25. Riley

Chapter 25

Riley

I n all the excitement of partying with my friends, followed by the inevitable sadness at saying goodbye to them, I managed to not think about what had happened between me and Danny.

I didn't know what I was more annoyed about—that he'd been right about my idea being stupid, or how easily I'd caved.

I didn't regret it. I made it a point to never regret sex.

What I regretted was the hurt Danny tried so hard to hide from me. The rejection he'd felt when I'd taken that step back from him.

Most of all, I regretted that I couldn't be the man Danny deserved. One who'd take what he was offering with both hands and be fucking grateful for it. Who'd realise how lucky he was to be the one Danny wanted to give his heart to.

I mean, seriously, who did that?

A fucking idiot, that's who.

But that was the problem with being traumatised yet also highly self-aware. I might have understood why I was behaving the way I was, but equally, I was powerless to stop it.

"Okay, enough's enough."

I jerked my head around to stare at Danny. "What?"

We were in his car, driving along the motorway, heading to the first safe house. Originally, our group had tried to insist we stay in Southampton, vowing to keep us safe. While we didn't doubt their skills, neither Danny nor I wanted to bring trouble to their doorstep. It didn't make sense to, considering we needed to travel to Scotland anyway. As Danny had said, if word got out about our mating, at least the elders wouldn't be pissed off about his absence if we were making our way there.

The fact that we were going to take our sweet time about it to make sure Finlay got there first was a mere technicality.

When we'd insisted on sticking to our plan, they'd come up with a list of safe houses for us to stay at. Turned out that when you had unlimited funds and quite a bit of paranoia, you tended to have properties dotted all over the place. These weren't just any houses, either. Covered in both high-tech security and near unbreakable wards, Danny and I couldn't have asked for safer places to stay.

"Stop beating yourself up," Danny said matter-of-factly. "You sucked me off. I enjoyed myself. I didn't cry myself to sleep over it or anything."

I thumped my head against the seat. "Of course you'd look at it that simply."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Oh, I don't know—" Sarcasm dripped from my words. "—maybe because I'm your mate? Because you have feelings for me? I know I hurt you, Danny. Don't lie to me."

Danny stared at me. Most people would have been worried about his lack of attention to the road, especially given my recent accident, but supe senses weren't like ours. Besides, I couldn't imagine a world where Danny would put me in danger. "You think I care about that?"

"You should!" Could I strangle him? I wasn't sure if my hands would wrap fully around his neck, but I was willing to give it a go. "How can you be so blasé about your own feelings?"

"Because I know you," he said simply. "You're not trying to hurt me. In fact, you're trying very hard to do the opposite of that. Anyway, you've not done the one thing that would break my heart, so it's hard to get stressed about it."

"And what's that?"

His hand moved from the gear shift to my thigh. "You haven't told me there's no hope for us. I think we both know it's your baggage in our way, not your feelings."

"I should tell you that," I whispered. "What if I can't ever move past it?"

"You can," Danny said confidently, shooting me a shit-eating grin. "Haven't met someone who's turned me down yet, doubt you will either."

I smiled in spite of myself. "You're an idiot."

"I am, but I'm your idiot." He stroked my thigh distractingly. "Look at this from my perspective. I have feelings for you. I know you have feelings for me, even if you can't admit it. You're just scared. I said there was no rush, that I'd wait you out, and that's what I'm doing. If you fancy throwing a few orgasms in my direction while you sort your shit out, then it's happy days for me."

"What?"

"We both like sex and we know we're good at it. Neither of us is much fun to be around when we're going through a dry spell, you especially." Rude, but true. Danny continued without missing a beat. "I'm just saying, if you want to use my body then it's yours. I'll take whatever you give me with a very grateful ‘thank you.'"

There wasn't a hint of bravado or artifice on Danny's face or in the bond. "You really mean that? You want to have sex with me, despite me not knowing what I want?"

"Do you want to have sex with me?"

I snorted. "Does a bear shit in the woods?"

"Unfortunately, yes. Can't tell you how many different types of shit I've stepped in over the years while shifted."

Our laughter filled the car.

Danny smiled. "Okay, so we've established that we want to have sex with each other, and we don't need to worry about anything else. It's just sex."

My laughter faded away, replaced by something darker. "It's not that easy, Danny."

"Why not?"

"Remember what you said about us and idiotic ideas? This is definitely one of them."

Danny went quiet. Confusion leaked through the bond, as though he genuinely didn't understand what could go wrong.

I did though. I knew. Having sex with Danny could make him fall for me even more, but what if it didn't have the same effect on me? What if sleeping with him somehow drove a bigger wedge between us?

No, it wasn't worth the risk. Not with everything else we already faced.

Danny sighed, like he felt my response before I told him. "Looks like we're going for blue balls instead."

" Y ou've got to be fucking kidding me."

Danny immediately went on the defensive. "It's not like I arranged this intentionally."

I rounded on him. I might've forgiven him if he hadn't been heroically fighting back laughter. "But you've got to admit, it's awfully convenient considering the conversation we had in the car."

Danny dropped our bags on the floor before tackling me around the waist. We went sprawling across the bed, disturbing the many cushions that covered it.

The bed that was the subject of our current argument.

The. One . Bed.

Aside from the lack of beds, the house was beautiful, which wasn't a surprise given it was owned by Harlow. He'd gone for an upscale cottage chic that I absolutely loved.

I ended up on my back with Danny grinning down at me from above. "I didn't arrange this, but I can't say I'm disappointed. It's not even a king size. We're going to have to snuggle, Riley. Get really close to each other."

I shoved him away with a laugh, clambering to my feet. "Yeah, unless I make you sleep on the floor."

His grin morphed into a horrified pout. "You wouldn't."

"I don't need to," I said over my shoulder as I sauntered for the en-suite. "Contrary to popular belief, Danny, you are resistible. You can snuggle up to me all you like, nothing else will be happening."

I closed the door behind me, my fa?ade dropping instantly as I used the wood to try and knock some sense into my moronic brain.

I can resist Danny.

I'm strong.

I can spend all night in bed with him and not touch him. I've done it before.

Before though, it had been a long time since I'd had him inside me. Since I'd seen him come undone under my touch.

Danny's voice came through the door, making me jump. "Um, Riley? Please stop hitting your head on the door, I don't want you hurting yourself."

I swung it open to find him on the other side, smirking widely.

"Trust me," he said, laughter rumbling under his words. "If I thought that'd knock sense into you, I would've done it long before now."

"You're infuriating," I hissed.

"I'm not." He stepped close. Too close. His scent was making my mouth water. My blood was rushing south, my heartbeat quickening. "But I will be later. You think you can resist me? Crack on. Just know that I'm not going to play fair."

He trailed a finger along my collarbone, his smirk deepening at how my head automatically tilted to give him more access. "Don't worry, Ry. I won't fuck you. Not until you ask me to, anyway."

His words snapped me out of whatever hypnotic spell I'd been under. "That's not going to happen."

He gaze dipped south. "Might want to tell your cock that."

Danny disappeared out to the car to grab the rest of our stuff. Alone, I glared down at my very prominent erection. "Really? You're that desperate? You find that hot?"

"Talking to your cock is always hot."

I jumped a clear foot off the floor. I knew Danny was a supe, but did he have to move that quickly?

My temper hit flash point. "Oh my fucking god, Daniel. Since when do you hear every word I say?"

"To be fair, I've always been able to. I just pretended I couldn't to be polite."

"Well go back to being polite then."

"Can't." He was behind me now, and I felt his smirk against my neck. "Why would I when this is so much fun?"

" I 'm going to kill him, Matty."

Matty laughed down the phone, like he was used to hearing people he cared about threatening homicide. Then again, he lived with Sebastian. It was probably a daily conversation in their house. "I don't think you can actually kill him, Riley."

"I can try."

"If you succeeded, you'd die too, remember?"

"Fuck's sake." I kicked a pinecone, scowling as it failed to fly further than a few feet. "You're always so logical about things."

"One of us has to be."

After promising that he'd be infuriating, Danny had proceeded to be just that. He'd spent the entire afternoon crowding me, touching me at every opportunity, and sliding innuendos into practically every sentence.

I'd been about ready to crack when he'd declared he was taking a shower. I used that time to pull myself together. To remind myself of all the reasons why Danny's suggestion of a friends with benefits situation wasn't ideal.

Namely, because only one of us wanted to be friends.

Well, I thought that was what I wanted. It was hard to know right now.

What I did know was that Danny wanted more…and that frightened me.

Then Danny had waltzed out of the bathroom stark bollock naked, water dripping along every toned line and crevice. He had a towel, but apparently drying his hair was a higher priority for him than the rest of his body.

He knew what he was doing too, flashing his dimples at me before calmly asking, "Everything okay, Ry? You look a bit…tense. I can help you with that, you know."

Parts of me were screaming at me to take him up on what he was so blatantly offering…mainly my cock.

Instead, I announced that I was going to for a walk. Alone.

And I'd run.

I hadn't gone far, still able to see the house through the trees. Any further, and I knew Danny would have been stalking me.

Fortunately, he'd given me the privacy I'd requested, remaining inside. Hopefully I was far enough away that he couldn't hear my conversation with Matty.

Especially as Matty wasn't exactly agreeing with me.

"I just don't understand what your problem is," Matty said for the third time in this phone call. "You're mates. Why can't you just be together? You've basically been a couple this whole time."

"It's not that simple," I said. "I don't expect you to understand it, Matty. You never doubted that Sebastian was the one for you. Even after he broke your heart and ghosted you, you still believed that. You didn't expect to love anyone else."

"And you think Danny isn't the one for you?" Matty didn't attempt to disguise the incredulity in his voice. "How is that possible? You're literally perfect for each other."

"It's not that," I said heavily, leaning against the trunk of the tree and sinking to the ground. "If I had to pick someone, of course I'd pick Danny."

"Then what's the issue?"

"The issue is that I never planned on being with anyone. I didn't ask for any of this, Matty."

Matty's tone was softer now. "I don't think anyone ever asks for love, Riley. It just happens. And it's scary when it does. You're trusting the other person with your heart, knowing there's a chance they might give it back…and that it'll be broken when they do."

"Exactly." I closed my eyes. "And I know what that does to a person, Matty. I just…I don't think I'm brave enough to risk it."

"I get that. But for what it's worth? Danny wouldn't hurt you like that."

I opened my eyes to see the man in question watching me through the window, a concerned furrow on his forehead. "You thought that about Sebastian, too."

It was a low blow, but it was the truth. Sebastian had crushed Matty when he'd left.

"Actually, I knew Sebastian was capable of that," Matty said, almost conversationally. "He told me several times that we weren't in a relationship. That he'd leave me. That I shouldn't fall for him because he'd only break my heart."

I stiffened. "Then why did you? Why take that risk?"

Matty laughed. "Riley, you're acting like I had a choice. Like any of us have a choice. We don't choose love, it chooses us. Anyway, that's why you don't need to worry with Danny. He's doing the exact opposite of what Sebastian did, and you're already mated. Nothing can break the bond between you. Ever."

No, the bond couldn't break. But my heart could. Danny's heart could.

"Danny's a big boy," Matty said, like he could hear my thoughts. "If he tells you he wants to have sex and it won't affect anything, then there's no harm in doing it. If that's what you want, of course."

"Of course I do, have you seen Danny?"

Matty hummed. "I prefer my men broodier."

I rolled my eyes. "Obviously."

We chatted for a few more minutes before saying our goodbyes. Tucking my phone into my pocket, I decided to stay put for a while longer.

Breathing in the fresh air, I tried to force myself to believe what Matty had said. What Danny had already assured me of.

That he wouldn't break my heart. That we could be together and I didn't need to be afraid.

The funny thing about fear was that it wasn't always rational. It was like being afraid of spiders—you could tell yourself all you wanted that it was more afraid of you, but that didn't make it any easier to pick it up and put it outside.

When I finally dropped my gaze from the sky to the house, Danny was still at the window. Still watching me.

He smiled, but it was tinged with sadness. Like everything in my life, he wanted to fix this for me. For us.

But this was something I needed to fix myself.

Just like every other time.

I was going to try though. For Danny, if nothing else.

That didn't mean I was getting onboard with his idiotic plan. It had only been forty-eight hours since we'd become mates. Nine days since he'd confessed his feelings.

Less than a month since he'd fled from my house and ignored me.

We weren't on a time crunch here. With all the uncertainties we faced, a deadline wasn't one of them.

No, I could keep my dick in my trousers until I got my head on straight. I could.

Danny winked at me through the window, leaning on the sink and making the muscles in his arms pop.

I groaned.

Fuck.

Maybe I couldn't.