Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

Evelyn

AFTER SAILING ON THECRIMSON HAG, I THOUGHT I HAD a good handle on what it means to be one of the C?n Annwn. It turns out I was wrong. This crew is nothing like the Hag’s. Or at least like the Hag’s was under Bowen’s captaincy.

Hedd, the captain of the Audacity, is obviously threatened by Bowen’s presence, and he blusters and postures and does everything except pee on the deck to mark it as his. The crew takes their lead from him, giving us snarling comments when they bother to speak to us at all. It’s just as well. Most of them are people I would not want to meet in a dark alley.

The sole exception is the quartermaster, Nox. They’re a lean but powerfully built white person with platinum-blond hair cut short on the sides and slightly longer on top. Their pale brows give them an almost alien appearance, or that might be their superior bone structure. It’s the kind of strange one sees on runways back home.

Home.

A place I’ll probably never go again. I still haven’t processed that. I had barely been willing to hope that the portal actually went to my home realm instead of one that was just similar. With Lizzie’s arrival, I have confirmation that it would have sent me home. Except the portal is now gone, demolished by my and Bowen’s magic. If Lizzie didn’t already want me dead for stealing from her, she’ll definitely skin me alive for taking away her route home.

I don’t know how to deal with the loss of something I was barely willing to believe I had. I don’t know what this means for my future at all, but there’s no time to process it while aboard the Audacity. Every bit of energy is geared toward avoiding the crew and staring at the horizon behind us, sure that Lizzie somehow found a ship and is already in pursuit. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know how to sail, but it’s not as if that will stop her.

I expect the weather to change and grow colder as we sail continually north, but that assumption is a holdover from my realm. I don’t even know if they have seasons on Threshold. I guess I should figure it out, since I’ll be here for an extended period of time.

I turn to look for Dia, wondering if she’d be willing to share her ever-present joint. Right now, taking the edge off my frantically circling thoughts seems like the only thing I can actually do.

“You’re new.”

I jump and then curse myself for jumping. I’ve caught Nox watching me a few times, but they haven’t approached during the three days we’ve been sailing … until now. “Yeah, pretty new.”

“Strange thing, Bowen being left behind by his crew.” They’re still watching me closely. “He’s one of the more upstanding of our number, and while some”—their blue eyes cut to where Hedd lounges against the helm, looking like he’s sleeping standing up—“think that’s a weakness, he seemed beloved by the Hag’s crew.”

He was. At least by the crew members that Miles hadn’t already coaxed over to his side. Bowen seems to think that Miles would have gained the upper hand eventually, but it’s clear that my presence sped that process up. If not for me, he wouldn’t have called off the hunt of the dragon and the crew wouldn’t have been furious enough to vote him out so quickly.

I feel bad about that … kind of. His problems didn’t start with me, but getting him to question laws that are obviously corrupt can only be a good thing in the long run. I hope. If Lizzie doesn’t kill us both first.

I push that away and give Nox my full attention. “Seems like you have something to say. Might as well stop dancing around the point and spit it out.”

They’re dressed in the customary color of the C?n Annwn, but on them it looks … different. Less like a sailor playing dress-up. On Nox, the crimson leather pants, loose shirt, and duster look like part of them. It’s a neat trick. Bowen wears his cloak with the same level of comfort and identity, but even he hasn’t embraced the color for every bit of his clothing.

They lean on the railing next to me and stare out at the water. “If there’s something you aren’t telling us that will endanger the ship and crew, I’ll kill you myself.”

I blink. “That’s not very siblinghood of the C?n Annwn of you.”

They snort. “Only people like Bowen believe that shit. Ibelieve in consequences, and there are consequences for breaking the laws. For the person doing the breaking and for anyone who helps them, inadvertently or not.” Their amusement fades away. “So answer me truly. Have you broken our laws?”

“No.” Not technically. Probably.

Nox sighs. “Nothing but trouble, the lot of you.”

My nerves threaten to get the best of me. I make a pass at the metal chain hanging from their slim waist on instinct. I can’t help it. Stealing shit makes me feel more in control. It always has.

Nox grabs my wrist and raises their brows. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Holy shit, they’re fast. Faster than Lizzie, even. I blink up into their perfect face. “What are you?”

“That’s a very rude question to ask.” They lift up my hand between us and shake it a little. “If you attempt to steal from me again, I’ll—”

“Kill me. Yeah, I got it.”

Their lips curve. They really are beautiful in an otherworldly kind of way. “Nah, I might just keep you.”

“Excuse me?”

They turn my hand over and press their fingers lightly to my palm. “I like your energy, Evelyn. You’re trouble in the best way. We’d have some fun together.”

I … Wow. Nothing about this conversation has gone how I expected it to. I carefully pull my wrist from their grip and smile. “In another life, I would take you up on it. You seem like fun.”

“I am the very definition of fun, as long as you don’t cross me and mine.” Their gaze shifts over my shoulder and their smile widens. “Oh dear, I do believe I’ve pissed off your hulking protector. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Bowen this furious. He’s normally so stoic.” They lean closer. “What do you think he’ll do if I—”

They’re abruptly lifted into the air and deposited several feet away. The surprise on their face is a perfect match to the feeling rocking me. Did Bowen just use his magic on them?

I get my answer when the man himself appears at my back. His shadow falls over me and he clasps my hips, tugging me back into the curve of his body. But when he speaks, it’s not for me. “Keep your hands off her, Nox.”

Nox grins, and it’s as if they weren’t threatening me and then hitting on me in turn a few moments ago. “Never thought I’d see the day. You like her.”

“Fuck off.”

They laugh and turn on their heel, making their duster flare out dramatically around them. “Pass on my message, Evelyn. It’s important you don’t get in my way.” They stride away, their long legs eating up the distance between us and the helm.

Bowen’s hands tighten on my hips. “What message?”

“Oh, you know, the usual.” I can’t decide if I want to step away or snuggle back more firmly against him. He’s warm and strong and has been steadfastly ignoring my open invitation to come to my room since we arrived. It probably has something to do with keeping up appearances, but I’m scared and lonely and … silly to say I miss him after sharing his bed for only one night, but it’s the truth.

“You’re angry at me.” He turns us toward the railing and shifts so his cloak covers me as well. I wasn’t cold before, but I’m instantly warm in a way that curls my toes.

I’m not ready to admit he’s right, mostly because I didn’t realize I was angry until this very moment. “Nox just wanted to let me know that if we do something to endanger the crew, they’ll kill us themself. Simple, really.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about, Evelyn.” His breath ghosts against the curve of my ear. “Were they attempting to seduce you? They’re quite good at it.”

“Have they seduced you?” I don’t mean to ask the question, but I never mean to ask questions when I’m around Bowen. They just … pop out.

“They’ve tried.”

Jealousy flashes through me so intensely that I stagger a little. Holy fuck, where did that come from? Bowen and I aren’t anything resembling official or exclusive. Three days ago, I was about to leave him behind forever. Not to mention I’ve hardly been a saint before meeting him, and expecting that of him is really shitty.

But Nox is svelte and charming and dangerous and devastatingly attractive. If they’ve ever doubted their place in the world, they don’t now. Why wouldn’t Bowen want to be seduced by them?

“Why didn’t you let them succeed?”

“Evelyn.”

Gods, but I love the way he says my name. Here, in this moment, it might as well be just the two of us. I can hear the crew moving about their business, but they feel very far away. “What?”

“Why are you angry with me? Is this about Lizzie?”

I shudder. I’ve been trying very hard not to think about Lizzie at all. She should be at a disadvantage since she’s in an unfamiliar realm with no transportation, but she shouldn’t have been able to find a portal and me so quickly, either. Underestimating her is a good way to end up dead.

Even so …

I’m so fucking weak, because I’m glad we escaped without killing her. “I don’t want her to die. Even after everything. That’s very silly, isn’t it? I won’t say she never cared about me at all, but she’s not sentimental enough to let feelings get in the way of her end goals. I wish I could say the same.”

“Very few people are that single-minded when there’s someone they care about on the other side of the conflict.” He settles his arms more firmly around me. “You’re not weak for wanting to keep the people you’ve cared about safe.”

Even if they don’t give you the same courtesy.

He doesn’t say it, but I hear the words all the same. I want to argue that Lizzie shot at him, not me, but I know better. She’s too smart to just straight-up kill me without getting the location of the family jewels first.

I could say all that, but instead what comes out of my mouth is something entirely different. “Why are you avoiding me?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play like you don’t know what I’m talking about. They set us up in our own rooms and you could have been in mine this whole time, but you haven’t.”

His sigh rumbles through his chest and into my back. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted it, and I didn’t want to put you in a position where you felt like you had to keep sharing my bed to ensure my protection.”

Oh, of all the honorable nonsense. “Bowen.” I turn around, and he allows it, but he doesn’t move back. I have to strain my neck to look into his dark eyes. “If someone tried to pressure their way into my bed, I’d curse them. I’m very good at cursing people, and Bunny had some incredibly creative ones she taught me. How about instead of assuming you know what’s best for me, you just ask me what I want?”

He frowns at me as if I’m being ridiculous, when he’s the one being ridiculous. Finally, he says, “Would you like to share my bed, Evelyn?”

“Yes. Next question—what the fuck are we going to do about Lizzie?”

“I don’t know.”

It’s not the answer I want, but it is the most honest one. That doesn’t mean I like it. “Any of the C?n Annwn who come across her and try to force a vow will end up dead.” I speak slowly, feeling my way. “I suppose that eventually becomes a numbers game. Lizzie is ridiculously powerful but she’s not all-powerful. She won’t survive indefinitely.”

I realize that should make me happy—or if not happy, then relieved. She doesn’t deserve to die just because she hurt my feelings, but I’m also not going to offer up my throat just because I made the mistake of stealing from her. There are no good options.

“That’s the most likely scenario if she won’t accept the vow.” Bowen lifts his head and looks out to sea. “I suppose the people on Sarvi might take pity on her and fold her into their ranks. There’s a small chance she could escape notice that way, though I don’t know that it would save her indefinitely. Unless you think it’s likely she’ll kill them, too.”

“No. She’s more than happy to slaughter her enemies, and occasionally her family, but she’s not one for indiscriminate murder.” There is absolutely no possibility of Lizzie giving up the hunt and settling down into some mundane life in a village on Sarvi. Even if there was … “Do the C?n Annwn police the locals?”

Bowen’s jaw goes tight. “We’re not supposed to interfere with the citizens of Threshold.”

Easy enough to read between the lines. It’s not even surprising that the C?n Annwn would overreach. Anytime there’s power to be had, there’s power to be misused. Threshold isn’t exempt from that rule. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and all that.

“Then she’s still a threat. It won’t take her long to figure out she can’t kill her way to me or the family jewels on the Crimson Hag. She’ll take a different route.”

“You sound almost relieved.”

I am, damn it. Or at least I should be. I shiver. Bowen tucks his cloak more firmly around me. He wraps his arms around me for good measure. As much as I appreciate the comfort, it does little to combat the conflicted feelings inside me. “I won’t say I loved her, because that wasn’t what we were to each other. But I’m fool enough to give at least part of my heart to the people I sleep with. I don’t want her dead. If she comes for me, I’ll do whatever it takes to survive, but really I’m going to hope that she never finds me again.” If I can find another portal to hop through, it becomes less likely. Threshold is littered with them, so it’s just a matter of going through one that she doesn’t expect.

Which means leaving Bowen behind. For real this time.