and he winks at me. “Hence the sword comment…” He looks so smug. “Why is there a knife in bed with us? You knew I was here. Why keep it?”

“Old habits. Do you think you could get rid of it?” He still has it pressed to my throat, though he’s eased the pressure a lot.

“Sorry.”

The blade is gone, clattering to the floor, and I feel like I can breathe once more.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” he replies, ignoring my sarcasm. “Shit! You’re bleeding!”

“No shit, Sherlock. You just stabbed me in the throat with a knife. Were you expecting to see unicorn piss leaking from the wound?”

“Sounds kinky.”

“Move.” I’ve lost all tolerance now that I know he’s okay. And now that he knows he’s okay, why isn’t he getting off me? I’m no longer a threat.

“I don’t think I will, little doe,” he teases, rolling his hips into me with a wicked glint in his eye.

I grit my teeth to keep in my moan and growl at him. “I swear to god, Kaiden, if you don’t get off me—”

I don’t get another word out. He silences me by pressing his lips to mine.