19. Danny

Chapter 19

Danny

I didn't need the bond to tell me that Riley was spiralling. I knew my best friend all too well.

I crossed the room, leaning past Matty to grab Riley's chin. "Stop. It's going to be fine."

His eyes were shiny behind his glasses. "How? How's it going to be okay, Danny?"

I shot a pleading look at Sebastian. For once, he didn't question or make a sarcastic comment. He just wrapped his arm around Matty's waist and lifted him into his arms. He whispered in his ear as he carried him out of the room.

Unlike Matty, I definitely wasn't small enough to crawl onto the bed. I needed to be closer to him though. My mate was panicking, and it was my job to reassure him.

Lowering the side, I slid onto the mattress beside him, marvelling at how strange this didn't feel. I'd never thought I'd take a mate after Sarah, but if I had, I would've imagined there'd be an adjustment period. That I'd find it odd to be worrying so heavily about someone other than myself. To have to learn how to live as a slave to another's needs.

The thing was, I'd been doing this with Riley for years now. Healthy or not, I'd been putting his needs above everything else without even consciously deciding to. He'd always been my person…being my mate just cemented that.

Lifting him up slightly, I slid my arm underneath him. I managed to whip his glasses off his face a second before he collapsed against my chest. I made a mental note to visit the opticians with him before we made our way to Scotland. The thought of him not being able to see again made nausea bubble in my stomach.

His sobs were muffled by my shirt. His whole body was shaking with the force of them, making my own chest ache. That was nothing new either. I'd always hated it when Riley cried. It didn't happen often, but when it did, he was powerless to stop it.

I held him tight while he got it out of his system. I wasn't totally sure how our bond worked yet, but I focused on it, trying to send soothing vibes down it as I rocked him gently.

I was silent until his tears abated. "It's not your fault, Riley. None of this is your fault. If anything, it's mine."

Riley wiped his eyes on my shirt. "How the fuck did you work that out?"

I handed his specs back to him. "Because I was the one who chose this, not you. You didn't want a mate, Riley."

"You're right though…I'll take a mate if it means I'm not dead. But now your life is going to change, Danny."

"As is yours," I said quietly. "You're going to have to come with me to Scotland, Riley. I'm not the only one who'll have to leave everything behind. You will too."

If I'd been expecting that to upset Riley, I was mistaken. He flicked my ear with a scowl. "Obviously I'm going with you. Even if we weren't mates, there's no way I'd be letting you move away without me."

My lips twitched. " Letting me?"

"You're saying you'd be happy living six hundred miles away from me?"

"Course not." I huffed. "You're an irritating little shit, you know?"

"But I'm your irritating little shit."

My wolf howled in triumph. That's right. Riley was mine. No one would take him from me now.

Riley cleared his throat and I frantically tried to tamp my feelings down. "So…where does this leave us?"

Honestly, I was surprised he'd waited this long to ask. My wolf tried to growl, but I clamped my mouth shut. Having a bond didn't actually change anything between us romantically. Despite how I might feel, I wasn't about to force a relationship on Riley if he didn't want it.

That wouldn't stop me playing dirty to win him over though. Once he got it through his thick skull that nothing other than death would take me from him, he'd be on board.

"I'm not sure," I admitted, not willing to lie to him. "You know I have feelings for you, Ry. I'm not going to push you into anything you don't want or aren't ready for though. And it's certainly not why I mated you. I would've saved you regardless."

"I know that." He shoved me, the action failing to move me even a centimetre but succeeding in making me grin. "That hadn't even occurred to me, Danny. Moron."

I ran my knuckles over his chin. "I'm just saying, this doesn't have to mean anything."

"But you'd like it to?"

There were too many feelings filling the bond from Riley's end. The predominant one was uncertainty though. Fuck, I hated that he was feeling that way.

"Cards on the table? Yes. Of course I fucking would. You're my best friend and we already know we're fire in bed together. The only reason I wasn't actively pursuing you these past few weeks was because I knew what taking a mate would mean.

"Now that it's happened…" I shrugged. "Well, there's nothing preventing us from going there. Not from my side, anyway."

Riley swallowed, and I knew how he was going to say. "I'm not…I'm not ready for a relationship. That hasn't changed."

I yanked on my wolf's lead. Don't rush him. We don't want to upset him.

To my surprise, my wolf curled up with barely a grumble. Huh. Guessed it was easier when we were both singing from the same hymn sheet. Our mate's happiness was the most important thing in the world.

To both of us.

"That's fine," I reassured Riley. "Ry, I'm really not expecting anything."

Riley gave a frustrated growl. "But you should! How can you sit there and tell me you've got feelings for me but are content to just be my friend?"

I had him on his back before he took his next breath. Straddling him, I gently wrapped my hand around his throat. Riley gaped up at me with wide eyes, lust curling through the bond. "Trust me, princess, I'm anything but content. If I had my way, the moment Toby gave you the all clear, I'd be taking you to the nearest secluded cabin. Somewhere where we wouldn't be disturbed. A place where I could make you scream over and over again. And I wouldn't let you leave until you couldn't think about anything but me. Until nothing else existed except for the pleasure I was giving you."

I removed my hand, sitting up. My cock was throbbing in my jeans, Riley's own erection pushing against my rear. "But this isn't about me getting my own way. It's about me making you happy."

"So, what, you're going to just be stuck in unrequited misery for the rest of eternity?"

Oh, Riley. He got mad at me about not being honest with him, but he was the one not being honest with himself. "Who said it's unrequited?"

Colour flooded Riley's cheeks as he stuttered. "W-w-what?"

I leaned down, nipping at his ear before whispering into it. "If I truly believed you didn't have feelings for me, I'd back all the way off. I'd live out eternity with you platonically at my side."

His breaths were coming faster now. The temptation to see how far he'd let me go danced in my mind, but that wouldn't be fair. Besides, Toby would have my balls if he discovered I wasn't letting Riley rest.

"But I know you, Ry. The only thing holding you back is fear. You don't want a relationship because you're scared I'll leave. That you'll be left picking up the pieces of your broken heart."

I kissed his neck just below his ear before forcing myself to sit up. "I won't leave, Riley. Even if you push me away, I'm not going anywhere. And as for your heart?"

I laid my hand on his chest, meeting his wide eyes solemnly. "It'll be safe with me, princess. It always has been, and always will be."

Stunned. That's how Riley was feeling. I'd managed to shock him into silence.

I guessed there was a first time for everything.

"But like I said, I'm not going to force you into anything. I am going to wait out your fear though." I climbed off him, giving him massive grin. "Good thing we've got all eternity to sort our shit out."

A fter delivering my little speech, I gave Riley some space to process. And by space, I mean I showered in the en-suite. That was as far as my wolf would allow me to go while he was recovering.

To be fair, it was as much space as I was willing to give him. Even without the bond, I wouldn't have wanted to go far. What Riley had been through was traumatic. He might not realise that now, given he didn't have any lasting injuries, but that was the kind of shit that stayed with you. It snuck up on you when you least expected it.

I should know.

While I washed Riley's blood from my face and arms, my thoughts drifted to Sarah. It was strange, looking back at my memories of her and Maria. It almost felt like a different lifetime. Like I'd been a different person.

And I had been. I'd been serious. Calm. Collected. The only person I'd truly relaxed with had been Sarah. The joy of falling in love with her had only grown with the arrival of our daughter.

What we'd shared had been beautiful. With over a century having passed, I could look back and remember the good times.

I only let the bad memories in once a year. It was the deal I'd made with myself. I could mourn them on their anniversary, but the rest of the year, I lived . Just as I knew Sarah would have wanted me to. I helped others because I couldn't save them. I pulled other people's children from burning buildings because I hadn't been able to save my own. I handed them back to their parents, safe in the knowledge that they'd get the one thing I never would.

To see their child grow up.

It was a pain that never truly went away. It got easier to bear, but it was always there. I survived by only setting it free in that cabin each September.

Even though I'd once believed Sarah to be my mate, I didn't feel guilty being bonded to Riley. Maybe it would've felt different if I'd mated someone else, but this was Riley . No one could replace Sarah or Maria, but that wasn't what this was. My heart was big enough to love them all.

Sarah would probably have found this whole situation hilarious. I could almost hear her gentle Scottish lilt as she laughed at me. Trust you to tie yourself for eternity to someone who's scared of commitment. Typical daft idiot.

I smiled into the spray. Yep. That was me. An idiot. Someone smarter would've realised how he felt years ago, but that was okay. Perhaps this was the path Riley and I were meant to walk.

I checked in on Riley through the bond. He was deep in thought, but not worried. That was good. I didn't want to hide my intentions, but I also didn't want to stress him out.

Today had put everything into perspective for me. All along, I'd kept Riley at arm's length because I knew I couldn't take a mate. First by being his friend, then by avoiding him when I couldn't escape my feelings any longer.

Now though, having been faced with the very real possibility of his death, I thought we always would've ended up here. With him as my mate. I didn't think I ever would've let him die. Even sixty years down the line, as an old man having lived a full life, I wouldn't have been able to let him go.

He might not have been my fated mate, but he was meant to be mine.

I had all eternity to win him over.

Assuming we weren't killed first, that was. Not that that was a real concern. I was confident in my ability to protect Riley. So long as he wasn't out of my sight, we'd be fine.

I guessed it was a good thing we were pretty codependant already. We were going to need to be over the next few months while I consolidated power in the clan. Once I'd weeded out the dissenters, we'd be safe. I wouldn't have to have him glued to my side unless that was where he wanted to be.

It was going to be tough though. I couldn't imagine the clan wanted me back as leader any more than I wanted to be their leader. That much had been obvious five years ago when I'd paid them a visit.

I couldn't blame them either. They wanted someone who wanted to be there, not someone who was being forced to be. I'd been that wolf once upon a time. I'd lived and breathed my role, with the best interests for the clan always at the forefront of my mind. I would've laid down my life for them without question.

But then they took the only things I'd ever loved from me. There was no going back after that, not unless I was forced. Which, thanks to today, I was going to be. But I wasn't going to let history repeat itself. Not with Riley.

He came above everyone else. He always had.

I sighed, rinsing my hair. Yep. I was definitely an idiot. Who the fuck thought that about their best friend and believed their feelings to be platonic ?

I would have been lying if I'd said I wasn't anxious about returning to my old life, because I was. I didn't regret mating Riley though. If this was the price I had to pay then I'd do it with a smile.

I went to flick the shower off, but it occurred to me that Riley might want to get clean. Stepping out, I grabbed a towel and tucked it around my waist. Droplets rolled along my skin, but I ignored them. There was no point drying off when I planned on getting wet again.

Riley's eyes lingered on my chest as I walked out, and I had to fight the urge to flex. I kept in good shape, my wolf genes combined with the time I spent in the gym giving me a physique I knew looked good.

Evidently, Riley thought so too.

His gaze wandered down to my happy trail, his tongue flicking out over his bottom lip. I debated dropping the towel but decided that'd be pushing my luck. I did stand still though, letting him look his fill. He'd seen me naked many many times before. Recently too. Nudity went hand in hand with shifters…unless you planned on replacing an outfit each time you shifted.

He'd seen me naked, but not once had he looked at me like he was now. Not since that night so very long ago.

His attention had my cock stiffening, the towel doing little to disguise my predicament. I didn't know if it was that or the lust he could probably feel via the bond, but something clued Riley in. He cleared his throat, his cheeks flushed as he cut his gaze sharply upwards. "Sorry."

"Look all you want." I smirked. "It's all yours."

Riley rolled his eyes. "Such a joker."

No, I wasn't joking. Not about this. Clearing my throat, I changed the subject. "Want a shower?"

Riley looked wistfully at the bathroom. "I do…but just sitting up is making me feel tired. Toby was right when he said I needed rest."

"That won't do."

I strode across the room before carefully lifting Riley into my arms bridal style. He squeaked, grabbing onto my neck with an iron grip.

I chuckled. "Ry, I've carried men twice your weight literally thousands of times before. Hell, I've carried you more times that I can count."

"I just wasn't expecting it," Riley said as we entered the bathroom. His brain seemed to catch up with my plan. "Danny, you don't have to shower me."

"Why not? Scared you'll see my naked body and not be able to control yourself?"

He huffed, his fringe lifting slightly with the breath. "Scared of tripping over your giant ego, more like."

God, he was adorable.

I sat him down gently on the edge of the bath. "Seriously, I can leave if you like. I'll just wait outside the door and you can call me if you need to."

I went to step away, but he wrapped his fingers around my wrist. "No. Stay."

A tremble went through me. I swallowed hard before pasting my grin back on. "Okay."

"No funny business though," he warned as I pulled him to his feet. "You're just helping me shower."

"I can behave," I said indignantly, before laughing at the look Riley shot my way. "Okay, maybe I can't. But you almost died a few hours ago. Believe me, all I want to do right now is get you clean and tucked back up in bed."

We'd discarded his ruined clothes once we'd got him back to my place, dressing him in a pair of my sleep shorts. He had his own stuff here, but I'd insisted.

Gently nudging the shorts to the floor, I was careful to keep my eyes averted from his groin area.

See? Behaving.

" Oh my god, what is that?!"

My wolf sat up immediately, my bones cracking as we tried to assess where the threat was coming from.

But Riley wasn't looking at the door or anyone else, but his own arm. When I saw what had caught his attention, my wolf settled in amusement.

"Umm, that's where I bit you."

"Bit me?" He fingered the indentations left behind by my teeth. "Why the fuck did you bite me? And why hasn't it gone away?"

"It's how I mated with you. It won't ever go away, Riley. It's the physical manifestation of the bond between us."

"Oh." He stroked it softer now, his emotions a chaotic tumble in the bond. "I…I don't know how I feel about that. About any of this."

Guilt clouded his words. I knew he hated knowing I had feelings he wasn't ready to return. On top of that, he was now lumbered with an eternal bond.

Deciding to bring it back down to a level he could deal with, I winked suggestively. "It's also very sensitive, especially during sex. At least, that's what I've been told."

Just as I'd hoped, Riley's eyes rolled behind his glasses. "Of course that's where your brain went."

Putting his glasses on the edge of the bath, I supported his weight until he was under the spray. Leaning him against the wall, I quickly dropped the towel and joined him. Despite my speed, he'd already started to list dangerously to the right. I looped my arm around his waist before he could fall. "Steady, Ry."

"Stupid body," he grumbled. "Why isn't it working right?"

"Because you almost died ."

He squinted at me, looking even cuter now his hair was plastered to his face. "Will you stop saying it like that?"

"Like what?"

"All dramatically." He waved a hand. "I didn't actually die, ergo, I should feel fine."

"Yes, because that's how it works. You get a magical recovery without any side effects. The fact that you'll be fully better by tomorrow is neither here nor there."

"Tomorrow is ages away."

"Yeah, it is."

As I slid my hands up his chest, his cock started to harden and he huffed. "Seems my dick is recovered."

"Seems so."

"Don't get any ideas."

"I would never."

"I can feel that you're having ideas, so stop it, Danny."

I willed my own cock to get the memo. "I'll behave. I promise."

It took some manoeuvring, but I managed to get the scrunch and chuck a dollop of shower gel on there while still holding Riley upright. "You've always been a terrible patient."

"Have not."

"Oh really?" I swiped the scrunch over his skin in methodical circles, trying to think about anything other than the fact that his naked body was pressed against me. Yeah, it wasn't really working, but I was trying—surely that had to count for something? "How about when you had that cold last year?"

"It was the flu."

"It was a cold. Even Toby said so."

"Well, it felt like the flu. I was near death the entire time."

"You literally had a sore throat and the sniffles."

We continued bickering as we finished his shower. All the while, the bond between us hummed with warmth. Warmth and a hint of something else. Something tense and urgent. Something that could be set aflame.

It felt a lot like hope.

I clung to it. This. This was all we needed. Friendship was supposed to be the best foundation for a relationship.

If that was the case, Riley and I were about to build the strongest fucking relationship going. Nothing was going to get in the way of that.

Especially not Riley's fears.