26. Mutt

When I returned to Jeffrey's apartment later that night there was a strange sound coming from his bedroom. Immediately alarmed, I yanked the window open and launched myself into the space. Jeffrey was on the bed, his hand down his pants, his laptop in front of him.

He stared at me, eyes wide—scent suprised-alarmed-sheepish.

The weird sound kept squeaking from his headphones, and I stalked forward, yanking them off of him carefully, sniffing at them as I tried to figure out what the fuck was happening.

"Mutt—"

"What is—" I glanced down at his computer screen, then balked, shocked when I saw the naked bodies there. Naked bodies having sex. On camera.

What…the fuck.

I climbed onto Jeffrey's bed, pulling the headphones on myself, my gaze zeroing in on the screen with fascination. "What is…" I blinked. "This?"

"Porn?" Jeffrey flushed. I could hear him over the little whines and grunts from the headphones, and Jeffrey, because he was the smartest person in the world, unplugged the headphones so we could both hear.

"Porn," I repeated.

"You know…" he flushed. "To like…"

"To?"

"Get off?"

I scowled at him. "You do not need porn to get off. You have me."

"Okay, Mr. Possessive." He snorted, hitting pause on the video. "Yeah. But I was…you know," he licked his lips. "Doing research . Like I said."

"Research?"

"Yeah." Jeffrey's eyes were dark, his arousal apparent. "I mean…" He slid a hand down my chest, slow and deliberate. When he cupped my cock I groaned. "You're uncut."

"I am what?" I had no idea what that was. Though I was no stranger to nudity, the concept of watching sex on video was foreign. It was impossible to be a prude when you lived in a pack like mine. During the full moon we all stripped down and shifted together—so I'd seen my fair share of cocks.

"You know, uncut ." Jeffrey gave my cock another squeeze, his long fingers dipping low enough to brush my balls. "You have foreskin."

It took my brain a second to work again—because he was talking nonsense, and also his hand was on my dick. But then it clicked, and I nodded jerkily, breath coming out in a tight hiss. "You don't," I said, voice low.

Jeffrey laughed, cheeks flushed. "Yeah," he said, obviously embarrassed. "You can blame my parents for that."

"Blame your…" I frowned at him, confused.

I didn't like that we were talking about his parents when his hand was on my dick.

"They didn't circumcise any of my brothers except me." Jeffrey's eyes were dark. "They were on a whole religious kick thing around the time I was conceived—and they…yeah. I dunno. They did a lot of weird shit when I was really little."

"Why would joining a religion cause you to cut off a part of your son's cock?" I stared at him, horrified. "What?—"

"I dunno," Jeffrey gave my dick another squeeze. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that…you have foreskin, and I don't."

"Okay," I agreed, because that was true. "I wondered why your cock was missing pieces," I murmured, voice low. "I thought it was a human thing."

"Do all wolves have cocks like you?" he asked, curious.

I growled, because I didn't like him thinking about anyone's dick but mine. "Doesn't matter."

"I'm going to guess that means yes." Jeffrey grinned, eyes flooded with heat. "Which makes sense. Bet if you cut it off it'd just heal."

I grimaced, Jeffrey laughed.

He was a lot more settled than he'd been earlier today. I'd have to ask him what happened after I'd dropped him off—but I was…distracted. "I guess it is," he added, leaning into my space, his lips brushing the shell of my cheek. "A human thing, I mean."

"So you…" God, he was distracting. His scent was raspberry sweet, and when I glanced down I could see his cock tenting his sweats, pointing directly at me. "You were researching foreskin? Why?"

My cock jerked.

"Kinda." Jeffrey pulled away just as quickly as he'd pushed into my space. "I'll show you."

Five minutes later, I stared blankly at the computer screen, frowning thoughtfully.

"So…" I blinked, my dick jerking as I licked my lips. "They… inside ?"

"Yeah," Jeffrey nuzzled against my shoulder, slow and sweet. His scent was stronger. Arousal clogged the air, making my head fuzzy and my body oversensitive. "You just…" He mimed something odd with his hand. "Slide mine right in?—"

"In my foreskin," I echoed, heat pooling low in my belly.

"Yeah," Jeffrey licked his lips, nose skimming across my pec, his hot breath tickling my nipple as he rubbed up against my side. "And then we just…"

" Oh ," I shuddered.

Before I could think, I had him on his back, and his pants around his ankles.

"Fuck," he gasped out, his cock slapping against his belly, wet and pink and pretty. Now that I knew he'd been cut intentionally, his cock was even more foreign looking. But not in a bad way. In fact, I kinda wanted to suck on it, to roll my tongue around and feel the velvety slick of it all over again.

But I had better ideas.

"So you want to do it?" Jeffrey offered, eyes black with lust. He spread his legs, his lovely sac pulled tight, the sweaty crease between his cheeks peeking at me. His hole was my favorite place in the world. My favorite place to lick, and sniff, and slip inside. But today…I kept my gaze on his cock.

Mostly.

"I can do it better than the man on screen," I promised, shoving my shorts down and crawling between his legs. "You will never have to watch the porn again."

"‘The porn was illuminating ," Jeffrey teased, a sprinkle of amusement flickering in the overall overwhelming cloud of lust he exuded. "You should be thanking it. We're about to benefit greatly from it."

"The only dick I want you looking at is mine ."

"Y-yeah," Jeffrey sucked in a breath. "That macho bullshit should not be hot. But it totally is." He licked his lips and his cock bobbed again, angry and throbbing, needy as he was. I growled. "Okay, buddy. But what about… I mean—I need like… ideas? Right. This is my first time dating a dude." He shivered. "I want to get it right."

It wasn't fair. That he was so damn cute, spread out, creamy speckled muscles glistening, with his hard cock on display.

"Fine," I conceded, dipping down, my teeth gnawing at one of his perky nipples the way he liked. He gasped. "For research…that's okay. So long as I get to benefit."

"C-cool," Jeffrey groaned. "Fuck that's hot. Tell me more about how I'm not allowed to look at other peo—oh fuck." Jeffrey's hips snapped up as I took him in my mouth. I willed my fangs to stay back, my tongue sliding along the slippery surface of his crown, rubbing it curiously—like it was my first time doing so even though it wasn't.

When I pulled off a slick little trail of spit connected my tongue to his dick. Jeffrey stared at it, lips parted, his sweet little tongue showing, his eyes nearly crossed. "Fucking fuck," he whispered, trembling. "Okay."

And then he was shoving at my shoulders and body, and crawling up onto his knees and into my space. The bed rocked and squeaked, and the second our cocks bumped, we both released a mutual gasp.

"Fuck," I groaned, forehead dropping to his shoulder.

" Fuck ," Jeffrey agreed, nuzzling against my cheek till I tipped my head up and our gazes met. His eyes were black with lust, pale lashes fluttering. "I've never—I mean. I might suck at this."

"You will be perfect."

"Yeah okay, but I might mess it up."

"It will still be perfect."

" Okay ." Jeffrey relaxed, melting as he tilted his head down to stare at us. I looked too—because it was impossible not to. His cock was shorter than mine, leaner too, freckle coated and pink. In comparison, mine was nearly purple by contrast, the difference in our skin tones absolutely fucking gorgeous. I reached down, running a single, solitary clawed finger up the length of his dick. It flexed and I groaned, my knot throbbing.

I wanted to fuck him so badly.

To shove him onto his belly and push inside him.

But I didn't—I didn't?—

Because this was equally fascinating.

"I need to…" Jeffrey shuffled back a little, until the tips of our cocks aligned. "There. I think. I mean, in the video he made it look all…easy." He sucked in a breath, still staring at us, the heat in his eyes evident. "Can't believe I never realized I like dicks," he added, voice hoarse. "I mean… that is a dick." Jeffrey jerked his head to indicate my cock.

"Of course it is a dick."

"I just mean…it's…" he licked his lips, reaching out to mirror my movements, his fingers dancing up the length, toying with the stretchy foreskin at the tip. My cock flexed. "It's a dick . You know? All thick and…veiny and shit. And you have a knot— which is like…even dickier than a dick. And I fucking love it. I want that thing in me—like, in every hole it possibly can go."

My knot throbbed again, and I groaned, already panting after him.

"Jeffrey," my voice dropped low. "I want to play your games today?—"

"Yeah?"

"Yes. But I…" My wolf clawed beneath the surface of my skin, and a fresh rush of precum flooded my foreskin, wetting it. "I need —please. I can't. No more waiting. I need it—" My chest heaved, my dick jerking. "I need you."

"Okay. Okay ." Jeffrey nodded jerkily, even more arousal flooding the room as he bit his lip and those long dexterous fingers fit around the girth of my cock. He slid them up, using his other hand to keep our tips aligned as he gently began to slide my foreskin where he wanted it. "It should stretch—I mean— right ?"

I grunted, not sure why he was asking me when I didn't know any better than he did.

Every thought in my head fled the second our tips began to kiss. My fangs popped and my tail formed, wagging hard enough it disrupted the blankets we knelt on top of. So slick. So warm. Fuck, fuck, fuck. His tip rubbed mine.

"There—that's…just." Jeffrey lost his grip on my foreskin, swearing softly as it retracted.

I whined, and his gaze snapped from our cocks to my face, contrite.

"Sorry, big guy, I just—just let me try again, please?" He looked fucked out already and we'd barely touched. " Please ?"

"Okay," I managed, voice husky.

And then he was gripping my cock again, more sure this time. Slowly, carefully he slid my foreskin forward, centimeter by centimeter. It hurt a little—the sensation foreign, but that quickly faded. And as the skin wrapped around the silky velvet of his tip, sliding snug, I just…

"F-fuck," my voice broke, head falling back as my eyes squeezed shut.

He was inside me.

That long, lovely cock was inside me.

I grit my fangs, claws biting into my palms in an effort to keep still.

"Shit," Jeffrey gasped, voice just as hoarse as mine. Suddenly desperate to see his face, I jerked my head back down, staring at him, enraptured. Staring at his black eyes, the bitten raw flush to his lips. The way he looked shaky and lost and overwhelmed. The way his lips were parted in awe, entranced as he stared down at?—

Oh fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

If feeling his cock inside mine was overwhelming, looking at it was mind-boggling. It looked so wrong in the rightest way. The dusky dark of my foreskin pulled taut over the tip of his cock, held snug by his fingers. I groaned, more precum slipping free, my knot throbbing.

Unable to help myself, I reached down, rubbing my thumb over where we were connected, desperate to feel it from the outside.

"You feel so good," Jeffrey gasped out. "So warm…and tight—and I?—"

I knocked his hand out of the way, taking over immediately. I started gentle, unsure if I'd accidentally hurt either of us by moving too quickly. Squeezing, rubbing, running my palm across our joined flesh, I made sure not to nick either of us with my claws.

All the while, Jeffrey stared—though his hands found my biceps, fingers biting deep as he whined and leaked inside our shared sheath.

"I'm not gonna—not gonna last—" he gasped out. "That is just fucking–woah."

My chest heaved, nostrils flaring as I rubbed and stroked, and squeezed.

"Squeeze my knot," I gasped out, voice low and gravelly. "Please—I need?—"

Jeffrey's fingers curled tight around my knot, pinching it just the way I liked. His hand was hot and strong, his calluses scratching just right. My eyes rolled back and I grunted, balls drawing up. The velvety slick of his tip kissing mine made me spin. Faster, faster, I moved—until?—

"Uhhhhh," Jeffrey spilled between us, his hips jerking, cum flooding and slipping free. I followed after, gently pulling my cock free, our mixed cum slicking the loose skin.

"Fuck," I hissed out, hips jerking in his fist where he still dutifully wrapped his hand around my knot. Part of the mess spilled onto the bed—and the rest I gathered onto my fingers. Jeffrey didn't even need to be asked.

When I offered them to him, he leaned forward, a dazed, foggy look in his eyes as he groaned, tongue already sticking out. Slick, wet, warm, he lapped at my palm and fingers, sliding his slippery tongue between the pads of my fingers, and up, chasing every last bit of our shared essence like he needed it.

I trained him well.

I licked him clean. Licked inside his mouth. Licked behind his ears, down his throat. Licked the sweat from the coarse hair in his armpits. Licked across his nipples, into his belly button, across the divots of his hips. Licked the curls at the base of his cock till they lay flat. Pressed his softening cock flat to his stomach, and then lapped around the root, then his balls, then under them, and into the secret soft skin there.

I licked every drop of sweat from his skin, enjoying him the way he was meant to be enjoyed. Licked every one of his scars.

And then I flipped him over and did the same to his other side.

After I'd lapped at his ass for a while, then up the line of his spine to the back of his neck, Jeffrey huffed out an amused, aroused grunt.

"Mutt—?" His voice was low and fuzzy. He was relaxed. I could tell because all he did was twitch when I reached down and gave his hole a little rub, just because I missed the way it felt.

"Mmm?" I nuzzled behind his ears, then into his hair, enjoying the fuzzy prickles. It was longer now than it had been when we'd cut it. His stitches had healed. His bruises were gone. My hard cock flexed against his ass cheeks, slotted between them as I gave him an aborted thrust.

I didn't want to fuck again—content to groom and love him—but that didn't mean I wasn't going to enjoy pushing against him.

"Why won't you fuck me?" Jeffrey's voice was sleepy soft.

I stiffened.

"I mean…we've done pretty much everything else," he added, voice low. He twisted a little so I could see one of his dark, pretty eyes. "So what…gives?"

I licked my lips, suddenly caught out.

I should've expected this.

Really, I'd been naive not to.

"I…" I didn't know what to say.

"Is it because I haven't asked you out?" Jeffrey asked, voice soft. "Like, on an official date."

I nodded jerkily, but then immediately felt awful for lying.

"Oh, cool." His smile was sunny—none of his usual tension was present. He was sweet. And his scent was fizzy-happy. "I thought it might be something like that—I just…I guess I got worried, you know? That maybe you didn't…want to?"

"I want to." I promised immediately because that was true. "It's all I've thought about since the day I saw you."

Jeffrey laughed, his body quivering as his eyes crinkled. "Okay. So it's just…like, a formal thing then? For wolves."

I could keep lying.

He was making it easy.

But my own words came to bite me in the ass. I was already lying to him about being his dog. I was withholding the truth about him being my fated mate. And I just…I…I just knew he deserved better.

"I don't want to hurt you," I admitted, voice cracking. Jeffrey frowned, some of the buzzy light in his eyes dimming. I nuzzled the back of his neck, curled my arms around him, and squeezed him from behind like he was a large, delicious teddy bear. "I'm terrified."

"Why would you hurt me?" Jeffrey asked, voice muffled against the covers now that I'd smashed him into them again. "Does your knot hurt or something?"

"No. I mean—I don't think so." Fuck. I had no idea. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?" Jeffrey was still soft. Warm. Sated. He smelled like home. Like mate-mate-mate. "C'mon, sweetheart." Jeffrey's voice was gentle. I got the feeling he didn't often use that word. In fact, it sounded foreign, almost like he'd never used it at all. At least…not like this. To soothe someone he cared about, soft and safe in his bed. "You can tell me. I tell you shit—like …so much shit ."

It was true, he did.

I was pretty sure I knew most of his secrets by this point.

And I had been pretty tight-lipped.

And that wasn't fair.

But I was still terrified. Terrified we'd cross a line—and I just.

"I want to be a happy memory," my voice broke. "When I'm gone. I just…I want you to think of me and smile."

"I will," Jeffrey's voice was just as rough as mine. "Of course I will. And you're not going anywhere. Not if I can help it."

"I've taken so much from you, already," my heart hurt. My eyes burned. Jeffrey's fuzzy hair tickled my nose as I buried my face in his nape and inhaled greedily. "It's selfish."

"No, it's not." Jeffrey reached back, hand floppy and lax still, fingers curling around the back of my head to hold me still. "If I hadn't wanted it, sure. But I did. I have. I do . I've wanted you from the moment I saw you too."

That wasn't true.

It wasn't.

Because the first time he'd seen me hadn't been at the club in Ridgefield. Hadn't been when I tasted him for the first time and realized I could never go back. Hadn't been when I'd saved him from the man that smelled like a public restroom.

No.

It had been way earlier.

I didn't call him out though, because that meant betraying my secret—and I just…I felt like this was more important. One step at a time.

"It will hurt more," I murmured, annoyed when my body began to shake. My eyes burned hotter, wetter. A few tears slipped free and I was too terrified to bring attention to them to swipe them away. Hopefully he won't notice. "When I'm gone. If we cross that step."

"You keep saying ‘when, when, when.'" Jeffrey huffed, annoyance creeping into his tone. But…I could smell his fear. I could hear the skip of his heart beat. And I knew he was scared. As scared as I was. "I'll fix it," Jeffrey promised again, even though it wasn't in his power to do so.

"I know," I murmured, because I knew he believed that. And I believed in him. I just…knew more about this than he did. And I hadn't been entirely honest—and I'd dug this awful, horrible hole for myself to lie in. "I trust you."

"You know…" Jeffrey sucked in a breath. "We don't have to fuck if you don't want to."

"I want to," I blurted immediately, because apparently I hadn't been enthusiastic enough the first time. Jeffrey laughed.

"And I want to," he said softly. "So if you trust me…can't you trust me to be able to consent? Can't you trust that I know what I want? That at the end of the day—if the worst possible shit happens, I'll be happier having had you in every way I could."

"But—"

"Believe me…I know hurt. I've been hurt. And this isn't that."

"Oh." I melted, sniffing a little, then annoyed that I'd betrayed myself. Jeffrey petted his hand through my hair, rubbing behind my ears and making me sigh. "So you…"

"Yeah, man. I wanna go through all the bases with you."

"Okay." My cock jerked, like it had been eavesdropping on the whole conversation. Jeffrey snorted out a laugh, arching his back and rubbing against me with a sleepy hum. I had less than two weeks left with him. And he didn't know that—but I did.

I just…I'd accused myself of being selfish, and I still felt that way.

Because I was hiding the truth from everyone.

Maybe it was the alpha in me, desperate to protect the people I cared about till the day I couldn't anymore. Or maybe I was simply a coward. Too terrified to lose what I had earlier than I had to.

Selfish, cowardly, weak.

I wasn't like Jeffrey at all.

But I was going to make the best of the time we had together anyway.

Because I loved him.

I loved him so fucking much I could hardly breathe when he was around. Loved him more than I knew I was capable of loving. And that love only grew when Jeffrey spoke again and asked me a question that lit me up from the inside out.

Made me forget all about my fate.

"So…" Jeffrey blinked his lovely eye up at me again. "Can I take you on a date?"