37. Danny

Chapter 37

Danny

T he fifth of September arrived, as inescapable as the past one hundred and fifty-two years.

And, as it did every year, my mood darkened in the days before its approach.

This time though, the darkness was a little easier to bear. Having Riley there for the previous two anniversaries had helped, but not nearly enough. How could it have when he didn't know who or what I was grieving? The depths the pain took me to. The unimaginable hole that losing my wife and child had left in my heart.

This year, Riley knew everything. What was more, he had an open channel to how I was feeling at every moment. He knew what I needed, whether it was to talk it out, sit in silence, or to be distracted.

Right now, as we made the journey back to Scotland, I was in need of the latter. Riley was happy to provide it, exhausting every topic he could think of in the pursuit of keeping my mind occupied.

Right now, he was discussing his new business. "I mean, don't you think it's a bit suspicious?"

I hid my smirk. "I don't know what you mean."

Riley's eyes narrowed behind his glasses. "Okay, let's discuss the facts . Sebastian suggests I set up my own business. Matty offers to be my first client."

"Both perfectly reasonable and logical things."

"You know I'm not finished."

Yeah, I did. But it was fun to tease him. Nothing distracted or entertained me more than getting my mate fired up enough to bicker with me. My tongue was in my cheek as I continued playing the wind-up merchant. "I don't know what you're on about."

Riley's finger dug into my ribs, making me squirm and shriek, "I'm driving here!"

"Please, the car didn't deviate even a millimetre from the centre of the lane." He might not have got behind the wheel again himself yet, but he had complete faith in my driving. Which was valid. My reflexes were far superior to a human's. "I'm talking about the fact that, less than a week after my discussion with Sebastian and Matty, Cal and the others suddenly need a new accountant."

"That's not strange. The one they were using quit."

"Yeah…he quit right after everyone heard about Sebastian's idea. You don't think that's suspicious?"

"Nope."

Riley crossed his arms with a huff. "Someone else lost their business because of me. It feels…wrong."

I relented. "Princess, the bloke they were using was counting down to retirement. Thanks to the monetary gift the demons gave him for his years of service, he's buying a villa in Italy."

"He is?"

I stroked his thigh. "I wouldn't lie to you about this, Riley. They knew you'd have an issue with it, so they made everything right first."

Riley chewed on his lip before exhaling in defeat. "You're right, they really are a bunch of interfering fuckers."

"Interfering fuckers with the best intentions," I corrected him. "So…are you going to do it?"

Riley tapped on his knee before nodding slowly. "Yeah, I'm quite excited about it actually. Between Matty's crafts, Cal's bookshop, The Closet, Fitness on Fire, and Harlow's investment business, I'll have more than enough work to keep me afloat. It's a lot to take on, but I'll be my own boss. No more audits. No more overtime. I can set my own hours and be doing the part of my job that I enjoy."

"While getting paid what you're actually worth."

Riley sniffed and said, "I'll charge them what's appropriate." I laughed, which made my mate scowl. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing. Knowing you, that'll be far too low a sum. I'm just picturing you trying to tell Harlow, Cal, and Mori that you won't accept more. That'll go over swimmingly. Can you make sure I'm there when you do it? I'll bring popcorn."

"I can say no to them."

I indicated to pull onto the road that led to the cabin. "Ah, but can you say no to Matty?"

"Fuck." Riley slumped in his seat. "You've got me there."

This winding track took about fifteen minutes to traverse. As we made our way down it, the darkness Riley had helped keep at bay crept a little closer. Reading my mood, my mate fell silent, sliding his hand onto my thigh and keeping it there.

As always, it was strange to be technically on clan lands but with no intention of seeing them. With everything that had gone down, it was odder than normal. Part of me had wondered if I should invite Finn along, but as okay with everything as I was, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Regardless of how he might've felt about Sarah, this was the home we'd shared, where we'd been raising our child. It was too intimate. Too private.

It was the only place I allowed myself to grieve. It wasn't something I wanted anyone other than Riley to witness.

I really should've picked up on my feelings being more than platonic before I did. The fact that I'd allowed him to see this part of me even before we were mates said a lot. Sure, he hadn't been invited that first time, but once Mori had brought him there, I'd just felt…grateful. Relieved. Like the weight had lifted enough for me to drag in a breath for the first time in hours.

We were silent as we pulled up outside of the house and turned off the engine. Riley's hand tightened on my thigh. "Ready?" he asked.

"As I'll ever be." Getting out of the car, I went around to open Riley's door for him. I started heading to the cabin, but Riley went to the boot. "Don't worry about the bags, I'll get them later."

Riley ignored me, taking out a tote bag I'd seen him put in earlier. Emblazoned with the logo for Matty's business, I'd assumed it was just a book or something Matty wanted him to read. "Just need this. The rest can wait."

Slipping his hand into mine, he smiled up at me. "Okay, I'm set."

I swallowed hard as I stared at the front door. The grief I fought so hard to keep at bay was clawing its way up my throat. I could see Sarah leaning against the doorjamb, her hair the colour of rapeseed, hanging in the loose braids she preferred. Her green eyes sparkling up at me as she waited to hear about my day.

Behind her, I could hear the babbling of our daughter. Often, she'd get too impatient as I paused to kiss Sarah, crawling to the doorway to demand attention. Her chubby hands would grab for me insistently, until I picked her up and tossed her in the air.

I swore I could hear her giggle.

"I think they know you come here every year," Riley said quietly, his thumb stroking the back of my hand. "I think they come here to see you too."

There was no afterlife for supes, but I didn't want to believe that. I wanted to believe they were in Heaven, that Riley was right, and they came and visited me as I visited them. A tear slid down my cheek. "I hope you're right."

Inhaling deeply, I straightened my spine and opened the door. The musty smell assaulted me as I stepped over the threshold, just as it always did. I never bothered with anything during my time here. I didn't clean, didn't eat, just collapsed on the floor in the same place I'd collapsed one hundred and fifty-two years ago, and drank until the pain was bearable.

I turned in that direction, but a sense of guilt and uncertainty from Riley had me pausing. "Ry? You okay?"

"Yep." He swiped at his face, trying to hide his own tears. Was that because he knew the truth now? Or because he could feel how hard this was for me? "Umm, I asked Matty to make some things. Something little to remember them by that we can add to each year. But now we're here…I'm not sure if you'll think it's a good idea."

My heart twisted. "Lemme see."

His shaky hand dipped into the tote bag, pulling out a crocheted soft toy.

"I thought we could leave this for Maria—" His voice wavered. "—then bring her a different one each year."

I took it from him silently, turning it over in my hands. It was a wolf, and not just any wolf either. It was my wolf, in toy form. It was soft and cuddly—exactly the kind that would've made Maria squeal in delight.

Riley rushed on, pulling something else out. It was an ornate crystal vase covered in a beautifully intricate pattern. I blinked away the film covering my eyes to focus in on it. Butterflies. Sarah had been obsessed with them.

"How did you…" My words trailed off as a sob replaced them.

"Logan," Riley whispered. "I asked him about her. I wanted to make sure that, whatever I did, it'd be something she'd like."

I looked at it in closer detail as he handed it over. The tears were falling fast now, nothing to stop them.

"Was I wrong to do that?" Riley asked anxiously. "I didn't want to ask you, not when I could feel how much you were dreading coming here— oof ."

I had my arms around him before he finished, crushing him to my chest. "It's perfect, princess. I don't mind at all. Thank you."

Riley sniffed against my chest. "I just…I know this is the place you come to grieve, but I was thinking it could be more. Somewhere to remember them as well as mourn them. To honour their memory and the joy they gave you, rather than just the pain."

Fuck, Riley was so right. I'd been buried in the agony of their loss for so long that I'd forgotten a lot of what I'd loved about them.

"That's a great idea. I love it." I kissed his temple before stepping back and holding up the vase. "Shall we go and pick some flowers for this?"

"We can, but…" Riley chewed the inside of his cheek. "Picking flowers was my first idea too, but then I realised they'd die. I didn't want us coming back next year and being greeted by that, it kind of goes against the whole ‘remembrance over death' theme. You know what I mean?"

Despite the situation, my lips tugged up in a smile. Riley's nervous babbling was one of the things I loved most about him. He didn't do it often these days, too certain and settled in us to be anxious about anything.

"So, I decided that wasn't a great idea. But then Matty said he can crochet pretty much any flower, and…" He thrust his hand back into the bag, returning with a thistle made of yarn.

I looked at it in wonder. The detail was staggering.

"Thistles were her favourite, right?" Riley shifted on his feet anxiously. "Logan wasn't sure. He offered to ask Finn, but I didn't think that was a good idea."

No, it likely wasn't. I imagined Finn dreaded this day as much as I did. The fact that Riley realised that showed just how caring and considerate he was. "Yes. Thistles were her favourite."

Taking the vase over to the mantel, I used my sleeve to clear some of the dust before carefully placing it in pride of place. Next came the flower. It rested against the lip of the glass, a spark of brightness in the greying room.

"Every year we can add to it," Riley said over my shoulder. "We'll bring toys for Maria and flowers for Sarah. Soon it'll be a riot of colour and joy."

"Just like they were." I cupped Riley's chin and turned it to face me. "And you. I didn't realise how much colour I'd lost from my life until you burst into it."

"Ditto," Riley said with a tremulous smile. "Now, how about you give Maria her toy?"

I released him and faced the little chair. Maria's face had been a picture the day Finn had arrived with it for her. He'd been eating dinner with us one night when Sarah had mentioned how frustrated Maria was getting with our chairs. She kept trying to clamber up into them, but she was too little. She'd fall to her bottom and wail in frustration until one of us lifted her up there.

Two days later, Finn had arrived with an identical chair in miniature.

Looking back now, the signs that Finn's feelings towards Sarah weren't platonic were blindingly obvious.

Maria had been delighted. Whenever she wasn't sat in it, she'd carefully put her ragdoll there. She wanted the seat occupied at all times, even if she wasn't the one in it.

Her rag doll still sat there, over a century later.

With trembling hands, I tucked the wolf alongside it. It slumped to the side, falling against the doll as if it were cuddling it.

"Hi, sweetie," I said quietly. "Riley here brought you a new toy to play with. It looks just like me, so you'll know I'm here with you, even when I feel far away."

The grief swarmed up in my throat, erupting in a long howl that shook the windows.

"Come on, baby." Riley's hands were on my shoulders, pulling me to my feet. "Let's get you a drink."

I weathered the cabin with Riley at my side and a bottle in my hand. No, drinking my way through the memories wasn't the healthiest way to handle things, but it was once a year. Once a year when I caved. Once a year when I allowed myself to sink into the darkness within me.

But, on the way home, when Riley suggested seeing Dr. Tyler for a few sessions, I found myself agreeing. Not for myself, but for him. For them. My mate was right—grieving them was one thing, but they deserved to be remembered. Celebrated.

And to do that, I had to find a way to open myself up to the memories outside of the cabin visits. Trying to do that alone felt like I'd be walking a road that went nowhere. Even with Riley's help, I wasn't sure I'd get to where I needed to be.

That was where Dr. Tyler came in. I knew the vampire a bit—our circles overlapped occasionally. Fortunately, I didn't know him well enough for there to be a conflict of interest for him.

Opening my door after my first session, I groaned when the scent of pizza hit me. My stomach grumbled approvingly as I kicked off my shoes and shrugged off my jacket.

"Hey, baby," Riley said, meeting me in the middle of the living room with two beers in hand. He handed one to me before smiling up at me encouragingly. "So, how'd it go?"

I rolled my eyes and took a long slug of beer before I answered him. "You know how it went. It was awkward as fuck. I cried. Got a bit angry. Then left feeling like I'd been punched in the gut."

Riley rubbed his palm over my jaw. "I might have felt all that in the bond, but that doesn't mean I don't want to hear your thoughts on it."

I sighed, leaning into his touch. "I fucking hated it but…I think it'll help. Eventually."

"Good." He kissed me gently. "Blaise said it's common to feel like shit after your first few sessions, so I got pizza and ice cream for afters. Skyscraper is cued up on Netflix and then we can play Baldur's Gate until you're tired enough to sleep."

"What about you? You've got work tomorrow; you can't stay up half the night with me."

"I can." He flicked my nose. "I'm my own boss now, remember? I cleared my slate for the entire day. The only thing that needs my attention urgently tonight and tomorrow is you, so that's what I'm going to focus on."

Riley had only started his new business a few weeks ago, but we were already both seeing the benefits. It was like he'd been given a new lease of life. He was able to do the parts of his job that he enjoyed without any of the stress and pressure of his former workplace. He had enough work just from our circle of friends to stop him needing to advertise his services elsewhere.

And once I'd let slip that Riley got bored working just at home sometimes, all of them had stepped up again. Every single one of them had ‘found' office space in their respective business places for Riley to work.

Now he mixed up his time between home, Matty's place, The Closet, Fitness on Fire, and the bookshop. Regardless of where he spent his day, Riley would be buzzing with happiness at the end of it.

It was one of the reasons why I was going to persevere with therapy, no matter how difficult it got. Riley deserved the very best version of me, in all areas.

And I was determined to give it to him.

I rested my cheek against his forehead. "You've really thought of everything. Thank you, princess."

"Oh, you're right there." He pulled away from me with a cheeky wink. "Did I forget to mention I'm prepped and plugged?"

My cock stiffened so fast it took my breath away. "Tell me you're joking."

Riley batted innocent eyes at me over his shoulder before leaning against the back of the sofa. His plump rear was clearly visible even under his loose pyjama trousers. "Why don't you come over here and find out?"

I was behind him like a shot. "How attached are you to these trousers?"

He smirked. "Not at all."

"Perfect." I tore them from him with ease, leaving him naked from the waist down. Nestled between his cheeks was a small black button, and his skin was slick around it, showing he wasn't fibbing about being properly prepped. I clamped it between my thumb and forefinger, fucking him gently with it. "What a pretty princess you are. All ready for me to just pull it out and sink my cock into its place."

Riley was panting, his cheeks flushed. He held something up in his hand. "I even thought to bring the lube from upstairs."

I kissed his mating mark, drawing a shiver from him. "Yup, it's official. You're being upgraded from princess to queen."

"I expect you to bow down at my feet whenever appropriate."

I sank to my knees. "You don't need to ask that, Riley. I'll bow down to you whenever you like."

His hard cock was hanging between his legs, the red head of his shaft peeking out from beneath his foreskin, glistening with wetness. I pulled it back and into my mouth. Sucking on him gently, I swiped my tongue over the slit, delighting in how Riley moaned and trembled.

Taking him deeper, I groaned at his familiar taste and the comfortable weight of him on my tongue. The way he couldn't stop himself from thrusting faster, taking control even without realising he was doing so.

"Danny," he moaned, looking down at me over his shoulder. "I'm getting close. Wanna come with you inside me."

I released him with a final kiss to his shaft. Getting to my feet, I freed my hard cock from its confines. Taking the lube from Riley, I poured a generous amount over my shaft. I fisted it twice before forcing myself to let go. Like my mate, I wanted to spill myself inside him. I used the time it took me to remove the plug to calm myself. "Is this how you're going to wait for me after every therapy session, Ry?"

"If you're a good boy," he said, exhaling as I worked myself into him. "Gotta give you some incentive to take it seriously."

"I'll take it so seriously." I held on to his hips, punctuating my words with thrusts. "So. Very. Seriously."

Our ability to speak was stripped away as we lost ourselves in each other. Bent over the back of my sofa, I took my mate roughly. My wolf rose in me, driving me faster, wanting me to claim Riley. Mark him. Bite him. Anything to remind him that he was mine.

Giving in to my nature, I leaned over his arm. When I felt his pleasure reaching its apex, I grazed my teeth over his mating mark—not enough to break the skin, but enough to send shockwaves coursing through us both.

"Danny!" Riley came instantly, his hand flying over his shaft. "Love you. Love you. Love you. "

I buried myself as deep as I could as I came, bringing us as close together as physically possible. "Love you too, princess. So fucking much."

We didn't make it far once we'd cleaned ourselves up. Collapsed on the sofa, Riley was lying on my chest when he gave a small chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

He turned his gorgeous face in my direction. "Well, I was just thinking about how the sex between us is insanely good."

"Obviously. It's us."

"Yes, but I mean, we had sex before we were in love and it was good. Really good. But what we have now? It's a whole different fucking level."

"Yeah…" I wasn't following what was funny. "We're mated now."

"And in love." His gaze softened. "I was laughing because I started that whole stupid hookup scheme because I was trying to avoid feelings. Yet it turns out that feelings make the whole thing even better."

"Ah, so you admit the hookup idea was stupid?"

Riley narrowed his eyes. "Don't test me, Daniel. I'm trying to have a moment here."

"Sorry, princess." I kissed his forehead. "So what you're saying is that…you're happy?"

"So happy. Unbelievably fucking happy." He sighed dramatically. "God, we're one of those sickeningly in-tune couples now, aren't we?"

"To be fair, I think we've been one of those for a while now. Just took us longer to realise it than it would most people."

"Because we're idiots."

I nodded solemnly. "But we're idiots in love."

Riley's smile was so wide it made my chest ache. "Guess that makes us the biggest idiots of all. Two fuckbois who were afraid of commitment, falling for each other."

"Yup. That about sums it up." I hugged my mate close, thankful for everything that had happened. The hookups. The accident. What had happened with the clan. I was thankful for it, because it led us here. Right to each other. I wouldn't have changed any of it for the world, because this was where we were always meant to be. "And honestly? I wouldn't have had it any other way."