Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

LUCILLE

A voice wakes me up.

A deep voice that I love. Adore . And cherish.

“Why can’t I quit you?”

Opening my eyes, I see Theron standing a few feet away from me. His chin is dipped, his gaze focused on mine. I expect to see him frowning, but he’s not. His lips are curved up into a smirk. It's like he’s asking me the question, but he’s not mad about it, either.

“Why can’t I quit you?” I ask, wishing to know the same thing.

“Me being here, it could ruin everything I’ve worked for.”

I don’t understand what he’s saying. I’m not sure what could be ruined, but I don’t ask any questions. I just want him to take his clothes off and crawl into this bed with me. Everything else in the world be damned.

He takes a step forward, then I watch with anticipation as he sinks down on the side of the bed. Without saying a word, he reaches forward and cups my cheek with his palm. He slides his thumb across my bottom lip, his gaze never leaving mine.

Sucking in a breath, I hold it as I wait for him to say something, anything. “I can’t control myself when you’re near, sweetheart. I never could.”

“Then why did you leave?” I ask.

It’s a question that I haven’t ever asked him. I’m sure I asked him why he wanted to leave me all those years ago, but I’m not sure if he answered. Maybe he did, but I was crying too hard to hear anything.

Theron watches me for a moment, his hand still cupping my cheek. Then he leans forward and touches his lips to mine. He doesn’t kiss me, though; instead, he speaks, and my already fragile heart shatters even more. If that’s even possible. I wasn’t sure it was, but here it goes. It’s now in tiny little shards.

“Love is not something I can afford.”

“Theron,” I exhale.

I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I just stay where I am, trying to breathe and almost failing. My heart races. Love . I’ve loved him since the moment I saw him all those years ago. It only took one look, one kiss, one touch for me to know that I wanted him forever.

He shakes his head once. “No, Lucille. Love is far too dangerous in my world.”

I shift my head back slightly. I have to look into his eyes. “In the world of security companies?” I ask.

He arches a brow, and that’s when I realize this isn’t just about his security company. “What were you doing down that staircase, in that little empty room?” I demand.

His eyes widen as his spine straightens. He wasn’t expecting that. “What the fuck did you just say?” Theron demands.

“I followed you guys to that hidden doorway, down the staircase to another hidden doorway and then an empty room. I got bad vibes and got the hell out of there as quickly as possible,” I explain myself.

“Why?” he asks. Though he says it through gritted teeth. He is pissed, and I want to know why.

I keep the focus on him, on that room. Instead of telling him that I was following them to figure out what Asher Grant was up to. And why he was part of the whole thing. Why he’s still with that creature, Emmie. Why he’s associating with those people,.

“What was going on there, Theron?” I ask. It’s my turn to demand.

He narrows his eyes on me, his hand falling from my face. I’m sure it should bother me that he’s shifting away from me, but I don’t care. I want to know what that whole thing was about

Everything about tonight was beyond weird.

“It’s not your fucking business, Lucille,” he barks. “You’re going to get caught up in something that is going to get you fucking killed.”

Shaking my head, I reach out before he can move any farther away from me. Gripping his shirt with my fingers, I hold on to him, trying to pull him closer to me. He doesn’t budge, but at least he doesn’t get farther away from me.

“No, Theron,” I demand. “Tell me what is going on. What are you involved in and why?”

His eyes focus on mine, and something changes in them. I’m not sure how he’s been hiding his darkness from me, but I see it now. I suck in my breath and stare into those dark eyes.

“Theron, tell me,” I beg in a whisper.

He doesn’t say a single word. Instead, he continues to stare at me. My heart beats harder and faster with each passing second. Theron lifts his hands, wraps his fingers around my wrists, and squeezes.

There is a bite of pain, but not enough that it actually hurts. I know this man wouldn’t ever hurt me purposely, so I don’t even flinch at his hold.

“You can never know. Stop what you’re doing. No more pretending to be Emmie’s friend. No more involving yourself with any of those people. They’re dangerous, Lucille.”

THERON

Hearing that Lucille waltzed down those stairs like there was no danger in sight, then she also made it to that that bare room just moments after the girls in bikinis probably left, makes me feel fucking nauseous. She could have been hurt—or worse. I don’t even want to imagine it.

“I need to know, Theron. I’m too deep into this to not know.”

I almost laugh in her face. Seriously, I want to burst out into a fucking belly laugh. Because, without a doubt, the last thing she would ever want to know, to understand, is me and this world.

“You are not too deep into anything,” I say, biting back my laughter. “In fact, the only thing you’ve done is tried to befriend Emmie, maybe stalked her a little bit, and then thought about but abandoned fucking around with her brother. Everything else has happened online.”

She stares up at me, her lips parted in awe and her eyes round. I would fucking love to slip my cock past her lips right about now. See her eyes widen even more. Fuck me, but I want it.

“I can’t hide you away in my apartment and lock you up for safety,” I say. “As much as I fucking want to, it’s just not an option right now.”

She snaps her lips closed, and I watch as she breathes out of her nose before she clears her throat. “I think I need to know what’s going on, Theron.”

Lucille thinks that she wants to know about my past, but she can never. Releasing my grasp on her wrists, I stand and take a step backward. Turning away from her, I walk over to her small window and peer down. I’m not seeing anything right now; I’m just trying to figure out how the fuck to get out of telling her the truth about my past.

Nobody needs to know the shit that my brothers and I survived. Those nightmares are solely ours to keep. Telling her only puts that evil into the world, and I don’t want her to ever know that.

Spinning around, I look down at her. I can’t stay away from her. My feet carry me over to the side of the bed that I just abandoned. She’s so fucking beautiful lying in bed. Her eyes slightly hooded, her lips plump and ready for my mouth… or my dick.

“You don’t need to know what’s going on, but I’ll tell you that I’m doing this for myself and my partners. This is an operation, and it is not by choice. I don’t want you in the middle of this. I’ve said it more than once. I fucking mean it, Lucille.”

She rises to her knees, her hand touching the center of my chest. Her blue eyes never leave mine, and I swear to fuck that I’m about to lose complete control. I can’t do that, though. Losing control is going to ignite a fire that I cannot put out.

It could kill people.

“Theron, something made you walk away from me ten years ago, and something is making you push me away now. It has to do with Asher and Emmie Grant. I want to know what it is. I deserve to know.”

Anger fills me. Not because she’s wrong but because she’s right. I can’t tell her that, though. If I do, I’m showing her a vulnerability that I just cannot risk showing at the moment, maybe not ever.

Taking a step backward, I clear my throat. “This is my last warning to you, Lucille. Stop looking into this. Stop obsessing over Emmie. Just stop.”

Tears instantly fill her eyes, and if I were a different kind of man, I would wrap her in my arms and hold her and tell her that everything is going to be okay before I kiss her.

But I am not that man.

And I probably never will be.

“You haven’t told me anything, Theron. Why won’t you just tell me?”

Taking half a step forward, I wrap my fingers around the front of her throat and squeeze. “It is not yours to know,” I snap. “Stop digging.”

Her eyes are wide as she gasps and wraps her fingers around my wrist, holding on to me. Her nails dig into my wrist, but I don’t stop squeezing. Leaning forward, I touch my lips to the lobe of her ear.

“Don’t ask me anything else, Lucille. Knowing too much is a hazard that I’m not willing to put on you. Stay the fuck away.”

Releasing her, my hand falls to my side, and without another word, I turn around and stomp out of her apartment, slamming then locking the door behind me. I’m so fucking pissed off right now. All I wanted to do was wake her up and fuck her when she was sleepy.

Then I wanted to tell her to burn that fucking blue dress. I don’t want any other man to ever see that shit again.

But that didn’t happen.

Instead, she tried to needle me to fucking death about my past and the Grants. I could give a fuck about the Grants, except for one thing—I want them all dead.

Leaving Lucille’s place, I head straight for the office. I should go to Emmie’s and fuck the frustration out of me, but I don’t. Instead, I decide to go to work. Hale is sitting in the office, focused on the screens in front of him. I almost don’t see Merrick in the corner, but I’m observant, so I do.

“Well, this is a lot fucking bigger than I anticipated it to be,” I state as I close the door behind me.

“No fucking shit,” Hale grunts. “What the fuck do we do now?”

Pressing my lips together, I rock back on my heels. “Apparently, we help out with surveillance for the drug packaging that they’re doing and then the trafficking. Maybe we’ll get in… eventually.”

“I don’t want it eventually,” I growl.

“Lucille looked good tonight,” Merrick murmurs, pushing off the wall as he walks toward me.

When he’s a few feet away from me, he stops. His eyes search mine for a moment, but I give him nothing.

“I’ve called her off her little detective job,” I state.

Merrick lets out a chuckle. “I may not have known Lucille well, but I know enough about her to know that she isn’t going to stop doing anything just because you tell her to.”

He’s not wrong.

Lucille isn’t one to give up anything. Hell, here we are, ten years later, and she’s still right here waiting for me and fighting for me. She shouldn’t be. I’m not fucking worth it. Never was and sure as shit never will be.