6. Danny

Chapter 6

Danny

O ver the next few weeks, I didn't suggest another double date.

And neither did Riley.

What was more, we didn't even go out to hook up. Our nights were spent together, gaming or hanging out with our other friends. Neither of us brought up the fact that we were both in the longest dry spell in recent memory. After seeing Riley hit it off with Will, and the resulting spiral that had followed, there was nothing I wanted to do less than watch my best friend cosy up to someone else. Someone who could replace me.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. About why seeing him bond with another had upset me. Why the thought of him finding love had me choking on fury. Why I wanted to lock Riley in my house and never let him out. Why my wolf was the most restless he'd been in decades.

Deep down, I wondered if I had feelings for Riley. I'd dismissed that quickly though. I wouldn't have been able to stand listening to him hook up if I wanted him romantically. My wolf wouldn't have allowed it. If I wanted Riley that way, I would've known it by now.

So no, it wasn't that I wanted a relationship with Riley…but rather I was upset about him finding that with someone else. Someone who could offer him everything I couldn't.

Namely, love. The kind that rightly came above everything and everyone else.

I wasn't stupid. Riley might have had commitment issues to rival my own, but you didn't need to look beyond our friends to see how little that mattered. If you found your person, that was it.

Riley had been my person for so long now. I'd let him closer than all the others, even Leo. If I was being completely honest, there was only one other person I'd shared this much of my life with before.

And that was only after we were married.

That wasn't an option with Riley. He was my friend, not my lover. Things were different between us, and for good reason. Even if I did want to pursue something romantic with him, I couldn't. We'd be together knowing we had an end date, and that wouldn't be fair to either of us. It wasn't like I could mate him. If I did that, I'd have to return to my clan.

It'd be a cold day in hell before that happened.

I was going to have to come to terms with the idea that Riley might meet someone else. Everything would change then. Sure, we'd still be friends, but it wouldn't be the same. It never was. There'd be no more late nights gaming. No more going to his house so I'd be there after he'd had a shitty day in the office. No more sneaking new outfits into his wardrobe. No more whispering behind our hands at group events, gathering titbits to gossip about on the car journey home.

His new man would become his everything, and I'd rightfully be left in the dust. Our friendship would remain, but it would be different. There was no escaping that.

A normal man wouldn't have been bothered by any of this, but that right there was the issue. I wasn't a normal man. I was an alpha wolf. We were pack animals, and once we'd decided someone was ours, we were territorial. Possessive. Jealous. Irrational.

I liked to think I had most of those instincts locked down, but I wasn't an idiot; there was only so much of myself I could deny. It was why I kept most people at arm's length. Why I didn't let anyone too close. I was a lone wolf and that was how it was going to stay. Pack meant risk. Loss. Pain. Grief.

I had no intention of going through that again. Ever.

But Riley. Fucking Riley. He'd snuck under the radar and nestled into my life like he was always meant to belong there. It had happened so gradually that I hadn't stood a chance.

Riley was pack. My wolf had claimed him as mine. I wasn't ready to share him. I didn't think I'd ever be ready.

It was the most selfish realisation I'd ever had.

I might have acknowledged this, but that was the most I could do. We had no other ties. Riley was human. He was my friend and I loved him. Not in a romantic sense, but platonically.

No, that wasn't right. Maybe it wasn't the love of mates, but it went so much deeper than friendship. My love and need for Riley were encoded on my DNA. Nothing would ever change or erase it.

Loving him as I did meant I wanted him to be happy. I wanted what was best for him. If that meant him finding a boyfriend, or even a husband, I had to be okay with that.

Or, at least, I had to pretend to be okay with it. If I couldn't pull it off, I might risk losing Riley entirely.

I could've hooked up with people without Riley, but I suddenly felt like I was living on borrowed time with him. It was as though that last double date had opened my eyes to how precarious our current situation was. We were existing inside a bubble that was about to burst.

But I was damned if I'd be the one to do it.

So I knew why I wasn't bringing up the change in our routine. What was stressing me out was Riley's silence on the matter. Was he still thinking about Will? Were they texting? Were they dating and Riley hadn't got up the nerve to tell me?

I could have just asked him about it, but as stupid as it sounded, I didn't want to put the idea in his head. Like, if I didn't mention Will, maybe Riley wouldn't think about him.

Yeah, I said it was stupid.

The only other option was to stalk Riley. It'd be easy enough to do. All it would take was to tell him I'd picked up an extra shift and then follow him instead. I wouldn't have been the first in our little group to do it, and I highly doubted I'd be the last.

The difference was that Riley wasn't my mate. He never would be. Crossing a line like that would be disrespecting our friendship. Unless his safety was at risk, I wouldn't betray him.

I just had to hope that when Riley did fall in love, he wouldn't forget about me. I'd lost so much in my life, you'd think I'd be used to it.

But that's the thing about loss. You don't get used to it. Each one hits you anew, dragging you into depths you didn't even know existed previously. It weighs you down, keeping you from the surface.

Riley had become my anchor.

Losing him wouldn't untether me. It would drown me.

Riley

come over tonight – we need to talk

I frowned down at the seemingly innocuous message. Oh, who was I kidding? When did any good conversation start with ‘we need to talk?' My stomach flipped. Would tonight be the night Riley told me about Will? He might not have mentioned the other man since the date, but in my mind they were married with three kids. Adorable ones who called me ‘Uncle Danny.'

It made me unreasonably angry.

"Why are you glaring at your phone?" Leo's curious voice came from behind me. We were on shift, but calls were few and far between. I hated days like this. Too much time to overthink shit.

"No reason." I sent a thumbs up to Riley before shoving my phone into my pocket. He'd probably be pissed at my passive aggressive response, but fuck it. He'd started it by dropping those four words knowing it'd stress me out for the rest of the day. "Just Riley being Riley."

Leo hummed, thumping me in the arm. "Come on, let's hit the gym."

He didn't say anything else until we were on treadmills, side by side. "So, are you going to tell me what's really going on?"

"I already told you, nothing."

"Then why do you look like someone pissed in your cornflakes?"

"That's a disgusting image. You kiss Ferry with that mouth?"

Leo snorted. "Nice try. Baiting me isn't going to get you out of this. We might not hang out as much these days, but I know you. You get all moody and quiet when something's bothering you. Is this another ‘Maria' situation?"

Leo's casual mention of my daughter's name had my breath catching in my chest. Every time he did it, it was like he was peeling my skin from my bones. He had no idea, of course. Her name was written over my chest in spelled ink—the only name to appear on my body. I'd had it done on the first anniversary of her death before drinking myself to the edge of oblivion. Something I'd repeated every anniversary since.

Now though, I didn't do so alone. I didn't know how Riley had found me that first time, but fuck was I grateful he had. He didn't do much, just sat beside me and held me, but it meant more than he could ever know.

Riley had seen my tattoo too. Everyone had. It wasn't like I was shy about my body; nor did I mean to hide the memory of my daughter.

I didn't want to hide her or Sarah, but every time I tried to speak of them, the pain returned. The long-buried screams of anguish that it had taken so long to silence filled my ears until I couldn't hear anything else.

So, I kept my mouth shut. Kept the memories just for myself.

Leo had long ago assumed the tattoo was the name of an ex. I hadn't been able to bring myself to correct him. Before Ferry, before Leo knew anything about the supe world, I'd been able to use the excuse that I wouldn't be able to tell Leo about my past without revealing my true nature. I'd clung to that, letting Leo believe it was a token from a bad break-up, using that as an excuse to not discuss what'd really happened.

I couldn't tell him now. He'd be horrified if he knew about the pain he'd inadvertently caused me over the years.

As always when this happened, it took me a moment to collect myself before I answered Leo. "No, nothing like that. Just a weird text from Riley."

"Weird how?"

"Said we need to talk." I whacked the speed right up on the treadmill. It was no substitute for the feeling of running while shifted, but it'd have to do. "Shit like that makes me overthink."

"But why? You and Riley are just friends, right?" I could feel Leo's stare burning into the side of my face. "Or did something happen between you two?"

"Nothing's happened," I muttered. "And what's more, nothing's going to happen. Ever. I've told you that."

"Do you want it to?"

I stumbled but thankfully caught myself before I face planted. "No, of course not. We're just friends."

Leo hummed. "Never known two ‘friends' to hang out as often as you do."

"We're close."

"No, we're close. You and Riley take it to a whole new level. There are married couples who don't spend as much time together as you two."

My irritation climbed higher. "Riley and I have been this close for years. Why are you suddenly bringing this up now?"

"Maybe because you're grumpy because of a simple text message." Leo slapped the red button and slowed to a walk. "People who only have platonic feelings don't get het up over the phrase ‘we need to talk.' Think about it."

He didn't give me a chance to respond before sauntering off. My feet continued moving, like I might be able to outrun what Leo had said.

It took another five miles, but eventually logic kicked in. Leo was wrong; it was as simple as that. He just didn't understand my friendship with Riley because he'd never experienced one such as this. Like so many of our group, he was blinded by love. He laboured under the delusion that everyone was destined to be as happy as he and Ferry were, seeing romance where it simply didn't exist.

It was perfectly normal to be anxious over Riley's message. About what it might mean for us. For our friendship.

Perfectly.

Normal.

B y the time I let myself into Riley's house, I'd worked up a nice head of steam. My run might've settled my brain as far as what Leo had said was concerned, but that's where the usefulness of it had stopped.

It hadn't helped that our shift had been as silent as the grave. No amount of busy work had distracted me from Riley's message. I'd gone over countless scenarios, but all of them amounted to the same thing.

Riley was going to tell me something that was going to change our friendship.

Did I have any sound evidence? No. Was there any logical reasoning behind this? Also no. But my instincts were warning me that something big was coming. Like all supes, I knew better than to ignore them.

The house was empty. Throwing my coat on a hook, I marched straight into the kitchen. Pissed at him I might have been, but knowing Riley, he'd probably worked straight through his lunch break. I grabbed one of the meals he'd prepped last weekend from the fridge, lifting the lid to sniff it. Chilli. Our favourite.

Another few minutes and I had his rice cooker filled and turned on. I slammed around while I got the cheese grated and plates ready, muttering under my breath about ‘stupid Riley' and ‘stupid fucking text messages.'

By the time he finally walked through the door, I was plating up dinner. I hadn't bothered to set the table since we never ate there. Our plates would sit on the lap trays Riley had bought us both a few years ago. Mine had a cartoon wolf drawn on it, something Riley had found hilarious. I'd lost count of how much wolf themed memorabilia he'd bought me over the years. Everything from mugs and T-shirts to beach towels and teddies. If it had a wolf on it, you could guarantee it'd find its way into one of our houses. He'd even bought me a wolf onesie at one point—not that I'd had it for long. I think I'd worn it once before Riley claimed it for himself.

"Ooh, something smells good," Riley called through from the hallway. His eyes were as bright as his smile as he bounced into the room, making grabby hands at his dinner. "Past me is a fucking legend."

I followed him into the living room, carrying my own tray. "Current me is the one who actually cooked it."

Riley snorted as he sat down on the sofa. "Please. All you did was heat it up in the microwave, that doesn't count as cooking."

I took the salt he offered before passing him the bowl of cheddar I'd prepared earlier.

"I cooked the rice!" I sniffed indignantly. "And I grated the cheese."

Riley spoke around the massive mouthful he'd just taken. "Oh, you mean you put rice and water in the cooker and turned it on? I mean, sure, grating cheese is a skill that requires soooo much effort. Sorry, let me give you your award right now."

"You know, a lot of people would be grateful to come home to a hot meal and me for company," I groused, stabbing at a kidney bean with far more aggression than necessary.

"They wouldn't if they knew it came with all this sulking." Riley's foot nudged my calf. "What's got your goat?"

"What does that saying even mean? Did people once go around stealing goats? To be fair, I'd be pissed off if I was a farmer and someone stole my livestock. Maybe we should ask Ferry. He's an ancient fucker. Maybe he knows."

"Danny, focus." Riley put his dinner on the coffee table. "What's wrong? You're being weird and it's freaking me out."

I leaned forward, picking his plate up and putting it back on his tray. "I'm fine. Eat. I bet you skipped lunch at work today."

Riley's fork froze halfway to his mouth. "What makes you say that?"

"It's the end of the VAT quarter. You always skip lunch because you're too busy to eat."

"Huh." Riley chewed a mouthful, staring at me thoughtfully. "Didn't realise you'd picked up on that."

"I pick up on everything."

We didn't say anything else until we'd both scraped our plates clean. Riley took mine as I followed him into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on. He loaded the dishwasher while I made us both a cuppa, a routine we'd done a thousand times before. It should've been comforting. Familiar. But in my mind, I kept replaying those four little words.

We need to talk.

I waited until we were both sat on the sofa, steaming mugs in hand, before I finally brought it up. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Huh?" Riley wasn't even paying attention, too busy grabbing the controllers for his PS5.

Impatience rocked through me. "Riley, you said we need to talk. So, what do you want to talk about?"

He squinted at me through his glasses. "Wait, is that why you're grumpy? Because I said we need to talk?"

I huffed. "Come on, Ry. It's not like anything good follows those words."

He blinked a few times before dissolving into laughter. "Danny, that's so fucking funny. It's not like I'm breaking up with you or anything. We'd have to be together for that to happen. Your brain, honestly. Why d'you always assume the worst?"

My cheeks flamed. Fuck, Leo was right. I'd been getting myself worked up over nothing. "I can't help worrying, Ry. Bad stuff happens all the time, especially to those I care about. I can't help it if my brain always thinks the worst—it's how I'm built."

His laughter faded away, replaced by a knowledge I wished he didn't have. An empty cabin where he watched my heart break every September. "Sorry, Danny. I shouldn't have teased you like that."

"No, don't you apologise, I'm the one overreacting. Dunno what's got into me recently." I scrubbed my hands over my face, like it might get my brain back on a normal level. "What did you want to talk about then?"

"Oh, I've had the best idea." He clapped his hands together in excitement, thankfully seeming to sense I wanted to move on. That was one of the things that made being around him so easy—he never pushed me to open up. As a result, I'd opened up to him more than anyone else. "It's literally genius. I know, I'm being modest, but it's truly great."

My lips twitched. "Go on then, unleash your genius. I'm ready."

Riley was practically vibrating with excitement. "Okay, remember the date we went on with Will?"

I tried to wash the sour taste in my mouth away with tea. It didn't help. "Yep."

"Well, I didn't tell you about this at the time, but we got along much better than I'd been expecting. A lot better."

My wolf began to push at the edges of my skin. I grabbed his lead and yanked hard. We weren't losing Riley. That wasn't what was happening here. "And?"

"And I hated it." Both my wolf and I collapsed in relief. "I don't want a relationship, Danny. You know that. Too much baggage."

"One of our friends would tell you that baggage is easier to carry with a partner," I said lightly, "but given that I share your views about commitment, you won't hear that from me."

Besides, Riley didn't need someone to help him with his baggage; he had me.

"Good." Riley nodded decisively. "Would be a bit hypocritical of you if you did. Anyway, I decided it's getting too risky doing all these dates. I think, as I get older, my stupid defences get weaker. I can't keep getting to know these blokes before I fuck them, that's when the feelings creep in."

I rubbed my lips, trying to hide the relief rippling through me. Riley didn't want to talk because he was looking to form an emotional connection with someone else. He wanted the opposite.

I wasn't going to lose him. Not yet, anyway.

"Okay, so what's the plan? You're just going to stick to club hookups?" I had to admit, I didn't love the idea of that. The risk of Riley getting hurt was so much higher in an uncontrolled environment. Being a supe meant you got to see the worst humanity had to offer, and there wasn't a chance I was exposing my best friend to that. He'd had a close call once with that fucker, Greg, and I wasn't going to let it happen again. "Or maybe an app?"

"Yes to apps, but no to clubs. Clubs require conversation and getting to know each other a bit. It's too risky." His eyes were sparkling. "That's why this idea is so good. I won't even need to talk to these guys. They can come in, get the job done, and leave. Fuck, I won't even look at them."

"I'm sorry—" My brain was working too slowly. "—how are you going to be getting off with people without seeing or talking to them?"

"Keep up, Danny." He swatted at my arm with a chuckle. "God, I forget that you're ancient sometimes. I'm talking about anonymous hookups! I've joined this new app called In the Dark. Basically you match with someone and arrange to have sex. You set parameters beforehand and give consent et cetera. The best part though, is there's never any follow-up. It's just about sex. No names. No talk. No nothing. I wait in a room, prepped and ready, they come in, fuck me, and leave. It's brilliant, really. I get off, and there's no chance of anyone thinking it'll turn into more. I won't be able to catch feelings for them, because I won't even know who they are."

Riley beamed at me enthusiastically, waggling his eyebrows. "Isn't it the best idea you've ever heard?"